Book Review: The Poison Factory - Operation Kamera by Lucy Kirk (2020)

Overview

Lucy Kirk and her book The Poison Factory are a prime example of the magic that can happen when we write what we know. After spending more than three decades working in the CIA, Kirk knows the ins and outs. Her focuses during her time at the CIA were the USSR and post-Soviet Russia - topics she addresses in The Poison Factory (TPF). 

Her main character in TPF, Decktora Raines, is a woman on leave from the CIA, also having worked with a focus on Russia. Knowing Kirk’s history, we feel confident knowing her depiction of this character and the CIA will be accurate and informational. All that’s left for us to worry about is - what’s going to happen next?

Content & Message

We are brought into the story with an introduction to Decktora Raines as she lounges on her couch on a summer day. Her life partner, Alex, also a member of the CIA, has been missing for a year, and she has been helpless in the attempts to locate him and his missing colleagues. This is not Raines’ main mission, though. As it turns out, a former Russian defector she helped transfer to London reaches out to her when he believes his life is in danger. Cue our introductions to the other main characters. 

We meet Sergei Dumanovskiy, the Russian defector who contacts Raines, and Detective Chief Inspector Cransford Garvin, who is brought it by the murder of another Russian defector. Soon after, we meet Senior British Intelligence officer Jason Drake, who connects the dots between the murder and the Russian affilation. 

While in London,  people connected to Raines are murdered, and she begins to wonder if she’s in over her head. Thankfully, she has a whole host of people standing behind her from the CIA, but that doesn’t stop the doubts and fears that settle in:

“‘I wish there were no connection to me’...’Wish again, my friend. There are no ruby slippers in this game, as you well know.’” (181).

As any good story has, there are fearsome villains.  The villains of this story are introduced early on, and so it isn’t so much a matter of who-dun-it, but will they catch the bad guys? Ivanchukov and Olga are originally from Russia, and they have a score to settle with the Russian defectors who once worked for a company in Russia. Olga is a puppet being controlled by the master, Ivanchukov. She commits the murders that take place while Raines is in London, using a claw and poison to ensure her victim’s deaths. 

What I love about any story is a villain with a good backstory. I’m sure many of us would agree: the backstory is what makes the villain and determines whether they are truly evil, or simply misunderstood. In this case, the villains are evil, with a sprinkle of misunderstood. The backstories for Olga and Ivanchukov encourage empathy for them and how they wound up in their current situation, but it doesn’t justify their actions.
The interesting thing is how Kirk is able to write this story while also staying in line with the processes of the CIA. Though the character Raines is on leave, she still must follow all of the CIA protocol when it comes to her visit to London to check in with Dumanovskiy. Kirk has a great way of explaining the protocols and processes without the book feeling like she’s teaching rather than telling a story. I never felt bogged down by the details.

Biggest Takeaway

The biggest takeaway from this story would have to be that sometimes it’s hard to make all the right decisions. Especially when you are limited by your job, and/or the people around you. Decktora Raines stood by her firm belief that Segei Dumanovskiy deserved safety after everything he’d been through, and she did everything in her power to ensure that he remained unharmed. 

Unfortunately, there were other casualties along the way, but it’s important to remember not to blame yourself for the actions of others. It was Olga who murdered the people in London, but Raines and Dumanovskiy still felt the burden of blame:

“...now we both felt guilty, and there was no bandage that would instantly take away the pain for either of us.” (235).

Overall Impressions

I was drawn to this book by the CIA aspect. I am a big fan of Criminal Minds, so I was intrigued to read a crime novel. Though it is not exactly a crime novel, it does have a similar structure and feel. It’s actually classified as a mystery and suspense thriller. 

In the first few pages, the book sucks you in with a mysterious package, a murder, and a host of dynamic characters. It was a quick read and kept you wanting to read and learn more.

Why Writers Need this Book

Whether it’s your favorite genre or not, this book is a great example for writers to show how to effectively use what you know to enhance a story. As writers, when we know what we’re talking about- and really know, not just a quick listicle you read on the internet - it makes the writing process smoother for the writer & reader.

If you’re writing a novel about the CIA, for example, it’s important that you know a lot about the topic and everything surrounding it, or else you may convey incorrect depictions. In fantasy this isn’t much of a concern, but with realistic fiction such as The Poison Factory, accuracy is a must.

Next Steps

There are a few steps to take next: 

1. Get the book here. (Or here or here). Better yet, check your local library! Easy peasy.

2. Read the book & take it in. 

3. Start utilizing what you already know in your writing! Think of some ideas or topics that you have either researched, or experienced that you could use to enhance your own writing.  

My challenge to you is to pinpoint the areas Lucy Kirk most effectively utilized her prior knowledge to better the story as you read.

Have you read the book? What did you think? What was your favorite part? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great reading & writing. 

6 Creative Time Management Strategies to Keep Writing this Holiday Season

It’s that time of year again: the holidays. 

The ones where many people seem to be running around frantically trying to accomplish 6 months worth of cleaning in the 2 weeks before families gather for one of the biggest celebrations of the year.

Well, that’s how it usually is at least. This year is a little different! We may not be gathering as much as usual, but we’re all definitely home for the holidays, which means joy!...and lots of needs. 

It might feel like our writing is at the bottom of our list of “important” things, but the reality is that our creativity and writing does matter to our daily lives.

There are many stressors and many personal joys getting put aside for the sake of preparing for the holidays. Taking care of extra household chores and possibly extra people in our homes is a lot of work! It might feel like our writing is at the bottom of our list of “important” things, but the reality is that our creativity and writing does matter to our daily lives - even if it’s just a momentary escape from the humdrum or a blessed relief from people needing us so much. 

So in honor of the busiest time of year, I’ve put together some simple strategies to help you keep writing this holiday season.

6 Creative Time Management Strategies that Will Help you Stay Sane this Holiday Season

Although simple, these strategies work! I use them in my daily life, and although they work on a regular basis, they’re even better around the holidays. Rest assured: you’re not alone in your stress! You’ll get through it and these strategies will help.

Stay Calm

First and foremost, panic is the enemy of productivity and creativity. If you’re in a frenzy about how to do all the things you’ll end up doing nothing. Not the necessary tasks, not the fun tasks - you’ll just worry about all of them and remain frozen in inaction. 

So, when you think about all the things you need to do, take a deep breath and stay calm while you figure things out.

So, when you think about all the things you need to do, take a deep breath and stay calm while you figure things out. This is probably one of the trickiest things to do when you’re already worked up, but it’s critical. If one breath doesn’t work, take however many you need to clear your mind enough to move forward.

Make a List

I’m not just saying this because I love lists (because I SO do): creating a list of tasks to complete is probably the simplest and easiest way to help you organize yourself and manage your time. When you sit down (calmly, of course) to think about all the tasks you need to do AND you write them down, not only are they much more likely to get done, but you also won’t have to worry about forgetting them! 

If you’re wondering whether your writing should count as a task: Yes. Put your writing on the list of things you need to do this holiday season. It’s for you, it’s something you love, and your creativity is worth investing your time in, even when time feels like a scarce commodity.

Use Your Calendar!

Once you have your list, begin to put things on your calendar. Whether you like a hands-on paper calendar or a digital calendar - schedule time for tasks. Talk to the people who live in your house and tell them what you’re doing. 

Putting things on the calendar makes them feel more important. Just like a meeting at work or a doctor’s appointment, your tasks at home, including writing, warrant setting aside time. Telling the people around you about your plan will help create an awareness that you’ll be doing things a little differently so you’ll need support and perhaps extra help.

Take One Small Step at a Time

Seeing a laundry list of things to do can be overwhelming. Seeing a busy calendar full of things you need to do can be a lot to take in, especially if you’re not used to seeing things there! Or planning ahead. 

The most important thing to remember is to keep taking small steps forward.

The most important thing to remember is to keep taking small steps forward. Even if you miss your goal for household chores or skip a writing session you planned, you can still spend some time doing each task. Maybe it’s 15 minutes hiding from everyone in the bathroom to get some semblance of peace and quiet so you can empty your brain onto the page. Maybe it’s cleaning as many dishes as you can while dinner is in the oven and thinking about that creative idea you had earlier - multi-tasking for the win. 

Small steps are still steps, just like small progress is still progress.

Just Say “No”

The holidays seem to come with a crazy amount of extra requests for help or time together or even just to listen about how hard everything has been this year. While we don’t want to become Grinchs, we also don’t need to be “Yes Men” either. 

It’s okay, and healthy, to set boundaries when everyone wants you to do everything or prepare everything or take care of everyone. It’s okay to say “no,” even to your family who you love so dearly. You are only one person. So, if something comes up out of the blue that’s not an emergency (because we can’t predict those), seriously consider whether you a) want to do whatever it is they’re asking and b) whether you have the emotional and physical bandwidth for the task. 

It’s not always about being nice or flexible - those things are both great - but, sometimes people forget that you have your own things to worry about, too.

Enlist Help

There’s this romantic idea that being home for the holidays is this fabulous time without frustration and stress, but, as you probably know from the rest of the year, being home so much with so many people (thanks, COVID) - even when you love them - is enough to drive anyone crazy. 

