One Year Anniversary Blogging Bonanza

That’s a wrap, folks! Can you believe it’s been a whole year since we kicked off this blogging journey at Capturing Your Confidence? It hardly seems real. And yet in some aspects, it feels like it has been much longer. 

This year has truly been a blessing.

This year has truly been a blessing, and I owe most of that to you lovely readers who show up week after week and prove to me that what we do here is as important as I’ve felt since that initial thought. 

Enough of that mushy stuff for now! 

I have collected some highlights and favorites, but I’d love it if you would tell me yours! Comment here, find me on social media, or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com. I very highly value your feedback - that’s how we make things better. 

Onto the fun!

Highlights

These are some of our accomplishments this year!

• 57 Blogs

• 2 Email services

• 2 Logos

• 160 Facebook followers

• 223 Twitter followers

• 303 Instagram followers

• 105 Pinterest followers

• Countless hours of blood, sweat, hard work, & tears

Room for Improvement

As with most new things, there are always areas that could use some improvement. These are things I've struggled with this year that I've been working on improving.

Image Sizing & Blog Optimization

Figuring out Wordpress and how to be an admin for all the back end tricky things has been a battle and a half. It’s definitely an instance of when you don’t know what you don’t know! Although I am by no means a master, I have become proficient enough to begin fixing all the little things to optimize them not only for the desktop experience, but also for mobile. 

This stuff is hard. It’s tedious. And, it’s definitely way less fun than writing about confidence, writing, and teaching!

Guys, this stuff is hard. It’s tedious. And, it’s definitely way less fun than writing about confidence, writing, and teaching! But this is such an important part of what makes the blog beautiful for all of you lovely readers. So I work. And I Google. And Youtube. And ask for help. I’d consider it a work in progress, but overall a victory! It’s definitely something I will continue to work on, too. 

Promotion

As you probably read in the How to Know Your Audience blog, finding your audience is a critical exercise for writers because you can be the most prolific writer in the world, but it won’t matter a wink if no one can find your work! 

Figuring out where to find you guys has been hard! I used social media & Pinterest before, but it truly is an art to learning the ins and outs - taking the time to figure out not only where to find you, but also how to get to you! While I’ve developed a more focused plan for this year, this is an area I know will continue to demand improvement. 

Top 5 Crowd Favorite Blogs

These blogs were the ones that got the most traffic this year.

*** Data collected using Google Analytics & Pinterest Analytics. ***

5 Excuses that Hold Us Back from Our Writing

As writers, we love to create. We love the feeling of putting our words on paper, of inspiring others or drawing out emotion, and that feeling of accomplishment when something feels “complete.” But sometimes what we love doesn’t quite translate into what we do. 

Small Progress is Progress

I hear a lot of “the first draft always sucks” and “just get it onto the paper and then fix it.” 

While I value the fact that these kinds of comments encourage drafting, I find that almost anything I read about writing a first draft is very focused on how bad it will be and the other potential negatives. 

A Brief History of Women in Higher Education

For most of the United States’ history, women were viewed as homemakers and were primarily in charge of all things domestic. Most fulfilled roles within the household, and were the main caregivers of their families, especially children. 

How to Know Your Audience

How to Know Your Audience

If you’re a writer who wants to get your ideas out into the big wide world, you need to know your audience! 

When we think about writing, an audience is made up of people who are interested in a specific topic or idea, and read about it. They are people who care about what you are writing because it means something to them.

Do the Thing that Scares You

Do the Thing that Scares You

We’re all scared of something. Personally, one of my biggest fears is bees...

Besides these small fears, though, I do have some bigger fears looming that can sometimes seem insurmountable. 

What scares the daylights out of you?

My Top 5 Favorite Blogs

These are not in any particular order, as it was hard enough to narrow it down to this few.

Interview with an Author: Kelly MacLellan

Interview with an Author

Ms. Kelly was the first person I collaborated with for the blog, and my very first interview with an author interviewee! We are still friends, and I have enjoyed building a relationship with her over the past year. 

13 Things to Do When You’re Worried About Everything

Over the years, I have been more open about my struggle with anxiety, and it has mostly been met with positivity and support. Now that I’m comfortable in my own skin, it’s time to help others in the same position. Unfortunately, the pandemic hit and it became much more critical to share strategies about what to do when you’re worried about everything. 

5 Reasons We All Need Gratitude (and Not Just Around the Holidays)

Gratitude is critical for all of us, and that’s something I’ve been very focused on the past couple of years in my personal life. It made sense for the holidays, but gratitude really is much bigger than that, and it changes lives. We all need it, and this is one of the core beliefs of Capturing Your Confidence. 

Do the Thing that Scares You

Do the Thing that Scares You

This blog is my favorite because it’s really at the core of my life, and what I envision for you, my readers. Truly, getting out of our comfort zone is so important for growth, and that’s what I want people to come away from my content feeling confident enough to do. 

How to Know Your Audience

How to Know Your Audience

Working through how to know your audience is always interesting in writing classes with my students, so it’s not a surprise that this is one of my favorite blogs so far! It also comes with my first interactive writing guide, which I worked my tail off on and love how it turned out!

BONUS

Unlearning the 5 Paragraph Essay

5 Paragraph Essay

It’s so hard to choose my “favorite blogs” because I love what I write about. My favorite teaching blog is Unlearning the 5 Paragraph Essay (with organic student confidence in a close second place) because people don’t realize how much we learn and unlearn in college English! 

Suggestions? 

We’d love to hear your suggestions on how to make our content and website better! Reach out via social media or email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com - let’s hear your ideas!

My Writing Inspiration: Now and Then

In honor of my birthday today, and almost a WHOLE YEAR of content (how has it been a year already?!) I wanted to share a special blog about my writing inspiration. Things are a lot different now than they were years ago, and I find it helpful to always be self-reflecting. Hence the now and then! 

I talk a lot about writing , and I do my very best to inspire you all to try to be the best and truest version of you. And I do truly believe in you all! But sometimes it’s helpful along our journey to have a peek behind other people’s priorities and growth. 

Sometimes it’s helpful along our journey to have a peek behind other people’s priorities and growth. 

After all, if you know my story, you know that I was scared to write for years after one rather unpleasant, but ultimately small experience. 

What I’ve compiled for you today are my top 5 sources of writing inspiration now, and then, when I was a young writer. As cathartic and reflective as this is for me, I hope it is helpful not only to see that our priorities change as we grow, but also to acknowledge that our journey and our “why” is unique to each of us. 

Writing Inspiration Starter Pack

Now 

Like many writers, I’m not always “inspired” in the way of having too many ideas. There are days where it feels like I will never finishmy novel, but that is the time where I have to remind myself of my top writing inspiration to keep me moving forward. These inspirations or reasons are my “why” as a writer in the present. 

5. I’m Good at It

One of the reasons I write is because I’m good at it. This might sound like a cop out, or a brag moment, but truly it’s not meant to be either. Words are a very natural thing for me, and I express myself much better in writing (I think) than I do when I’m speaking. 

Words are a very natural thing for me, and I express myself much better in writing

I’ve been known to do some word wizardry for people on occasion, and it’s honestly fun for me because it’s something I know that even if I’m terrible at everything else, I’m good at words. So, it provides a boost for me when I know for sure I can accomplish things with words. 

4. I Love It

Related probably to the fact that I have a talent for writing is that I love it. I love everything about writing. I like how it makes me feel, how it can make others feel, and the real impact it can have on the world. 

Words have the power to create emotion, inspire action, and express the deepest sentiments of our souls that no other medium quite has the same ability to do. It’s flexible, it’s powerful, and I love how different everyone can use writing.

3. Pass on My Passion

Because I love words and writing so much, and I am confident in my abilities, I write to share my passion with others who love writing - and those who don’t! This is one reason I like teaching college English, too. 

So, I write to pass my passion on in hopes of giving people a good experience with writing.

Many times people don’t like writing because of prior experiences, which I totally get. I’ve heard some pretty bad stories about English classes (and teachers) that are very cringe-worthy. But the fact of the matter is that we need writing, and it will always be around us. 

So, I write to pass my passion on in hopes of giving people a good experience with writing. I’ve found that the best teachers and the most interesting people I’ve met are sharing their passions with the world, so I wanted to do my best to join those coveted ranks. 

2. To Help Others

The one thing that’s been a constant for me as I’ve grown up and tried to figure out what career path I want to be on is this: I want to help people. I’ve always wanted to help others. 

So it makes a lot of sense that I would use my passion and talent for writing to do what I’ve always wanted to do with helping others. While I’m still figuring out the logistics, I have a pretty good idea of where I would like to be helping others in the long run. I am a teacher by training, after all, and I love teaching about writing! But I also want to help others with confidence, which is something I’ve struggled with most of my life. 

1. Because It’s My Calling

The number one reason I am inspired to write is because it is what I have been called to do. You know when you hear people talking about music or art as if something inside (or occasionally, above) is telling them this is what they are meant to be doing? Or that something just “feels right” but they can’t always tell you the exact why? 

Writing is what I do, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

This is how I feel about writing, and how it feels in my life. I can’t imagine doing something else, aside from working in education (in a related capacity). Writing is what I do, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Writing Inspiration Now and Then

Words and writing were important to me at every level! Here we see a collection from 1st grade all the way to high school.

Then

It’s interesting what we think when we’re young and how that changes and adapts as we grow. My reasons and inspirations for writing have changed through the years (for the better, I think) and it’s fun to think about myself as a young writer. As you read through these “then” writing inspirations, think about how your own inspiration has changed as a writer - or even as a teacher or person in general! You might find you surprise yourself.

5. I Had No Concept of Failure

You hear about those kids and teenagers who only hear positive comments for their lives and then get to college and have their first taste of criticism, right? That was me. 

Part of what inspired me to keep going was because I had an incredibly supportive family and teachers who lifted me up.

Part of what inspired me to keep going was because I had an incredibly supportive family and teachers who lifted me up. I excelled at writing in school, and I wrote like a fanatic outside of school - and people loved reading my writing. I always got compliments, and rarely (if at all) got constructive criticism of things to fix, so I literally had no concept that I would ever fail as a writer. 

Writing Inspiration Now and Then

Creating stories since childhood! With hand drawn illustrations.

Who doesn’t want to keep doing the thing people love that they consistently get compliments on? 

While I don’t have any doubts about my imperfection now, I have since received some constructive feedback on my writing. Failure is an event, not a state of being, but it took a long time to figure that out. 

