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5 Lifestyle Tweaks That Can Significantly Up Your Happiness Game and Well-Being
Only 10% of happiness is determined by external circumstances. The rest is...well, you can read all about it (and how to get happier), in this article!
Did you know researchers determined that three primary factors affect happiness levels, and only 10% of happiness is determined by external circumstances? Genetics (50%) and intentional activities (40%) make up the primary pieces of the pie. This was a very powerful revelation for me. It suggests that intentional activities offer the most promising means to increase and sustain levels of happiness.
I became an intentional warrior about everything—thoughts/affirmations, diet, sleep, exercise, gratitude, faith, social support, vision, goals, etc. Literally everything. Cultivating happiness is a constant practice. Your daily life, ergo your state of mind, is dictated by your daily choices day in and day out. Small, consistent steps are the foot soldiers that win the crusade for hope and happiness. You have to be in it to win it.
This means living with intention and not just operating on autopilot; creating a life based on choices, not habits; and practicing the sort of person you want to be each day. Sounds simple? It is. But it's not easy. It takes commitment and intention. But it doesn’t have to be overwhelming.
Here are 5 lifestyle tweaks that can significantly up your happiness game and well-being.
1. Gratitude
The research on the benefits of gratitude is undeniable. Studies show gratitude to be associated with greater happiness, life satisfaction, joy, and self-esteem. An attitude of gratitude is also associated with reduced depression, anxiety, bitterness, and loneliness. It rewires your neural pathways for good. It’s the easiest thing to practice and the payoff is enormous.
2. Thoughts/Affirmations
Excessive and ruminating negative thoughts and emotions are literal poison to your soul and use neural pathways as their means of attack. When you subject your brain to constant negative thoughts and emotions, you actually change its physical structure—and not in a good way. Sadly, the brain can’t differentiate between actual threats and perceived threats. Losing one’s job and worrying about losing one’s job can wreak the same neural and emotional havoc. Ironically, research suggests that approximately 85% of what we worry about never happens. So, you need to guard your thoughts and internal dialogue.
Moreover, evidence-based research shows that affirmations rewire the brain on a cellular level. It makes sense, really. If crappy self-talk can adversely wire the brain, then positive affirmations can interrupt those maladaptive neuro-nets and rewire your brain for happiness. When you engage in positive affirmations, the neural magic happens. Remember how the brain can’t tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat? The sword cuts both ways and works to your benefit with positive affirmations. Since the mind can’t tell the difference between real and pretend, affirmations can program your mind into believing a stated concept. Ah-mazing!
3. Social Support
The Beatles were on to something with their hit “All You Need is Love.” Countless studies show that love and social support are associated with greater happiness, life satisfaction, longevity, and physical health. Moreover, a meta-analysis of studies found that lack of social connections/loneliness carries the same health risks as smoking, obesity, not exercising, and alcoholism—sobering statistics. So, grow your garden of social support…it’s one of the best investments you can make.
4. Faith.
I’m not looking to proselytize. I avoid people who do that like the plague. But there’s just no getting around the fact that studies have determined faith to be an integral and significant predictor of happiness. And by faith, I’m not talking about confidence in Tom Brady’s throwing arm or J. Lo’s unparalleled ability to twerk. I’m talking about the Big Guy (or Girl), Universe, Spirit, Supreme Being, or whomever that higher power may be to you. For me, it’s God.
By “faith,” I’m referring to spirituality in all its forms, not any type of organized religion. Spirituality is universal. The specifics may vary, but all cultures have the concept of a sacred, divine force. Spirituality acts like a lamp, a guidepost. It lights your path during life’s darkest moments and allows the joyous moments to shine even brighter. Believing in something bigger than you; being about something more than you…is where it’s at.
5. Sleep/Diet/Exercise.
Lifestyle choices such as diet, exercise, and sleep patterns affect your brain’s health and neuroplasticity and your happiness. If you don’t think your daily habits affect your happiness, you’re fooling yourself. You can read every self-help book, keep a gratitude journal, and meditate daily, but if the rest of your lifestyle is junk food, sugary energy drinks, alcohol, little exercise, and poor sleep habits, it’s a happiness house of cards. Life and happiness are the sum of all your choices. Choose wisely.
I would love to cultivate “happiness happening” where people become intentional and invested in daily practices to maintain their mental well-being.
In Happy AF: Simple Strategies to Get Unstuck, Bounce Back, and Live Your Best Life, we explore a whole host of strategies, all backed by research, that can help you up your happiness game. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, which is why we examined so many different strategies. Try each one on and see what works best for you. Just like any road trip, there is more than one way to get there. Have happiness habits be the norm rather than the exception. That way, the next time a storm comes (and it will), your happiness will not be easily swayed, helpless like a leaf in the wind; you’ll be firmly tethered, rooted in your happiness.
Beth Romero was born and raised in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. After a thirty-year sojourn on the West Coast, she recently moved back to Philadelphia. In addition to having made her a pizza aficionado, her Italian American, East Coast background inspires the straightforward, humorous, and self-deprecating narrative style that characterizes her writing. With a background and degree in psychology, Beth channeled her creativity into a successful sales and branding career. From Veep to Boss to Happiness Junkie, persuasive storytelling is her superpower. She showcases those skills to their fullest in this practical and entertaining how-to guide for happiness.
Website: https://bethromeroauthor.com/
5 Burning Questions About Cacti You’ve Been Dying to Ask
One of the first things people ask about when they first see my brand and logo is “Why the cactus?” So today, I’m dishing *all about* the cactus and what it means to me and the business.
It’s been 5 years since I started Capturing Your Confidence and I’ve grown in ways I couldn’t have imagined. What started as a desire to write and help others write has turned into a lifelong passion and the discovery of my true calling. A girl can’t ask for much more than that, can she?
One of the first things people ask about when they first see my brand and logo is “Why the cactus?” So today, I’m dishing *all about* the cactus and what it means to me and the business.
What’s the story behind the cactus?
Cacti are weird little plants - at least they’re little where I’m from because they sit on windowsills. In the wild, cacti are huge! Saguaro cactus, the ones with a straight body and arm-looking structures, can grow up to 45 feet tall.
As I was working on a creative project, I was particularly drawn to an illustrated cactus. It was kind of odd because I'm definitely not known for having a green thumb. Nonetheless, I loved that little cactus for some reason and it stuck with me. As I began researching, I realized why.
Cacti are incredibly diverse. They’re true survivors. Those sharp spines they grow? They developed those over time not just to protect themselves, but also to provide shade. One spine might not provide a lot of shade, but when they’re taken together as a group, they offer the cactus a modicum of protection from the hot desert sun.
They live for hundreds of years in desert environments - some of the harshest conditions nature presents - and some even bear flowers and fruit when they’re mature. By the way, cacti become fully mature at around 70 years old, so it’s completely acceptable if you’re hesitant about being a “mature adult” sometimes. In cactus years, we’re all still young.
The cactus symbolizes endurance, strength, and perseverance. They’re truly adaptable to almost any situation. These are all characteristics I think about when I think about people.