When your To-Do list looks like something that’s going to walk right out of a Stephen King novel, it’s time to enlist help.

When your To-Do list looks like something that’s going to walk right out of a Stephen King novel, it’s time to enlist help. Partners, kids, and anyone else living under your roof who is able-bodied can help you with the little things. You can even make a game out of it! But, one thing is for sure: the holidays don’t mean that you alone signed up for extra work on behalf of everyone who will enjoy the benefits of it. 

Next Steps

I know this time of year is hella stressful. Most of us aren’t even travelling as usual and it’s still complicated! The good news is that there are ways to help yourself manage this holiday season, and get some writing done to boot. 

You have the strategies, but what’s next?

1. Look at your calendar and see when you will be busiest. It’s still early, so you have time to think about it!

2. Make a tentative plan for how you think the holidays will play out. Start making your list of what you already know you need to get done. Make those decisions about when you’re going where or if you’re even traveling at all.

3. Share your plan with  people who can (and should) help you! Prepare the people around you. Tell them about what you’re doing, tell them what you expect, and tell them what you need. Tell them how much you love them and are grateful for them - this will (hopefully) make them less resistant to pitching in!

4. Take a breath of relief because you’re going to be just fine. My mom has always said, “This, too, shall pass” and it’s never failed to happen. Even if this is the worst holiday season you ever experience (I hope not!), it will pass and you’ll be okay. Know that you’re loved and appreciated. (And if you need an extra reminder of how awesome you are, email me right now - I’ll shower you with praise! rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com). 

My challenge to you is to take a breath, make a plan, and build time into your busy holiday season for your writing. You’ll feel great about it!

Do you write during the holidays? How do you maintain motivation? Do you have other ways to manage your time so you can keep writing? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media and/or drop a comment below.

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing. 

Interview with an Author: Sandy Lo

Our November guest is Sandy Lo.

Sandy Lo is an entertainment magazine editor and digital marketing manager from New York City. She enjoys sharing heartfelt, fun romance stories and the occasional supernatural tale. Follow Sandy on all of her social media. @AuthorSandyLo

If you would like to purchase Sandy Lo’s book, Fanning the Fame, you can find a copy here.

Tell us a little about your writing journey. Have you always wanted to be a writer?

I think my first dream job was something to do with animals, but by the time I was in junior high, I knew my career would be something creative and having to do with storytelling. I used to create family newspapers that I would distribute outside my siblings and parents’ bedroom doors early Sunday mornings. As a teenager, my writing turned into fun screenplays and later novels based off of my best friends and myself.

Fiction writing was always a pastime while I developed my dream of becoming an entertainment journalist. By my mid-twenties, I started to take novel writing more seriously and decided I wanted to share my stories with other people, hoping to offer an escape to the world like my writing has provided for me.

Was there a certain point you remember where you felt empowered to call yourself a writer? Or have you always felt like you were a writer?

I started calling myself a writer when I was about 16 and my first article was published in my high school newspaper. I remember it was about Hanson’s new album. But I think the first time I realized how powerful my writing could be was the summer before my senior year of high school. It was the first time I ever wrote in a novel format. The story was semi-autobiographical and semi-fictional.

While my writing style was choppy, there was something satisfying about getting all of my fears, scars, hopes, and private jokes down on paper, especially at that time in my life.

While my writing style was choppy, there was something satisfying about getting all of my fears, scars, hopes, and private jokes down on paper, especially at that time in my life. I was going into my last year of high school and having to make a lot of decisions about life at only 17. Plus, my parents were divorcing on top of it.

Every night after dinner, I would read chapters to my mom and sisters. They were all characters in the story and would laugh or scoff at the words I wrote about them, but they loved it all the same. That first rough story gave me a sense of pride and made me realize I had a knack for storytelling. I even gave it to my AP English teacher to read and she was delighted with my interest in writing.

Your book, Fanning the Fame, is the 7th book of a series called the Dream Catchers Series. Can you talk a little bit about the rest of the series and how this book fits within it?

The Dream Catchers Series is a rock star romance series that focuses on the alternative band Tortured and the people in their inner circle. Books 1 and 2 are all about Tortured’s lead singer, Jordan, and sheltered rich girl, Haley’s love story unfolding, as well as the rise of Tortured from indie band to hitting #1 on the Billboard charts.

From there, the focus shifts to some of the other characters, like Tortured’s band manager, the tough as nails Cami, who was married to the band’s bad boy drummer, Danny D., throughout the series. They have a rocky relationship that ends in Take Me Home (Book 4), which is also the book that paparazzi pop princess Topaz is introduced as a minor character.

Fanning the Fame (Book 7) is Danny’s redemption story and reveals there is more to Topaz than her ditzy party girl image that has been sprinkled in throughout the past books.

The book switches perspectives back and forth from Topaz to Danny so readers get a bigger picture of the story. How did you balance writing multiple perspectives in one book – especially when the main characters were opposite sexes?

It was actually easier than I expected it to be. I think keeping it one point of view would have made the story harder for me to tell. Danny and Topaz are both quick to jump to conclusions and I think without being inside both of their heads, it would be hard to figure them out. I know these characters so well by now – Danny has been a big part of the Dream Catchers Series since book 1 and Topaz made her first appearance in Book 4, so I feel like I know how they think.

It was actually easier than I expected it to be. I think keeping it one point of view would have made the story harder for me to tell.

As far as the sexes go, Topaz is obviously easier because I understand being a woman, especially with some of the insecurities she’s dealing with. But with Danny, I think it helps that I am close with my brother, who sometimes, whether I like it or not, talks to me like I’m “one of the guys”, so I know when to add in little touches of jerky masculinity, haha. Seriously though, most guys I know hate exposing their sensitive sides, but when they do, it’s something special, and I think earlier on in the series, we got to see a lot of the hot headed macho side of Danny, and now we get to see the person underneath all of that.

Do you have any other books or writing projects planned for the near future?

I always have a million ideas and works in progress waiting. Currently, I’m focusing on the sequel to my novella, Decaf For The Dead. That’s going to be a trilogy. I’m also working on book 8 in the Dream Catchers series.

I try not to work on more than one book at once, but the Dream Catchers characters are hard to ignore when they’re calling. By 2023, once I’m finished with the Dream Catchers series, I’m hoping to be fully immersed in a witch/vampire series I’ve had in my head for over a decade.

Describe your writing and/or creative process.

It’s actually pretty simple. The smallest idea will come to me in the shower, while I’m trying to fall asleep, in the middle of watching a movie, or on a walk, and then I take that little idea and keep expanding on it. For instance, the Dream Catchers series started with “a girl gets on the wrong bus.” At the time, I was in college traveling home by Greyhound and I worried I would get on the wrong bus. That fear became the opening of a book that I had no idea what would happen next until I sat down to write it.

I’m not a plotter/outliner. That feels like work or school to me. I like to be surprised where my characters will go and what they’ll do.

I’m not a plotter/outliner. That feels like work or school to me. I like to be surprised where my characters will go and what they’ll do. Sure, as I go, little scenes and ideas pop into my head, but that’s as far as any planning goes. I usually pour myself a cup of coffee, sit down at my laptop, put on some music, light a candle, and start typing.

There are a lot of interesting details about the reality of being famous. How did you go about researching this aspect, and how (if at all) did personal experience play a role in how you depicted Topaz & Danny’s world?

To be honest, I didn’t have to research anything because I’ve always been around fame in some way due to my career in entertainment journalism and marketing. Growing up, one of my relatives was a celebrity in my hometown and I saw how people reacted to him and to me because of it. On top of that, I’ve always been a fangirl myself of John Travolta since the age of 3. I read entertainment magazines as early as I can remember. As a teenager, I became a huge fan of the Backstreet Boys and was outside TRL with all of those screaming girls back in the ‘90s.

By the time I was 18, I became the editor of StarShine Magazine and met and interviewed tons of celebrities, including the Backstreet Boys. 20 years later and I still work with many people in the spotlight through StarShine as well as taking them on as clients with my own marketing company, Sandy Lo Media.

So, writing about famous characters feels pretty natural for me from a professional, personal, and fan perspective.

What was your biggest writing obstacle and how did you overcome it?

I would say overall my biggest writing obstacle is confidence in myself. It’s so easy to get in your own head and tell yourself you’re not good enough and that is oftentimes what causes writer’s block. In those moments, I have to remind myself that all that matters is if I’m enjoying what I’m writing. If I enjoy it or find something valuable in it, then most likely, others will too.

What is the part of your published work or writing process you are most proud of?

I’ve had some pretty amazing moments, like Dream Catchers and Lost In You making it to the to the top 100 bestselling lists in their genre on Amazon.

But something that really meant a lot was when I was publishing my first novel, Lost In You. I gave a copy to Denise Solis, AJ from the Backstreet Boys’ mother. She’s a friend and used to write for my magazine. I wanted her honest opinion, especially since that book had a boy band in it. Her words back to me brought me to tears. At the time, AJ had been struggling with his sobriety, and she thought my character JT captured his personality and feelings perfectly. It was scary knowing she would see the similarities between the two. I didn’t know how she would feel about that, but she went on to write a review of the book saying such wonderful things about it. I was so grateful to have her support as a first-time published author.

