Blog
To Be a Better Writer, Ditch Perfectionism
Have you ever worked on a project, finished it, and then went back later and decided to start all over again because it wasn’t good enough? Or maybe you’ve had a brilliant idea but are convinced you can’t make it as great as it is in your head because it has to be perfect so you don’t start at all… I totally get it! Because I do that in almost all areas of my life. Or I used to. These days I’m a recovering perfectionist.
Have you ever worked on a project, finished it, and then went back later and decided to start all over again because it wasn’t good enough?
Or maybe you’ve had a brilliant idea but are convinced you can’t make it as great as it is in your head because it has to be perfect so you don’t start at all.
Does this sound familiar?
If you’re a fellow achiever, you might be nodding along.
I totally get it! Because I do that in almost all areas of my life.
Or I used to.
These days I’m a recovering perfectionist.
What is Perfectionism?
You’ve probably heard the term perfectionism, or of the compulsion to be a perfectionist.
Because I love the dictionary (yes, I love the dictionary), I wanted to share the definition so we can talk about it.
A perfectionist is someone who “refuses to accept any standard short of perfection” and a perfectionist mindset is “refusing to accept any standard short of perfectionism.”
So, perfectionism can be used to describe both a person and the beliefs behind it.
Why is Perfectionism Harmful?
For most of my life, I didn’t see a problem with perfectionism. If we’re being honest, I was one of those people that used perfectionism as a fake “weakness” in job interviews because I truly thought it was a strength.
And I’ll say this - it’s not a bad thing to have high standards! Like at all. I encourage it, because I think it helps us and everyone around us both in the short and long-term.
The problem is when we don’t allow for any sort of human error.
Sure, we want to strive for the best we can be, but we are, in fact, humans who make mistakes. We have off days. Days we’re just surviving. Days we just want to be over because it sucked.
And that’s okay! It’s part of the human experience!
The fact of the matter is that perfectionism and a perfectionist mindset causes serious issues in our lives that we sometimes don’t even realize are there.
It’s actually incredibly harmful! Here’s why:
Creates Unachievable Standards
We can’t be perfect, and the work we produce can’t be perfect. But when you’re a perfectionist, you have this mindset that you have to keep trying until it is perfect. This creates a pattern of burning ourselves out trying to get to a standard we can’t actually reach.
Too Much Pressure
Have you ever noticed the people in your life who are perfectionists always seem to be more stressed? And maybe they don’t say that, but you can tell just by the way they speak and act? This is because perfectionism puts an INCREDIBLE amount of pressure on people. Sometimes it feels like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your own two shoulders.
Have you ever felt like that?
It’s awful. It’s so stressful. It’s way too much pressure for a single person!
Delays in Action
This is kind of a sneaky aspect of perfectionism, because as a perfectionist you think you’re “taking the time to research all the options” or you need to “think about it” for a lot longer than it actually takes to decide. It doesn’t feel like a problem because you feel like you’re being thorough.
In reality, it’s really just delaying the moment where you take action. It means that before you’ve even taken action, you’re worried that it won’t be the right choice, or the decision you make won’t be good enough. It can drag on and on.
Permanent Inaction
At the peak of perfectionism, sometimes perfectionists decide not to do anything at all because they know they’ll never meet their own standards. That means that some brilliant books, works of art, music - versions of all the things we enjoy - haven’t been made or won’t be made because someone somewhere didn’t think their idea was good enough. How crazy is that?! So sad!
What Happens if I Stay a Perfectionist?
I was in camp perfectionist up until probably the last maybe 2-3 years? And let me tell you, the grass really IS greener over here outside of camp.
If you’re a writer (and I suspect you are!), this is especially important for you. Writing is a cyclical process - it’s not a one and done be perfect the first time situation. For anyone. Writing is a skill, not a talent, so don’t let perfectionism stop you from expressing your imagination and creativity.
In the case you’re not quite ready to decide if you should change your mindset, here’s what will happen if you keep being a perfectionist:
Keep Being Frustrated
Keep Having a Low Level of Confidence
Keep Taking No Action
Keep Letting Fear of Failure Run Your Life
Always Feel Stressed
Always Feel Spread Too Thin
Always Wondering How Everyone Else Looks So Calm
I hate to break it to you, but perfectionism will always be a weight, if you decide to keep it.
It’s not going to feel good, or like you’re “doing your best.”
It’s going to feel like you’re doing your best and it’s never enough.
It’s going to feel like you’re watching everyone else achieve these awesome things and thinking “Why isn’t that happening for me?” because you can’t see that it is happening to you.
And creatively, it’s going to feel like this little voice in your head saying “Why bother starting that project when you know you can’t do it right?”
Does that sound like something you want to stay signed on for?
How Do I Ditch Perfectionism?
So, before we talk about how to ditch the crap out of perfectionism (because you should), I want to just say that talking about perfectionist mindset in this way makes it sound so easy.
Like it’s something you can just throw in the trash can and walk away. It’s not.
FAR from it.
Perfectionism is so deeply ingrained in those of us with the mindset that - I’m not going to lie to you - it will be a long time before you feel like you can stop.
It’s not a quick fix situation.
It’s a life long, show up and work on it situation.
I will also tell you that it’s 100% worth it.
No matter what else you do, or other ways you feel, I guarantee that ditching perfectionism is the right choice. And you CAN do it.
Here’s how:
1. Decide that perfectionism is a real problem for you.
First, you have to recognize it’s a problem before you can fix it!
Think about the old saying “Why fix something that’s not broken?”
Should we keep using the old way that kind of works sometimes? Or choose a new, better way that’s not only more efficient, but works every time?
Start with allowing yourself the space to know - really know - that perfectionism is the old way and you can do better.
2. Evaluate the areas of your life where perfectionism is prevalent.
Once you’ve decided to change (which is a big step!) you need to evaluate where to start.
Think about the areas where your perfectionism runs most rampant.
Where you are paralyzed because of it. Or super uncomfortable. Or where you’ve been working on something for years with no progress because it’s “not good enough.”
3. Choose one area of your life and plan the steps you can start taking small, imperfect actions.
When you’ve figured out which areas feel the worst, or where perfectionism is really running the show, choose ONE area and make a plan to start taking action.
This doesn’t mean you need a 10 year plan for your whole life.
It means you need a plan for what you are going to do this week. This month. For ONE area.
How are you going to start taking those baby steps toward action even though you know it’s not going to be perfect?
4. Continuously remind yourself that mistakes are okay because you are human.
When you’ve made a plan, it’s time to implement it. One of the hardest things about ditching perfectionism is the sheer number of times you will have to tell yourself:
It is okay to make a mistake. It is okay that this is not perfect. I’m leaving it alone anyway because I did my best and my best is enough.
Your best IS enough, and you will have to keep reminding yourself. When you tell yourself over and over, you’ll not only start feeling better about your work, but you’ll also believe it - even if you don’t at first.
5. Keep taking small imperfect actions until it becomes a habit.
The way to kick perfectionism to the curb once and for all is to literally just show up and take imperfect actions, no matter how small they are, until it becomes a habit. Until you stop doing your best and then redoing it. Until you really know that your best is already enough. Just keep going.
One day you’ll smile and realize you’re not a perfectionist anymore. And then you’ll smile even bigger because you feel SO MUCH BETTER.
Perfectionism & Writing
You might have noticed that I didn’t talk a whole lot about writing in this blog, even though the title says that getting rid of the perfectionist mindset will make you a better writer.
I did this purposefully because honestly? One of the places writers struggle with perfectionism the most - and where it’s most damaging - is in our writing. We get stuck in this trap of thinking that the first draft is always bad, or that we’ll never be in the same league with the writers of the “classics” we all read in school. We tell ourselves things like, “Oh, I’m no Jane Austen.”
The reality is that, no, I’m not Jane Austen. But I don’t NEED to be Jane Austen to be a good writer. I can be “just me” and be a good writer. But perfectionism almost completely blocks that out in our minds.
So when I say ditching perfectionism will make you a better writer, it’s because:
You’ll be writing
You’ll like writing
You’ll believe in your writing again (or maybe for the first time)
You’ll be braver in your writing
You might even share your writing! And find out that people like it!
If we’re choosing only one area to start ditching perfectionism, writing might not always be the first step. It might be relationships or body image or any other number of things.
That doesn’t mean writing is less important, but it does mean you have to make the decision of what to prioritize in your own life.