We’ve all experienced the throes of hardship at some point, right? We’ve all been in survival mode at least to some extent. It’s only once we move through and heal that we can begin to live and thrive.
People, like cacti, are wonderfully varied and often go through transformative periods. We both survive under great odds and thrive where others wilt under pressure. When you think about it, it’s pretty incredible.
That’s where the Capturing Your Confidence cactus came from. As for me…I’m definitely a little obsessed now.
What does writing have to do with cacti?
On the surface, not much. But, when you dig a little deeper, it starts to make more sense.
Writing often feels dangerous, like it might hurt you if you approach it the wrong way. Cacti are, for the most part, covered in small spikes - not exactly something you want to cuddle with.
When you’re drained and stressed and burned out, creativity seems like it might be a good outlet. But…what if you do it wrong? What if it’s not enough? What if it feels like just another thing on your already way-too-long list? Cacti spend weeks and months in the desert with no water, surviving on their own water supply, which is impressive and sad at the same time. When it does rain, the Saguaro cactus can soak in up to 60 gallons of water. In the same way, life sometimes is almost unbearably heavy. And yet, we survive. Using writing to express yourself can be a much-needed outlet that helps you bear the weight of life.
Finally, writing can take on any number of forms. Short, long, with pictures, poems, books, and everything in between. Cactus plants come in all shapes and sizes. They’re all pretty neat in their own way, just like writing.
You live in the Midwest, right? So…not anywhere near a real cactus.
Yep! I was born and raised in Indiana and my husband and I (+ our two best boys) live here.
But, I’ve seen real cacti in the wild when traveling and was duly awed. I also recently acquired a cuddly cactus which I’m in love with – she’s so cute.
As I continue to do research, I become more fascinated. Just this week I went to the library on the hunt for a book about cacti for something else I’m working on.
Do you really believe people have the same qualities as a cactus?
100%.
The technology we have today allows for amazing things in the way of connecting with people all over the world. But, it’s also disconnected us from our environment and nature. I think we can all learn a lot from slowing down and observing what other kinds of creatures and organisms do to survive and thrive.
Cacti provide a wonderful example because they are such true survivors. In the same way, people have an extraordinary ability to survive even in the worst environments we can imagine. The way the mind can process and compartmentalize and still find a way to function - wow.
So, yes. We may not have (visible) spines or stand out in the desert, but we are a lot like cacti in other ways.
I want to explore my inner cactus strength with writing coaching, what do I do next?
I’m so excited for you! Let’s do it.
The first step is to read about the options here and book a 15-min call with me to make sure we’re a good match. Fair warning, I’m not about tough love (I mean, I just compared us to cacti, that’s not the vibe). So if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m probably not the coach for you.
BUT, if you don’t mind *some* woo and you’re looking for someone to guide your creativity and writing out of the burnout/stressed out/stuck desert you’re in, I’m your gal. Grab a chat so you don’t have to try to figure everything out on your own.
The Complete Guide to Writing Coaching
Everything you need to know about writing coaching, all in one place.
This guide will help you learn all about writing coaching so you can decide if it’s right for you - and if it is, how to go about finding a coach that fits your needs.
Table of Contents
Benefits Writers Get from Working with a Writing Coach
Practical Ways Writing Coaching Can Work for You
Where Do You Find a Writing Coach?
Who is Writing Coaching For?
Writing coaching is a great option for people who want to:
Improve their overall communication
Start a new writing project
Get creatively unstuck or out of a writing rut
Finish a writing project
Feel more confident in what they say and how they say it
Who it’s not for people who:
Think they already know everything about writing and want confirmation of that
Believe you can’t improve at things by practicing
Aren’t willing to show up to sessions and try new exercises and tasks
As a coach, I tend to work with women who:
Like to help other people, maybe even as their career
Want to write a nonfiction book
Have an idea but don’t know where to start
Have some writing done but don’t know how to organize it
Want my help - of course I have specialties, but my biggest goal is to help everyday people tell their stories
What Does a Writing Coach Do?
Writing coaches are professionals who can help you improve your writing. Similar to a teacher, coaches can give you advice, action steps, and encouragement as you work through a writing project. Unlike a teacher, coaches take on a limited number of clients, which allows them to provide better feedback and more support to each person.
Writing coaching tends to happen in two primary ways: in a group or 1-on-1.
Group coaching consists of getting together with a coach and other individuals to work on a project over a period of time. Many coaches do group coaching for a set number of months with live sessions, Q & As, and periods of time where they’ll give feedback to each member of the group. Having peers to work with over time can be great for getting and receiving feedback, as well as having other like-minded writers to support you on your journey. It’s almost like coaching plus peers.
1-on-1 or private coaching means that it’s just you and your coach during coaching sessions. 1:1 coaching tends to be pricier than groups because of the dedicated time you get with your coach. Usually private coaching comes with customized tasks to work on between sessions, check-ins with your coach, and other ways they let you know that they’re there for you. For many people, this is what they think of as “coaching” more so than a group.
Writing coaches tend to focus on one of three areas: development, skills, and publishing.
Sometimes you’ll find a coach who does more than one if they’ve had extensive experience in more than one part of the writing process, but mostly, we pick one area that we like to work with writers on the most.
Developmental writing coaches, which is what I am, work with the ideas. We love helping you begin a project and figure out where it’s going and what it can be when it’s done. We work with you on organizing your thoughts and beginning to write.
We love hearing about all of your wild ideas and we can help you begin to put them on the page with some kind of coherence - because let’s be honest, our brain is great at thinking about things about a mile a minute and not always great when it comes to actually writing said ideas down.
Some of the major things I work with clients on are creating habits, writing schedules, and organizing their thoughts so the writing process works for them. I also love working with clients who have some writing but aren’t sure where to go next. Above all, I work on confidence - you can do anything you like after the writing is on the page, but you have to be able to get it there first!
Writing coaches who focus on skills are probably the most prevalent. These coaches can work with you to hone your message through the more technical aspects of writing.
They enjoy working with you on identifying plot holes, developing characters, and figuring out the language of the story (i.e. tone, voice, etc.). They can help you identify patterns to improve your writing, such as words or phrases you overuse or the difference between passive and active voice. For nonfiction, they can help identify areas that might be confusing or where readers might get stuck.
Sometimes these coaches offer editing services, which is great if you want to eventually share your writing with other people. This also means they can show you how to do an effective edit on your own writing.
Writing coaches who focus on publishing are also called book coaches. There seem to be a large number of book coaches, which is awesome, if a little intimidating. Book coaches help you get your manuscript and proposal ready to query with the hope of getting published by a traditional publishing house.
They can also help you get a book ready to self-publish if you’re interested in going that route. These coaches are talented in the marketing and networking aspects of publishing. They can help most when your ideas are all shined up and ready to get sent out into the world, as they don’t focus on writing skills or development.
Benefits Writers Get from Working with a Writing Coach
It’s one thing to understand what coaching is all about, but why do people want it? What’s the point?
The short answer? To write better. (Hah!)