Writing is my therapy. Imagine a person or an animal in your life that you look forward to seeing every morning or at the end of each day, that’s how writing is for me.

Another standout moment was when I had this amazing Dream Catchers book release party at one of my old high school hangouts. All of my family, friends, and fans came out. It was such a great turnout and I had performances from some of my friends, including James Manzello, who wrote the song “Haley’s Letter” with me for the book. He performed the song, and it was the first time anyone had heard it. On top of that, Jeff Timmons from 98 Degrees sent over a video to be played congratulating me on the book! It was one of those pinch me nights. Jeff has even read my books and wrote the forward for a special collector’s edition, so I am extremely grateful for his love and support over the years.

What motivates you to keep writing?

Writing is my therapy. Imagine a person or an animal in your life that you look forward to seeing every morning or at the end of each day, that’s how writing is for me. That’s my motivation – I know writing will relieve any stress or anxiety that’s been building. Writing helps me dream bigger, expel past pain, and it teaches me something new about myself, as well as other people since it helps me think from different perspectives.

What is the biggest piece of advice you would give to aspiring writers?

Let go of perfectionism. You will never be perfect. There will always be a critic who hates what you write, but if it makes you happy, that is all that matters. Above everything else, write like no one will read your work. That will remove your fears of what people will think of you. It will give you freedom to say what you really want to say.

If you would like to purchase Sandy Lo’s book, Fanning the Fame, you can find a copy here.

If you know an author (or of an author) you would love to read an interview with, email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com or submit a suggestion through the contact page!

How to Practice Gratitude (Because It’s Food for the Soul)

Next week is Thanksgiving, and although 2020 has been a wild year, there’s still much to be grateful for. 

Last year around this time I was writing about why we should have gratitude all year long, not just around the holidays. I stand by that, and in the past year I’ve learned a lot about the importance of gratitude. 

This year I wanted to share some new tools that I’ve used and seen because practicing gratitude intentionally every day has changed my life, and I think if you tried it it could change yours, too.

What is Gratitude & Why is it Important?

To be grateful means, “showing or expressing thanks, especially to another person” (Cambridge Dictionary). Gratitude doesn’t always have to be directed at a person, though. 

You can be grateful for events that happen to you, actions someone takes toward you, an inner quality, or even objects that just make your day better. For instance, when I think about what I’m grateful for in the morning, I often include things like the sunny day or my passion for words. 

While being grateful might seem simple, it’s incredibly powerful. As you probably know, sometimes bad days or bad experiences can make gratitude a lot harder to think about. Sometimes we just want to wallow in whatever negative mindset we’re feeling. 

And to an extent, that’s healthy. Having a full spectrum of emotion is a very human thing! But, just because we might be in the depths of despair, as one of my favorite characters always says, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s nothing positive or impactful happening. Unfortunately, most of life’s hardest lessons are learned the messy way and we only really appreciate them and become grateful for them later in life. 

How Gratitude Can Change Your Life

I’ve always been someone who expressed gratitude, but it wasn’t until this year that I decided to make a daily practice of it. I initially thought it was something that was nice, but that maybe people who wrote about the positive effects were kind of exaggerating. 

I mean, could one simple act of thinking about something really do that much? 

The stunning answer is actually yes! (Obviously I had to learn this the hard way.)

Although there are probably a thousand reasons we should practice gratitude, I wanted to focus on 3 major ways that gratitude can drastically change your life. These are things most of us strive for, but many people get stuck on the “how” part.

1. Make you happier - Can you imagine waking up and starting your day thinking about the good parts of your life instead of social media or email or the fact that you don’t want to go to work (even if you work from home)? Thinking about what you’re grateful for makes you happier. I mean, it makes sense, right? Focusing on the good rather than the bad increases happiness about where you are right now. I’m not the only one who thinks that, either!

2. Make you more satisfied - If you are thinking about what you’re grateful for once or twice a day, it means that you are thinking about your life in the present moment. Sometimes it’s harder to find things to be grateful for than others, but it really makes you stop and think about the good. And when you can see the good in your life, you’re much more likely to be satisfied. This is especially important in a world that’s constantly encouraging the extra “grind” to be better, get more, and do all the things. Gratitude helps you appreciate the now.

3. Change your outlook on the future - When you can appreciate the now and think positively about it, you can change your future. More doors seem to be open (or at least within viewing distance), more possibilities seem to present themselves, and life just feels...better. It’s not necessarily even that your life feels awesome right now, or that you don’t want to achieve more than you have right now. When you can look at the current positives, though, you can imagine even bigger, more exciting possibilities for the future, and that’s priceless.

3 Ways to Practice Gratitude

It seems like a no-brainer that if you can be happier, more satisfied, and change your outlook on life - all HUGE  promises - that you’d want to at least investigate the “how to” part, right? 

Most of us are busy and the thought of another thing “to do” might be cringe-worthy. But, I promise that practicing gratitude doesn’t have to be time consuming. There are multiple ways to begin, so I’ll share a few and you can choose a place to start.

Morning & Evening Lists

I journal every morning, so I track my morning gratitude there. I simply write down 3-5 things in list format every day when I’ve done my writing and move on. This portion of my journaling literally takes 30 seconds or less. 

In the evening, I use an app called Pixels to log my day, and I note 10 things I’m grateful for in my log there. If it seems like a lot - it is! But, it does make me consider the small joyful pieces of the day that would otherwise likely be overlooked.

Gratitude Log

If you don’t journal (I don’t blame you, it is a time commitment - maybe I could convince you to try that, too?), I’ve created a printable log for gratitude. You can print it out as many times as you want and it’s very low key. 

There’s a place to put a date and a box for you to write what you’re grateful for each day. That’s it! Not a lot of other clutter, so you won’t be distracted. You could also do multiple notes for one date if you wanted, like I do, and it will be very neat and tidy when you look back at it.

GET IT HERE

Gratitude Journal

I’ve also created a gratitude journal if you’re wanting a little more inspiration to get you started on your intentional gratitude journey! It includes 5 weeks of entries with multiple inspirational quotes for each week. It’s undated so you can print it again when the month is over.

GET IT HERE

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Next Steps

I don’t make promises often, in part because I don’t promise things I can’t follow through on. Gratitude, however, is one of the things that I’m willing to promise will change your life. When you’re intentional about it every day, you’ll be happier, more satisfied, and your outlook on life will be much more open and positive. 

With that in mind, here’s what to do next:

1. Think about what you’re grateful for. Take a few moments right now to think about a few things that you’re grateful for in your life. 

2. Figure out a way to document your gratitude. Check out the gratitude log and the gratitude journal and see if one of them appeals to you! If you’re already a journaler, you can start by making a space for it each day, too. 

3. Make a plan to reflect on what you’re grateful for. Sometimes life is complicated and it’s just plain hard to figure out what the good pieces are. I get it! Especially with the pandemic going on and everything else that has happened this year. If you need some help, I can always work with you on figuring out what tracking method might be best for you, and how to start creating that habit. Click here to read more about working with me.
   

My challenge to you is to name something you’re grateful for right now, and then figure out a way to create a daily gratitude habit.

Do you practice gratitude? Have you used one of the tools I mentioned? Do you have a different tool that you use to track gratitude? I’d love to hear about your experiences and recommendations! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.

Interview with an Author: Karisa Keasey

Our surprise November guest is Karisa Keasey.

Award winning artist, Karisa Keasey, has been using her paintings to raise awareness and funds for the most marginalized people in the world for over 6 years. After visiting an orphanage in India during college, she could no longer paint without a purpose. After earning a degree in studio arts from George Fox University in 2013, she began her philanthropic journey of creativity by giving a percentage of all her proceeds to charitable organizations. Karisa currently lives in the greater Seattle area where she paints and speaks full time.

If you would like to purchase Karisa Keasey’s book, When You Can’t Go Home, you can find a copy here.

Tell us a little about your writing journey. Have you always wanted to be a writer?

Before this book, I never considered myself a writer. I’ve always struggled with grammar and conventions, so the idea of others reading my writing was a huge fear of mine. I feel more comfortable telling stories through my paintings. However, when I came up with the idea for When You Can’t Go Home, I decided it would be most powerful with both the paintings and the written story. I had to overcome some of my fears to write it, but I am very pleased with how it turned out in the end.

Was there a certain point you remember where you felt empowered to call yourself a writer? Or have you always felt like you were a writer?

I would still say I am more of a story-teller than a writer. I have always endeavored to tell stories through my paintings and writing became another medium to tell people’s stories. The shift for me was that I saw a need to spread empathy for my refugee neighbors and meeting that need was more important than my own comfort zone. Sometimes it just takes finding purpose greater than your fear to write.

Sometimes it just takes finding purpose greater than your fear to write.

What was the process of writing the refugee’s stories in your book, When You Can’t Go Home? Did they help you with the descriptions when you were writing as if they were still in the moment, or was that more of your own creative writing take on their story?

Throughout the entire process of writing, I checked with the families on each draft to make sure I was telling their story in a way THEY were comfortable with. I combined my extensive research with their story to give context to the situation. The point of the book, and this project, is to amplify their stories, not mine. 