4. I Was Bursting with Creativity & Ideas

When I was younger I always had multiple ideas rolling around in my head. I was a pro at making up stories and characters off the cuff. I think part of this is because I used to play this game with my mom and grandma when I was very young where they would make up one part of a story and I would do the next. 

So where were all those ideas supposed to go if they were just rolling around? Onto the paper, of course! I wrote short stories, novels, and even fanfiction (Fruits Basket fanfiction, to be exact). However I could messily get all those thoughts out with a pen and a trusty lined wide-ruled notebook was the way I worked this out. 

I wish I could say I’m bursting with creativity now, but alas, I am much more focused these days. I do have many ideas, but I have been working to weave them all into my current novel so that it can be the best work I’ve done to date.

3. I Wanted Others to Read My Words

Some kids want to be famous athletes or musicians. I didn’t want to be famous, per se, but I did want a lot of people to read my words. I didn’t want the fame in terms of paparazzi, even when I was a kid, but I always thought it would be cool to be a household name. 

I thought that out of all the ideas I had, surely one of them could inspire people like Harry Potter.

As Harry Potter was coming out, I found myself striving to be a next generation JK Rowling. I thought that out of all the ideas I had, surely one of them could inspire people like Harry Potter.

It’s funny because people do read my words now! So, young me would be excited about that. I think to a certain extent all writers want to be heard - it’s just that now I have a more direct approach to get my passion to others. I don’t want to be the next JK Rowling because I want to be the first and only me. And what I want for that me is to help others and to pass on my passion to others. 

2. My Friends Loved It

This probably goes along with never getting criticism, but my friends loved to read my stories. In fact, during the fanfiction phase, we all traded! We even wrote some of it together - a true bond of friendship is sharing your writing, I think. 

They were always interested in what I had to say, so this kept me going back for more! I think many kids, especially teenagers, feel this way, and it still kind of makes me giggle, really. Everyone wants to “fit in” with someone, whether that’s a way to become popular, or to create a bond with similar people. I found those people and boy did we write! 

For the record, I only have one friend I share my writing with these days, at least for now while my novel is a work in progress. The older I get the more I realize how much I thrived on acceptance from other people. While I do like being accepted (who doesn’t?), it’s not a main priority because I have realized that not everyone will like me and my writing - and that’s okay! 

1. I Loved It & It Was Fun

Some things never change, right? I have always loved writing, both the act and the final product. Writing gave me a sense of strength, and it was a way to express myself when it felt like no one else was listening (or got tired of listening because I talked A LOT). 

Writing doesn’t judge you, sass you, or just generally hurt you like people can, so it was a release of angst and emotion, as well as a creative outlet for the swarm of ideas that was constantly hanging around my mind. There was nothing quite like a new pen and a fresh notebook to get the gears turning.

This is still in my list of top writing inspirations, and I think it’s pretty clear that it resonates throughout the other “why” factors, too. Some people love sports or shoes. I love writing (and shoes? We’re allowed to love more than one thing). 

All this to say that my inspiration has changed as I have changed.

All this to say that my inspiration has changed as I have changed. I don’t have the same friends who love my writing - I have new ones. I don’t have the same expectation of being a household name as long as I can help those who really need it. My priorities now are about teaching and growing confidence, which I don’t know that  I ever considered when I was younger. 

I can’t wait to see how I grow as more years pass! One thing is certain, though. I will be here, writing, teaching, and building the confidence of everyone I meet because that’s what I’m called to do. 

What are your writing inspirations? Have they changed from when you were younger? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com - let’s chat!

50 Inspirational Quotes for Teachers

In light of school being moved to e-learning for the remainder of the year at all levels, I wanted to put together a list of inspirational quotes for teachers. 

Our teachers, those who teach kids, teens, and adults, are struggling. It’s such a hard pivot to turn face-to-face classes into online classes. Not only is it a lot of up front work and preparation, but for many it’s something they’ve never done before. Nevermind other worries like whether students have access to the resources they need to succeed in their home environments. Things like computers, the internet, or even enough to eat. 

We worry about our students, and right now a lot of teachers feel like they can’t be there for their students - not in the way they usually are.

Even at the college level, we sometimes don’t realize the impact we can have on our students, not just in their learning, but in their personal and professional growth. I’ve had students, and many of you probably have too, who learn far more in my classes than what I can teach them. 

This is what teachers are missing, and what students are missing, too. Teachers are some of the best and brightest resources we have, and we need to remember that as they are doing their best in this time, they should be treasured. 

Sometimes the best thing we can do for others is share inspiring words and lift them up in the small ways we have available.

So this week, for all educators, but especially my fellow college English teachers, I have gathered 50 of my favorite inspirational quotes for teachers. 

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Carl W. Buehner

Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.

Colleen Wilcox

The dream begins, most of the time,with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you on to the next plateau sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called truth.

Dan Rather

What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to the soul.

Joseph Addison

Teaching is the profession that teaches all other professions.

Unknown

A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations.

Patricia Neal

The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.

Mark Van Doren

A good teacher is like a candle: it consumes itself to light the way for others.

Mustafa Kemal Atatürk 

Children need to be taught how to think, not what to think.

Margaret Mead

Nine tenths of education is encouragement.

Anatole France

Teachers have three loves: love of learning, love of learners, and the love of bringing the first two loves together.

Scott Hayden

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.

Nelson Mandela

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre.

Gail Godwin

To teach is to learn twice over.

Joseph Joubert

Teachers can change lives with just the right mix of chalk and challenges.

Joyce Meyer

Everyone who remembers his own education remembers teachers, not methods and techniques. The teacher is the heart of the educational system.

Sidney Hook

If you have to put someone on a pedestal, put teachers. They are society's heroes.

Guy Kawasaki

Teachers believe they have a gift for giving; it drives them with the same irrepressible drive that drives others to create a work of art or a market or a building.

A. Bartlett Giamatti

I am not a teacher, but an awakener.

Robert Frost

One child, one teacher, one book, one pen can change the world.

Malala Yousafzai

I never teach my pupils, I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.

Albert Einstein

What we learn with pleasure we never forget.

Alfred Mercier

The important thing is not so much that every child should be taught, as that every child should be given the wish to learn.

John Lubbock

What you teach today may someday light the world.

L.W. Fox

The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.

B.B. King

Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.

Aristotle

I entered the classroom with the conviction that it was crucial for me and every other student to be an active participant, not a passive consumer...education as the practice of freedom.... education that connects the will to know with the will to become. Learning is a place where paradise can be created.

bell hooks

In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn.

Phil Collins

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Anne Frank

The most important part of teaching is to teach what it is to know.

Simone Weil

Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.

Malcolm X

We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

Ronald Reagan

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.

Dr. Seuss

The teacher’s task is to initiate the learning process and then get out of the way.

John Warren

Good teaching is more a giving of right questions than a giving of right answers.

Josef Albers

Education is not to reform students or amuse them or to make them expert technicians. It is to unsettle their minds, widen their horizons, inflame their intellects, teach them to think straight, if possible.

Robert Hutchins

Teachers are expected to reach unattainable goals with inadequate tools. The miracle is that at times they accomplish this impossible task.

Haim Ginott

Teaching is truth mediated by personality.

Phyllis Brooks

When the untapped potential of a student meets the liberating art of a teacher, a miracle unfolds.

Mary Hatwood Futrell

There is no failure.  Only feedback.

Robert Allen

I have come to believe that a great teacher is a great artist and that there are as few as there are any other great artists. Teaching might even the greatest of the arts since the medium is the human mind and spirit.

John Steinbeck

Teachers, I believe, are the most responsible and important members of society because their professional efforts affect the fate of the earth.

Helen Caldicott

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of a good teacher.

Temple Grandin

In a completely rational society, the best of us would be teachers and the rest of us would have to settle for something else.

Lee Iacocca

Of all the hard jobs around, one of the hardest is being a good teacher.

Maggie Gallagher

If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people.

Chinese Proverb

If a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn.

Ignacio Estrada

Learning is not a spectator sport.

D. Blocher

At the desk where I sit, I have learned one great truth. The answer for all our national problems — the answer for all the problems of the world — comes to a single word. That word is education.

Lyndon B. Johnson

I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.

Socrates

These are some of my favorite quotes about teachers and education - did I miss any great ones? Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com and let me know!

13 Things to Do When You're Worried About Everything

Amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a lot of concern, panic, and outright fear. Some of this is because of the constant media coverage, some of it is because of continuous changes and regulations, but a lot of it is because of the unknown. 

In my lifetime, and my parents’ lifetimes, there has never been a situation quite like this one. The ongoing “joke,” if you will, is about the lack of toilet paper, but in reality there aren’t any bottles of soap or hand sanitizer to be found. The grocery store is like a wasteland, and at this point, we aren’t really sure when things will reach some sort of normal again. 

The grocery store is like a wasteland, and at this point, we aren’t really sure when things will reach some sort of normal again. 

I will be the first to say that I worry over just about everything. My anxiety is an everyday battle, and sometimes the toughest things are those that most people probably don’t even think twice about. So, it was a surprise to me that I’m not really worried about the pandemic. 

In fact, I have been oddly calm about the whole thing.  It’s really quite interesting. And, I’m not the only one! I was reading about this phenomenon a couple of days ago. If you struggle with anxiety, you might have noticed this, too! For some of us, it’s been an (unfortunate) break from the anxiety.

But for those of you who are not usually anxious, this pandemic might have you worried or scared. It might not make sense to you, because you may not even be thinking about the virus itself. It might be the social isolation or fear for loved ones. It could even be the sheer fact that we don’t know how big or bad this will get before it’s over. 

How manage anxiety

Whatever you’re worried about (do some soul searching), there are a few steps you can take to help yourself get through: 

STEP 1: Accept that You're Worried

If you deny that you’re worried about anything, even if you feel like it’s the smallest thing in the world, it will just keep growing. 

STEP 2: Think About Why You're Worried

This doesn’t mean to think about your anxious topic. It means you need to dig a little further into your mind and figure out the reason behind your worry.

STEP 3: Don't Dwell

As hard as it is, and as much as you might feel like it’s not working, you have to do your best not to dwell on the things that are making you anxious. 

IMPORTANT NOTE

If you begin experiencing physical side effects from anxiety, make sure to call your doctor. I am NOT a licensed doctor or therapist, just someone who regularly manages this kind of worry. 

From my own experience, different levels of anxiety can look and/or feel like: 

• Peeling at dry skin

• General restlessness and the urge to always be doing something, even when it’s logical to rest

• The urge to cry at things you would normally be able to handle

• Easily irritated and/or quick to react (when that’s out of the ordinary behavior)

• Twitching

• Migraine headaches

• Panic attacks

• Nausea

• Diarrhea

• An elephant sitting on your chest

• A feeling like you can’t breathe

Sometimes when anxiety gets physical it can be really scary. If you feel like you can’t manage on your own, get help. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and you might be saving yourself other nasty problems. 