Besides, once you start ditching perfectionism in one area, the other areas will get a little easier as it grows into a habit. You might even find that by focusing on one area, the others (including writing) get a little better seemingly on their own.
Next Steps
Wow, that was a lot! I feel like I’m not normally quite so dictatorial or, dare I say, aggressive, when I’m writing blogs!
This is such an important conversation, though, and one that we need to have! You really will be a better writer when you’re not in the perfectionist mindset. If you don’t believe me, try it and see what happens!
But what the heck do you do with all this info now that you have it?
1. Decide you don’t want to be a perfectionist.
Even if you’re not ready right this minute (don’t worry - I get it!), keep thinking about these ideas. You will save yourself a lot of stress and heartache if you make the decision sooner rather than later.
2. Practice taking action that’s NOT perfect.
Take some small actions that aren’t perfect! Start practicing your imperfect life.
3. Keep trying, even when you fail (and you will).
This whole process is probably going to be frustrating. It’s a lot of work, and you’ll fail sometimes. It happens! And that really is okay, I promise. But don’t give up when you fail. Keep trying - you’ll get there.
4. Be kind to yourself.
Some people are really good at being kind to themselves and doing enough self-care, which is awesome. For those of us who are not, this is a gentle reminder that you need to be nice to yourself as you’re building these habits.
This is why I say I’m a recovering perfectionist - it’s not something that just happens. I regularly tell myself positive things and am really intentional about being kind to myself because it doesn’t come easily to me. That doesn’t mean it’s not important! Just that I have to intentionally give myself grace.
5.Get Help if You Need It
If this all seems overwhelming, or you are slightly panicking because you don’t know what to do next, don’t be afraid to get help. If you’re a writer and the area you want to focus on next is your writing and you’re ready to break those habits and make your dreams happen, I can help!
I work with writers 1:1 all the time on planning and strategizing about their writing. I can also just act as a consistent supporter for other recovering perfectionist writers. You can read more about my 1:1 services here, or you can shoot me an email and we can have a brief chat about what you want and need next.
My challenge to you is to make the bold decision to stop being a perfectionist.
Are you a perfectionist? Did you used to be a perfectionist and decided to stop? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media, drop a comment below, or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com!
Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.
Dream Big & Don't Apologize for It
What do you think of when you hear the word dream?
Take a minute and write down all the things you associate with dreams. Don’t over analyze, just jot down the words and phrases that come to mind on a piece of paper or in a notebook.
Our brains are incredibly powerful, and even in these few moments, you probably had more than one association with the idea of dreams.
You might have thought of things like: Sleep, nap, bed, night, bad dream, or nightmare.
Our brains are incredibly powerful, and even in these few moments, you probably had more than one association with the idea of dreams.
These are obvious ties to physically dreaming when you sleep.
But some of you might also have thought about things like: Goals, challenges, too hard, big dreams, success, roadblocks, support (or lack of support). Maybe even impossible.
Not all dreams are physical, so it makes sense that you might have thought about intangible career or life dreams, too.
Take another look at your words - are your associations positive? Negative? A mixture of both?
It’s pretty normal to have a mixed bag of feelings. After all, the human experience is diverse! None of us have exactly the same situations or outlook on life, even when we are similar to others. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some extraordinarily good experiences, but I’ve also had gut-wrenchingly bad experiences. That’s the balance of life.
If your words are mostly positive, that’s great! I’d love to hear about your journey because that’s pretty dang cool.
If your words about dreams are mostly negative, though, or have a solid mix of negative, let’s talk about it.
Dream
First of All, What Do You Mean When You Say Dream?
Although I love talking about sleep dreams, the kind of dream I am talking about right now is the intangible kind. The kind the dictionary defines as “something that you want to happen very much but that is not very likely.”
Um, yikes!
It’s no wonder some of us have a mixed or primarily negative word association if we’re saying these things are not very likely to happen!
It’s no wonder some of us have a mixed or primarily negative word association if we’re saying these things are not very likely to happen!
Nonetheless, we prevail, right?
We dream about things like having a career we enjoy, a happy partnership with someone who loves us very much and who we love equally in return. Maybe a family and a house. Maybe to travel the world on our own dime not having to worry about money all the dang time!
These are the kinds of dreams I’m talking about today. The ones we always talk about like, “Oh, that’d be nice, but it’ll never happen.”
Dream Big
What Makes a Dream Big?
Some of our dreams are “normal” things like wanting to have a job that actually pays the bills - pretty reasonable, right? Or being able to move out of your parent’s house when you get a full time job.
But some of our dreams, whether or not we share them with anyone, are BIG dreams. These are the kinds of things we want but are less sure we can achieve. Maybe we want to own a big house with lots of land. Or own a brand new BMW. Maybe we want to start a business, or travel the world!
The main difference between a dream and a BIG dream is how feasible you believe it is and whether you’re willing to take the actions necessary to get to it.
Big dreams aren’t easy. They’re not things we should reasonably be able to achieve if we just meander through life watching the world around us. Big dreams require work, and lots of it. They require creative and out-of-the box thinking. You have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone to get them, which is what stops a lot of people from dreaming big!
Most of us have a pretty small (or moderate) comfort zone where we can get sucked into lazing around hoping but not acting on our ambition. I’ve been there! That space has plenty of room for naps, an unlimited supply of cute yoga pants, and a fully stocked fridge for all the snacking I don’t need to do.
The hard part of big dreams is that we can’t stay within our comfort zone to achieve them. We have to be brave and make some bold moves. These are the kinds of big dreams I mean. Some people might even say “wildest dreams.”
What are your wildest dreams? What are the dreams you feel deep down you would LOVE to happen? That scare the living daylights out of you?
What are your wildest dreams? What are the dreams you feel deep down you would LOVE to happen? That scare the living daylights out of you?
Write them down underneath your dream associations right now.
Don’t pay any attention to what you think a dream is, or whether or not you think you could get to the dream. Don’t worry about whether anyone else in your life knows (you don’t have to share - these are your dreams!). Just focus on you.
What would make your life completely and utterly awesome if it happened?
Why Should I Dream Big?
I can’t see your dreams, but I know they are big! How does it feel seeing them on the paper like that?
Exhilarating? Scary? Good! If your big dreams don’t scare you at least little, they’re not big enough!
So now that you have taken the time to write these dreams into existence (you didn’t even notice you were making progress here, did you?), what the heck do you do with it?
Why did I ask you to go through all that exercise?
There are 3 reasons we all need to dream big:
Personal Growth & Fulfillment
Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? Probably not, right? And that’s a good thing! I’m a way better person now than I was back then, and I’m eternally grateful that I’ve grown so much.
As we age, we learn and become better versions of ourselves, at least most of us do. Having big dreams allows us to work toward a goal. Presumably our goals are positive - we want to do something incredible, make a difference, travel, and/or whatever else enables us to grow and become better.
Dreams help us take steps and make decisions based on the fact that we want to achieve them.
These dreams help us take steps and make decisions based on the fact that we want to achieve them, even if they seem unrealistic or no one else believes we will get there. They help us find fulfilling ways to grow and learn new things, even with small steps.
For instance, one of my big dreams has always been to be a writer. It’s a long story (if you’re interested, you can find it here). About a year ago, I did 2 things: started my novel and started this blog. It didn’t happen overnight, but I have become a writer. I’ve added to my dream, now, but it was scary as heck to publicly call myself a writer for the first time! I bet you can imagine how satisfying it was to actually believe myself when I said it, though..
This is what big dreams do - they give us a way to grow and be fulfilled.
Keep Things Interesting
Aside from being fulfilling and helping us grow, big dreams help keep things interesting in our lives!
Can you imagine living a whole life not having any kind of big dreams to aspire to? We’ve been in quarantine for a few months now, and personally I can’t imagine living the same daily humdrum as when it all started. Not having a reason to get excited every day or make progress would be awfully boring, I think.
Each day does matter, and we learn something new every single day, even when we don’t notice.
This isn’t to say that routines aren’t helpful, or that sometimes we won’t have boring or unfulfilled days. Routines are an absolute treasure for productivity, and sometimes a boring day is much needed.
When you are working toward your big dreams, not all days will be equal, or even feel like they matter. The good news is each day does matter, and we learn something new every single day, even when we don’t notice. It’s nice to add a variety to our lives, though. Some days are huge for us - our dreams get closer and we can say things like, “Wow! That’s a real possibility!”