It made the writing process longer and more tedious, but it was a humbling and an emotionally intimate process with each of the book participants. I wanted to make the stories as beautiful and expressive as I could, while maintaining the reality of the stories. I am so thankful that each participant trusted me with their story and allowed me the liberty to bring it to life.

Along with writing these stories, you also painted pictures of each of the refugees. How do you think that changed your experience with them overall? Did it pull you deeper into their lives/stories and/or connect you with them more?

I’ve been painting professionally for ten years, and every time I paint a portrait I feel an empathetic connection to that person. I often use that time to pray for them, think about how they impact my life and the world around us. Art has the power to generate empathy both in the maker and the viewer, and that is my goal— to humanize the refugee experience.

How has your experience talking with refugees impacted you as a writer and artist?

I initially started this project with a hope to correct other peoples’ misconceptions of refugees. However, I quickly realized that I had my own misconceptions that needed to be addressed. I had unconsciously developed an expectation that I would somehow “save” them.

As a writer and artist, I think it is important to keep my expectations in check and humbly listen and not speak on anyone’s behalf.

It was tempting to force a particular narrative or lead it in a way that I thought would work better. The truth is, I only play a small role in the lives they are building for themselves. As a writer and artist, I think it is important to keep my expectations in check and humbly listen and not speak on anyone’s behalf.

“Kadijah & Umair” - A painting from When You Can’t Go Home

Describe your writing and/or creative process.

Relationship is important to me and is at the center of all that I do. It was a priority of mine to get to know each participant as a person and friend before I wrote about them. We met multiple times over tea, picnics, and even musical jams before I jumped into the writing and painting process. It took me two years to complete the 30 paintings and 10 stories. We brought my talented friend, Natlie Malis, with us to take photos as we talked with the participants. I directed the photo shoots while I interviewed the book participants. 

Once we had finished the initial interviews, I started painting. I love watercolor and playing with the contrast between hyper realism and impressionism on the same piece, creating a focal point on the faces. I work slowly, using many layers to create a sense of depth. The writing process was definitely the hardest part, as I had never done it professionally before. I wanted to give each family the honor and respect they deserve. I had to do many drafts and had friends, family, and the participants read them over and give me feedback as I wrote.

What was the research process like for your book? How did you find the people whose stories you told?

A few years ago, I became aware of a massive disconnect between how refugees are often portrayed and who they actually are. The media often portrays refugees as villains, saints, or victims. They are none of these. They are everyday people just like anyone else. I contacted World Relief, a nationwide non-profit that helps refugees resettle in the US.

The media often portrays refugees as villains, saints, or victims. They are none of these. They are everyday people just like anyone else.

Everyone in the book came through World Relief to resettle and jumped at the opportunity to share their story in a way that would help other refugees like themselves. I made sure to choose participants from various countries, religions, and experiences to show how broad the refugee experience can be. I learned that no two are identical and we can’t put them in a box. I spent a lot of time reading articles from many different sources and watching documentaries to get a fuller sense of the circumstances many refugees are facing.

What was your biggest writing obstacle and how did you overcome it?

I wanted to make sure that there are as many cultures and religions represented as possible in When You Can’t Go Home. Experiencing and learning about other cultures was one of the most enriching and humbling parts of the whole process, and also one of the biggest challenges. Lingual and cultural barriers made it difficult to communicate at times and forced me out of my comfort zone.

I remember the feeling I had before my first interview with Taghreed. Even though she was the most welcoming host one could ask for, I was painfully nervous. I didn’t know much about her culture and I didn’t want to say or do something that would offend her. After our visit, my husband and I climbed back into our car. I told him that I didn’t think I could do this project. I felt like I was too awkward, uninformed, and unequipped. Were my resources and gifts adequate enough to take on this challenge? Suddenly, I realized the hypocrisy of my words—what I felt for those two short hours is only a sliver of what refugees feel every day.

Suddenly, I realized the hypocrisy of my words—what I felt for those two short hours is only a sliver of what refugees feel every day.

Refugees are forced from their homes and placed in a drastically new country. What side of the street do cars drive on? How do they enroll their children in school? Go grocery shopping? Pay taxes? Rent? And for some, they may not even know how to use running water. Refugees don’t get the privilege of wondering if their resources and abilities are enough. They have to use whatever they have to survive. I made blundering mistakes. Multiple times I had to take a necessary piece of humble pie to realize that this project was not about me. It was, and always has been, about amplifying the voices of refugees. 

Karisa with paintings from When You Can’t Go Home

What is the part of your published work or writing process you are most proud of?

Merhawi, another one of the book participants, thanked me tearfully when I finally got to hand him the finished book. He told me how meaningful it would be to share his story with his children someday as they flip through the pages. Another participant was able to use the book as part of his application for a college scholarship that he earned. These and many other moments like these make me feel so privileged to have been able to work on this project. These are the people I want in my community and I am so proud to help other people see them that way too.

What motivates you to keep writing?

Relationships. The most important moments of this project are the conversations I have had with strangers and change their hostile views of refugees to compassionate ones. As long as I can hold a paint brush and form words I can be a conduit for justice and empathy in my community and world. Art, both writing and painting, generates empathy and empathy is the weapon of social justice.

What is the biggest piece of advice you would give to aspiring writers?

When I first came to World Relief with the idea of writing this book, I was met with a bit of skepticism. I was expecting them to be as excited as I was about the project, but they did not seem to be. I later learned that many people come to them offering up grand, exciting ideas, only to abandon them before they are finished. People are often quick to pitch ideas, but rarely execute on them. 

My biggest advice to aspiring artists and writers would be to be the kind of person that shows up, and keeps showing up, even when it gets hard.

I slowly gained their trust over the two years that it took to finish When You Can’t Go Home by working through the struggles and showing up regularly. My biggest advice to aspiring artists and writers would be to be the kind of person that shows up, and keeps showing up, even when it gets hard. A finished book is better than a perfect book that never gets finished.

If you would like to purchase Karisa Keasey’s book, When You Can’t Go Home, you can find a copy here.

If you know an author (or of an author) you would love to read an interview with, email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com or submit a suggestion through the contact page!

How to Check Your Unrealistic Expectations at the Door

We’ve all been there: you set a New Year’s Resolution or a goal throughout the year, only to get to November and December and realize that you have failed to live up to your own expectations. 

When we don’t live up to our own high standards, we feel bad. Like, unmotivated and questioning whether to keep writing bad. 

Have you ever felt this way? 

I know I have. 

Why do Writers Have Unrealistic Expectations? 

Writers are a special kind of people. I won’t claim that there’s only one way to be a writer, because I hate generalizations - they’re always untrue. 

Even when there are elements of fact, putting a whole group of people together like that takes the human uniqueness out of the equation, which is actually one of the most important parts of writing and being a writer. 

What I will claim is that most writers have a similar mentality when they set unrealistic expectations. 

They want to meet the expectations.

Writers set standards to help themselves grow and develop their craft. They want to be better, so they set their expectations high thinking they will be able to easily learn and be better. I’m all about growth mindset, but putting the pressure of unrealistic expectations on yourself will actually hinder your ability to grow as much as you want. 

Writers set standards to help themselves grow and develop their craft.

For example, who DOESN’T want to write a novel and have it be perfect on the first draft? How cool would that be? Just because we want it, doesn’t mean it’s realistic, though. 

They think they can meet the expectations.

Because we are on a journey to be better, and many writers are excellent learners, it stands to reason that we might think we can meet the unrealistic expectations. It’s one of those things we might find ourselves saying, “Oh, well I’m different than so-and-so who couldn’t do that” when in reality, we’re really not that different from so-and-so. 

Realistically, if you haven’t developed a regular writing routine, are you going to be able to write the next Great American Novel in the next 90 days? Probably not. You might be able to have a draft of a novel in that time, but it’s unlikely to become a canonical classic this year, if it even does within your lifetime.

They underestimate the amount of work involved in writing.

I have a lot of conversations about this when I’m teaching because many people are somehow under the impression that writing is easy and effortless. That some kind of divine inspiration makes the blank page suddenly transform into a perfectly edited book-length manuscript that publishers are clamoring for. 

If this is you, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s not really how writing or publishing works. Sure, there are definitely writers who are inspired. I can vouch for this personally, as the premise of my book is based around one scene that I dreamed, alongside many of my own experiences. When I hear specific kinds of music, I do get inspired to write. 

Writing is hard work and it takes a lot of effort to produce something good!

Writing isn’t easy OR effortless, though. Writing is hard work and it takes a lot of effort to produce something good! I think the main reason writers fail to live up to their expectations is because they underestimate the amount of work it takes to not just write a draft, but also then edit and refine the ideas.

They’ve seen other writers do it, so they assume they can, too.

After underestimating the amount of work, writers also tend to compare their own progress to others when setting goals - especially if they know other writers who are producing a lot of material.  

There are prolific writers who seem to produce a book every 3-6 months. To be frank, I don’t read many writers who do this simply because I can’t keep up and most of the genres don’t interest me much. I will say that certain genres are more formulaic than others, so it may be easier to fill that kind of quota. For instance, mysteries and romances typically follow a pretty standard set of plot sequences.