Getting help does not mean you’re not strong, nor does it mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means that you know, as a person, that you have reached the limit of what you can do for yourself. 

Getting help means that you know, as a person, that you have reached the limit of what you can do for yourself. 

The good news is that you can do this! You are a unique human being with unlimited potential, as cheesy as that sounds, and you are meant to do special things on this earth. While anxiety might pose short-term difficulties, it can’t stop it unless you let it. 

How manage anxiety

If you’re determined to prevail (and I hope you are!), here are some things you can do, even (especially?) when you are socially distancing yourself, to help yourself when you are worried about everything: 

Take a Social Media Break

Being so connected to everyone can be a blessing, but it also adds to your stress and anxiety! If you’re anxious, you should definitely plan to take a break from all forms of social media for at least one solid day. Even better if you can avoid it for a whole week or more. This is CRITICAL. It’s one of those situations you sometimes don’t even know how much you’re on social media until you stop using it.

Once you get past the initial urge to click the apps on your phone or type the name into the search bar on your internet browser, you will likely find that you are not only relieved, but don’t miss it nearly as much as you thought you would. 

Set a News Schedule

First, and this is a big first, be choosy about where you are getting your information from. This is an important rule of thumb in regular news, but especially during times like this where it seems like every person on the planet (qualified or not) has an opinion posted on the internet.

Inundating yourself 24/7 with information WILL overwhelm your anxiety, it’s just a matter of how quickly.. 

Second, once you have determined which news to read, DO NOT check it every 5 minutes for updates. Don’t even check it every hour. Select 2-3 times during the day where you will purposefully get updates on anything in the news and then only look at those sites during the allotted time. Beyond that TURN IT OFF. Inundating yourself 24/7 with information WILL overwhelm your anxiety, it’s just a matter of how quickly.. 

Abstain from Caffeine

Caffeine effects on anxiety

When my grandma died, someone very smart (maybe a university therapist?) clued me in to the fact that caffeine acts the same way on your body as anxiety. That year I dropped caffeine altogether, and it was the best decision I could have made under those circumstances. I can’t stress this enough: if you drink 3 cups of caffeine in the morning (I know, I know, coffee is amazing) and then continuously throughout the day, that DEFINITELY adds to your anxious feelings. If you can’t cut it altogether, at least cut back a little bit - it really is for your own benefit, I promise. 

Take a Walk

Getting some fresh air and time away from screens can do wonders not only for your anxiety, but for your health in general. When you’re walking, look at the houses and scenery around you.

Sometimes the things we drive by every day on our way to work are unique and interesting but we don’t take the time to notice. This will also give you a change of scenery and allow your brain to explore other things besides the inside of your house/office/etc. 

Set Up a Routine

One of the things about anxiety, as you might have noticed, is that it intensifies with the unknown. When there's no normalcy. So, what better way to help yourself be less anxious than to set up a daily routine, especially when you're at home 95% of the time? This could be as simple as waking up and getting ready for the day as you would on a normal work day. Or, it could be more elaborate with planned breaks throughout the day. I have two alarms on my phone - one mid-morning and one mid-afternoon - to remind me to stretch.

Creating a routine is helpful because it creates a sense of the known.

Creating a routine is helpful because it creates a sense of the known. You can make the choice to keep up your routine, and therefore you gain back some normal "expected" elements of your life.

Read a Book

As a lover of books, this is a go-to for me. Other readers out there can probably relate to the feeling of escaping into the world of a good book. If you’re not a reader, you can still benefit from an audio or ebook! I’m a firm believer that people don’t like reading based on their prior experiences and selecting the wrong books. If you need suggestions, email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com and we will get you situated! I bet you I can find something that piques your interest. 

Play with a Pet

Dogs pictures

I don’t know about your pet, but my dog Charlie is just about the best little companion in the world. His furry, excited little body is always ready for a game of fetch, tug, or a no-judgement snack. He loves to join me on my walks, but he also loves to sleep next to me as I work. It’s a win-win. Playing with him takes me out of my own head when I’m anxious and forces me to focus on the funny things he’s doing. It also gives him much deserved attention! This would work with your pet, too! 

Not everyone has a pet, which is understandable, but you can still get in on the cuteness by watching realtime: kittens, puppies, sharks, and pretty much any animal you want to watch! Google “_____ cam” and find one for yourself! Explore.org has a great variety of live animal cams. 

Create Something

Thinking creatively and the act of creating something helps anxiety because rather than focusing on what we’re worried about, we’re focused on our creation. This could be a poem, a piece of art, a piece of music - whatever strikes you. Give yourself permission to just do something creative, even if it’s not perfect. Just because you create doesn’t mean you have to share it with others. It’s the act of creating itself that matters most. If you’re really stuck and can’t think of anything (been there!), try an adult coloring page. I also really love my Vizuarts craft. 

Give yourself permission to just do something creative, even if it’s not perfect.

Watch Your Favorite Movie

Growing up I always found myself watching the same movies over and over and over again. I’m a HUGE Disney fan, and I have seen almost all of them a thousand times (or so it seems). I’m sure it drove my family crazy, and my husband doesn’t enjoy it much now (although comparatively, I feel like I’ve really cut back).

In doing research about anxiety, though, and learning how to maintain my worry, I discovered that anxious people do tend to watch the same movies over and over because it becomes comforting. I know what will happen when I watch my favorite movies: that’s why I watch them! So, if you’re really worried, pop in an old favorite and soak in the fact that you know exactly what’s coming. 

Clean Something

Cleaning

This news probably shouldn’t have been such a shock, but it was for me. Clutter and messiness adds to anxiety. For me, when I see that our home is messy, I have trouble focusing on work and my creative projects because I feel the necessity of cleaning pressing down on me. Boo. No one wants to feel pressured by mess! So when you’re anxious, try cleaning something. Put away the laundry in the basket, do the dishes, vacuum the carpet - whatever it is that will get you off the couch and moving around.

You don’t have to clean the whole room, but even doing one “chore” will take your mind off of your worries and  change your mindset to think about being productive with your cleaning! If you hate cleaning, try setting a timer for yourself and doing one task until the timer goes off. We used to play this “cleaning game” growing up, and it works surprisingly well for both children and adults. 

Call a Friend

When you’re down, who’s going to be there to pick you up? Your friends, of course! During this time where we are socially distancing ourselves from each other, being isolated can be lonely and hard on the nerves. So, I challenge you to call a friend. Not text, not direct message (DM) on social media, but actually make the voice call. Or better yet, video call them! Apple has the Facetime app, and Android has the Google Duo app - check it out! Facebook also has video capabilities, I believe, but I’ve never used it before. This would be a great time to try it out!

During this time where we are socially distancing ourselves from each other, being isolated can be lonely and hard on the nerves. 

Meditate

Meditation is fantastic. It feels a little weird the first few times you do it, but once you learn, it’s a powerful way to take back your body from anxiety. I like using meditation to drift off to sleep, but there are also calming, compassion, and mindfulness meditations that would be helpful with managing anxiety. My preferred (and free) apps are: Stop Panic and Anxiety by Excel at Life and Insight Timer by Insight Network Inc. 

Make a Gratefulness List

Last, but certainly not least, take a few minutes to physically, with a pen and piece of paper, write down what you are thankful for. Dig deep if you have to, but come up with a list of at least 5 things you are grateful for today. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our anxiety is change our perspective. Thinking positive by itself may not be a “fixed it” solution, but it will certainly help! And, you will have valuable insight about the great things in your life, too. 

If, for some reason, you absolutely hate the idea of writing these things down, or you feel like someone will read them and you are not comfortable with that, you can use a digital app to do something similar. I like: Journey by Two App Studio Pte. Ltd., Pixels by Teo Vogel, and Gratitude by Pritesh Sankhe. 

Sometimes the best thing we can do for our anxiety is change our perspective.

Anxiety

Anxiety can be tough to deal with, especially when you’re not normally an anxious person. The important thing to remember is that you are not your anxiety. You are MORE than your anxiety. As my mom has always told me, “This, too, shall pass.” I am more than willing to help you in any way I can, but if you get overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to call your doctor and get help. You don’t have to go it alone. 

What have you done to help your anxiety? How did it work? What advice do you think others with anxiety should hear? I’d love to hear about it! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.

A Brief History of Women in Higher Education

In honor of Women’s History Month, this month’s teaching blog is about the history of women’s education and how teaching became thought of as a feminine career. 

If you are interested in reading beyond what I’ve gathered, check out some great sources at the end! 

The Need for Women’s Education

For most of the United States’ history, women were viewed as homemakers and were primarily in charge of all things domestic. Most fulfilled roles within the household, and were the main caregivers of their families, especially children. 

Since most of the country was still pretty rural in the 1800s, women and children in the household were thought to be sheltered from the realities of a world that was often unkind. The idea of the “Cult of Domesticity” started in the beginning of the 19th century and continued to gain traction throughout the years. 

Women’s God-given role, it stated, was as wife and mother, keeper of the household, guardian of the moral purity of all who lived therein

Thoughts from the Cult of Domesticity

The thought was that, “Women’s God-given role, it stated, was as wife and mother, keeper of the household, guardian of the moral purity of all who lived therein” (Conner Prairie). Women were the moral standard for the home and acted as a compass for their husband and children - especially through Protestant beliefs. 

As the world changed, women began to realize that there could be more to life than bringing up children and tending to the house. This didn’t mean everyone was ready for women to seek work and fulfillment outside the household, but that opportunity was right around the corner. .

It wasn’t until the mid-1800s that women really began to have a chance to attain a college education. Women’s colleges, and co-ed colleges, began to allow women to attend a limited number of programs. Oberlin College in Ohio was the first to admit women in 1837. 

Women were able to attend teaching schools, sometimes called Normal Schools. They were also allowed to enroll in home economics programs. Any woman attending college was doing so to better be able to tend to her home and children - not necessarily to enrich her life or interests, and certainly not to become an income earner outside the home. Or so the majority thought when these schools began to open. 

Women’s career paths were opening up as education expanded. With so many people moving to the cities, and men taking other kinds of jobs, there was a shortage of teachers amidst a growing public education system. This proved to be  problematic when there were more students and people than ever before! 

As women were beginning to add to the teaching force, they were also going into medical careers with jobs like nursing, and some even became doctors. The thought of women having extensive medical knowledge still made many men feel uncomfortable, but everyone was learning. 