We wouldn’t have these kinds of inspirational days without the dreams.
Live Fully - Don’t Just Survive
The last, and probably the most important, reason we need to dream big is that it allows us to really live. Dreaming is about imagining, working hard, conquering, and enjoying. We would miss some of the best parts of life if we didn’t have big dreams to work toward.
There are some points of our lives where it’s important to survive. Some days it’s all we can do to get through the day so it will just. freaking. end. I get it! I’ve been there! (Probably more recently than you would think, too.)
Without these big dreams to push us forward, it would be pretty easy to get stuck in the survive each day mindset.
Without these big dreams to push us forward, it would be pretty easy to get stuck in the survive each day mindset. Think about going to a job you hate every day for the rest of your life. Being in a relationship with someone that just doesn’t work and never trying to change it. Living in a studio apartment that doesn’t allow the furry friend you’ve been longing for, but not doing anything to move up and out!
I don’t know about you, but none of these things sounds great. They all sound like the confines of our comfort zone, even when it’s not what we want or are happy with.
Big Dream
How Do I Achieve a Big Dream?
So you have these dreams, and they’re pretty awesome. Maybe stuff that you can’t even envision (yet) in real life!
Another one of my big dreams is to interview J.K. Rowling about her writing. How will I do that? Completely unknown at this point! But it’s on my writing bucket list because why not? It would be un-freaking-believable - the stuff of my wildest dreams.
I won’t say it’s easy to get to your big dreams, because then they wouldn’t really be big. But, it’s not an overly complicated process if you look at it on a global scale.
Take some time and follow these steps on the same paper or notebook you used for your notes.Do these steps for ONE of your big dreams only. If you try to map them all out at once you will overwhelm yourself.
Step 1: Plan it Out
You have the dream in front of you, so work backwards to figure out what steps you need to take to achieve it. Start by brainstorming the big steps, and then for each big step, list out the smaller steps it takes to complete them. Think about each big step as a goal, and each small step as a mini-goal. Put your plan somewhere you can see it every day.
Step 2: Take Small Steps
Once you have your plan, figure out how to reach your first goal. Use your small steps as mini-goals to stay encouraged. You could even give yourself small rewards for reaching the mini-goals. The old adage “Rome wasn’t built in a day” holds true for most big things. It won’t happen overnight, but keep taking those small steps and achieving those mini-goals.
Step 3: Work on it Daily
The hardest part about any dream, really, is the work that goes into it. Sometimes even the best laid plans need to be adjusted to account for things we didn’t know we needed to do to get to our goals! You don’t know what you don’t know. (These cliches are really something when used as a group, aren’t they? It’s almost like someone really wise said them first...)
I know that you will find a way through as long as you consistently show up and work toward the end goal every day. It doesn’t have to be major progress each and every day, but the small things do add up in the end.
You can do this 3 step process as many times as you want for as many dreams as you have. It’s beautiful and replicable.
You can do this 3 step process as many times as you want for as many dreams as you have. It’s beautiful and replicable.
Fail
What Do I Do When I Fail?
Friends, you have incredible dreams, and now you have a plan for how to get to one of them. You’ve figured out what steps you need to take to get there, and you’ve committed to working on them every day.
Holy cow!
You’re making a great decision, and you’re one step closer to getting to your big dreams. You can’t see, but I’m giving you a thumbs up because this stuff is hard work. It’s scary. And you’re doing it anyway, which is commendable.
With this new plan, however, there will be days that just don’t go according to plan. There will be moments when you wonder if you can keep going, whether this whole big dream thing is really worth it. Days when you just flat out fail. It happens to everyone.
On these days:
First, Take a Breath
Failures and mistakes are a part of life. They happen. And sometimes there’s not one darn thing you can do to stop them or fix them. In the moment, take a deep breath in and let it out slowly.
It’s not the end of the world (even if it feels like it). Most importantly, DO NOT make snap decisions or do anything reactive that you will regret later. Breathe until you feel at least a modicum of calmness.
Examine the Experience
Once you are in a calmer state of mind, examine what happened. Look at all the aspects and events and do your best to leave out emotions. For many of us this will be hard because our dreams are so close to our hearts, but we can’t fix the problem or do anything about it until we’ve figured out what went wrong.
Get Back Up & Try Again
When you have rationally examined the situation, get back up and try your small step again. Keep in mind what went wrong, but don’t let that stop you from getting to that big dream. Keep getting back up and trying again. You’ve got this!
Succeed
What Do I Do When I Succeed But Others Just Don’t Get It?
I love talking about dreams because they are exciting! They are passionate, and play such an incredible role in our lives.
Not everyone does like talking about dreams, though. And not everyone is working on their big dreams like you are. It’s great when you have a wide support network to check in on your progress, but the reality is that not everyone has that. Even people who do have a good support network might not always get the response they thought they would.
There will be times when a person or people around you see your success and don’t react positively. It can happen any number of ways: criticism, outright disbelief, undermining further progress, etc. It hurts. It’s hard. It’s discouraging.
These reactions have much less to do with you than with the person expressing them.
When this happens, know that these reactions have much less to do with you than with the person expressing them. You can’t be sure of the cause (unless you ask - that choice is up to you), and you won’t know if they will change their mind. It’s not your job to convince others that your big dream is worth pursuing.
Read that one more time.
It’s not your job to convince others that your big dream is worth pursuing.
Once the sting wears off (and it will):
Do it Anyway
First and foremost, these dreams are yours. Keep going. If you’re someone who is fueled by a challenge, this might actually spark a bigger fire in you to prove them wrong. If you’re typically sensitive to others (hey there, me too!) this will be harder. You will probably feel some combination of guilt and doubt. Keep going. DO IT.. Work toward that big dream anyway!
Find Other Support
You don’t have to reach out to other people right away, but you should find some kind of support for yourself. Surround yourself with people with similar goals and big dreams of their own. These people are out there, and they’ll understand what you’re going through. All you have to do is find them.
Keep Dreaming Big
No matter what happens, no matter what people tell you or what events transpire, keep dreaming big dreams. You are worth it! You are worth the effort it takes to make big dreams come true, and you’ll never make a better investment than yourself. Take a deep breath, take the next step that scares you, and keep dreaming those dreams. You can be an unstoppable dream-getter if you set your mind to it!
What are your big dreams? How are you working on them? Are you struggling? Drop a comment below, find me on social media, or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! I’d love to chat
My Writing Inspiration: Now and Then
In honor of my birthday today, and almost a WHOLE YEAR of content (how has it been a year already?!) I wanted to share a special blog about my writing inspiration. Things are a lot different now than they were years ago, and I find it helpful to always be self-reflecting. Hence the now and then!
I talk a lot about writing , and I do my very best to inspire you all to try to be the best and truest version of you. And I do truly believe in you all! But sometimes it’s helpful along our journey to have a peek behind other people’s priorities and growth.
Sometimes it’s helpful along our journey to have a peek behind other people’s priorities and growth.
After all, if you know my story, you know that I was scared to write for years after one rather unpleasant, but ultimately small experience.
What I’ve compiled for you today are my top 5 sources of writing inspiration now, and then, when I was a young writer. As cathartic and reflective as this is for me, I hope it is helpful not only to see that our priorities change as we grow, but also to acknowledge that our journey and our “why” is unique to each of us.
Writing Inspiration Starter Pack
Now
Like many writers, I’m not always “inspired” in the way of having too many ideas. There are days where it feels like I will never finishmy novel, but that is the time where I have to remind myself of my top writing inspiration to keep me moving forward. These inspirations or reasons are my “why” as a writer in the present.
5. I’m Good at It
One of the reasons I write is because I’m good at it. This might sound like a cop out, or a brag moment, but truly it’s not meant to be either. Words are a very natural thing for me, and I express myself much better in writing (I think) than I do when I’m speaking.
Words are a very natural thing for me, and I express myself much better in writing
I’ve been known to do some word wizardry for people on occasion, and it’s honestly fun for me because it’s something I know that even if I’m terrible at everything else, I’m good at words. So, it provides a boost for me when I know for sure I can accomplish things with words.
4. I Love It
Related probably to the fact that I have a talent for writing is that I love it. I love everything about writing. I like how it makes me feel, how it can make others feel, and the real impact it can have on the world.