The realistic answer: there are a number of things writing coaches can help you do, depending on your goals. Everyone has a different mindset when they come to coaching, whether it’s a project they’ve been thinking about for years (more common than you might guess) or they want to write a book to get more clients.
It all begins with the confidence to start somewhere, which you can get from working with a coach.
Some of the other awesome benefits of working with a writing coach:
Workshop your Writing
Any writing coach should be looking at your writing with you, no matter which stage you’re at. Actively working on your writing with a coach can help you navigate new ideas, ask questions in real time, and grow as a writer. Writing is a skill, not a talent, so practice really does make perfect, or rather, practice makes a pretty good finished project.
Writing Organization
One of the most difficult things about writing is organizing it so that it makes sense to others. That’s where a writing coach can be extremely helpful. It’s completely okay if you don’t write a project or book from beginning to end (I definitely don’t). That doesn’t mean you don’t need a system for filing your writing so you can find the pieces you’re weaving together. You’ll also eventually need to put it in beginning, middle, and end order, so it’s helpful to develop a way to store things for when you’re finalizing everything at the end of the project.
Writing Goals
Even if you don’t want to write a whole book right now, having writing goals keeps you moving. Writing coaches work with you on setting short- and long-term goals, whether that’s sharing your wisdom with your inner circle or becoming a NY Times bestseller. Your writing goals are unique to you, and your coach should meet you where you’re at, even if you want to write a few pages and see how it goes. Talking through it, setting achievable goals, and checking in on them can do a world of good for your writing.
Accountability
Here’s the thing - people procrastinate. For writers, “tomorrow” can easily become a year from now because they don’t feel their writing is as important as other things in their life. Or maybe because they’re scared. Or they simply don't have anyone to keep them accountable for what they want to get done. Coaches are the ideal people to keep you accountable because they’re there for you. Most coaches check in between sessions and create tasks for between sessions, particularly with 1:1. Having an accountability partner can really help confidence, too, because if you’re working on the tasks, you can stop feeling bad that you pushed your writing goals back again. (Not that I have experience with that at all….haha)
Practical Ways Writing Coaching Can Work for You
One of the best (and worst?) things about writing is that it’s incredibly expressive. This is awesome because we get a release of everything that builds up and all of our amazing ideas. It’s also the worst because it can make sharing our work scary as hell. No one really wants to get criticism on such a vulnerable and personal thing. Alas, it’s something we have to do if we want to grow as writers.
So imagine how nice it would be if an experienced writer read what you’ve written and gave you feedback in a way that doesn’t feel like you got chewed and spit back out. This is where a writing coach comes into play.
Here are some ways writing coaching can work for you:
You’ll have a dedicated person to look at your writing and give you feedback that won’t make you want to cry ugly tears the rest of the day. I can’t speak for other coaches, but I don’t do the “tough love” thing because I’ve never seen any evidence that it actually works. There will always be things to improve, but it doesn’t have to be a painful process to work on them.
You’ll have a mentor to guide you. Someone who knows a heck of a lot about writing is there to help you get to your goals in a way that’s doable for you. Coaching is one part of your life that’s all about you, and having a mentor can open up a lot of opportunities for growth learning.
You’ll be accountable for your writing. It’s easy for writing to get moved to the bottom of your priorities list because it doesn’t always feel important. Even if it does, who’s really going to be keeping tabs on your progress besides you? Having an accountability partner (like your coach), helps you prioritize your writing.
You’ll begin to actually get writing done. Having a writing coach is really great for getting writing done on a regular basis because in the back of your mind, you know someone’s waiting to hear what’s next. Someone is excited to help you move forward.
You won’t have to face the emotions of writing alone. Writing can be lonely, there’s no avoiding that. Sometimes you might feel stuck or overwhelmed. Sometimes you just don’t know what’s next or where to start. A coach can help you work through these emotions and give you a place to start.
You’ll have achievable tasks to work on between sessions. Whether you want to do one coaching session or get coaching on an ongoing basis, a good coach should help you figure out what to work on to keep moving forward. That might be specific tasks between sessions or a next steps list after a single session. You shouldn’t be walking away wondering what to do next.
You don’t have to figure everything out on your own. Will something “work” in a book? How do you do XYZ without the reader getting confused? Having a sounding board is one of the best parts of coaching because it’s a way to distinguish the good ideas from the ones that aren’t really working. Plus, it’s hard to see what will work. Usually simple is best, but sometimes talking through it is just what you need to get to the next step.
You’ll get a built-in hype person. No one needs a “yes person” but we all need a “hype person” - someone who believes in you and keeps cheering you on whether or not you feel like what you’re doing is good enough. Your coach should believe in you and encourage you regularly, not just to make you feel good but because it’s actually true.
You’ll have support when you’re not feeling confident. I’ve been the writer who pretty much gave up because I thought I wasn’t good enough…for a LONG time. So when I say that I understand my client’s hesitations, I really do get it. A coach is there to build that confidence and make sure you feel good about your writing. Yes, there are other factors, too - skills, plots, etc. But it really all starts with being sure enough in your voice to put something on the page. Everything else comes with it.
Where Do You Find a Writing Coach?
Typically I would probably say doing a Google search, and that might still be a good idea. After all, you do want to know who’s out there and what they have to offer! Looking on LinkedIn can also be a good place to start your research.
With that being said, there are a lot of conflicting messages out there and it can be overwhelming. It can also be hard to tell if someone would actually be good to work with when you’re reading website copy designed to get you to buy.
So, what I recommend is, after you’ve looked around and seen what’s available, ask your friends if anyone knows anyone (usually someone knows someone, especially if they’ve been working on writing, too. Personally, I feel like a reference from a trusted friend is always more comforting than copy on a website or even other reviews.
If you don’t have a reference, or you found someone who’s really promising, reach out to them! A few emails back and forth or even a quick Zoom call for a question-and-answer session can go a long way in helping you feel comfortable.
One other thing to note - watch out for the term “best.” It’s subjective, and honestly, what’s best for you may not be what’s best for others. If there’s anything I’ve learned since I’ve been writing professionally and coaching it’s that there’s always someone who’s been working longer or has more extensive experience than you. There are always people who offer services at low prices and luxury prices - neither of which is necessarily bad if they’re providing you with what you need. Coaching isn’t about finding the best coach, but finding the right coach for you.
How to Choose the Right Coach in 4 Simple Steps
Before you look for a coach:
Decide your main goal/purpose for getting a coach
When you’ve identified a possible coach:
Step 1: Read some of their recent content to see if it resonates with you.
Step 2: Find them on social media and see what they’re saying. Look at what others are saying about them & how they interact with their audience. Watch videos if they have any to see what they’re passionate about and how they speak to people.
Step 3: On their website, look further into their personality, experience, and prices. What are they promising? How long will you work with them to see these results?
Step 4: If available, book a complimentary session with them to see how the conversation goes. If they don’t have a free call, reach out to them or apply to coaching. Only take this step when you’re ready to get started - you probably don’t want to get on a ton of calls with people if you already know they’re not a good fit.
Notes on Choosing the Right Coach
Choosing a coach doesn’t have to be that complicated, but make sure you do your due diligence to know as much as you can about who you’d be working with.