It perhaps isn’t surprising that women were involved in the medical field, as they had almost always been considered carers. Who better to take care of sick and injured patients than loving carers armed with knowledge? The same thought makes sense for adding women to the teaching workforce. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u68eWJl_pcw&feature=youtu.be

Although men had historically been in charge of children’s education, opinion began to sway toward women filling this need for more teachers. Some thought of women as the perfect fit because they were believed to be more nurturing than men. 

Some thought of teaching as an extension of domestic life - a way to teach women how to properly raise boys to be good men. Still others thought that teaching children was much like tending to children at home (including instruction in purity), a task women had already been doing for years. 

Although men had historically been in charge of children’s education, opinion began to sway toward women filling this need for more teachers.

Women were also seen as cheaper labor for better work. They would teach and do the hard work of continuing to instill morals and manners in the children, but would not have to be paid the same as male teachers. Schools hired in male principals to resolve any conflicts too “rough” for the women to deal with, and that’s when the quintessential idea of the young, unmarried, pretty school teacher started to become prevalent. 

Just because the world had opened up a little, though, did not mean that everyone was an open book to women’s education. Colleges, if they did admit women, extended only a few available programs to women. In fact, until Title IX was passed in 1972, colleges were legally allowed to restrict what programs women could enroll in. 

Access to Higher Education 

College, in general, was much different for women attendees than it is for contemporary women. Most schools were gender separate because administration thought the dignity of men’s education would be compromised by women and that women might become less delicate if they had as much knowledge as men. 

Women’s suffrage was a work-in-progress, and although many people thought women’s education was important, not everyone agreed on why or how. One of the women on the forefront of a more conservative view of education for women was Catharine Beecher. 

Beecher founded both the Hartford Female Seminary (with her sister) and the Western Female Institute. She was a big promoter of girl’s Physical Education (PE), and offered a wide range of subjects to her students in both institutions. Her main focus in these institutions was training women to be better and more educated wives and mothers.

The proper education of a man decides the welfare of an individual; but education a woman, and the interests of the whole family are secured.

Catharine Beecher, Treatise on Domestic Economy

Interestingly, Beecher was against women’s suffrage. Her most famous book A Treatise on Domestic Economy (1841), was all about women’s place in the home, and as educators. She believed that women’s power was in the domestic sphere, not out in the wide world. 

As the two schools of thought pushed against each other, progression did occur. It wasn’t without struggle, much the same as with other movements of the time. 

Women who went to college didn’t marry as quickly, if at all, compared to women who had less education. They also weren’t having as many children. In a society where gender roles were rigid and there were a lot of traditional expectations of each sex, this became a really big problem. 

If the original intent was to make better wives and mothers, but women weren’t taking either of those roles at the same rates as before, the “goal” of higher education for women was missed - at least according to traditionalists. 

This would be an ongoing battle with women’s education, and other rights that make up equality. It remained quite a debate for many years following - all the way through the 60s, and even afterward! 

Title IX was passed in 1972, which made it illegal for any institution to discriminate based on sex for activities and programs that were federally funded. Even then women faced considerable barriers to higher education outside what were considered “women’s careers” like teaching. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5K-pIRUnbY

The Women’s Rights Movement 

The progress in education would not have been possible if not for the hard work of women throughout the years. 

It all officially started on July 13, 1848 - 172 years ago! - in New York. Elizabeth Cady Stanton, a mother and housewife, went to tea with a few other women in her social circle and vented her frustration about the limitations she was facing as a woman. The American Revolution was over and won, but was everyone truly free from tyranny? 

Her friends agreed: they all felt the same discontent. So, they made a plan for change.

No one thought this change would be easy. 

Just a week later at the Seneca Falls Convention on July 19-20, 1848, the movement clearly defined their grievances in a document called the Declaration of Sentiments. Elizabeth Cady Stanton modeled the document after the Declaration of Independence. 

There were a number of people at the convention who were shocked by the idea of women wanting the right to vote. They were eventually swayed, however, and the movement was official. It’s important to note here that the movement wasn’t just comprised of women. There were many men who fought to make changes, too.

No one thought this change would be easy. 

In the end of the Declaration of Sentiments, there is a striking line:

“In entering upon the great work before us, we anticipate no small amount of misconception, misrepresentation, and ridicule; but we shall use every instrumentality within our power to effect our object.” 

The Declaration of Sentiments, 1848

“In entering upon the great work before us, we anticipate no small amount of misconception, misrepresentation, and ridicule; but we shall use every instrumentality within our power to effect our object.” 

After the convention, the women at Seneca Falls had hoped for conventions like theirs to spread across the country - and they did! Some conventions were small and some were so large they overflowed the meeting spaces. 

Of course big change doesn’t come without resistance. The media slammed the new ideas, and, as we probably all relate, this can sometimes cause people to change their minds or retract their forward-thinking ideas. BUT, thankfully for us, the women’s movement soldiered on! 

Elizabeth Cady Stanton wasn’t the only woman pioneering the movement. She also had the help of other amazing women such as: Susan B. Anthony, Matilda Joslyn Gage, and Lucy Stone. 

There were also many incredible African-American women working for the cause. With as much struggle as white women faced, women of color faced even more hardship.

Ida B. Wells and Mary Church Terrell were instrumental in rallying thousands of African-American women who were fighting for equality for all women. 

After all of this momentous effort, the 19th Amendment was passed in 1920 and women everywhere were legally allowed to vote. 

The Women’s Bureau of the Department of Labor was also established in 1920 to monitor women’s experience in the workplace, advocate for equality, and protect women at work. 

Progress continued, and in the 1960s a new wave of the women’s movement commenced. We have continued to build and grow since! 

Some of this may be old news, but I hope you learned some new and interesting things! I know I had fun reading about some of the women who worked so hard to get us where we are today. 

What do you think? Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com - let’s chat! 

Sources

Advances in Gender and Education

https://www.ncgs.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/The-Education-of-Girls-and-Women-in-the-United-States-A-Historical-Perspective.pdf

Conner Prairie

https://www.connerprairie.org/educate/indiana-history/lives-of-women/

Jewish Women’s Archive

https://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/working-womens-education-in-united-states

The Journal of Blacks in Higher Education

https://www.jbhe.com/chronology/

Library of Congress

https://www.loc.gov/item/today-in-history/july-19/

MIT Program in Women & Gender Studies

https://stuff.mit.edu/afs/athena.mit.edu/org/w/wgs/prize/eb04.html

National Archives

https://www.archives.gov/women/timeline

National Park Service: National Historical Park New York

https://www.nps.gov/wori/learn/historyculture/declaration-of-sentiments.htm

https://www.nps.gov/articles/african-american-women-and-the-nineteenth-amendment.htm

National Women’s History Alliance

https://nationalwomenshistoryalliance.org/history-of-the-womens-rights-movement/

National Women’s History Museum (NWHM)

https://www.womenshistory.org/articles/why-are-so-many-teachers-women

Our Documents - 19th Amendment

https://www.ourdocuments.gov/doc.php?flash=false&doc=63#

The United States Department of Justice

https://www.justice.gov/crt/overview-title-ix-education-amendments-1972-20-usc-1681-et-seq

The Western Carolina Journalist

https://www.thewesterncarolinajournalist.com/2016/05/04/the-history-of-women-as-teachers/

4 Ways to Gain Confidence When You Need It: Exploring Confidence Series, Part 4

Welcome back to the Exploring Confidence Series!  

When you try to gain confidence, how do you do it? 

In the fourth and final part of our Exploring Confidence mini-series, we will discuss why you need confidence and what we do to gain confidence when we don’t have it.

Series Review

In Part 1 we defined confidence as: the “quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future.” We discussed self-efficacy, where confidence comes from, and the fact that everyone needs it! 

In Part 2 we expanded these ideas and discussed two important factors that create confidence: support from our network and taking risks & succeeding. 

Confidence is made up of a combination of inner strength, willingness to be wrong, and the knowledge that you can get back up when you fall down.

Confidence matters because it creates a more positive mindset, allows for better interactions with others, and creates an easier path to success

In Part 3 we got into the details of four major reasons we lose confidence: lack of support network, harmful support network, confidence never fully developed, and bad/failed experiences.

When we lose confidence, we become afraid to make decisions, don’t take action on our big ideas, worry more, and feel resigned and/or stuck.

Why Do We Need Confidence? 

If you’ve been following our series (yay!), you might remember from Part 1 that everyone needs confidence. It’s important!

Why is it so important, though? Confidence helps us: 

Make Decisions When we are confident, we doubt ourselves less, and as a result, we are able to be more decisive. We don’t have to linger on the agonizing question of whether we made the “right” decision because we are sure of our knowledge and abilities. 

Take Control of Our Lives When we are confident, we make decisions. Sometimes those are good, and sometimes maybe not so much. But, if we are scared and stuck in our comfort zone, we miss opportunities to really live rather than just survive each day. We are more likely to take a risk and get a reward. We might also take a risk and receive a negative consequence. Either way, our confidence allows us to be drivers in our own life rather than passengers. 

Build Connections When we are confident, we network more effectively and build stronger connections with other individuals. Sometimes these are like-minded people who grow into friends or family. Sometimes they are opposites or compliments to our skills who grow into business partners. Our confidence makes us more willing to reach out or have necessary conversations that might normally make us uncomfortable. 

Our confidence allows us to be drivers in our own life rather than passengers. 

Succeed When we are confident, we can fail forward and grow. We build relationships, make decisions, and take control of our lives. These are keys of success! Trying, working hard, and knowing we can face any obstacle that comes our way. After all, everything is figureoutable (thanks for this gem, Marie Forleo!). We need this kind of confident and positive mindset to see real, long-lasting success.

How Do We Gain Confidence When We Don’t Have It? 

It’s great when we have confidence, right? Because we do the things we love and know we need to do - and we win! Sometimes they are basic things, but we are still doing it!

But we are all humans here, and no one is immune to down days. And sometimes those down days can be really down. 

I’m talking about days where everything is going wrong and no matter how many times you’ve done something you feel like you are failing (and not forward).  Can you relate? 

Can you relate? 

What do we do in these situations? 

Sometimes we give up, and you know what? A day or two where you surrender to the bad day isn’t necessarily a bad thing. They can be terrific growing moments (after the day is over, of course).

BUT, if you find that you don’t have confidence on a regular basis, you have some work to do! I am 100% sure that you are a capable person who has a lot to offer the world. I have no doubts. I’m not the one who needs convincing of that, though, because I already know. It’s you who needs to be convinced of your own awesomeness. 