This isn’t to undercut the amount of work in the least! But if you already know the genre you want to work on has to meet X, Y, & Z landmark scenes, then you can work on filling in the rest perhaps more quickly than developing a whole new world with multiple races of creatures with all different languages and customs.

Just because someone else is cranking out novels doesn’t mean that’s a realistic or even good expectation to have for yourself. Only you know how much you can do, and for many of us, it takes longer and we do less than we thought. On the bright side, many times when you’ve taken a long time to work on a piece, it’s very satisfying to see it completed!

They see writers on social media and feel the need to compete.

In a digital world where we have access to almost infinite information, resources, and connections to other people, it makes sense that we might fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others.

When we see what others are doing, we tend to raise our expectations, almost to compete with the writers we’re connected with online (even though most of us probably wouldn’t admit that).

Writers, in particular, tend to have a problem with this in the media and on social media. There are numerous ads claiming to have you writing a best-selling eBook in 30 days - heck, I’ve seen it promised in 14 days! There are even these weird little statements in commercials - I saw one the other day that was showing a string of excuses for not going out with friends because of acne & one of those was that she was “writing a book.” Um, what? 

Not to mention, there are many writers who produce a lot of work and therefore it always seems like they’re working on something shiny and new.

When we see what others are doing, we tend to raise our expectations, almost to compete with the writers we’re connected with online (even though most of us probably wouldn’t admit that). When we don’t live up to our newly raised standards, we feel like we’ve failed. 

How to Check Your Unrealistic Expectations at the Door (So You Can Actually Get on with Writing)

I’ll be the first to tell you that you should have high standards for yourself. I know I do, and I expect the people I work with to have them also. 

That being said, I don’t advocate for impossible standards. I’ve heard before that having higher expectations than you can reach helps you “strive for more” but honestly, in my experience, it really just makes you feel bad. And when you feel bad you don’t write, which is the opposite of what you want for your writing.

So here are some things that will help you check your unrealistic expectations at the door and get some real writing done.

1. Turn off all your media - I mean all of it. You have to stop comparing yourself to others. You also need to stop scrolling through social media and actually start typing or writing on the page. Do yourself a favor and log off of ALL socials and just be with your writing for a little while.

2. Assess your writing & progress honestly (but not critically). The only way you can really grow and be better is by being honest about where you are right now. You don’t have to share it, but you do have to acknowledge it so you can move forward. This doesn’t mean you need to say, “Oh, I suck at having a writing routine” - but perhaps acknowledging, “I need to work on developing a stronger writing routine.” You’ll be amazed how positive & honest self-talk improves your writing life. 

3. Set 1-2 smaller goals you know you can achieve according to how YOU write. Since you’re not on social media, and you’ve had an honest reflection of your writing, you can now set small achievable goals to help boost your writing confidence and get you moving forward. For example, in my own creative writing practices, I set a goal to write one section of my book a week. I know I wouldn’t keep up with it daily, but I find that usually one section a week is manageable.

4. Set a loftier goal to work on long-term. As you start to set and reach smaller goals, you’ll also need to set a bigger goal to work on long-term. This could be about when you’ll complete your manuscript or when you’ll have editing done. Whatever it is that would be a big next step for you that you don’t think you’d achieve in the next week or two. As an example, this year I set a goal to finish the rough draft of my book by the end of the year. It was a big goal, but one that I knew that I could work on with smaller steps.

5. Look at all of your goals each and every day. Repetition is your friend. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but looking at those goals written down every single day will greatly improve your mindset and ability to achieve those expectations you set for yourself. You can also write them down daily as affirmations. I do both. I have affirmations that I write down in my morning pages and a positive note for myself that I read every night before bed. It’s changed everything for me!

6. Take steps to make progress on your goals. The main way to meet your expectations is by taking action. Start with baby steps and use your small goals to help you move forward. Remember, progress is progress, even if it’s small! Keep taking those steps forward toward your goals every chance you can.

7. When you reach your goals, even the small ones, give yourself a reward. Then set a new goal to replace it. I know I love a good reward, and I’ll bet you do, too! When you work hard and reach those smaller goals, give yourself a little reward for your efforts. Things like a trip to Target (I love the dollar section) or a new book from your favorite author are perfect to keep you motivated and on track. When you’ve celebrated, set yourself another goal and move forward again!

Next Steps

There are a lot of reasons writers have unrealistic expectations for themselves, whether it’s because of comparisons with others or just plain old excitement. These unrealistic expectations can be a real nuisance for progress, though! 

It’s time to tackle your unrealistic expectations and get on with your writing. Here’s what you can start with:

1. Turn off your news, socials, and get off Google. Just be alone with your music and your paper. 

2. Take an honest look at your writing. If you don’t have any writing yet, consider your process and why you haven’t started writing yet. Be honest, but not critical. Your inner critic doesn’t need a say in this conversation.

3. Set your goals. Think about what you could do this week and this month. What’s realistic for you? You can even use this free worksheet to help you!

4. Work on those goals & start seeing progress! Do the work, even if it’s just a little at a time. A half hour here, a late-night writing session there - whatever works into your writing process. Make time and effort and you’ll start to see progress. 

5. Get help being accountable (or setting goals if you’re stuck or overwhelmed!) If you need help setting goals or being accountable, let’s chat. I work with writers all the time on goal-setting and helping them stay on track. Read more about it here.
   

My challenge to you is to look your unrealistic writing expectation in the face today and tell it you’ve had enough and that you’re ready to write. 

Have you faced unrealistic expectations before? Overcome writing fears about not living up to expectations? Or maybe have some other inspirational tips for writers who need a little positive boost? I’d love to hear about your experiences and recommendations! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.

10 Things No One Tells You as a New Business Owner

This week has been a bad mental health week for a number of reasons. It’s not just because my husband and I waited 4 hours to vote on Tuesday, or because I’ve felt behind since Monday. It’s not even the fact that baby Maxwell has to have a second eye surgery next week (most likely because of his own shenanigans).

It’s one of those things that everything adds up little by little and all the sudden just hits you without any warning.

Mental health is something people don’t talk about enough in business, if at all, even though it’s an absolutely essential piece of the conversation.

I’m not sharing this to complain, but I think mental health is something people don’t talk about enough in business, if at all, even though it’s an absolutely essential piece of the conversation.

So, despite the fact that I’ve had a different piece of content planned for 6 weeks or more, I’m going to share some things no one tells you about being a business owner because if you or someone close to you is thinking about starting a business, you need to know.

1) You can’t just drop your personal life at the door.

My very first job out of grad school was the only time I ever got any type of negative review in the workplace. The comments were glowing all the way until the end when it said, “You need to check your personal life at the door when you come to work.”

The ironic thing was that during the review I asked if my personal life had ever been a barrier in providing excellent customer service and the answer was a resounding “no,” after which I listened to a somewhat lengthy monologue about how it wasn’t a professional thing to bring your personal life to work. Professionals, my manager said, were able to check their emotions and focus only on work while at work.

Here’s the deal: life happens. In the 3 months leading up to that review, we were buying a house, my husband got diagnosed with Diabetes, I got diagnosed with a thyroid disorder, I broke a tooth that needed an expensive dental repair, I lived an hour away from work, and it was my first time in the full time 9-5 workforce.

Whether or not you work in an office or for yourself, there’s not always an option to check your personal life at the door when you’re doing business.

Whether or not you work in an office or for yourself, there’s not always an option to check your personal life at the door when you’re doing business. Especially when you’re working from home.

If we’re on Zoom during the day, there’s a good chance you might see my dogs (or hear them). You might see a neat pile of sewing supplies in the background, or I may not have a full face of makeup on.

The fact of the matter is that you have a personal life. Everyone does! It doesn’t make you less professional that you have a hobby or pets in your house…that you live in. It doesn’t make you less professional to apologize for being a moment late to a meeting because your child is melting down from eLearning, or even because the last 30 minutes was your only break throughout the day and you just need a moment to stretch!

Ultimately, the best indicator of professionality is communication. Communicate often and clearly, and if that means sharing a little explanation for rescheduling a meeting than so be it. Of course, there is a time for ultra-formality, but it’s unlikely that this needs to be an everyday occurrence for most small business owners.

When you are the business owner, especially at the beginning when you’re the only one in your business, you have to be able to deal with life around you, and sometimes a little of that runs over into business life.  

2) What’s that thing you call work/life balance?

I am a huge advocate for balance in our lives. I firmly believe that making time for our own interests and our family and friends is critical to good mental health, and ultimately to living a fulfilling life.

But I’m gonna get real honest here for a moment: business ownership can be all-consuming. If you let it, it WILL be the only thing you think about days, nights, weekends, vacations – the whole shebang.

As my husband noted during the height of lockdown, I use work to process and deal with hardship and stress. I work harder instead of taking a break when I get worn out.

Business ownership can be all-consuming. If you let it, it WILL be the only thing you think about days, nights, weekends, vacations – the whole shebang.

I suspect many other business owners also face this conundrum. We feel like if we’re not constantly working our business will somehow collapse before our eyes. So, it’s really a fear mechanism that if we stop for a moment (which is healthy), everything we’ve worked so hard for will instantly vanish.