Words have the power to create emotion, inspire action, and express the deepest sentiments of our souls that no other medium quite has the same ability to do. It’s flexible, it’s powerful, and I love how different everyone can use writing.
3. Pass on My Passion
Because I love words and writing so much, and I am confident in my abilities, I write to share my passion with others who love writing - and those who don’t! This is one reason I like teaching college English, too.
So, I write to pass my passion on in hopes of giving people a good experience with writing.
Many times people don’t like writing because of prior experiences, which I totally get. I’ve heard some pretty bad stories about English classes (and teachers) that are very cringe-worthy. But the fact of the matter is that we need writing, and it will always be around us.
So, I write to pass my passion on in hopes of giving people a good experience with writing. I’ve found that the best teachers and the most interesting people I’ve met are sharing their passions with the world, so I wanted to do my best to join those coveted ranks.
2. To Help Others
The one thing that’s been a constant for me as I’ve grown up and tried to figure out what career path I want to be on is this: I want to help people. I’ve always wanted to help others.
So it makes a lot of sense that I would use my passion and talent for writing to do what I’ve always wanted to do with helping others. While I’m still figuring out the logistics, I have a pretty good idea of where I would like to be helping others in the long run. I am a teacher by training, after all, and I love teaching about writing! But I also want to help others with confidence, which is something I’ve struggled with most of my life.
1. Because It’s My Calling
The number one reason I am inspired to write is because it is what I have been called to do. You know when you hear people talking about music or art as if something inside (or occasionally, above) is telling them this is what they are meant to be doing? Or that something just “feels right” but they can’t always tell you the exact why?
Writing is what I do, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
This is how I feel about writing, and how it feels in my life. I can’t imagine doing something else, aside from working in education (in a related capacity). Writing is what I do, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Writing Inspiration Now and Then
Words and writing were important to me at every level! Here we see a collection from 1st grade all the way to high school.
Then
It’s interesting what we think when we’re young and how that changes and adapts as we grow. My reasons and inspirations for writing have changed through the years (for the better, I think) and it’s fun to think about myself as a young writer. As you read through these “then” writing inspirations, think about how your own inspiration has changed as a writer - or even as a teacher or person in general! You might find you surprise yourself.
5. I Had No Concept of Failure
You hear about those kids and teenagers who only hear positive comments for their lives and then get to college and have their first taste of criticism, right? That was me.
Part of what inspired me to keep going was because I had an incredibly supportive family and teachers who lifted me up.
Part of what inspired me to keep going was because I had an incredibly supportive family and teachers who lifted me up. I excelled at writing in school, and I wrote like a fanatic outside of school - and people loved reading my writing. I always got compliments, and rarely (if at all) got constructive criticism of things to fix, so I literally had no concept that I would ever fail as a writer.
Writing Inspiration Now and Then
Creating stories since childhood! With hand drawn illustrations.
Who doesn’t want to keep doing the thing people love that they consistently get compliments on?
While I don’t have any doubts about my imperfection now, I have since received some constructive feedback on my writing. Failure is an event, not a state of being, but it took a long time to figure that out.
4. I Was Bursting with Creativity & Ideas
When I was younger I always had multiple ideas rolling around in my head. I was a pro at making up stories and characters off the cuff. I think part of this is because I used to play this game with my mom and grandma when I was very young where they would make up one part of a story and I would do the next.
So where were all those ideas supposed to go if they were just rolling around? Onto the paper, of course! I wrote short stories, novels, and even fanfiction (Fruits Basket fanfiction, to be exact). However I could messily get all those thoughts out with a pen and a trusty lined wide-ruled notebook was the way I worked this out.
I wish I could say I’m bursting with creativity now, but alas, I am much more focused these days. I do have many ideas, but I have been working to weave them all into my current novel so that it can be the best work I’ve done to date.
3. I Wanted Others to Read My Words
Some kids want to be famous athletes or musicians. I didn’t want to be famous, per se, but I did want a lot of people to read my words. I didn’t want the fame in terms of paparazzi, even when I was a kid, but I always thought it would be cool to be a household name.
I thought that out of all the ideas I had, surely one of them could inspire people like Harry Potter.
As Harry Potter was coming out, I found myself striving to be a next generation JK Rowling. I thought that out of all the ideas I had, surely one of them could inspire people like Harry Potter.
It’s funny because people do read my words now! So, young me would be excited about that. I think to a certain extent all writers want to be heard - it’s just that now I have a more direct approach to get my passion to others. I don’t want to be the next JK Rowling because I want to be the first and only me. And what I want for that me is to help others and to pass on my passion to others.
2. My Friends Loved It
This probably goes along with never getting criticism, but my friends loved to read my stories. In fact, during the fanfiction phase, we all traded! We even wrote some of it together - a true bond of friendship is sharing your writing, I think.
They were always interested in what I had to say, so this kept me going back for more! I think many kids, especially teenagers, feel this way, and it still kind of makes me giggle, really. Everyone wants to “fit in” with someone, whether that’s a way to become popular, or to create a bond with similar people. I found those people and boy did we write!
For the record, I only have one friend I share my writing with these days, at least for now while my novel is a work in progress. The older I get the more I realize how much I thrived on acceptance from other people. While I do like being accepted (who doesn’t?), it’s not a main priority because I have realized that not everyone will like me and my writing - and that’s okay!
1. I Loved It & It Was Fun
Some things never change, right? I have always loved writing, both the act and the final product. Writing gave me a sense of strength, and it was a way to express myself when it felt like no one else was listening (or got tired of listening because I talked A LOT).
Writing doesn’t judge you, sass you, or just generally hurt you like people can, so it was a release of angst and emotion, as well as a creative outlet for the swarm of ideas that was constantly hanging around my mind. There was nothing quite like a new pen and a fresh notebook to get the gears turning.
This is still in my list of top writing inspirations, and I think it’s pretty clear that it resonates throughout the other “why” factors, too. Some people love sports or shoes. I love writing (and shoes? We’re allowed to love more than one thing).
All this to say that my inspiration has changed as I have changed.
All this to say that my inspiration has changed as I have changed. I don’t have the same friends who love my writing - I have new ones. I don’t have the same expectation of being a household name as long as I can help those who really need it. My priorities now are about teaching and growing confidence, which I don’t know that I ever considered when I was younger.
I can’t wait to see how I grow as more years pass! One thing is certain, though. I will be here, writing, teaching, and building the confidence of everyone I meet because that’s what I’m called to do.
What are your writing inspirations? Have they changed from when you were younger? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com - let’s chat!
Small Progress is Progress
Almost a year ago, I began the journey of writing my novel. I wrote 2 sections of my book that weekend. The words came hard and fast. Excitement coursed through my veins as page after page came and went. The spark I thought had extinguished long ago was reignited, and even a year later I can vividly picture that first real writing session.
April 29, 2019: “The most exciting thing that happened today was I started writing again! Not like that other attempt last year, but really writing. I’ve been thinking about it all day. Already have 6 ½ pages!”
Almost a year ago, I began the journey of writing my novel.
I wrote 2 sections of my book that weekend. The words came hard and fast. Excitement coursed through my veins as page after page came and went. The spark I thought had extinguished long ago was reignited, and even a year later I can vividly picture that first real writing session.
It’s an incredible feeling to tell people I’m writing a book knowing that it’s real.
Since then, I have written an additional 85 pages and the inspiration is still strong.
It’s an incredible feeling to tell people I’m writing a book knowing that it’s real. It might still be a draft, and it’s completely different from anything I ever thought I’d write, but it’s mine. And one day not too long from now when it’s done and ready to publish, I will see my name on the front of a real novel.
Knowing this incredible blessing I have for inspired words, it’s interesting to me the comments I hear from other experienced writers - many of whom are published.
I hear a lot of “the first draft always sucks” and “just get it onto the paper and then fix it.”
While I value the fact that these kinds of comments encourage drafting, I find that almost anything I read about writing a first draft is very focused on how bad it will be and the other potential negatives.
My first question when I see these comments is always Why? Why are we telling new writers and writers who are just returning to the fold that their hard work, sweat, and many times tears is going to be awful the first go-round, almost without exception?
My second question is What’s the goal? Because if it’s a claim of being realistic, there are other ways of telling someone their writing needs work.
If the goal is to “harden” writers or get them ready for criticism, then it would be more helpful to actually give feedback on a piece of writing rather than outright discouragement. While it’s true that not everyone will like a piece of writing, there’s almost always an audience available that will. Part of the hard work of writing is the process of finding & marketing it.