So when you are feeling low or scared, when your confidence is nowhere to be found, try these things. They’re sure to work, and excuse the language, but you’ll be your bad ass self again in no time! Or, maybe for the first time, if your confidence has been hiding for awhile.

Take a Breath & Affirm Yourself.

The very first thing you should do when you need confidence and don’t have it is to take a breath. Close your eyes and breathe in slowly. Clear your mind of everything else, especially your stressors and anxious feelings. 

The very first thing you should do when you need confidence and don’t have it is to take a breath.

Take slow deep breaths for as long as it takes for you to clear your mind. The first few times you try this, it will be hard. Keep going! After you use this strategy a few times, you will notice it getting easier, and more calming. 

Once you’re calm, open your eyes and reaffirm yourself. Speak out loud to yourself, and if you are in a place with a mirror, look at yourself while you are saying your affirmation(s). 

Select a couple of short and powerful mantras that work for you. If you think you will forget, write them out or print them and carry them around with you. 

If you are totally lost or thinking “What the heck should I say to myself?!”, I have created a printable list for you! Click the button below to get it now. Feel free to use it however is most helpful, whether that’s using the phrases as they are or using them as inspiration for your own! 

Get My Affirmations!

Let Yourself Have Down Days.

Not every day will be a great one, and that’s okay. Part of what allows us to really appreciate joyful times are those bad days that seem like they’ll never end. It’s okay every now and then to just embrace the fact that you’re having a down day. 

The key being every now and then. If you find yourself in a holding pattern where you have a bad day every few days or every week, take some time to analyze what’s making the day so bad. Is it a major part of your life that’s causing an issue? These kinds of things might include work or relationships. 

Figuring out what’s causing your down days is instrumental in having less of them.

If it’s not major things, what kinds of minor things are causing an issue? Bad habit? Something health related that’s manageable but annoying? 

Figuring out what’s causing your down days is instrumental in having less of them. Not to mention, they can sometimes feel less bad when you realize what’s causing them. 

Replace Your Idea of Failure. 

Failure as a concept is kind of useless, when you think about it. 

The dictionary defines failure as a “lack of success in doing something.” 

What exactly are we supposed to do with that? 

Nothing! 

All failure tells us is that we didn’t do something well or achieve our expected outcome. Not to mention it feels downright bad when we say “I failed.” We trap ourselves into thinking that because we didn’t succeed, we won’t succeed - which absolutely isn’t true!

We need to reprogram our brains to think, “How can I do/be better next time?” rather than “I am a failure.” 

What we need isn’t necessarily an idea of “failing,” but an idea of growth when we don’t succeed. We need to reprogram our brains to think, “How can I do/be better next time?” rather than “I am a failure.” 

Questioning ourselves is critical to growth. There will almost always be a “next time,” so our goal shouldn’t be to dwell on the fact that we did something wrong, but how to do/be better when our next time comes.

Out of all the steps to take to grow your confidence, or get it back, this is the hardest one. It’s so hard to go against the grain of what feels natural and comfortable, but believe me, it’s worth it. Your confidence will thank you, and whatever “failure” you’re facing next time will feel like a speed bump instead of a wall!

Do What Scares You.

Take a moment and think about what your life would be like if you did all the things you were scared to do. Are you dreaming of an awesome life?! What if I told you that you could have that life? That doing the things that scare you will literally change your life?

Doing the things that scare you is a game-changer. 

Doing the things that scare you is a game-changer. You don’t have to just take my word for it, either. There are 4 things you can start doing TODAY to start working toward your awesome life. If you’re interested in a more in-depth look at doing things that scare you, I wrote a whole blog about it (it’s one of my very favorites!). You can find that here, if you’re interested. 

Step 1: Make a Plan You have a vision for your awesome, confident life. That’s great! Now you need to know how to get there. Write down the big steps you have to take. Then, write down how to get to each big step. Don’t take action just yet, but keep your list handy.

Step 2: Take Small Steps Your first steps into doing scary things should probably be small. You don’t want to get so overwhelmed that you give up before you really get going! Look at the smaller things on your list - do you need to network with people to get a new position? Try adding the individual on LinkedIn. 

Step 3: Take Secret Steps This part is important! We often love sharing our new ventures, especially with friends and family. While this is great, and can lead to a strong support network, I want you to take some steps just for you. 

Revel in what you find out and accomplish that no one in the world knows about except you. Because when no one else knows, and you feel that surge of confidence, you will know it’s coming from you and your actions alone. 

Take some steps just for you.

For instance, if you decide to research something you’ve always wanted to do, even if it’s without intention of making a decision by yourself, it’s important for you to know that you’ve taken the initiative on your own. No one prompted you, and you’re not beholden to anyone to provide updates. It’s purely an act of confidence to be able to say “I did this work, and now I know how I can make this happen.” 

Step 4: Use the 10 Seconds of Courage Rule This tool is especially great if you’re struggling with confidence around other people. The idea is that you take 10 seconds and do something that scares the bejeebers out of you and you convince yourself you can do it because it’s only 10 seconds. 

Want to ask a new romantic interest out to dinner but don’t know how? Take 10 seconds of courage to type out a text and hit the send button. It doesn’t have to be fancy, and you won’t have time to overthink. Just do the thing. You’ll be surprised by how confident you feel once you’ve done it! 

Even if that person says no for some reason, you can use the 10 seconds of courage rule to do almost anything. Heck, that’s how my now-husband and I began our relationship! I took 10 seconds of (insane) courage and asked about it! It sparked the convo and here we are 8 years later. 

It’s also how I negotiated benefits at my job. This really works, folks. And once you get the hang of it, it’s exhilarating!

This really works, folks. And once you get the hang of it, it’s exhilarating!

All of these steps are tried and true - I use all of them in my everyday life, and I know I’m not the only one. Not having confidence can be brutal, and no one should have to feel like they’re surviving their life instead of living it. 

Be kind to yourself as you’re learning and growing your confidence! For some people these steps might seem easy, but for others they will be incredibly hard. Either way, you’ve got this.

Did you use the steps? How did they work for you?  I’d love to hear about your journey! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com. 

What Breaks Confidence?: Exploring Confidence Series #3

Welcome back to the Exploring Confidence Series!  

When you think of losing confidence, how does that happen? 

In Part 3 of our Exploring Confidence mini-series, we will discuss why we lose confidence and what happens when our confidence falters.

What is Confidence? & What Creates Confidence?: A Brief Review

In Part 1 we defined confidence as: the “quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future.” We discussed self-efficacy, where confidence comes from, and the fact that everyone needs it! 

In Part 2 we expanded these ideas and discussed two important factors that create confidence: support from our network and taking risks & succeeding. 

Confidence matters because it creates a more positive mindset, allows for better interactions with others, and creates an easier path to success.  

Confidence is made up of a combination of inner strength, willingness to be wrong, and the knowledge that you can get back up when you fall down. 

Why Do We Lose Confidence? 

We know what confidence is, and where it comes from, which is great! We are all human, though, so we know that not every decision or every day is a confident one. We can sometimes question whether our actions will lead to where we want to go, or lose trust that everything will be alright in the end.

Who here has had a day where they felt defeated and all confidence is just gone? I know I have! 

There are several factors that can cause our confidence to dwindle: 

Lack of Support Network Although our support network can be greatly helpful in creating our confidence, sometimes we find ourselves without a support network. These individuals can’t help us build confidence if they’re not present, or not willing to be present, in times of seeming defeat. 

There are two types of “missing” support network: 

First, the physical absence of anyone you have a meaningful relationship with. For instance, if you have a small family and your last remaining relative passes away. You’re not in a relationship, you don’t have children, and you’ve spent the last few years being a caretaker, so you have been distanced from close friends. In this example, you are seemingly alone in the world without a support network because there literally isn’t anyone in your life to turn to.

Second, there are people around you, but the relationships are weak and/or not responsive to the relationship. For instance, if you have a large family but aren’t close with anyone in particular. Perhaps you only see them once every few years, and you don’t really correspond or keep in touch in between, even when there are joyous or terrible events. In this situation, you have a network, but the relationships are not such that they create support for you.

In either situation, we don’t have a “safety net” of supporters rallying our spirits and building our confidence.

In either situation, we don’t have a “safety net” of supporters rallying our spirits and building our confidence. We feel like we are alone in the world, and so we wonder how we can possibly succeed if it’s us against the entire world. That mindset can severely lessen our confidence. 

Harmful “Support” Network On the other hand, just because we have a network doesn’t always mean it’s healthy or supportive. Sometimes we get into situations where the people we think are going to support us go the opposite direction and that can really take a toll on our confidence.

Our “support” network can be verbally, emotionally, or even physically harmful. Many times, our network uses more than one of these kinds of harmful behavior together. All of them are dangerous, and if you are facing one of these relationships in your life, you should seek help immediately. 

When individuals in our network are verbally harmful, they say they are our allies, but then speak to us in a way that degrades our relationships and confidence. This might be a parent saying they believe in you but then telling you you’ll never make it. It could be a friend mentioning a scholarship you would love but then saying, “But I don’t know if it would be the right fit for you, you know you struggle in that area.” 

All of these behaviors are dangerous, and if you are facing one of these relationships in your life, you should seek help immediately. 

When individuals in our network are emotionally harmful, they behave in ways that make us doubt our decisions and actions. There are multiple ways this can occur, but one of the most common is guilt tripping. For instance, if you try to end a toxic relationship with someone and they threaten to commit suicide if you go through with it. This behavior is meant to manipulate you into feeling bad about the decision, and therefore not making it. It’s also a control tactic that can be used to influence you into doing things you wouldn’t otherwise do by creating or affecting extreme emotion.

When individuals in our network are physically harmful, they behave in ways that hurt us physically, which leads to a feeling of weakness and helplessness. They physically block doors when we are leaving, or sometimes even lay hands on us in an attempt to break our confidence enough that we stay where we are and let them control our actions. The individual may act out with or without apology. Sometimes abusers use all three kinds of harm to meet their ends but then later try to apologize. They say things like “I didn’t mean it” or “I’ll never do that again, I swear.” 

Never Fully Developed Our confidence isn’t always about others, though. After all, we are our own individuals! Sometimes confidence can break more easily because it never really developed all the way to begin with. 

This might be related to our environment growing up, or our unique personalities. It might also be that we were hesitant kids who weren’t willing to take risks. As we learned in Part 2, risk-taking is one of the major ways we build our confidence. It’s kind of hard to do that when you’re not taking any!

If you’re confidence is low, think for a moment: what was a time where you were fully and unabashedly confident? 