I’m not saying there’s not a chance of that happening. If 2020 has taught us anything it’s that nothing is guaranteed, and we should all be prepared to be flexible and pivot when we need to. What I am saying is that it’s possible to have a balance in your life without your business collapsing. It’s possible to go on vacation for a few days or a week and come back refreshed without thinking you’re going to come back to a pile of business rubble.

If you can’t take time away, you need to reconsider your business model.

3) Burnout is a SERIOUS issue that you HAVE TO deal with.

As you might suspect, working more and making more decisions is hard! Especially if you’ve never been in a leadership role.

When you begin to own your new leadership, it’s exhausting. There are some weeks you make more important decisions for your business than you might have made in a year in your personal life. Likewise, there may be many setbacks occurring all at once.

When you do this for long periods of time with inadequate relaxation and breaks, you get burnt out. Your business won’t seem nearly as fun, even if it’s what you love to do. Your motivation will slip, and you’ll find yourself making excuses to avoid work even when you know there are deadlines looming and your paycheck is on the line.

Burnout is a huge problem in the professional world, especially in a society that “hustles” so much. The reality is that you have to deal with this. You can’t just ignore it and keep working (or avoiding work).

Burnout is a huge problem in the professional world, especially in a society that “hustles” so much. The reality is that you have to deal with this. You can’t just ignore it and keep working (or avoiding work).

Let me share an instance of what happens when you ignore burnout. When we first got back from vacation in the beginning of September, I worked 7 days a week and literally made myself sick because I didn’t deal with the major burnout I had from jumping back in too fast.

Just yesterday morning I was doing my morning journaling and writing about how stressed I was because of X, Y, & Z and I found myself in tears but unable to just cry for a moment to let it out because I had an eminent video interview for a piece of content coming up in a few weeks. It’s time for a break, folks! Mental & emotional health absolutely effect your physical wellbeing and you have to take care of yourself first.

4) It’s overwhelming to learn how much you don’t know.

This might seem silly – after all, we don’t know what we don’t know, right?

 Wrong.

When you start a business there will almost certainly and immediately be a long list of things you know you don’t know. What’s overwhelming is the sheer amount and figuring out how the hell you’re going to learn it.

 A lot of it has to do with prioritization. Even if you have a list, priorities for a new business can shift every day. Some days you’ll need to know more about social media marketing, some days you’ll need to learn about bookkeeping, and some days you’ll just need to focus on how to plan for the learning you still need to do.

When you start a business there will almost certainly and immediately be a long list of things you know you don’t know.

 At some point, you’ll probably have the brilliant idea to hire people to help you, followed by a flurry of research and the realization that everything you need help with is expensive to hire out.

It’s okay that you don’t know all the things! And there are some things you probably will have very little interest in knowing much about – those are the things you will eventually hire out. Just remember that it takes time to be able to prioritize your time efficiently and effectively. It takes time to learn how all the pieces fit together, let alone how each one works on its own. It’s okay, just take one baby step at a time. It will start to come together.

5) There may not be anyone who you can ask for help.

I’m not sure if you have a network of entrepreneurs around you or not, but I certainly didn’t when I started my business. I didn’t know one person who owned a business, let alone an online business!

So, there was no one to ask for help when I was stuck.

Don’t underestimate the power of networking! I have found my new online peers to be extraordinarily helpful in growing my business.

It might be like that for you, or you might know some people who do something similar to what you want to do with your business. Either way, sometimes there’s just no one to ask – except maybe Facebook groups, most of which you don’t know everyone in the group very well.

Don’t underestimate the power of networking! I have found my new online peers to be extraordinarily helpful in growing my business. It might be uncomfortable at first, but fresh perspective is almost always helpful. Make it a priority early on to build a network of like-minded people who can help you when no one in your immediate personal circle has a clue what you’re doing, let alone how to help you.

6) People don’t always believe in or understand what you’re doing.

This might sound harsh, but it’s true. That doesn’t mean people don’t believe in you. Hopefully your inner circle of loved ones believes in you and your big dreams, even when they don’t understand how in the world you could make money at it.

My husband and I were talking about this recently because I met one of my major income goals for the year. I happened to say something about how I thought he felt like I was crazy for setting such a scary goal in January. To my surprise (and delight), he said something like, “Yeah, I did kind of think you were crazy.”

Sometimes you just have to be your own inspiration until others catch on.

Why would I delight in this?

Because the next thing out of his mouth was, “I didn’t really understand how you were going to do it, but I knew that if anyone could do it, it was you.”

Heart eyes, right?!

I, of course, laughed when he said he’d thought I was crazy. I knew it, just like I knew other people in my life had NO IDEA how I was going to make a living writing, let alone doing writing coaching. But I’m me, and that was enough knowledge for them to support me even when they didn’t understand. Sometimes you just have to be your own inspiration until others catch on.

7) Succeeding is scary.

I was making investments in myself and my business long before I was making profit.

And let me tell you, it’s SCARY.

Like, fingers shaking on the mouse before you click to pay. Like, wondering how in the world you were going to pay this back when you already have bills stacking up. Like, should I spend this money at all or should I keep hoarding it for a rainier day than today?

Unexpectedly, it’s also scary when you get your first client. And when you send the biggest invoice you’ve ever sent… and the client pays it without a question or second thought!

So weird, right?

It’s also a huge rush. I definitely wasn’t prepared to be nervous about billing for services I’d already completed.

8) Business requires infrastructure, even though you may not be in an office setting.

So, you know all those systems you used in your corporate job? The nice CRMs or the project management software? Maybe even the SOPs?

None of those are there in a brand new business.

Like, nothing.

You have to build all those things from the ground up, even if/when you know nothing about it.

Admin tasks are no joke! In the beginning, a ton of tasks you do will be administrative. It has to be that way because in order to really scale and grow you need those pieces in place.

Alternatively, you could pay someone to develop a system for you on top of whatever software you need. You can probably get by with free tools or ones you already have on your computer for a little while, but unless you designed all those beautiful spreadsheets and implemented bookkeeping at your old job it’s a lot of dang work! And even if you did those things, it still takes a long time and a lot of effort to build.  

And it has to be done. You can’t avoid it, just like you can’t avoid taking care of burnout. Admin tasks are no joke! In the beginning, a ton of tasks you do will be administrative. It has to be that way because in order to really scale and grow you need those pieces in place. You have to be able to tell where your money is going and where your projects are.

9) Providing services to others makes you question what your time is worth.

There’s nothing quite like a prospective client asking what your rate is for a service. There’s also nothing quite like having a client say that their budget is half your rate.

You immediately question whether your rate is appropriate and whether you could come down for this client only. You also feel like backtracking and saying, “Oh, did I say $40/hour? I meant for this other service. For what you want I’ll do $20/hour” even when you DON’T mean the other service.

The real question to ask yourself is what you bring to the table. What makes your service worth the money you charge for it?

When you offer services, realize that your ability to serve will be maxed out at some point. There are only so many hours in a day to do work, so in order to grow, you will eventually have to raise your rates and figure out how to diversify your income.

$20/hour seems like a lot – and it is a good amount! But when you’re a business owner you also have to think about how you’re going to grow.

You’re going to have to work a lot more of those $20/hour jobs than you would if you had a higher rate. The more jobs you take, the less time you’ll have to create a strong infrastructure and figure out how to do the business end of your business.

I will say that if you’re a complete beginner in your area, it’s not a bad idea to work for a lower rate at first to get some experience behind you. Get some social proof while you’re finding clients and building your business. But when you offer services, realize that your ability to serve will be maxed out at some point. There are only so many hours in a day to do work, so in order to grow, you will eventually have to raise your rates and figure out how to diversify your income.

10) If you love what you do in your business, it will probably be one of the best things you ever do.

I feel like the things I’ve talked about have been more on the negative side, but truly, being a business owner is incredibly rewarding!

It’s unlike anything else I’ve ever done, and probably unlike most things you’ve done, too.

It’s also the best thing I’ve done professionally, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

It’s also the best thing I’ve done professionally, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

You get to see your hard work get results, even if they’re slower than expected. You get to see progress and growth and opportunity. You get to experience the thrill of being the ultimate “boss” and make decisions that actually matter! You get to be you doing what you love, and what career offers that kind of opportunity better than your own business?

This week was a bad mental health week, and you know what? It’s okay. It’s okay that I’ve had to move a meeting here and there. It’s okay that I’m overwhelmed. I know it will pass.

But I didn’t feel that way when I first started my business. It’s still a work in progress, but it’s so important to talk about!

My challenge to you, especially if you’re thinking about starting a business, is to do one nice self-care thing for yourself this week and make it a habit!

7 Reasons Introverts Make Awesome Writers

All writers are different, and we all have varying methods for preparing, planning (or not planning), and executing our writing. Writing can be an escape for some, therapy for others, or just plain fun!

As a writer myself, and after connecting with many other writers, I’ve learned it’s quite common for writers to be more introverted.  Being an introvert can be a great asset for a writer! There are many different qualities of being introverted that are helpful if you want to be a writer. This helps make introverts awesome writers!

So, you may be wondering, what exactly is an introvert?