My last question is What is the expected reaction? If we’re telling new or discouraged writers that no matter how hard they work their draft will suck or need to be completely “fixed,” why would we think that they would continue to ask for guidance? Or even continue to write at all?
In the end, progress is progress, no matter how small it is.
I’m not, by any means, saying that anyone’s drafts are perfect. We’re all human, and so we sometimes spell things wrong or word a sentence awkwardly. Hell, sometimes we start a paragraph talking about one thing and get to the end and find out it’s completely different from the beginning. That’s part of the writing process.
Drafting is CRITICAL.
But in the end, progress is progress, no matter how small it is.
The small progress matters because:
When we write, we have the capability to bring entire worlds to life and illuminate aspects of the human experience we don’t really think about in our everyday lives. We use words to create incredible experiences from nothing. We sometimes stare at a blank piece of paper (or computer document) for what feels like a lifetime to bring our imaginative thought to life.
The fact of the matter is that the same blank piece of paper was staring every accomplished author in the face before they created their masterpieces, too.
Writing is not always about being able to crank out X number of words or pages a day, especially not in the beginning. It’s about learning the process that best works for you and writing the dang story!
It’s one thing for a seasoned professional who makes a full-time living to expect or create hard and fast time to write 2,000 words a day, but that’s probably not reasonable for a new writer. Does this mean the new writer is less talented or less worthy of guidance? Absolutely not!
The seasoned professional started off as a beginner and worked hard to hone their craft. The ability to be able to write 2,000 words a day didn’t happen overnight, and certainly the requisite knowledge of what to do with those words didn’t either.
Progress is a sign of growth. The biggest, most important thing that any of us can accomplish is growth. We need it to be better people, and better writers.
We can’t expect to make life-altering growth every day - that would be exhausting and unsustainable!
But, we can work diligently and see small progress on our goals and projects every day. It’s in this progress that we see the most growth. By the time you’ve done a month of diligent daily, or even weekly, work, you can definitely see the fruits of your labor. Your small progress seems a little bigger than you thought before.
The biggest, most important thing that any of us can accomplish is growth.
As a college English teacher, I plan and promote small progress in all my classes. I am a huge proponent of drafting and hard work on making writing better. I tell my students the same things that I believe myself:
Drafting is CRITICAL.
We NEED feedback.
Writing is a SKILL, not a talent.
Your story and voice is IMPORTANT.
We all start SOMEWHERE and usually that’s not our best work.
As new writers, my students need the information and nurturing I give them in order to ingrain these concepts into their writing process ideology.
Outside the classroom, there is an absolute need for experienced writers to mentor beginners or those who might be lacking in confidence.
There is an absolute need for experienced writers to mentor beginners or those who might be lacking in confidence.
But we can’t expect to be successful mentors if the first contact is negative and focused on how bad the starting point might be.
Does it matter if a first draft is awful?
Yes, it does. However, it matters more that the writer can get constructive feedback and learn how to improve than for someone they’ve entrusted their writing to to say “These are all the things you have to fix” with no consideration of what’s working well.
When in doubt, use a compliment sandwich:
Compliment (Positive comment)
Constructive feedback
Compliment (Positive comment)
Although this method sounds corny, it really works! Many teachers - myself included - use it for student feedback. It gives structure to comments while also delivering some much needed (sometimes a little sensitive) writing feedback.
As I work through my book, the number of people who are interested keeps me inspired. People I’ve written and worked with are excited about what I have to say. It’s truly humbling, and I can’t wait for the finished product so I can share my words with the world.
Small progress is progress.
I may not write every day, but most weeks I write a new section. I have 91 pages now, and that number will only keep growing. My goal is to have a completed draft done this year. I know for a fact that my small progress every week will make that happen.
Because small progress is progress.
How do you make progress? How do you measure how you’re achieving your goals? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.
2019 in Review
I feel like I always say that every year has been a huge learning experience for me. While 2019 was not different in this respect, I would be remiss not to consider the incredible personal growth I’ve encountered this year.
This year started out like any other - challenging and with much stress about money and jobs. Though it was better than 2018, money and career stayed on the forefront of our minds for a lot of the year. I worked two jobs to compensate, and although I love teaching, it became a burden. I was tired.
There were several key turning points for me this year, the biggest being starting my novel. If you haven’t read about my journey with writing, this might not seem like it should be what I am most proud of or what made the most difference for me; however, it was.
The fact that I now have 18 sections of a book I still get excited to write is beyond joyous for me.
Writing has always been my biggest passion, and it was neglected for many years because of my own insecurity, so the fact that I now have 18 sections of a book I still get excited to write is beyond joyous for me. Beginning my novel also sparked my interest and now business of blogging.
I have big plans for the next year, and after seeing how well my blog has gone, and how good it makes me feel to produce writing consistently, I know I am on the right course at last.
Another key turning point for me was when I accepted a promotion at my company in the fall. For the first time, we didn’t have to worry about money. The biggest deal about this position is that it uses the skills I’ve developed throughout my education in a new and innovative way. It’s probably the best blend of teaching and non-teaching I could have asked for in a job. What I didn’t count on was liking it so much.
Of course these are only two times this year has surprised me, but they have both been (without exaggeration) game-changers in my life. I continue to be blessed with an amazingly supportive husband who has been with me through both the good and bad times. The best boy in the whole world, Charlie. A supportive family and friends.
While I know a lot of people had a tough 2019, I find that I have been extraordinarily blessed. I can only hope that this year’s hard work will seep into next year.
In case you’re interested, here are some quick facts from this year:
Writing
Novel
Quick Stats:
Approx. 20,000 words
80 pages
18 sections
Method:
Google Docs
Mostly typed on computer, but one or two sections typed on phone
Biggest Accomplishments:
Starting a novel after thinking I wasn’t good enough for many years
Figuring out how to put in a searchable table of contents
Continuing to work week after week and build on something that started as a wacky dream on a night I didn’t sleep well
Blog
Quick Stats:
38 blogs
Approx. 59,397 words, not including static website pages
Method:
Self-hosted Wordpress
Google docs for typing & blog safe-keeping
Typed on computer
Biggest Accomplishments:
Committing to my blog not just with time, but also financially
Being able to more or less keep up with one blog post per week, even with 2 ½ jobs this fall
A stranger (and acquaintance) approaching me to ask advice about blog writing!
Working with my first freelance client
Reading
Quick Stats:
17 books from Summer, Fall, and beginning of Winter 19/20
Last book completed in 2019:
Anne of Green Gables: A Graphic Novel
I was not counting before about April/May, but if my pattern was the same, about 22-23 books for the entire year
Method:
Physical book
Audio book
Biggest Accomplishments:
Making time for reading even when I was way past capacity for any non-work-related activity I might have wanted to do
Branching out to read more types of books than my “usual”
Teaching
Quick Stats:
3 classes; English 075, 111, & 112
2 semesters
Approx. 50 students
Method:
In the classroom
75 minute & 2 hour 50 minute sections
Biggest Accomplishments:
Teaching an advanced class when I had never done it before
Continuing to have students tell me they are more confident in writing after my class ended
Personal
Quick Stats:
One new car purchased
August 2019
One surgery for my husband
One house sold
Two small(er) student loans paid off
Credit card debt paid off
Started writing my novel and got 20,000 words in (so far)
Started a new day job that I actually enjoy
Began my blog!
Began freelance writing
Finished a semester of teaching when I was working 2 jobs (and a half)
Got interviews & rejections from numerous jobs
Losing 10 lbs and gaining it back
Biggest Accomplishments:
Continuously learning & striving to be my best
Being faithful to my blog
Acknowledging myself as a writer and actively making my dreams happen
Consciously working to have a more positive mindset in all situations
Being financially stable
Have your own accomplishments or stats to share? Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! I'd love to hear about it.
Leveraging Your Strengths
Everyone has natural strengths. This certainly doesn’t mean that we can’t develop others! But each person is naturally better at some things than others. For example, some people are really good at empathizing, while others are better at seeing individual uniqueness. It doesn’t mean that they can’t do both. If you think about yourself for a moment, you probably lean more toward one than the other, though, right?
Knowing your strengths and being able to give them a name is a very powerful tool. Not too long ago, I took the CliftonStrengths assessment, which told me my top 5 strengths. This has been invaluable for a number of reasons both personally and professionally. My husband also took the assessment, and having us both know our strengths has been a great benefit to our relationship.