It’s okay to “pick” someone and wait to work with them. Get involved with their content & community! Use it as an opportunity to learn from them before you work with them.
If you get any vibes that something isn’t right, whether that’s from copy, content, video, etc., choose another coach.
If you’re not sure about your first impression, read more about them. Interact with their content, wherever that is (blog, podcast, etc.)
Budget is important (obviously), but it shouldn’t be your only consideration.
More experience doesn’t always mean “better.” You need to be comfortable with their experience, whether that means education, years of experience coaching, or a specific kind of knowledge that you don’t have yet. Figure out what you will be comfortable with and remember that as you’re learning about them.
What Happens During a Writing Coaching Session?
Writing coaching can vary based on what you want and/or need for each session. By and large, though, what we do is have conversations. These are the things that typically happen in my coaching sessions, and I would imagine them to be quite similar for other coaches.
Before we dive into strategy and working together on your writing, we first set goals. These goals are what help your coach create the best and most helpful sessions for YOU, because you’re what it’s all about.
Knowing that everything is centered around your personalized goals, there are several things we’ll talk about each time we meet. They vary in proportions depending on the day and what you need or ask to focus on.
We’ll talk about your project & your writing. I’ll ask how it’s going, what progress you’ve made, what questions you have - all the stuff that’s going on with you right now (even if you didn’t quite live up to your own high expectations - don’t worry, we’ve all been there). This sets a conversational tone for the session, which is how it works best so our time together stays relaxed and productive.
We’ll talk about if or where you’re stuck, what your blocks are, and how to get unstuck. We all get stuck sometimes. It’s a when, not an if. Part of what makes this frustrating is that many times the reason is different each time! It’s not always easy to figure out why you were feeling extra creative on Thursday and completely blocked on Friday.
So we’ll talk about it. Whatever it is, we’ll find it and figure it out. I’m here to help you bust through your blocks like a writing ninja. Well, I’m really more of a Bob Ross: paint your way out of your writing blocks with a happy little cloud (because let’s be honest, I’m definitely not a ninja).
We’ll talk about your goals & work on them. We’ll check in and see how your goals feel and your progress toward them. We don’t want goals that don’t feel good or don’t feel aligned with what you want to do. We’ll check in on your tasks between sessions and anything good, bad, or ugly that came up while you were working on them. And, we’ll choose a piece to work on during our time together.
If we need to adjust your overall goals, we will. If you’re still feeling good about them (woohoo!), we’ll talk about the next steps you can take to achieve them - always keeping things doable, of course. For my clients who like to do single sessions, we set up the next three steps they can take to keep moving forward.
I’ll give you tasks to work on between sessions. Some people call this “homework.” As a teacher, I can tell you from experience that giving homework to an adult, especially a professional, doesn’t always sit well. After all, coaching isn’t school. I’m not there to grade you on how thoroughly you completed an assignment. During coaching, I’ll guide & mentor you (hopefully inspiring you to keep going!), but it’s collaborative, not a teacher/student relationship.
Everything we do is designed to help you based on your goals and what you’ve shared with me. I do give tasks between sessions to remind you of what you’re working toward when we’re not together, and to help you make progress. If you decide not to do them, that’s your choice; but, I think you’ll be intrigued enough to try them out (and you’ll be amazed when the weird stuff works).
No matter what we do, or where the conversation leads, the 3 most important things that will happen in each session are that:
You’ll feel good about your project.
You’ll have action steps to take to move forward.
You’ll be more confident than when we started (even if it’s just a little).
Strategy does matter. Logistics and goals and all the things that you do to write your book are important. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: you can already do those things. Sure, they might be a little less targeted or take longer. But you don’t need me to write your book - your brilliant ideas and your words will do that for you.
What you do need is to feel confident about being able to write that book. You need to believe in yourself enough to start even when you’re hesitant and work through it when you’re stuck. You need the best you to write your book, and that’s what I’m here to help show you.
Yes, I give you strategies because there are plenty of things you learn as a professional writer & writing teacher that might not occur to you to try if you're working in a different industry. But the best thing I can do for you is encourage you and show you how awesome you are so you can continue on your way. That’s what coaching sessions are really all about.
Want to talk more about coaching? Reach out today - let’s have a chat.
There’s No “Easy Button” for Writing: 5 Lessons I’ve Learned the Hard Way
There’s no “easy button” and other writing lessons I’ve learned the hard way (you probably won’t see them coming!)
I was on a Teams call with a colleague the other day and we were working on copy for a new web page. It’s going to be a great resource (if you’re in the healthcare provider world, it might even be for you!).
As we were chatting about the brand style, I mentioned that it irritates me to no end that our brand at work doesn’t use the Oxford comma. Also called the serial comma, it’s the one that separates lists. For instance, it makes me sad, annoyed, and huffy when I have to take them out of all the writing I’m editing. It’s that comma before the and.
Anyway, so we were talking about it and laughing about how many nuances there are, but also he thought it was a funny writer’s rant. After all, no one really cares that much about commas besides writers, right? It is kind of a funny thing to get annoyed about. The funnier thing is that I have this conversation a lot. Like, every time I write for a new client or edit someone’s work. IT’S A CLARITY THING.
Later that evening I was thinking about the conversation because even though I’ve been writing most of my life, there are still things that get me. For instance, I almost always spell the word “professor” wrong the first time, and “restaurant.”
You probably have some of those, too, don’t you?
It’s kind of assumed that the more skilled you become and the more you practice writing, it’ll just somehow get easier. Sure, some things do. Your voice feels more natural, and you can start self-correcting small errors or noticing patterns you don’t like faster. But the truth of it is that writing is actually pretty damn hard, even for those of us who love it and practice it all the time.
Because it’s hard, a lot of people are intimidated by it. Like, who wants to have an intentionally difficult hobby or set themselves up for a career where they literally won’t ever know everything about it?
There’s quite a bit of nuance in writing, though. It’s creative, ambitious, and completely wide open. On the same day you can write about healthcare eligibility and benefits AND cool things the practice of writing has taught you. I mean, that’s pretty neat, right?
All of this is to say that, if you’re looking for an “easy button” for your writing, it doesn’t exist. Part of writing is the process of doing it (sometimes badly), learning, and improving. (And no, ChatGPT does NOT count as an easy button because it’s not you doing the writing.)
When you approach it that way, it becomes a lot more palatable because learning about something you like is fun. Doing something you love, even if you’re not the best at it, is enjoyable and freeing.
If you’re on the fence about whether you want to start writing, here are a few lessons I’ve learned that will help. From one writer to another (even if you haven’t quite named yourself that yet), you can do whatever you want with your writing! But please, for the sake of everyone involved, use the Oxford comma. ;)
Writing is Different for Everyone
There are many writing conventions available to help guide the technical aspects of your writing. I’m sure there are a million videos on YouTube about how to write this or that, too. I’d caution you to be careful with the ones that say you’re going to write a full book in a weekend that will be publishable - that’s likely to end in disappointment.