If you’re confidence is low, think for a moment: what was a time where you were fully and unabashedly confident? If you are having trouble, it could be that your confidence was there, but not as fully developed as you thought.

Bad & Failed Experiences Probably the biggest way we lose confidence in ourselves is when we have bad experiences, including failure. We have all had experiences where things didn’t go as planned and ended differently than we expected. Sometimes this means the outcome is poor, but sometimes it’s just different. In either circumstance, it’s not as “good” as we would have liked, so we feel disappointment. 

Careers and relationships are often the biggest culprits of bad and failed experiences. These are areas we can see major wins and losses pretty easily because we spend so much time working on them individually and with others. Academics and schoolwork also falls within this realm, although there is a lot more middle ground where the bare minimum can be met but the expectations are not. 

In terms of careers, if you’ve been on the job market recently, you have probably felt bad experience keenly. As a job seeker, you put in customized resumes and cover letters for jobs that would be an amazing fit with your skills and personality...only to receive no response whatsoever. To make things even worse, you are finally formally rejected via an error-riddled email 6 months later (when you’re still looking for a position). 

This type of bad experience might not even have anything to do with you and your actions, but the sheer amount of qualified applicants in a process that lacks human interaction. Talk about a confidence buster, right? 

Relationships with others can also lead to bad experiences or failure. When you’re in a serious relationship, or trying to be, you have to be willing to offer the best of yourself. The other person must do the same for the relationship to succeed because you both pull from the shared best well to succeed as a team. The problem is, sometimes you put your best in and the other person takes it out without putting anything in themselves. Sometimes you and the other person only put a little into the shared well. Sometimes there is no well and one of you is taking on the responsibility of being the well from which the relationship draws. 

Any way the story ends, your confidence in future relationships will be diminished because of how draining the prior experience was.

Any way the story ends, your confidence in future relationships will be diminished because of how draining the prior experience was.

There are also times we are doing fine, but not as well as we’d hoped. One major place we see this is in school. You might start the semester striving for an A, only to have some crisis in the middle of the semester. You finish class with a “C” instead. This feels like a failure because you had high expectations, but the reality is, a “C” is passing. You did pass the class, you just didn’t perform as well as you wanted. It’s a double-edged sword because on the one hand, you passed, which is good and you can move on; but on the other hand, for many students a “C” feels terrible, like they did something really wrong. 

Even though you couldn’t have controlled the crisis, your confidence can take the hit because you feel like you should have been able to control it and do better.

What Happens When We Lose Confidence?

When we lack confidence, it feels bad. Even if we are normally confident, surviving a bad support network or doing less than our best can take a toll on all areas in our life. 

A few noticeable things occur when we lack confidence:

Afraid to Make Decisions When we get the feeling we can’t do something, or do it well, we become afraid to make decisions in our lives. This is especially true if we had a bad experience because of a specific decision we made. 

If you tried to make a big career jump, but then it fell flat and wasn’t at all what you expected, you might be afraid to make another big jump, right? 

Our experiences can be a big deterrent from making decisions because we feel like the same thing might happen again if we decide incorrectly.

Inaction on Our Big Dreams When our confidence drops, we make less or prolonged decisions. We’re afraid those choices will negatively impact where we’re going, so we try to avoid doing anything that could put our big dreams at risk. The problem is, without action, we aren’t getting to our dreams.

If you proposed to your significant other and they rejected you, maybe even ended the relationship, it’s going to be a lot harder to get to your dream of having a family. Would you feel confident enough to go back out and try to find another partner to start your family? Maybe, maybe not.

Our experiences can deter us from making decisions, and can also lead us away from taking action.

Our experiences can deter us from making decisions, and can also lead us away from taking action. Without action, you won’t be able to move forward toward your dreams. 

Worry More When we lack confidence, we worry about things. Sometimes they are things that make sense, like how to make important decisions; but, sometimes they are things we didn’t used to worry about when we were more confident. 

If you have always done well at writing in school, and then in your required college writing class you get a “C” on your first big project, you will definitely worry about doing better next time, right? Or worry that you’re not actually good enough to do well in class and college in general. 

Even when we have the skills, and we make good decisions, not everything turns out how we expect. When things don’t go our way, we worry much more about the next time. 

Feel Resigned & Stuck Most of all, when our confidence drops, we feel stuck. We feel like we’re in a hole we can’t climb out of, and sometimes we resign ourselves to just being okay with that thought. We remember a time when we were confident, but can’t get back to that point for whatever reason.

If you’ve completed your degree and taken a low wage job you don’t want in order to pay the bills, you probably feel a little stuck. Then, even though you had the best intentions of finding something better, you are still in that job for 5 years later because you can’t find something better. What’s taking the biggest hit? Your confidence, most likely. 

When we’re afraid to make decisions, not taking any action on our dreams, and worrying about what feels like everything, that’s a recipe for feeling stuck.

When we’re afraid to make decisions, not taking any action on our dreams, and worrying about what feels like everything, that’s a recipe for feeling stuck. And when we’ve been stuck long enough, we might feel resigned to it - like nothing is going to get better. The “this is it” mindset.

What’s Next? 

We’ve talked about why we lose confidence and what happens when our confidence falters. Tune in for the next and final part of our mini-series to read more about how to get confidence when we need it!

What have your experiences been with confidence? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com. 

How to Set & Reach Achievable Goals

Happy New Year! 

I always love the feeling of the first few days of January because it seems like a fresh start. No matter what last year held, good or bad, this is a new year to do with what you want. 

With the excitement can come pressure, though. It is a brand new year, so if we’ve been waiting to make changes, now is the time! We want to get on them quickly before they become last year’s news. 

We talk a lot about New Year’s “Resolutions” - you know the ones: those often unrealistic goals we set for ourselves, like going to the gym 5 days a week and drinking nothing but water so we can get down to our goal weight by bikini season. 

No matter what last year held, good or bad, this is a new year to do with what you want. 

I have set these types of resolutions, and began with fervor and good intentions, only to be sadly disappointed and rife with burnout by the middle of February. Eventually the burnout takes over, and I once again succumb to old habits. 

It feels awful. Like it’s only the second month of the year and already I’ve failed myself. 

Has this happened to you before? 

There are a few problems with “Resolutions”: 

We only set them once per year In the spirit of beginning a whole new year, we set these resolutions for ourselves; but, after the newness has worn off, the reality is that time still passes the same way. There are still 12 months, 28-31 days per month, etc. Once we get back into a familiar pattern, we don’t seem to revisit our resolutions, though. It’s like the shirt you needed at the store... that you’ve never worn and is now forgotten at the back of the closet.

We tend to go too hard too fast Because we’re excited, we jump right into our resolutions! Weight loss and health goals are very popular, as is reading more. In the first few weeks of the year, maybe even the entire month of January, we diligently pursue our resolutions. Maybe we see progress, maybe not. Since we were so ready, we set a pace we can’t maintain for the rest of the year. We sometimes forget we will eventually need to slow down, or at least rest once in awhile. 

We think of road bumps as failures Probably one of the biggest problems is that when we jumped in and worked our butts off on on our resolutions for weeks, we didn’t see as many results as we thought or wanted. We might think since we didn’t lose 5 pounds after extreme dieting and exercise that our New Year’s resolution to get “bikini ready” will never succeed - might as well give up. But it takes awhile to build new habits and see results, whether the resolution is physical or not. We shouldn’t give up, but we probably do need to take a day of rest and recuperation. 

So How Do I Make Progress if I Don’t Do New Years’ Resolutions?

If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering what the heck to do with this information. Perhaps you never thought of forgotten New Years’ resolutions as a problem. Perhaps, in your experience, they haven’t been. 

The main issue I have with resolutions is the word itself, and the idea that they are set in stone without flexibility.

The main issue I have with resolutions is the word itself, and the idea that they are set in stone without flexibility. I might think I know what the year will hold, but then June hits and something completely off the wall happens that I never could have expected. Resolution, by the nature of the definition, seems too stern to me, and doesn’t allow room to change when that crazy event happens. 

So, rather than setting resolutions, I set yearly goals. Because I get a renewed energy in January, it’s the perfect time to plan how to best get to my dreams. And I have big dreams! So I need big goals. 

Goals don’t have those connotations, though. Goals imply I am making an effort to achieve a purpose. If that event happens and I need to shift my resources or adjust the end plan, goals allow for that growth. If I am adjusting my goals, it also means that I am monitoring and working toward them rather than letting them sit in the back of my mind with no thought or progress.

I’ve been setting annual goals for several years now, and I find it a very effective tool. They started small-ish and very specific: things like “Lose 10 pounds by my birthday” (My birthday is in mid-April). I found these types of goals to be limiting, though, because what would I do after the 10 pounds? Probably set another goal - but then should I have just set a bigger goal to begin with? 

I also found myself focusing too much on numbers and achievements (one of my strengths is Achiever, so this makes a lot of sense for me) rather than growth. This mindset came mostly from my time in school where “x” number of achievements makes up a diploma with a good GPA. Achievement or statistic based goals leave out the concept of well-rounded growth, though. You can’t measure being a better wife or dog-mom with numbers and statistics, you know? 

We are not our grades, just like we are not our job titles or pay grades.

So I started thinking more big picture. I teach the growth mindset in my classes, and I wish I had implemented it in my life sooner. The basic idea is that with effort and hard work, we can grow our skills, even if we don’t have “natural talent” for something. We are not our grades, just like we are not our job titles or pay grades. This concept makes it possible to work on goals like being a more supportive friend because we can then think about listening and empathy skills. 

I set my goals to encompass the important aspects of my life. Not just health and wellness, but my interests, dreams, and relationships, too. I want them to be diverse and inclusive because that will make more of a long-term impact than losing 10 pounds by my birthday. 

You should try annual goals! They are a great way to make progress.

What Do Good Goals Look Like? 

When you do set annual goals, there are a couple of details to consider. They are open to however you want and/or need to grow, but being vague or setting goals that you don’t really know what they mean aren’t going to help you much because you’re not going to remember what you were thinking. On top of that, how will you measure if you are making progress on that vague idea? 

Start: Be a better person. 

For example: Be a better person. 

That’s an admirable goal! But it needs some work to be good and achievable. 

Focused Good goals have a focus that you can actively take steps toward. In the example above, how would I know if I’m becoming a better person if that’s the only thing I wrote down? I wouldn’t, because it’s not focused. 

Before I start working on this goal, I need to figure out what “better” means. Do I need to work on listening? Do I need to work on being more empathetic? Once I’ve figured that out, I can focus more on what I can do to be better.

Focus: I want to listen more to be a better friend.