What is StrengthsQuest?
StrengthsQuest partners with a pretty big data and analytics company you have probably heard of - Gallup. They do all kinds of data collection, and their statistics are often cited in reputable publications. The Clifton StrengthsQuest assessment was originally created for students and educators to help them succeed in future careers, academics, and more broadly, life in general.
The assessment is 177 questions long, and you are instructed to choose the answer that sounds the most like you. The results come in the form of a Clifton StrengthsFinder Profile. There are 34 different strengths within the finder, and the profile gives the 5 strongest based on your answers.
The profile also explains what each of the strengths is with typical characteristics and traits. It gives you an idea of how you can best use these strengths, and how you might be able to overcome some potential weaknesses. As a whole, it’s pretty neat what you find out about yourself!
Why would I take this kind of assessment?
StrengthsQuest started out and is still used by many in the academic world. That’s where I first took it; however, knowing your strengths and being able to talk about them is universally helpful. Here’s why:
Gives you a common language to talk about what you’re best at. When you take the assessment, you may or may not already be able to list the things you excel at. Or, you might know what you’re good at, but not know how to concisely describe it. The StrengthsQuest assessment will give you words to talk about these strong areas. Other people who have taken the assessment will also know what these ideas mean, and if you’re talking to someone who hasn’t, at least you can accurately explain what didn’t have words for before.
Gives you a new (or perhaps revamped) perspective of yourself. We all have things we’re good at, and probably have since we were young. Sometimes we notice those things, and sometimes other people tell us. Seeing your top strengths on paper can help you reconsider what you assumed about yourself. Have you always known you were a “people-person”? Maybe you have one or more strengths that will show you why you work so well with others.
Shows you that you are, in fact, good at things. Everyone gets down on themselves sometimes. We all have vulnerable moments where we feel like a failure who can’t do anything right no matter how hard we try. The good news is, this isn’t true at all. The better news is that if you take the assessment, you will have a list of (verified) things you are good at. As much as it would be nice to be able to validate ourselves all the time, sometimes we need a little boost to show us that we don’t suck.
What are your strengths, Rachel?
When I took the assessment, I was not at all surprised by my results. I have been describing, in roundabout ways, most of these ideas for years. The ones that interested me most, that I did not have words for before, were Maximizer & Input.
Learner Being a learner means that I excel when I am learning new things. I need to learn, it’s not just something I want. I am interested in how I learn, partially because it’s helpful to recreate, but also because it’s interesting. I am also interested in how others learn. It’s much more about the process of learning than the outcome for me, so it’s not always about getting qualified to do something or getting a degree (although I have a couple of those and I did enjoy them).
Achiever As an achiever, I love checking things off of my to-do list. I get satisfaction from starting a new day at “0” and getting things done to feel like it has been a good and productive day. This is great at work, because I typically have a very high productivity on “good” days. This strength also extends to home and vacation, though, which can be a nuisance, if we’re being honest. I like getting things done, that’s how I feel most fulfilled, so it’s hard for me to just stop and relax.
Maximizer This is one of the strengths I was most interested in, because I didn’t have words for it before I took the assessment. Being a maximizer means that I am good at looking at something that’s just okay, finding and using the strengths, then making it the best it can be. I am good at seeing other people’s strengths and helping them to maximize and grow with them so they can be successful.
I typically don’t dwell on weaknesses because I find that most of them can be overcome if you work hard enough on your strengths.
Empathy Having empathy as a strength means that I am good at seeing things from other people's perspectives - even when I don’t agree. I understand what people are feeling, and I’m good at helping them find words for what they need to say when they need help. This shouldn’t be confused with sympathy, which would mean that I pity people’s predicament. When there’s a sad situation, I definitely do have sympathy, but empathy is something else. I can instinctively see where people are coming from, and so understand their motivation(s).
Input This was the other strength that was interesting, because once I thought about it, I immediately knew it was true, but I never thought about it as a strength. As a strength, input means that I collect things I think are interesting and will be helpful later on. I might not know how they will help - yet - but I like knowing things. I have always loved reading, and until recently, I hadn’t considered this a way to add more information to my archives, so to speak. After reading about this, though, it absolutely makes sense! Plus, I also love escaping into new worlds.
Altogether, my strengths are pretty interesting as a group. It’s very clear to me why I enjoy writing and teaching, and get bored quickly with tasks I learn quickly. My strengths helped me excel in school, and have continued to grow and help me begin a career.
How would this help me?
All of this might sound interesting, but too easy. You can’t just take an assessment and know yourself, right? Even if you could, what difference does that make in the big areas like our long-term career and education? Here’s why naming your strengths can be helpful in all aspects of your life:
Could help you figure out what kind of major or career to pursue. Knowing early in your life what you are naturally good at can make a lot of difference! If you are someone who enjoys learning, like me, going into a career where you can achieve the most right away and then hit a learning plateau will not be a good fit for you. You will get bored because there’s not enough to learn.
Similarly, you will probably want to pursue a major that requires creativity and critical thinking more so than finding the “right” answer and not applying it to anything. College is unique in the fact that you are learning so much both in and out of the classroom, but you don’t want to choose a major because you think it will be “easy” - your inner learner will not thank you for this.
Could help you figure out how to be happier. How happy are you with your life right now? Have you thought critically about why you feel this way? Many of us aren’t always satisfied with our job or relationship (even though we love our families dearly) and sometimes we get stuck in a rut. If you are not happy (or just stuck in the middle), figuring out what your strengths are could help you. If you are a maximizer, like me, maybe you can use that to build team morale at work. Take on a new project, even if it scares you a little, and work to change it up. If you’re really miserable, revamp your resume, maximizing your skills, and try to find somewhere better.
At home, maybe your strengths lead you to getting a new hobby or trying out something new with your partner or family. Something that stimulates you and allows you to get out of the rut.
When you aren’t happy, it takes a lot of energy away from other things you could be doing that you will actually enjoy.
Could help you figure out how to be your best self. Who doesn’t want to be their best self? I know I am constantly working to better myself, not just for me, but also for those around me. Knowing what I’m good at has allowed me to figure out what I’m not good at. Being an achiever, I find fulfillment in doing things...like, all the time. I am not good at relaxing or doing a “lazy” day on the weekend. To be clear, it’s not because I don’t want to sometimes! It’s more that I feel my best when I am getting things done.
My husband, on the other hand, has no problem taking lazy days on the weekend. It used to drive me crazy, but working together, we have been finding a balance between doing some things and relaxing. We’re teaching each other, based on our individual strengths, and that has had an undoubtedly positive effect on my life.
If I do find out, what do I do with that information?
This all probably sounds great, but you might still have some doubts. Having words for your strengths is fine...but, to really make it worth your while, you do have to put in some effort. Here are some great, and important, things you can do to leverage your strengths and make the most of your newfound knowledge.
Think about differences in terms of strengths rather than deficiencies. How many of us have, at some point, been critical of another person because they were doing something differently than we would have done it? Only to realize that what they did actually worked and it was fine (maybe even better than we would have done).
Part of the reason the world is beautiful is because of our differences! Finding your strengths can allow you to adjust your mindset and be conscious of the fact that just because someone is doing something differently doesn’t make it wrong, it’s just different. That person has a different set of strengths that s/he it utilizing to do life, just like you’re doing.
Being aware of that and acting on the awareness can really do wonders for assumptions we make about others.
Adjust your habits to better utilize your strengths. Whatever your strengths are, they are things that should play a prominent role in what you are doing at work, and even at home. When you can see and tangibly know what these strong points are, you can build and adjust habits in your life that will improve your life, and probably feel pretty good to boot!
For example, while it was no surprise to me that learning was my #1 strength, what I was doing at work and at home didn’t really reflect that - or many of the other strengths for that matter. I was able to create more learning opportunities for myself so I wasn’t so bored at my day job, and improve my planning habits because I was maximizing my time and talents.
Have conversations with those around you about your habits (and theirs). When you figure out what your strengths are, it may not be a ground-breaking day for you, although if it is, congratulations! While you make plans to improve your life and adjust your habits, people around you will notice. Hopefully, they will be encouraging, but this might not always be the case (especially if one of your new habits is setting boundaries).