No matter how you want the writing to look once it’s done, everyone has a different process and habits that work best for them. Some considerations to keep in mind to help you find your groove:
Do you want to write by hand or type on a computer/laptop/tablet?
Do you want to be alone when you’re writing? Or does a communal place like a coffee shop inspire you to get creative?
What kind of mindset do you need to have to feel good about your work? Do you want to accomplish a certain task or write a certain part of the story?
How often do you want to work on your project(s)?
Will you be sharing your writing? Or do you want to keep it private and enjoy the feeling it gives you to express yourself on the page?
By the way, there’s not a right or wrong answer to these questions! All are valid. You get to decide how you approach your writing.
There’s More Than One Reason to Write
When we’re in school, it feels like all we do is write essays and research what other people tell us to. Even if we pick a topic, there’s still an element of worry because someone will be grading it. Having been on both sides of the classroom, I can tell you it’s a little nerve-wracking on both sides! Teachers have to figure out how to give kind, but useful feedback on the writing no matter what’s there.
Writing out in the big wide adult world doesn’t have to feel like this at all. People write for any number of reasons, and most of them aren’t tied to school at all! For instance, people write:
Memos and emails to their colleagues
Articles that other people will read
Social media posts (+ videos! There’s quite a bit of wordsmithing done in those, even if you can’t see it in the finished product)
Poems & Short stories
Books - for fun and for business
Journals
Love notes
Lists of all kinds
No matter what kind of writing you want to do, there’s a place for it. And you know what? Your nightstand or desk drawer is a perfectly fine place if you want to write just for you. It’s not all about other people.
There’s Not a Right Way to Write
This might be a little contentious, but writing doesn’t always have to be “right” by Western English standards. First of all, that doesn’t take into consideration any regional dialects or accents. But also, people don’t actually sound like that when they talk, so why would all of our writing need to follow those rules?
Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely some places where following the rules is necessary. But if you’re just starting out or writing for fun, they’re not really that big of a deal. If it comes up when you’re finished drafting, you can always edit it.
Some fun rules to play around with in writing:
Dialogue - how people talk and how you can show the way they really speak with words (Alice Walker does an awesome job with this in The Color Purple)
Capitalization and form (if you want to know how that might look, check out e.e. cummings and bell hooks)
Ending sentences however you feel like it (not ending a sentence in a preposition isn’t a real rule anyhow)
My advice is to figure out how you want to sound and what sounds like you, then worry about rules that might apply - or not.
Writing is Hard
The act of writing itself is hard. It’s difficult to build worlds and express feelings and explain the world. There aren’t a whole lot of other activities that require so much of us as writing. Plus, a lot of times it’s lonely because we’re working on our own project or story.
Putting words on the page that literally didn’t exist before you put them there
Finding the “right” words
Saying what you want to say and having others understand it (i.e. “It sounded good in my head but not on paper)
Our words are powerful, so we have to be aware of that if we choose to share it
Words can be shared faster than you can blink and say, “Wait, what?”
You can’t control how others might interpret what you’re saying
Creating with your emotions can be draining
I think creatives, and especially writers, don’t give themselves enough credit for the amazing things they do. Not everyone is willing to give so much of their time and talents to bring new things into the world. We sometimes take it for granted that we’re drawn to writing as a habit, a lifestyle, or a calling even. Words and stories are what connects us all as people - to be able to figure out what that means and looks like in your own life is incredible.
Writing is a Skill, Not a Talent
This is one of the first things I tell any class or workshop I’m leading. Writing is a learnable skill. You’re not born with it (we’re not Maybelline over here), even if you discover you like it as a young person.
The people who are really good at writing practice…and practice…and practice again. A few other things that can help you grow your writing skills:
Reading and looking up words you see that you don’t know
Listening to/watching interviews with authors you admire
Talking through your ideas out loud either on a recording or with a friend
Do word puzzles/play word games
Work on how you think about writing
You can learn to write. If you want to be a “good” writer, you totally can. Or, if you just want to enjoy it without having to go through the annoying “why should I even bother, I’m no good at this” thought process.
Just because there’s no “easy button” for writing doesn’t mean you can’t have fun and enjoy it. I’m constantly surprised and delighted by what I learn through words and I’ve been at it for almost 30 years! Take a deep breath and give yourself a chance - who knows what you’ll be able to create.
If you find you’re stuck, this book for anxious writers might help. :)
Advice for Women on Empowering Themselves, Friends & Family
Annette Rodriguez talks about empowering women and what we need to do to support each other.
Throughout history, we’ve seen women march to the beat of their own drum and defy expectations. They’re looked at with fascination, fear, and often ridicule. Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, Elizabeth I, the suffragettes, and Rosa Parks, were all trailblazers, especially when women have long been expected to remain at home and silently conform.
It wasn’t until education started to become more accessible for women that things changed. They still haven’t changed enough, but they’ve gotten better. Every day there are more expectations, and society is still getting used to the idea that women can accomplish the same, if not more, than men.
Expectations are too high
While society is changing, we still have a long way to go. As women, we need to be there for each other as these changes take place. We often feel that we can’t give 100% of a role. We can’t be the perfect worker AND the
Homemaker
Wife
Mother
Daughter
Caregiver
The list goes on
Those are society’s expectations of us, though. We feel guilty when we can’t be 100% in these roles for everyone who needs us.
It’s a struggle, but we need to let those expectations go.
Yes, we all want to do the absolute best we can, but life goes so fast that we’ll never catch up as much as we want if we focus on trying to be everything for everybody.
How do we support other women?
We need to first accept ourselves as vulnerable, imperfect, and the work in progress we all are.
We need to be there for each other. We each learn from an early age many of the expectations:
Be soft-spoken
Be well-behaved
Be lady-like
Settle down
Leave the “hard work” to the men
If we want something better for our own futures, and the next generation’s, we should lead the change. That starts with being there for each other and asking ourselves, how can we help? The world has enough rivalry and women’s progress has been a long and hard time coming. We can do anything, but we should all appreciate that support and teamwork makes most things easier. It’s the way to really be triumphant.
We are women, with goals that dictate progress, happiness, change, and future accomplishments. We cannot be a jack of all trades, time will not allow it; but, we can do it all through teamwork. That means not seeing our female colleagues as competitors but as friends and assets. We should embrace our differences and disagreements - that type of effective communication is the sign of a great workplace.
Just as our ancestors worked hard so we could have a better life, we call it to our descendants to do the same. If we do not stand up for ourselves, we are only going to help slow down the changes we all want to see coming. The only way to propel ourselves forward is through acceptance, advocacy, networking, and teamwork.
Annette “Annie” Rodriguez was born in Ponce, Puerto Rico, and started to write consistently when she was in tenth grade. As her writing and creative imagination progressed, Annie became confident enough to share her work and create her own characters. The first draft of Lifeforce was born.
Lifeforce was picked up for publication by Green Writers Press and her first novel was published in February 2019. Lifeforce’s sequel, Immortality’s Peril, is in progress.