Introvert

Introverts are people who much of the time, prefer to be left alone. Social gatherings or interactions can be very draining for an introvert. They are quieter, reserved, and prefer observing over engaging. If you don’t quite fit into this category, you may find yourself leaning more towards the extrovert or ambivert categories. 

Extrovert

An extrovert is considered the opposite of an introvert. They thrive in more social settings and don’t need a lot of alone time. They’re friends with a lot of people and love chatting. They’re more outgoing overall and tend to be bigger risk-takers. 

Ambivert

Ambivert is a personality type for the outliers. There are varying degrees to each trait, and the labels themselves are not a one size fits all kind of deal. 

An ambivert would be someone who finds themselves somewhere in the middle of an introvert and an extrovert. They exhibit traits of both categories.

An ambivert would be someone who finds themselves somewhere in the middle of an introvert and an extrovert. They exhibit traits of both categories. An ambivert may relate to being outgoing and talkative, but still be in need of alone time to recharge. Or, they are quiet and reserved but need socialization to recharge rather than isolation. 

7 Reasons Introverts Make Awesome Writers

We all don’t have to be introverts to be writers, but it can certainly help. 

For instance, I would label myself as an introvert and identify with many of the following reasons why introverts make awesome writers! Most times, in large groups or at get togethers, I tend to sneak away for some alone time to recharge.

It can be very overwhelming for me to spend long periods of time in crowds. Writing is my happy place because I am able to be alone, while pouring myself into the pages. People often mistake me as shy, when in reality, I enjoy sitting back and watching my surroundings rather than engaging with them. 

Which brings me to the 7 reasons that introverts make awesome writers:

1) Observant of Surroundings

As introverts, we’re not as likely to engage with others, and so probably spend more time observing our surroundings. This can fuel imagination. Being observant of not just what is happening around you, but of architecture, nature, and an overall setting, can give you ideas for your writing. 

Many authors draw inspiration for their scenes from places they have been or certain buildings that they found to be interesting or noteworthy. Spending time in nature also lends to scene building in the same way. If you are describing a certain area of a forest or a beach, it will be easier to make it believable and tangible for your readers if you are describing somewhere you have actually experienced.

You’ll know the feel of the wind against your face, the branches scraping your skin, the smell of pine, etc. All of these observations that you have collected will only strengthen your writing and entice your readers. 

2) Observant of Interactions

Because introverts tend to be very observant of their surroundings, they also tend to be more aware of other people’s interactions. Watching people interact is not only entertaining, but it can also lend aid to your writing abilities. Some writers have a difficult time with dialogue - making it believable or realistic. 

Watching the people around us: the way they speak, gesture, move, interact, etc. gives great insight into how our characters might interact.

Watching the people around us: the way they speak, gesture, move, interact, etc. gives great insight into how our characters might interact. We have to think about the setting we’re creating for our characters and how that will change their dialect or body language. If you’re writing a story that takes place in medieval Europe, they wouldn’t be interacting as we see people do now. However, if you’re writing a story that takes place in modern day, or close to it, using what we see in everyday life will be extremely useful. 

Even if you are writing that old-timey novel, watching people’s emotional responses can still be very helpful. Facial expressions are something that stays pretty consistent over time, not necessarily changing with each era. Anger will lead to reddening faces, wrinkled brows, clenched fists, etc. Joy will lead to grins, laughter, glowing, etc. 

3) Dedicates Significant Energy to Being Thoughtful

As introverts, we tend to find ourselves with a lot of time for thinking. This is useful for processing those observations we made all day. We may spend time ruminating on events that occurred, or things that were said, and though that’s not always helpful, it can be when you’re a writer.

If you find yourself thinking, if I’d only said… or if I’d just done this... then writing can help you flesh out those thoughts! Use those instances to fuel new stories. How would it have played out differently if you’d said something else? How would your characters have handled the situation? 

Any experience you have can be used to your advantage when writing. Being thoughtful helps you to rewrite your experiences and create stories from them. 

Dedicating energy to our thoughts also helps keep our imagination alive. If we’re constantly thinking of new ideas, eventually we will come up with one that would make a great story or book. Not all of our ideas are equal - some don’t make sense, and that’s okay! You can start writing a story and discover it isn’t really turning out how you thought or wanted, and start over, or go back and fix it. Being a thoughtful person means never running out of ideas; the well is never empty. 

4) Spend Time on Self-Reflection

Being introverts, we most likely spend a lot of time alone, or if not alone, simply keeping to ourselves. This gives a lot of time for self-reflection. Looking inward can present us with many opportunities to enhance our writing. 

Looking inward can present us with many opportunities to enhance our writing. 

Since you spend more time thinking about your own character and why you do the things you do, it will help develop motivations for story characters. Reflecting on what makes you upset, sad, happy, excited, etc. will help you recreate those emotions in your stories and your characters.

5) Are More Reticent

Being more reticent means that we aren’t as willing to reveal our thoughts and feelings. We are more likely to keep things to ourselves, and a great way to let out all this built up energy is to write! Keeping things to yourself is not always a bad thing. You’ll have a lot more to offer to your own stories and writings. Divulging your thoughts and feelings into your writing will make it that much more potent and often more relatable. 

Being a writer doesn’t always mean writing stories, books, poetry, etc. It can also be journal writing. Pouring yourself onto the page of a journal can be very cathartic. Then, you can always go back to those entries and find inspiration from them.

6) Are More Empathic

Introverts tend to be more empathic. This means that we can more easily understand and share the feelings of other people. Being able to pick up on subtle changes more easily than non-empaths can be very helpful in identifying emotions that another person is experiencing. We can transfer these skills into our writing and make the interactions between our characters that much deeper and more meaningful. Seeing the subtle cues and being able to describe them helps readers really put themselves into a piece/story/book.

Being able to pick up on subtle changes more easily than non-empaths can be very helpful in identifying emotions that another person is experiencing.

Being an empath also helps to make sure that we’re writing in a sensitive way. We’re good at ensuring people won’t be offended by our writing. We can understand why people are upset about certain topics, or which topics are touchier, and adjust our writing accordingly. There’s no way to ensure that we’re never going to offend anyone, but being able to empathize more deeply than others, it’s easier to know what will be better received.

7) Like & Need Alone Time

A major part of being a writer is spending a lot of time alone. We need space and limited distractions to be able to sit down and write. As introverts who enjoy alone time, this is a great combination for us! We can go to our writing area, be alone, and recharge while doing what we love.

We won’t always have the luxury of being alone when we’re writing, though. Sometimes a partner, child, or pet will be around and that’s okay! We don’t have to be alone to write. However, it makes a big difference in the amount we’re able to get done.

If you’re someone who doesn’t do well spending a lot of time alone, writing may come harder for you. Even if you like being alone, you don’t want to isolate in your writing corner too long. That’s why introverts can make awesome writers. They already like being alone, so spending that alone time writing just makes sense.

Next Steps

There are many reasons introverts make awesome writers. But what do you do with that information? 

1. First and foremost, find out what type of personality you have! Are you an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert? Take a personality quiz and find out!

   The most common test is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Instrument which determines which of sixteen personality categories you fall into. Eight of them are based more firmly in the extrovert category, while the other eight are considered forms of an introvert. If you want to find out more about that, check out The Myers & Briggs Foundation website here! 

   There is also a test called the Enneagram Types test that places you in one of nine categories. It is similar to the Myers Briggs test, but it divides people into Heart Types, Head Types, and Body Types. You can take that test here. 

2. Think about what recharges you and makes you feel good. If you’re an introvert, that may be spending some time alone, watching a movie, or doing an at home spa day. If you’re an extrovert, it may be spending a day with friends, going out to dinner, or participating in a sport/gym class. Whatever it is, make sure you make the time to recharge often. We’re at our best when we take care of ourselves and it shows in our work and writing.

3. Think about how your passion and personality shapes your writing. Does your passion shine through your writing? The more passionate you are about it, the more your readers will sense it. Your personality may come out through your characters, whether you create them in your image, or opposite of yourself. 

4. Work with a fellow introvert to start or progress on your writing project! Reach out and find someone you can work with. Social media is a great place to do this. You can find someone with similar goals and ideas, then you can help to hold each other accountable for those goals. You can also work with Rachel - read more about how here.

My challenge to you is to take one of the personality tests! Find out what type you are and focus on how it directly influences your writing.

Are you an introvert who loves spending time alone writing? An extrovert who loves having people around in order to feel at your best? Either way, how are you planning to recharge this week? Making sure that you recharge yourself helps to ensure that you continue to be an awesome writer. I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.

Interview with an Author: Margarita Meyendorff

Our October guest is Margarita Meyendorff.

The daughter of a Russian Baron, Margarita Meyendorff (Mourka) was born displaced, far from the opulence of Imperial Russia that was her birthright. A series of wars destroyed this privileged existence, and Margarita’s life became a series of extraordinary moves. Her childhood ran like a roller coaster of highs as a performer and lows in her personal life. Her journey is thrillingly personal, yet universal - the journey we all take to find our true selves and safe haven. Margarita Meyendorff is always, even in the most frightening situations, a spirited traveler - and a survivor.