Obviously, the people around you play an important role in your life, but you can’t let that stop you from doing what you need to do if they don’t react how you expect. To avoid major drama (or to stop it where it stands), have a conversation with those people. Explain that you are making changes, what they are, why you’re doing it, and what you need from them. You might need them to stop performing a negative behavior around you, or maybe you just need to know they are there if you need help. They can be on board, or not, but at least if you have a conversation, you will be at peace that you did what you could to show you value the relationship.
Finding your strengths can be an enlightening and valuable experience in all aspects of your life. I hope that, if you decide to take the assessment, it gives you as much knowledge and insight as you want/need! Have you already taken it? I’d love to hear about your strengths and how this knowledge has affected your life in the comments below or in an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com!
The Journey Matters
Have you ever woken up one day, looked at your life, and asked yourself, “How the heck did I get here?” Or possibly “What am I doing with my life?” I know I have! (You don’t need to mention how often this happens - for some of us, it’s frequent.)
Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to achieve our future goals or dwelling on where we came from that we miss the middle period. We conveniently “forget” or gloss over that period when we were working our butts off because when we get to a goal, we’ve made it! Right?
The problem is that the middle period is most of our time. Seriously. We have a handful of goals, some big and some small, but the reality is that we don’t meet a major goal every single day of our lives. That would be exhausting! And unrealistic.
Our big goals and dreams take time, work, and effort. When we achieve a major goals, it’s so monumental that all we want to do, at least initially, is celebrate our arrival. That’s what gives us the “ability” to gloss over all the middle work.
The middle is critical, though.
This is true not just because it’s the biggest part of our lives, but also because it’s where we learn and grow. It’s where we fail, fall flat on our face, and get back up and start again. It’s the unexpected delights and overlooked barriers. Most of all, it’s a journey, and the journey matters.
I’ve been contemplating my journey a lot lately, as I had one of those “How did I get here?” moments the other day. I arrived on campus to teach my evening classes and before going to the classroom, I went to the vending machine. After deciding not to pay $1.25 for a snack bag of chips, I was walking - will all of my stuff - back to the classroom and I was at ease.
I saw a couple of students bolt into the classroom, eyes glued to their phones. As I set up and unloaded all of my materials, I thought about how, not long ago, I was that student walking into night class.
I went into the classroom, began writing peer review rules on the board, and thought about how much I disliked peer review as a student. It was surreal how much everything had changed in less than 5 years.
This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about my journey, and it certainly won’t be the last. But, it made me stop to consider where I’ve been and what I want in the future. Having recently started pursuing my lifelong dream of being a writer “when I grow up,” the journey has become much more obvious in my life.
Are you where you thought you would be when you were young? If not, where did your journey lead you? If you are, is it everything you dreamed of?
I certainly couldn’t have pictured where I am right now 5 years ago!
The first time I remember intentionally doing critical thinking about my journey was during graduate school. I was at a graduate conference in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, giving a paper about a super cool mosaic novel, 12 Collections & The Teashop by Zoran Zivkovic. (You can read more about it in my recommended reads blog!).
The closing activity of the conference was for each individual to choose a 3 word phrase that represented one of the guiding principles of their lives. At the end, we all took a picture together that made a mosaic.
Everyone else seemed to be thinking about their phrases with ease. Meanwhile, I was stumped. I was surrounded by some of the smartest people I’d ever met, most of them pursuing PhD degrees, and they seemed to know what they were all about.
Up to that point, I thought I had a long term plan for my career, but right around that time, new knowledge had made me reconsider everything. I was lost, and I didn’t know where the future was going to lead (besides out of school - I was seriously burned out). In that moment, I figured out my phrase:
“The Journey Matters”
You can see my piece of the mosaic pictured here. I still have it, and even though it’s not displayed, I think of it often.
Once I considered that my life was a journey and not a goal (or a race), life changed! Many times since then, I’ve looked back fondly at that day and wished it had come sooner. Everything in its own time, though, right?
I am so very thankful that I was able to live that moment. Of course, living for the journey is a work in progress. That’s part of being human. But I try to take time every day to notice what’s right and beautiful in the world, even on the days when I’m inundated with stress and bad news. I even have a series of sunrise pictures taken on my way to work. They’re quite lovely, and I enjoy flipping through the different seasons.
I’m also profoundly grateful for the opportunities I had during grad school. There seems to be an ongoing debate about whether grad school is worth the time and money, and I believe it is, 100%.
It’s not for everyone, but these are some of the (important) ways I grew during grad school:
Learned how to be a full-fledged adult
Learned how to (effectively) manage time
Learned to prioritize, plan, and organize
Learned how to and did networking! (This is probably one of the most important things any adult can learn.)
Was offered and took professional opportunities that helped me get a job after I graduated. I taught, was a teaching assistant, and was a research assistant. (Not all at the same time.)
Learned to think critically and in new ways.
Learned to persevere when everything seems like it’s too much.
Learned to lean on my support network for help.
Learned to admit that sometimes I need help because I’m only one person.
Learned a butt load about English & how to teach it to students.
This isn’t a comprehensive list, of course, but as you’ll probably notice, most of the growth was learning. I did learn in class (a lot! About things I love!), but most of the growth I experienced, especially the pieces I still use regularly today, were as a person.
I needed this part of my journey to become a successful me in the present day. If I hadn’t had the moment of realizing that the journey is so gosh dang important, I might have missed how much I really have grown, for the better, since college. Let alone high school.
The next time you find yourself wondering how you got where you are today or where you are supposed to be going, look at your journey. Think about those “aha” moments in your own life. You know, the ones where it was like a light bulb came on in your mind and it was like you were able to see things clearly for the first time.
Many of us are goal-driven people. We are achievers who like to check off boxes and feel like we’ve accomplished what we set out to do. We have to purposefully stop and make time to remember, though, that life isn’t always about the check boxes. It’s so much more. We just have to make the choice to look around us and see it.
How do you think about your journey? What are some of your aha moments that have changed your life? I’d love to hear about them! Drop me a comment or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.
7 Strengths of an English Major
Imagine you’re about to finish high school or a gap year and you’ve been accepted at a college or university of your choice - yay! What an accomplishment! The question on your mind, and that everyone will be asking you, is: what are you going to study?
You freeze.
What do you want to study? What will lead you to a “good” job? What kinds of jobs are out there? Oh no! You don’t know. How are you supposed to figure it out when you haven’t even gotten there yet?
You freeze again.
Does this sound familiar? Even if that wasn’t your own experience, you probably know someone who had this moment.
There are a ton of choices when you go to college, and as a college student, you’re expected to figure out what you like and what you are good at fairly quickly to “get your stuff together” and graduate in 4-5 years.
Many people will say that the best and most logical course of action is to get a degree with immediate and easy-to-see job paths such as engineering, nursing, accounting, or pre-law/pre-med. For some students this makes sense! If you already know what you are good at and what you like, it makes a whole lot of sense to go right to a more direct career-driven degree.
But for those of us who just love a couple of things and want room to explore, that’s not always the best answer. Sometimes we need a little more flexibility than a nursing degree offers. English is an incredibly viable option for those who want to explore their interests while still making themselves employable.
Liberal Arts degrees are a hot topic right now because they are less structured toward a direct career path. English has often been picked on as an “easy” degree, but, as someone with two of them, I can tell you that’s not true.
Below are the top valuable skills that English majors acquire and hone during their degrees. Do those skills look familiar? That’s because they’re in almost every job ad you’ve ever seen.
English majors write. And they write some more. And then more after that. Chances are, if you are taking a full course load of English classes, you might end the semester submitting 30-40 pages of polished writing for a large portion of your grade in most or all classes. This means that by the time you have done this for 6+ semesters you are pretty darn good at sounding professional and appropriate in your writing. (You may or may not encounter the longer more intensive writing during your first year.)
You learn to speak the speak and walk the walk of an academic, and sometimes creative, writer. This is valuable in the professional world where the primary contact is via email. Figuring out how to complete all of these papers and projects without sounding exactly the same each time also means that you have developed a knack for getting creative and organizing your writing appropriately. You will be right in your element when you get into a workplace that’s project-based and you have to send 50 emails a day.
If you are shy of public speaking now, you probably won’t be after you get done with an English degree. At least not to the extent you were when you started. English majors have many presentations throughout their degree - some creative and some research-based. Sometimes they are brief (around 2 minutes) or sometimes they are longer (around 15-20 minutes). If you are a go-getter and the opportunity is there, you might even present at conferences! You might also have to put together group presentation at some point.