Annie’s writing is accompanied by her impressive background as a practicing attorney, holding two Bachelor’s and two Master’s degrees. Lifeforce was published during her first year of law school. A minority woman who has worked with students, Annie’s passion for writing keeps her sane in the sometimes harsh reality of training to practice law.
7 Inspiring Quotes for Busy Days
Some days we all just need a little pick me up. Here are some of my favorite quotes for when it’s that kind of day.
Some days we all just need a little pick me up - a reminder that even on our busiest days when life feels like it’s just too much, we’re still pretty awesome. It kind of comes with the whole human thing.
One thing I love to do is collect quotes. Maybe it’s the word person in me, but I would like to think that we can all get value out of hearing that other people have been where we are and have gotten out/up/figured something out.
So I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes when it’s that kind of day. It’s not always Monday, either! If you, like me, enjoy being surrounded by beautiful words, feel free to write them on a Post-It note for encouragement around your workspace.
No matter what today brings, or tomorrow, you’re worth taking a moment to breath. I see you, I feel you, you can get through this.
Even a little effort makes a difference! Your biggest dreams start with trying a little bit and taking small steps.
When you feel overwhelmed in the moment, take a deep breath in and slowly let it out. The only thing you have to do right now is decide what one small thing to do next. You can do this.
This busyness will not last forever. It will pass and you’ll get to where you want to be. Remind yourself that this discomfort is a temporary stepping stone.
Your dreams aren’t too big. Like Marie Forleo says, “Everything is figureoutable.” Keep taking small steps forward and remember what you’re working toward.
Sometimes you just need to take a leap of faith and let the universe show you what’s next. (Believe me when I say my anxiety brain HATES that this is true…but it is.)
Everyone has their own definition of what a happy life is. Whether your busyness is because of work or the season of life you’re in, you can choose to be happy with the small things each and every day. You are the one who makes that decision.
We need money to survive, but as cliché as it is, money isn’t everything. Beyond living comfortably, there are plenty of other things that make life beautiful when you create time to step away from the stress and busyness we all face from time to time (some of us more than others).
5 Reasons American Industry Needs ‘Active Listening’ Now More Than Ever
Active listening has many benefits in the workplace. One might even say all businesses need leaders who are adept at active listening. Here’s why.
Expert tips for how business leaders can readily address the root causes of stress and burnout and ultimately facilitate a culture of caring
Employee burnout is one of the greatest challenges facing the U.S. economy to the tune of $300 billion each year, according to the American Institute of Stress. Its studies show that a near majority, fully 83%, of U.S. workers suffer from work-related stress, with over half (60%) of worker absences directly related to that stress. Not only is this a significant drain on resources that drives avoidable opportunity loss, but it’s also a major contributor to both mental and physical health problems of valuable employees.
Today’s employers need not knowingly or unconsciously undermine their own productivity and profitability. While any number of interventions can address and resolve the employee burnout epidemic, one solution is within earshot...literally: active listening.
Today’s modern management must take a top-down approach to support staffers, and not just hear what is being said but rather actively listen to it. For one, a Harvard Business Review study found that active listening is a key factor in improving leadership effectiveness, which, in turn, improves employee productivity, engagement, and retention.
“Today’s modern management must take a top-down approach to support staffers, and not just hear what is being said but rather actively listen to it.”
Conversely, failing to do so presents a mission-critical missed opportunity to address and resolve, the root causes of workforce stress and burnout. With employee burnout so widespread, aptly addressing the issue can seem daunting for managers. However, the overwhelm of the issue can apparently be mitigated with a clarified understanding of common challenges that cause, and exacerbate, employee burnout.
According to Adi Segal, CEO of Hapi.com, below are five red flags that can readily be identified and resolved through active listening. These are:
Social Isolation: When employees feel isolated, their emotional state is compromised and they are more likely to experience anxiety, stress, and burnout–factors that can erode and impair a company’s growth. The work-from-home culture has only exacerbated the issue. In fact, Airbnb’s CEO warned that “the most dangerous part of remote work isn’t lost productivity—it’s loneliness.” Active listening can help leaders identify employees who are struggling with this issue and take concerted steps to help them feel more connected to a manager and the team at large. Knowing that you “belong,” feeling that you are an important “part of something” and understanding that your contributions are valued can produce a powerful and positive mindset.
Relationship Issues: Whether with respect to friends, colleagues, family or a significant other, relationship problems can cause significant pain, trauma, and strain that promotes burnout. By actively listening to employees, leaders can identify these kinds of issues and take proactive measures to address them before they become major problems—for the worker, department, and the company overall.
Mentorship Deficits: Mentoring is an essential part of career development, but it can be challenging to navigate for both mentors and mentees. Many companies today are stretched thin and workdays are overwhelmed with tasks and to-do’s that make “free time” elusive if not seemingly impossible. Even so, it’s imperative for leaders to engage in active listening moments to help identify these guidance gaps and provide the necessary support, direction, assessment, and praise to keep staffers on the right track.
Socioeconomic & Financial Strife: Often, an employee pool represents a variety of socioeconomic factors and income levels. No matter one’s real or self-perceived stature or actual salary, everyone is at risk of struggling culturally and economically. Active listening can be a profound form of activism, with one report underscoring the extent to which active listening can offer much-needed support to help people deal with intense and distressing emotions in relation to these particular issues that fundamentally impact nearly every aspect of our work, home, and social lives.
Sub-Par Problem-Solving: It would be an understatement to say that problem-solving is a critical capability to uphold in the workplace. In fact, problem-solving skills were cited as the most important soft skill of 2022 with fully 86% of employers reportedly seeking this attribute on student resumes, according to the National Association of Colleges and Employers Job Outlook 2022 survey. Given this vital skill is hampered by communication breakdowns, active listening can help leaders identify these shortfalls, and bridge those gaps by providing the necessary understanding, explanation, support, and guidance to ensure everyone is on the same page.
According to Segal, “Even the most significant issues individuals, families, and organizations face can be resolved with active listening, which needs to be more deeply embedded into our society—especially as most facets of our professional and personal lives move at lightning speed. Relative to corporate culture, better listening training is a quick and tactical way to demonstratively and quantifiably improve company culture, increase staff retention and boost the bottom line.”
“Active listening can be a profound form of activism”
Immediately Accessible Solutions
Addressing employee burnout and related productivity pitfalls need not be rocket science, according to Segal, there are numerous tactical strategies to start addressing the issue right now.
These include:
● Practice Makes Perfect: As with any skill, listening ability is correlated with frequency of use. Like working a muscle, it will get stronger over time. Similarly, leaders should regularly schedule and conduct sessions with their employees to actually practice “the art of listening” rather than just “hearing what someone said.” This is in order to fully comprehend the content, meaning, and implications of that discourse. People must embrace the notion that listening is not just a concept, but rather something that requires intention and action.
● Train Your Team: There are numerous emotional intelligence and active listening courses leaders can provide individuals or their entire team. Just as the state mandates harassment training, business executives should make listening certification an important part of their own, and their team’s, professional development. Go a step further and make it a prerequisite or requirement for the job. If and when needed, expert trainers can be engaged to run active listening exercises, either in-person or virtually. Such professional resources can help expedite the key learning needed to put this skill into meaningful practice and start positively impacting people and the business's bottom line.