Something like: I want to listen more to be a better friend.

Achievable Once my idea is focused, I need to make sure I can actually do something concrete and take action towards it. Listening is something I can practice, but how do I do that? How do I start taking those steps? Adding more specificity to our goals helps us make them more achievable. 

Make Achievable: I want to practice active listening with my friends more so that I can better support them and be a good friend. 

One way to make this example more achievable might be: I want to practice active listening with my friends more so that I can better support them and be a good friend. 

Have Set Parameters When we have focused and achievable goals, we are almost ready to start working on them! After all, we know we can achieve them with some hard work and determination, right? The last step to setting a good goal is to make sure you have a way to measure it. How will you know if you’re making progress if you don’t know what progress actually is? You won’t. So build that in to your goal. 

Set Parameters: I want to practice active listening with my friends more so that I can better support them and be a good friend. To do this, I will be accountable to them by asking how I am doing once per month and practicing the same skills with my family.

My goal is: I want to practice active listening with my friends more so that I can better support them and be a good friend. To do this, I will be accountable to them by asking how I am doing once per month and practicing the same skills with my family.

The parameters here are to involve the friends, which means that there will be accountability and dialog (hopefully) about progress, and to practice with family, too. Practicing more and getting additional feedback will create more opportunities to improve.

Challenges You A big part of setting goals is to make sure to challenge yourself. This is not to say make the goals impossible, because that will be disheartening! But if you know you will meet all of your goals by the middle of March, you might consider setting your sights a little higher or wider so that you can see longer-term progress over the course of the year. 

If this all sounds daunting, don’t feel anxious - it is! Especially if we feel like our goals are high-stakes. In our example, the goal was to be a better friend by actively listening to others. If we don’t work on that, it could cost us friends. 

No matter what your goals are, it’s important to remember that we are all works in progress. Goals help up take steps toward being better versions of ourselves, but there’s not a “perfect” end goal for being a human. 

How Do We Achieve Our Goals?

Hooray, we have goals! Isn’t it an exciting feeling to think how much improvement we will see in ourselves once we have worked toward them? I love a good goals-setting session. However, we aren’t quite done yet. After all, we haven’t achieved those goals, have we? We need to take action to be able to get there.

Planning Before we jump headlong into these new goals, we need to take a little time and plan how we are going to achieve them. 

Personally, I like to look at the year as a whole first because I am a visual person. When I can see all of the months on the page at one time, I can more easily envision steps for each month. I can also plan less on the months with a lot of holidays or vacation time, if that will affect my progress.

The important thing is that we are making progress, no matter how small it feels.

Once I have planned the month, I use a weekly planner and set 2-3 priorities for each week. Since I do multiple goals for different aspects of my life, I need to be able to balance them. Priorities aren’t always date specific, but I always write them down. For instance, I prioritize writing one section of my book each week. It doesn’t matter which day, or which section (although that will be more specific when my first draft is done), but I always prioritize writing something. 

Some people do really well planning each day of the week. When I tried that, it felt overwhelming; however, if seeing all of your time blocked out helps you stay on track, by all means, go for it!

Small Steps When we have a whole year plan, it’s easier to see what steps we can take each week and day. The important thing is that we are making progress, no matter how small it feels. We want to be moving forward in some way every week.  

Sometimes my small step for the day is to organize (or reorganize) because I have loose papers hanging out of my planner or because I wrote 5,000 words of content without any subheads. Sometimes my small step is preparing to put a lot of content on my blog at one time, which requires a lot of back-end work that’s much less exciting than the writing. 

Your small steps should help you prepare to achieve your goals in whatever way possible, but should not get in the way of progress.

Your small steps should help you prepare to achieve your goals in whatever way possible, but should not get in the way of progress. For instance, I couldn’t make progress on my blog if the only thing I did was back-end work. Or on my writing if I only put in a bunch of subheads without any content underneath. We need to try to balance our steps so that we can actually see progress from our hard work. 

Perseverance Sometimes it feels like we will never reach our goals. On days where we didn’t sleep enough, were over-committed at work and just need downtime in the evening instead of more “work” on ourselves, or even just that we’ve been feeling a little off the entire day, it’s hard to say: I’m going to take this step today. 

Be kind to yourself on these days.

But don’t let these kind of days become a regular occurrence.

The reality is that if you’re working hard and you’re actively taking steps to make your goals happen, you will get there. But you have to keep trying, and you have to believe in yourself. Keep yourself in a positive, can do attitude, and you will be an unstoppable dream-getter. Who doesn’t want that?!

What has your experience been with goal-setting? How have goals helped you move toward your dreams? Have you ever missed your goal? How did you stay motivated? I’d love to hear about it! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! 

The Value of Taking a Break

UPDATED OCTOBER 2020

Every year about this time, especially when I’m teaching, I feel the immense need for a break. I don’t mean an evening to unwind, either. 

I’m talking a full stop, unplugged, no emails break from work. 

Days where I can do whatever I want, whether that’s napping, watching movies with my dogs, or working on my novel without feeling an ounce of guilt. 

In a world where a majority of our messaging tells us “hustling” all the time will get us where we want to go, a break is invaluable. Here’s why:

We are stressed.

Sometimes we are stressed because of work: maybe we don’t like our job or we are feeling a lot of pressure to complete projects on short timelines. 

Sometimes there are unexpected family commitments that last longer than anticipated. Or someone we care about needs help and no one else is there, so we “find a way” to help them. 

We often feel like jugglers with way too many balls in the air.

Sometimes we have health issues that have escalated or changed our lives. Issues we can’t afford to pay for because we don’t work at a job that makes a living wage.

We often feel like jugglers with way too many balls in the air.

We are overwhelmed.

Because of all our commitments, we can get overwhelmed. Our brains know we have to somehow prioritize our laundry list of “to do” items, even when that list seems to grow on its own.

But knowing that we have to do something is not the same as being able to effectively do it. Let alone be efficient.

So we shut down and don’t do anything (no one has to know about that 5 episode binge session of your favorite show on Netflix, right?). 

We are emotionally overwrought.

Since we are stressed and overwhelmed, our emotions can be out of whack. We might be perfectly lovely individuals on a regular day, but on a stressful and overwhelming day? You’d better watch out! 

Think of all the things we are trying to balance in our lives. Chances are, we have a stake in every single one. Work? Pays the bills (hopefully) and feeds the family. Family commitments? Builds and maintains relationships with the ones we love. Health? We have to take care of those or we might not be around as long as we would like. 

If we think about all of these things on an average day, that makes for a pretty emotional package, doesn’t it?

We are tired.

I don’t know about you, but I rarely hear anyone saying “I slept really well last night. I even went to bed early!” We all wish we could, but the reality is that most of us struggle on an average day. 

Sometimes tired feels like an understatement.

We get up for work in the morning, and have whatever caffeine will sustain us. We make the morning commute, arriving at work hoping that coffee/tea/energy drink has kicked in. If not, we immediately look for more. 

And then we work. Some of us leave work and go to another job. If we don’t, we get home and can barely function as a human being sometimes because all of our brain power is spent. But, wait! We still have to eat dinner and possibly do dishes or spend time with family or friends. 

Sometimes tired feels like an understatement.

We are human beings, not robots.

Probably the biggest reason taking a break is important is because we are humans! We are creative, wonderful, diverse creatures who have learned to do amazing things. 

We are not robots that stand in an assembly line programmed to efficiently do one task over and over again. We are living, breathing beings who have a wide range of needs and emotions to contend with on a daily basis.

How often should we take a break?

We are stressed, overwhelmed, emotional tired humans who just need a break! Sometimes we don’t even realize how much we need it until it’s been far too long. The question remains, though, how often we should try to schedule this coveted relaxation. 

In an ideal world, we could take a  break once a week. We get so excited when we arrive at Friday because we think the weekend will be a break. 

There’s a reason for that - we crave down time. If not down time, at least time to do what we like instead of what pays the bills. 

In an ideal world, we could take a  break once a week.

Do you ever catch yourself saying “Thank Goodness it’s Friday” or “TGIF”? I know I do!

As you probably know, taking a complete day to yourself every week is not always doable. We might have other commitments and chores to take care of. Even if they’re fun, they’re still a scheduled obligation.

Even when we are very busy, it’s really important to take a break at least once per month. We need that time to decompress and relax. Even if it’s a lazy Sunday afternoon laying around the house, we all need to take a break. 

I’ve found taking a day off of work to create downtime can be extra relaxing since I am less likely to be roped into extra tasks during the week - because everyone else is busy working!

What do we do when we can’t take a break? 

Sometimes life gets extra crazy, though, and we actually don’t have time for a full stop break from everything. We’ve all been there (some of us more recently than others) and it’s awful. So what can we do when this happens?

We schedule down time.

If you are a planner, this will probably be a piece of cake. If seeing obligations on your calendar stresses you out, though, this might be difficult the first few times you do it. 

Scheduling time for a break should be no different than any other commitment you make. It’s a commitment that you need to make to and for yourself. 

When we can’t take a whole day to ourselves, or maybe even half of a day, we need to schedule some time. Maybe that’s an hour or two in the afternoon after work. Or maybe, if you’re an early bird or a night owl, you can get some quiet at the beginning or end of the day. 

We say yes to doing things all the time, and then we block that time on our calendars. Scheduling time for a break should be no different than any other commitment you make. It’s a commitment that you need to make to and for yourself. 

We say no to new commitments.

We can sometimes feel guilty for not saying “yes” to positive opportunities. In fact, the word “no” tends to have a pretty negative connotation. 

But that doesn’t have to be the case.

When we’re up to our eyeballs in stress and prior commitments, saying “no” to something is the best response for everyone. It’s good for you, because you don’t then feel the pain of having to try to fit yet another responsibility into your already packed life. 

It’s also a plus for the person or group being told no because what are they actually getting when you say yes? They’re getting an overwhelmed overcommitted helper who doesn’t have the time and dedication they need to do a good job. So even though you show up, you can’t give it your best and therefore both parties are unhappy.

We find a way to relieve stress without a full stop break.

There have been days where I have gone from one place to the next without even having time to stop for a snack. If this has happened to you, you know the pain. 

The stress is high, but there’s no outlet so it stays pent up.

If we can’t schedule downtime or say “no” to a new responsibility for whatever reason, we have to be able to handle the situation on the fly. As someone who likes to plan, I hate this. I hate it when I’m trapped in back-to-back responsibilities without reprieve. 

"No" doesn't have to have negative connotations.

Some of the best outlets I’ve found in these circumstances are journaling, listening to calming music, or meditating. These options should be tailored to what suits you best because not all of them are appealing to everyone. 