If you would like to purchase Margarita’s book, DP: Displaced Person, you can find a copy here.

Tell us a little about your writing journey. Have you always wanted to be a writer? 

I never dreamed that I would write a book someday.  My artistic endeavors were mostly in the performing arts – theatre, music.  I enjoyed writing and wrote journals when I was traveling but I never considered myself a writer.

Was there a certain point you remember where you felt empowered to call yourself a writer? Or have you always felt like you were a writer?

My writing journey began in the early 1990’s when I hired a friend who was an actress and a writer to co-write a one-woman play based on my life entitled “Mourka.”  I wrote the story and she stylized it into a play.  The play ended up going to off-Broadway theatres in New York.  Sigrid, my friend, directed it and I did the acting – memorizing 24 pages of script.

I didn’t realize it at that time, but “Mourka” was the beginning of my memoir.  Later, another actress friend started a theatre company called TMI (Too Much Information) where we wrote 10-minute pieces and performed them.  It was then that I realized I was writing chapters for a book.  I only felt empowered to call myself a writer when I finished DP.

Your book, DP: Displaced Person, is a memoir, and shares a lot of interesting, but intimate details. What was it like writing so openly about your life?

Through TMI, I realized that by telling/writing/performing the most intimate, often scary moments of my life, I was empowering other people to do the same – to face their fears and demons and start owning their feelings through the writing process. By accepting and witnessing our deepest fears, we eventually let go of them and can heal emotionally. 

I realized that by telling/writing/performing the most intimate, often scary moments of my life, I was empowering other people to do the same – to face their fears and demons and start owning their feelings through the writing process.

Writing intimate details in DP enabled me to clearly see my life – the “why’s” and the “therefores” and make sense of why I did what I did.  Writing DP helped heal me from depression and a great deal of anxiety.  I might add that I was in therapy while I was writing the book to help me look back and relive the darkest moments of my life.  I also had full support from my wonderful husband who has read everything I have ever written.

Your voice in the book is so powerful, but you do share stories that some people might find shocking. What was the reaction from your family and friends, especially considering that you come from a religious family?

I was extremely surprised at the incredible positive support I received from my Russian religious relatives in Nyack, NY where I grew up.  I was concerned that I would get a backlash of negativity and anger but instead I received a great deal of compassion from them. 

I’m not sure about the Lutheran relatives in Fort Wayne and in Wyoming.  Outwardly, everyone was nice to me and understanding, but I never felt that I received their true feelings.  My brother George thinks that the Lutheran “relies” put me up as an example of what happens to people when they don’t have a tight family or strong faith in religion.  If that is the case, then they did not follow the thread of healing through writing as a viable option.

I understand you’re working on a collection of short stories. That’s exciting! Could you tell us a little about it? 

I am very excited about “Flipping the Bird,” my new book.  Although it is not a memoir, it is still a collection of short stories based on my life and rooted in rebellion, survival, and fight against injustice.

Describe your writing and/or creative process.

I feel fortunate never to have experienced a writer’s block.  When I begin to write, I am certain of what I want to say.  The creative part is choosing how to put your thoughts down on paper.  I just let it rip and write.  I re-read sentences and paragraphs over and over until the writing feels right. If I get stuck on a word or a thought, I just write down what comes to mind and as I re-read, usually the thought finally gets articulated. 

I believe that if an idea is too difficult to articulate, it may not need to be there at all.

If a passage is particularly difficult, I throw it out.  I believe that if an idea is too difficult to articulate, it may not need to be there at all. I don’t struggle with it.  It’s counterproductive. I must add at this point, that I have an excellent editor who I trust.  I feel that a good editor is invaluable to a writer; that it is necessary for writers to have editors in the same way that plays have directors. 

There must be an objective eye on any artistic venture.  Not that I always agree with the editor, but for the most part, a good editor will enhance good writing. 

What was the research process like for your book? You were able to pull from your memories, of course, and some documents in the surviving family suitcase, but you give a lot of very interesting details from before you were born. Tell us a little more about how you were able to paint such a broad picture that serves as the background for your own story.

My brother George was an incredible source of information about the family’s history before I was born.  Of course, I knew a great deal from my parents as well.  I connected with childhood friends via email and asked questions like, “did this really happen?”

I connected with relatives all over the world. I used the internet for historical and general information.  I did a great deal of research on places and people and would not leave a stone unturned for fear of misinformation.

What was your biggest writing obstacle and how you did you overcome it?

My biggest writing obstacle was how to deal with my children (now grown) with the honesty and the integrity with which I was writing.  We had a therapy session together with my therapist one day when I read to them passages of the book that was particularly difficult for them to hear.  One of the most beautiful ramifications of my writing DP is that my children and I have become closer since my writing; we love and understand each other better and our relationship is invaluable to me.

What is the part of your published work or writing process you are most proud of?

I am very proud of writing DP Displaced Person.  For me, it was an incredible achievement with immense positive ramifications for my mind and spirit.  I understand now the healing power of writing.  I have learned how to be a better writer by working closely with my editor.  I am blessed with a creative mind and I thank my parents for bringing me up and surrounding me with art and culture.

What motivates you to keep writing?

Interesting and fun ideas motivate me to write.  I love the writing process – putting thoughts on paper into a cohesive manuscript that people might find interesting and valuable. For example, my third writing project will be entitled, “Gypsy Travel Guide for Senior Citizens.”  This project will allow me to pull together all my journals about my husband and I’s travel experiences with our VW Westfalia camper van, not only in the United States but in Europe as well. 

My advice to aspiring writers is to write about what inspires them; to write about what they find interesting and fun in this world.

The book will include recipes on how to cook gourmet meals on an open campfire, information on how to survive day to day road travel, information on places to camp and places to visit in the United States and Europe.  Because I enjoy the freedom of being on the road, I will enjoy writing about it.

What is the biggest piece of advice you would give to aspiring writers?

My advice to aspiring writers is to write about what inspires them; to write about what they find interesting and fun in this world.  If it is non-fiction – to be honest.  If it is fiction, then enjoy the freedom of the ride.

If you would like to purchase Margarita Meyendorff's book, DP: Displaced Person, you can find a copy here.

If you know an author (or of an author) you would love to read an interview with, email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com or submit a suggestion through the contact page!

Welcome Holly, New Contributor!

Capturing Your Confidence is growing!

I’m very excited to welcome a new contributor to the team.

Over the past year and a half (if you can believe it’s already been that long), I’ve loved writing new content for you each week. I still do!

Adding Holly to the team will allow us to work on putting up more than one piece of content per week and keep up with the increasing interest in book reviews & interviews with authors!

Holly is a published author and blogger in the writing world. Reading and writing are her favorite things to do! She graduated from the University of New England majoring in English and minoring in Sociology, Psychology, and Women and Gender Studies.

Since then, she has been a substitute teacher, retail associate, office manager, and greenhouse associate, all while continuing to pursue her dream to be a full time writer.

Since the pandemic began, she determined it was time to dedicate herself to blog and writing full time! It has been a bit of a rollercoaster, but she has never felt more fulfilled. She’s very excited to begin a new adventure collaborating with Capturing Your Confidence!

We chatted with Holly to get to know her a little better.

Tell us a little about your writing.

I have been writing since I was in high school. I started out with realistic teen fiction, but have since discovered my love for writing fantasy! 

More recently I have begun blogging. I like to write about writing and reading! Writing tips, author interviews, book reviews and more can be found on my blog, livingthroughwriting.com.

If readers are interested in reading more about you and your writing, where can they find you?

If readers want to learn more about me, they can check me out on Instagram: @livingthroughwriting or my website livingthroughwriting.com. Those are the best places to learn more about me.

I am also on Twitter and Facebook - @holly5993 on Twitter and Living Through Writing on Facebook. 

What do you like to read?

I am a big fantasy fan, but sometimes a good old fashioned young adult romance novel is fun, too. Honestly I am easy to please as a reader, so almost any genre could intrigue me.

One of my must haves when I’m reading, though, is a romance story to follow, even if it’s not the main focus of the book.

One of my must haves when I’m reading, though, is a romance story to follow, even if it’s not the main focus of the book. Of course, even though I say it’s a must have, I’ve enjoyed books that don’t have a romance story in the past, but the story has to be really good for that to happen. 

What’s one tip you would offer to new writers?

I would say keep pushing onward. Sometimes life drags you down, or maybe other people, but you can’t let them take you away from what you love. If writing is what you want to do, do it!

Sometimes life drags you down, or maybe other people, but you can’t let them take you away from what you love. If writing is what you want to do, do it!

Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t, or shouldn’t, and don’t let yourself say those things either! I have had plenty of instances where I have doubted my capabilities as a writer, and though I’m not completely over those insecurities, I am much better for pushing onward and listening to praise rather than my own doubts.

Why are you excited to join the Capturing Your Confidence team?

I am so excited to join the Capturing Your Confidence team because I love everything that you stand for! Confidence is key when it comes to writing, and life. Once you find your confidence, you can do anything you set your mind to!

I am also excited to be working with new, fun people! Writing can be a lonely task at times, so it is always nice when you get to work with others on projects you love!

Let’s give Holly a warm welcome!