● Recommend Resources: Analysis by NSC and NORC at the University of Chicago reveals organizations that support mental health see a return of $4 for every dollar invested. They’ve built a Mental Health Cost Calculator that can demonstrate and quantify the financial impact on your own company. Also notable is that research makes it abundantly clear: talking to strangers can supercharge happiness. With the advent of Certified Listening as a Service (CLaaS), managers can promote mental health apps and resources that increase access to care and human connectivity with 24/7/365 availability, lower the bar to entry, and simply provide a safe space for team members (from the C-suite to the front line) to vent, relieve stress, get advice, bounce ideas or just have company when feeling lonely or isolated. Such access anywhere, any time mental health platforms can be a boon for employee retention, recruitment, and organizational transitions.
“Many psychologists even admit that, often, people dealing with work and life issues don't need therapy, but rather they just need someone to talk to,” Segal says. “Someone who will truly listen and provide the space for support, validation, and exploration.”
“Organizationally, leaders need to establish and build upon a culture of engagement, collaboration, and trust. The kind that can only be compelled through true active listening.”
Organizationally, leaders need to establish and build upon a culture of engagement, collaboration, and trust. The kind that can only be compelled through true active listening so that employees feel heard, valued, and supported in a way that impedes burnout.
In turn, business and industry will realize an array of benefits, from increased productivity and higher staff retention rates to lower absenteeism and presenteeism exemplified by the ‘quiet quitting’ trend.
Employee angst, stress, and burnout are significant business problems. One highly viable—and relatively immediate—solution lies in the simple yet impactful act of active listening.
By committing to this learned and nuanced skill, leaders can readily address the root causes of these issues and ultimately facilitate a potent culture of caring. Executives will quickly see the ripple effects as these improvements drive employee satisfaction and revenue growth.
Merilee Kern, MBA is a brand strategist and analyst who reports on industry change makers, movers, shakers, and innovators: field experts and thought leaders, brands, products, services, destinations, and events. Merilee is also the Founder, Executive Editor, and Producer of “The Luxe List” as well and is the Host of both the “Savvy Ventures” business TV show that airs nationally on FOX Business TV and Bloomberg TV and the “Savvy Living” lifestyle TV show airing in top U.S. markets.
Connect with Merilee:
Inside a Community Writing Workshop
Read about my most recent community writing workshops at Pendleton Public Library and find out how you can get involved in a workshop near you.
It’s been a while since I’ve been in the classroom, so when I went into the Pendleton Public Library the first week of March, I was nervous and excited - like the first day of a new semester.
While I wasn’t teaching a class, I was leading workshops, for teens no less! Would they engage with the material? Would I be able to talk to them on their level? Would they…like it? Or find it helpful?
The first group was middle schoolers, grades 6-8, and the second group was high schoolers grades 9-12. I don’t typically work with teens, but I figured if they were interested in creative writing at the library, they would probably be students like I was at that age.
They didn’t disappoint!
Both workshops were about stories in movies. For the middle schoolers (which I call the “youngers” in my head), we analyzed the Shrek trailer and looked at how much you could tell about a story just from the 2 1/2 minutes. To my great surprise, Shrek is still popular with middle schoolers!
The girls who attended were cheerful and ready to get into it. They were so fun and more confident than many adults I work with. It very much reminded me of a time when I was handwriting my first novels on lined notebook paper. They really dug into the exercises and were ready to learn and participate. A far cry from the trepidation I had when I first arrived.
Two short days later, I was back in the library with the high schoolers. We did similar activities but focused on more of the nuances of writing using the original Ghostbusters trailer from 1984 and the newer remake with a female cast from 2016.
What I think I look like during writing workshops.
Photo credits: Chaz T Photography
Personally, I enjoy both so I was excited to hear what they thought. My main participant hadn’t seen either version, so it was kind of perfect - a way to see how much you can really tell from a trailer.
After all, movie trailers are just summaries of movies just like you read a summary of a book.
She, too, caught on quickly and remained engaged. I wondered if I was talking too much, but she asked if I would keep going and sharing more information. I don’t think I’ve ever been asked to talk MORE outside of clarifying questions.
What I actually look like - we have fun!
It was pretty cool, and I can’t wait to do the second round of workshops at the end of March. We’re going to be talking about fan fiction, which should be fun. I’ll have to brush up on what’s popular, as I’m sure it’s changed since I was young, and writing fan fiction myself!
A Few Logistics
This is my first foray into community workshops, and thus far it has been a great experience. I’m a big fan of the library, always have been, and always will be, so this opportunity immediately jumped out as something I had to take.
My librarian contact has made the process easy!
I created the flyer, the workbooks for each age group (same foundation, different activities), and a super simple PowerPoint for the workshop itself. If you’ve been around for a bit, you probably know that I love cute and visually engaging materials because I get so jazzed about writing.
I’m working on figuring out how to repurpose them because truly, the basics are the same no matter what level of writing you’re starting with. You can see a preview of some of the pages below - what do you think?
The workshops lasted about an hour each, and although they were small groups, both were fun and engaging for all of us. Although my passion is working with adults, it’s safe to say the kids are a-okay in my book.
Interested in Hosting or Attending a Workshop?
One of my goals for 2023 is to get out in the community and interact with writers from all walks of life. It’s okay if you don’t think of yourself as a writer, too! I’d be happy to talk about setting up a workshop even if you just want to see what it’s all about.
If you want to learn more about my philosophy of writing first, you can grab a copy of my book Storytelling for Everyday People: A feel-good, no bullsh*t guide to telling the story in your heart.
If you want to get to know me a little before we connect, I totally get it - there are many great successful writers I don’t vibe with. Happy to connect and just have a chat, too. The best place to find me is on LinkedIn, Instagram, or through the Contact form.
How Writing Habits Help Business Owners
Habits aren’t easy to create, but they’re important. Writing habits can be trickier than others, too, because we all come from different places with experience and skills... Here's how writing habits can help business owners.
Habits aren’t easy to create, but they’re important. Writing habits can be trickier than others, too, because we all come from different places with experience and skills.
Developing your voice and feeling confident about it takes time and effort. You have to show up and work on it, and it doesn’t always feel like a fun creative whirlwind. Similar to running your business, sometimes writing feels exhilarating and sometimes it kicks your butt. I totally get that because it happens to me, too, even as a seasoned writer.
What I’ve experienced, and what I’ve seen when I work with students and coaching clients, is that you need a writing habit. When you create a habit of showing up for yourself to regularly practice your writing, it not only feels better, but you tend to have fewer “this is all terrible” days, too. You learn what’s comfortable and what feels good, and it becomes easier to live with days that aren’t great because you don’t feel like every single time will be bad.
I feel it coming, it always does: “But…”
Some of the most common obstacles and challenges - what I often call the “buts” - I hear from storytellers from all walks of life are:
I’m too busy
Taking time for writing feels like a luxury
Writing isn’t as urgent as other pressing matters in my life
There’s always tomorrow, so why do I need to start today?