4 Benefits of Taking a Break 

I love fall, and the holiday season, but I also think we all need a reminder to take a break where we are able. And if we “don’t have time,” schedule some in.

There are 4 major benefits of taking breaks:

We Feel Better

We feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally when we take a break. Our bodies can release the stress we’ve been holding onto and our mind will feel less burdened. 

Because we’re less stressed, we will be able to deal with our human emotions better and more effectively prioritize when the stress starts to creep back.

Our Relationships Improve

When we get in a whirlwind of prioritizing and trying to get everything done, something inevitably has to take the backseat. Many times these are relationships with our family and friends.

We tend to feel bad about it, but nevertheless proceed because we assume (sometimes rightfully, sometimes not) that they will be waiting for us when our life gets less hectic. So, when we take a break we can finally make the much needed time to build and maintain these relationships. They thrive with the attention they need.

We’re More Productive

Do you know that feeling you get when you’ve been looking at something for so long that even small noticeable errors fly under the radar? The pre-break glazed over look and attitude that screams “I can’t do this anymore”? 

Breaks have this incredible power of giving us clarity of the daily grind.

Taking a break fixes that! When we take a break, we create a critical distance from our work. That critical distance can really help spice things up when you go back to it because your brain had time to remember what the heck it was supposed to be doing in the first place. It also has room for new ideas that got pushed out due to stress.

We Gain a New or Refreshed Perspective

Taking a break allows you to remember why you love what you do, or shows you something you once loved is now lackluster. 

If you remember why you loved what you were taking a break from, you’ll be excited to get back to it! If you discovered you no longer like what you do, or knew that but were gritting your teeth to “get it done,” it might be time for change. Breaks have this incredible power of giving us clarity of the daily grind.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is be kind! Not that we want to hold ourselves to lower standards - on the contrary. Allowing (or forcing) ourselves to make time for breaks is beneficial in all the best ways, including more efficient productivity.

My challenge to you is to figure out how you can take a break this week, even if it’s just a small one.

Need help figuring out how to manage your time and make time for breaks? I can help! If you’re a business person who could use a writer to free up some of your valuable time, learn more about how I can help here. If you’re a professional and/or creative who just needs someone to help them figure things, out, click here to read about how I work with individuals just like you. Let’s make time for you to take the break you want and need.

What do you think about breaks? How does that play out in your life? I’d love to hear about it! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! 

5 Reasons We All Need Gratitude (And Not Just Around the Holidays)

It is the end of November already and it feels like January was an impossibly long time ago. I think this same thought every year, and after I get past the shock that 2 months from now we will be starting a brand new year, I reflect. 

I begin with major events. 

What has happened that has changed my worldview? What has happened that has changed my life? 

There always seems to be big, life-changing events that have happened. Things like losing a loved one or becoming financially stable. I suspect that this is partially because my husband and I are still young, but it never ceases to amaze me where we started and where we have come every single year. 

Once I’ve framed the year with major events, I think about more moderate things that were really good, or sometimes, really bad. 

Why was the event so impactful? How did I revel in it? How did I overcome it? 

These aren’t necessarily life-changers, but they certainly affected our lives at the time. Maybe it’s a much needed-vacation or buying a car. There are typically more of these, and I like to go through my calendar and see what kinds of events occurred each month. 

Finally, I think about the small details. Fun dates and once in a lifetime events; small accomplishments like losing 5 pounds, and things that put a smile on my face. I love looking back at my digital journaling apps to see the day-to-day memories that don’t make it to my long term memory. 

What happened throughout the year that made me happy? Can I replay that memory, and will it make me smile again?

It’s only after I’ve thought about the year in these segments that I can begin to get a clear picture of how thankful I am for the life I lead. Of how much gratitude I have not only for my support network of family and friends, but for the people I work with, and the work I do. 

We tend to think about gratitude this time of year not just because the year is ending, but also because of Thanksgiving. Despite how it might seem in department stores, we are still in turkey season! Trying to gather our families together for a meal is both time-consuming, and stressful. That doesn’t include the shopping, if we indulge. Sometimes these things overshadow the part of the day where we give thanks.

Reflecting on our lives and remembering the good and the bad is really important, though. We need that acknowledgement to help us finish our year strong and move into the next with our heads held high. 

Reflecting on our lives and remembering the good and the bad is really important, though. We need that acknowledgement to help us finish our year strong and move into the next with our heads held high. 

Now, sometimes the year has sucked. I mean, it has been terrible at what seems like every turn. I get it! I’ve been there! Life is like one of those tower drop rides at the fair - sometimes we’re soaring up at the top, looking out over the world. The next minute, we’re plunging downward with that weird uncomfortable feeling we get in our stomach that seems like it will never go away. 

Some years we feel like we’re at the top, and some years it feels like we’re plunging down with no stop in sight. 

Even if it has been a downward plunge year, it’s still important to look for the things we are thankful for. Here’s why: 

We need a reality check. I don’t know about you, but I am sometimes guilty of complaining about minor inconveniences. 

Ugh, traffic took an extra 15 minutes today and I was late for work!

First, I drive the same way to work almost every day, so I know better than to leave even a few minutes later than normal. It’s not rocket science that leaving later might make me late. 

Second, sometimes there has been an accident. People have to be taken away in an ambulance or frantically make phone calls because not only are they late to work, but now their car is totaled, too. This is clearly much more of a problem, especially if there was injury! Every time I see an ambulance driving away, I say a little prayer that the person is okay. If I had left at the normal time, that could have been me. 

Finally, will that 15 minutes really be a big deal a year from now? Let alone 5 or 10 years from now? Chances are you won’t even remember in a few weeks.

We make these kinds of off handed complaints not even really thinking about it; however, the reality is that we typically have a lot more to be thankful for than we have to complain about.

Sure, we could dwell on the fact that we were 15 minutes late to work. 

OR 

We could focus on the fact that we have a job that allows us to pay the bills. We also have transportation that has allowed us to arrive safely, and will reliably take us home to our family/friends/pets/etc. at the end of the day. 

Who couldn’t benefit from a positivity boost? If you consume any type of news, you might think the world is a terrible place. There are wild things happening now that weren’t even a consideration 15 years ago. Many of those things we are still working to mitigate or resolve, so it can seem like chaos.

Because there’s so much digital connection all around us, it’s easy to get caught up not only in the constant barrage of news, but also in comparing our lives to others on social media. 

Oh look at so-and-so’s family! Aren’t they beautiful! Look at the vacation they just went on!

While it’s nice to be able to keep up with our friends and acquaintances, it’s not healthy to constantly compare our lives to others. We can’t see behind-the-scenes, and let me tell you, sometimes it’s ugly. 

Focusing so much on the negative takes a toll on us mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Focusing so much on the negative takes a toll on us mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you take time to reflect on the positives you are grateful for in your life, you will feel less stressed, less like you’re running in a hamster wheel, and more confident that what you’re doing is working - even if it’s just small ways. 

If you change your mindset, you can change your course. If you’re stuck dwelling on what’s not happening, or what you want to happen that isn’t coming quickly enough, it definitely won’t happen. 

When you spend all your time thinking things like: 

If I could just lose these last 10 pounds I would be happier.

If I could just make more money, all of my problems would go away.

You drain your energy. You leave yourself no room to take the steps you need to lose the weight you want, or get a better paying job. 

Refocusing on the things you are grateful for will allow you to regain some energy and motivation to take small steps again. If you’re stuck, or obsessing, you’re not going to be able to do what you need to do. 

The first time I heard this, I laughed. “If only that were true!” I believe were my exact words. But, I can tell you that when I succumbed - and I don’t use that lightly, it really felt like the bottom of the barrel - I almost immediately felt relief. I began working to learn techniques and read books to help me get to a better place.

Our mind is our most powerful asset, and when we can harness it positively and focus on what we are grateful for, our lives change. Whatever course we are on will go where it’s supposed to go. It’s not some sort of magical thinking, it’s just life. 

Life’s too short to take things (and people) for granted. Just the other day I was annoyed at my husband for something silly after a long day. Tension was high, but I kept my mouth shut because I knew it was a silly reason to be irritated. 

I took some time to be quietly by myself and figure out why I was really upset. It wasn’t him. In fact, he had just gotten me flowers and taken me on a beautiful date the day or two before. There was absolutely no reason for me to lash out, and I’m thankful I stopped myself - I didn’t used to be able to do that. 

The reality is that I’m very blessed to have a husband who loves me so much. Who is one of the most generous people I know and makes me laugh until I cry sometimes. 

It’s much better to live with gratitude than to wish you had been thankful when you could.

While it’s a learned behavior to not lash out at people when we are upset, it’s very important to be able to refocus on the best aspects of our lives. We don’t have very long here on Earth, and we never know when something might happen to cut that short. 

It’s much better to live with gratitude than to wish you had been thankful when you could.

It’s time to prepare to make change. We should focus on the positive things in our lives all the time, but the end of the year is special. We are still working on the current year, but we are excited (and sometimes thankful) for the new year in front of us. 

We can use the end of the year to reflect on the good and bad. If your year has felt like the tower drop ride, you might be thinking: 

Thank goodness - let’s get this year the heck out of here!

It’s perhaps even more important to do some planning if you’ve had this kind of year. 

The bad parts of the year were a bummer - possibly even the worst of your life. But now is the time to remember what lit you up again after that darkness. What set your passions on fire and made you ready to conquer the world? 

And, if it hasn’t yet, what would? 

Those are the thoughts you want to go into the next year with because that’s how you’re going to pull yourself back up and be okay again. If you need to linger in your sadness until the end of the year, give yourself that grace. But, when January hits, be prepared to put your positive pants on.

January is a great time to begin to form new habits, and maybe even try a thing or two that scares you! Develop those new habits and create a new normal. 

Gratitude isn’t just something you should do. It’s something you need to do. Being grateful is helpful in every aspect of our mental, emotional, and physical lives. When we are less stressed or emotionally overwrought, we sleep better, eat better, and even hurt less! 

The holiday season tends to make us think more about what we are thankful for, which is good. The ultimate goal should be, though, to count our blessings on a regular basis. It’s a hugely underrated strength to be able to be grateful, especially in the face of hardship. 

Gratitude isn’t just something you should do. It’s something you need to do.

Your blessings/positive moments/however you want to label them are out there waiting to be noticed and appreciated. You won’t regret finding them (even if you have to look hard). 

Do you focus on what you’re grateful for? Or has someone inspired you to turn to a more intentionally positive mindset? I’d love to hear about it!

Drop a comment below or email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com. Let’s talk!