These are all completely legitimate concerns. We are busy, and sometimes emergencies do pop up that we have to take care of immediately, such as taking your beloved pet to the emergency room because they got into something and won’t stop throwing up. Obviously, you wouldn’t just not take care of them because you’ve scheduled writing time (even if they’ve done it more than once and you don’t feel as bad for them as you used to). But, in general, writing on a regular basis and practicing telling your story doesn’t usually present those types of high-stakes scenarios.
People have these preconceived notions about what writing “has to” look like, and most of them aren’t very good.
Things like writing for hours at a time and having to have the exact right words at every turn put so much pressure on you as a storyteller. They work totally in concert with the challenges above because the challenges present an out.
You can’t do an hour-long writing session three times this week because your brother needs you to watch your nephew. You can’t journal every day because you have to be at work all day and you’ll be too tired - you’ll get at it on the weekend.
These unfortunate notions, some that have been programmed into our minds since we were kids learning what a “real writer” is, can create barriers to even starting. Who wants to do something thinking it will be a completely uphill battle they won’t be very good at?
This is why creating a writing habit is important. I believe, and I’ve seen it with my own two eyes, that when you make a little time for writing each week, it can change your life.
It’s worth sticking with the first couple of months to build a strong, healthy habit. Here’s why.
Get Comfortable
Writing isn’t natural for a lot of people. In fact, it has a tendency to feel extremely vulnerable, especially if you’ve been in situations where you felt you didn’t have privacy to express yourself.
As you create a writing habit and write regularly, it’ll get more relaxed. You’ll get more comfortable, and it’s highly likely you’ll begin to feel more creative and excited to continue on.
Get Creative
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me they’re “just not that creative”...but seriously, it’s super common. People don’t think they can think beyond reality. Really, it just takes a desire and a little bit of practice. When you get more comfortable telling your story and it becomes a habit, the outcome can evolve into something bigger than you started with.
If the first thing you want to do is tell your story from beginning to end, and you practice doing that, it makes sense you’ll add to that goal moving forward. Maybe the next outcome is that you want to feel comfortable telling your story, or learn how to tell it in a way that makes sense for you to share it.
No matter what you do, when you have a writing habit you show up for, you’ll see progress. You’ll come up with new ways to say things and perhaps figure out how to explain the context of your story without feeling like you have to give your whole life story as background information.
Get Confident
My favorite part about writing habits is the confidence they create. There’s nothing quite like seeing someone write a story know they did that. It’s the same look of wonderment from community college and university classrooms to community centers and library group sessions to addiction treatment facilities. It’s the “I can” look, at least that’s what I call it.
Getting comfortable with your words and ideas and being able to be creative, sometimes for the first time, is an incredible feeling. It builds your confidence, which is essentially the entire goal of this book. It builds to the moment where you think to yourself: I did this and it’s good enough. I did this and it matters. I did this and I matter to the world.
What Does This Have to Do with Business Owners?
Everyone can benefit from a solid writing habit, but business owners can get a few extra kickbacks from them.
As you grow more comfortable, creative, and confident in your writing, you’ll grow in similar ways in your personal life a business.
Because most people have a complicated relationship with writing and writing habits, forming one means that you’ve already proven to yourself that you can do hard things (like Glennon Doyle says). When you face obstacles in business, you’ll be more confident that you can work through it - maybe even in writing!
Business owners are people first. Sure, we do badass things and create and manage. But at the heart of it all, we’re people who have emotions, feelings, stress, love, relationships, and everything in between. Writing gives you a safe place to be human first before anything else. Everyone needs a space like this.
This is your time to shine, business owner. I believe in you, and I hope that you believe in you, too.
Call for Resources
Have a resource about writing, confidence, mental health, or learning? Need a resource about those topics? This page is for you.
I love a good list. In fact, if you could see my office, you’d find about 20 colored Post-It notes with different lists. Some are reminders and some are to-do lists. Some are notes from calls I didn’t know were going to happen and had to write something down before I forgot.
But my favorite lists are resources. Helpful websites, books, videos, etc. that you can learn from. It could be because learning is one of my strengths and that I enjoy it. There’s something comforting about having a list of places to go when you have a question or need help, though. There’s something satisfying in knowing that you’re not the only person who thinks about things in categories and wonders if other people might find them helpful.
This is why the Resources page on my new website is so meaningful to me.
It started with the resources from writing my book, Storytelling for Everyday People. But many things I know come from experience - they’re not listable, tangible articles you can read or a video you can watch. I can’t list teaching experience as a resource because you can’t really access my brain like it’s Google, right?
From the outset, that’s been a question on my mind: how can I make this page the most useful list possible? How do I get more resources without seeming disingenuous or like I’m going on the internet to find random sources to beef up a web page? Because one thing is for sure: NOTHING on the website is random. Every step and design choice - even colors and images - are intentional.
That’s how I landed on submissions. Who best to share resources than experts using and creating them?
What’s on the Resources Page
When you land on the Resources page, you’ll notice 3 main sections after the welcome message. The current categories are Websites & Articles, Books, and Talks. I landed on these sections because they tend to cover a pretty wide selection of information you can read and watch. In the future, I could see this being extended to podcasts and interviews as well, but for now, you’ll find most videos under Talks.
The Websites & Articles section is the most defined with 6 sections:
Mental health
Therapy
Learning & Confidence
Writing
Writing & Book Coaching
Blogging
The books and talks are listed as a group. As people submit more resources, you’ll start seeing more sections in those areas as well. It’s a living list, so my goal is for it to continue growing and become a go-to place for those looking for resources about writing, confidence, mental health, and eventually addiction recovery.
Where & How to Submit + Standards
If you or your business have a resource that could be helpful for those in the mental health and addiction recovery communities, feel free to submit it! All you have to do is go to the Resources page, scroll down to the bottom, and click the button that says “Submit Resource(s).”
When you submit, it sends me an email so I can see and review the resources.
Once I get the notification, I’ll go read or watch/listen to the piece. If it’s a website, I check the organization and domain authority to make sure the source is legitimate. If I can’t find a website that clearly explains who the organization is or what it does, the resource doesn’t make the cut. I need to know the information is reliable so I’m not sharing incorrect information or propaganda. No spam here!
I also don’t accept sales pages or pitches for products and services. Same with polarizing or unrelated opinions. None of those are really resources, so they don’t belong on a page that’s free and meant to provide help.
After the source is vetted, I’ll put it up on the website where it can start helping more people.
Within the first couple of weeks of the new submission system, I’ve already gotten a couple of submissions. Very exciting! I can’t wait to see all of the helpful resources out there in the world that I don’t know about yet.
In the meantime, I’ll keep making my fun colored lists on Post-Its and sticking them everywhere. It makes my office more home-y, and to be honest, I can’t imagine working in a space that didn’t have notes everywhere. It just feels like a learner’s place to be.
If you have a resource or know about a business or organization that would be a good fit, feel free to share the website and resources page! The more the merrier. Let’s work together to make the world a more informed and helpful place.