Any way you go, you will speak in front of people. This translates well outside of college for several reasons: you have to interview to get a job, many jobs require talking to people you don’t know, and even if you are not in a client/customer-facing position you will still work with other people. Being able to talk to people means that you are more likely to be able to work well on a team and collaborate with others, which is a desirable trait (often a requirement) in many companies and careers.
English majors think. Hard. For long periods of time. In writing. How do you think we get all those papers done? You will learn new things on a daily basis about researching, writing, and things you never thought you would know. English majors can look at a problem and dig in to see what’s at the root. I did my undergraduate degree in English, with a concentration in Literature, and for almost every single paper I wrote, I had to find an aspect of a piece of literature, explain it, describe why it’s important, and how it relates to everything else we learned in class.
Other concentrations are similar in that they all find a problem, explain it, and relate it to the larger discussion. You have to be able to think critically about what the problems are and what the larger conversation is in order to place yourself in that realm. This is beneficial outside of college because you can think about problems in the workplace and see the global picture as well as the situation at hand.
Creative problem solving goes hand-in-hand with critical thinking, because English majors learn how to identify and become a part of larger conversations. When you’re thinking critically about the conversation, you really have to be able to carve out a small niche for yourself to join that discussion. And, if you were thinking that you were the only one who fell madly in love with that classic novel written in the early 1900s, you are DEAD WRONG. People spend their whole lives writing about “classics,” so when you want to write about them for a class, you really have to get creative to figure out how to make your own ideas different from every other scholar who loves that book as much as you do.
The good (and bad?) news is that this happens all the time. So what is an English major to do? Pull up your researching pants and get to work thinking about how you can get creative with your writing. Employers need this skill, and often desire or require it in job ads, because if you can creatively solve problems, you can promote growth and help solve existing problems. It’s also important for upcoming fields not well established yet because you excel at making things work in new and creative ways.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever looked up? (I don’t know if I actually want to know, by the way.) You will probably top it when you are an English major because most times you are able to write about something that interests you. Fashion in Victorian England? I know a researcher who is an expert. Dead bodies or trash and their portrayals in literature? I know researchers who study those things, too.
Not only is it incredibly gratifying to find a relevant article you can use in your end of semester papers, it’s also building an invaluable skill for post-graduation. We live in a world where information is literally at our fingertips almost anywhere at almost any time. About anything you can think of. It’s not enough to know some stuff when you go into a career anymore. You have to know how to quickly find information when you don’t know things. And when you spend the last semester of college trying to figure out how to write about a book no one has ever heard of, I’d say you’re probably pretty good at finding resources.
These are skills that many college majors offer, but are really critical to English majors. On average, if you’re taking a full load of 4-5 classes, you will have 4-5 end of term papers to write that are all due the last 3 weeks of class. Yes, you can do it. But, that doesn’t come easily if you don’t use some planning and multi-tasking skills. You have to manage your time at least reasonably because you will probably be writing 4- 5 papers on 4-5 topics that are all between 10-20 pages long. And that needs to be good, polished writing when you turn it in.
So, you have to prioritize and plan your time well to succeed. This is also imperative in life after college both personally and in the workplace. Things get complicated after college! It’s harder to hang out with your friends when they are on different work schedules than you and you all have significant others of some sort. These are also all skills you must have in any job, especially if you want to get into a career where you work pretty independently.
Last, but certainly not least, English majors are flexible! We get to choose much of our college curriculum for ourselves, and if two classes you want to take are at the same time, you have to pick one. We learn early on to make decisions and think ahead. Your favorite professor might be teaching your dream class at the same time as a class you are required to take - what do you do?
You might have to choose between two classes, but one of them sounds slightly less terrible than the other. You (hopefully with the help of an advisor) have to learn that flexibility and decision-making because sometimes specialty classes only run once every 2-3 years.
This skill is an absolute essential in most jobs outside of college, too. Employers need someone who can flex outside of their job descriptions sometimes (within reason) to lend a hand or for someone to take ownership of a project. English majors excel here because we’ve been taking that ownership for years.
While these are highly valuable skills, English is not the perfect major for everyone.
It does require intense writing and researching. Some of the careers English majors develop into also take a little longer to grow.
You need to work on doing something with your skills while you’re still in college. This might mean an internship, a part-time job, or an immersive learning class. With as competitive as the job market is these days, you do need to think about how to make yourself marketable in these types of ways. You can also consider pairing your English degree with another major or minor to really set your skills apart.
Word to the wise: you probably won’t land your dream job immediately following your degree. That’s okay! No one really has a “dream job” as their first job out of college! (If you did/do, please let me know how you got there! I would love to hear about it.) But, the skills you will develop during an English degree will be invaluable in growing into a successful long-term career.
I’d love to hear about your experiences! How has your English degree helped you? How has it challenged you? What would you tell incoming students who are considering it?
On Dreaming Big
When we’re kids, we dream big. We see the world and all it has to offer and we run towards it without thinking about obstacles. We don’t worry about “life” getting in the way, or money, or the odds of achieving what we set out to do. We just want it, so we work on what we think will make our dreams come true.
UPDATED AUGUST 2020
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did you want to be an actor/actress? An elite athlete? A firefighter? A veterinarian?
When we’re kids, we dream big.
When we’re kids, we dream big. We see the world and all it has to offer and we run towards it without thinking about obstacles. We don’t worry about “life” getting in the way, or money, or the odds of achieving what we set out to do. We just want it, so we work on what we think will make our dreams come true.
I have been a dreamer for as long as I can remember. I went through phases, like anyone else. I wanted to be a veterinarian for a long time before I realized they have the unfortunate (and necessary) job of sometimes putting animals out of their misery.
I also wanted to be a paleontologist for a bit because I thought it would be awesome to go digging in remote places and discover really old things that no one in the modern world had seen.
But books and writing have always captivated me in a way that nothing else has. To be honest, I can’t imagine loving something (people aside) more than writing and reading. I remember reading my first “chapter book” when I was in kindergarten: In a Dark Dark Room by Alvin Shwartz. To this day I don’t know why, but my favorite of the short stories was “The Green Ribbon.”
I even set up a bookmark business when I was a kid! Everyone else in elementary school was selling bubble gum and erasers for a dime apiece, at least that’s what the going rate was when I was young. Meanwhile, I was selling bookmarks.
I remember sitting and lovingly (painstakingly) drawing them by hand. My parents loved them, and were regular customers, of course. I would even specially make them for people who wanted them and give them as gifts.
“The biggest dream I ever had, though, was to become a writer.”
The biggest dream I ever had, though, was to become a writer. I wanted to see my name on a book. I wanted to do for others what books have always done for me: offer a wonderful reprieve from life for a little while. The best books transport you into their world, and I wanted to create that.
Childhood writing from the year 2000. (And, yes, snow dogs are a thing and they are awesome.)
And I wrote! I wrote like it was my job. Short stories, poems, large pieces of a longer work, and even an entire manuscript for a novel (or what I thought was a novel). I even wrote Fruits Basket fan fiction when I was in high school, to the delight of my friends. We would all trade and tell each other how good our stories were.
And then I went to college. I got lost for awhile and forgot the biggest dream I had been running toward my whole life.
Has that ever happened to you? Where you lost touch of your dreams for awhile?
To say the least, it was disheartening. I would always think about writing but never feel like my ideas were interesting enough.
How could my ideas compete with these intricate fantasy worlds like Lord of the Rings? Or masters of words like Jane Austen?
Hand written manuscripts from (and predating) 2007-2008.
Even with degrees in writing and reading, I’m not sure if I will ever be at “that level.” And that’s okay! I’ve learned over the years that dreaming big doesn’t mean you want to be someone else. It means that you want to be the best version of yourself.
“Dreaming big doesn’t mean you want to be someone else. It means that you want to be the best version of yourself. ”
I don’t have to be Jane Austen or J.R.R. Tolkien to write a book and give people an escape. Being me and writing what I write is enough. If I can make others smile (and myself) with my writing, I am more than okay with that.
The world would be a far less interesting place if we were all talented in the same ways.
So now, after years of my childhood dream being lost to me, I have found that spark and dusted it off. I am once again working toward seeing my name on the cover of a book, and my heart is so very happy about it.
Rachel, Age 4, Writing Already
I’m writing a novel because I am a writer. I always have been, and I always will be. The only difference is that I know now that I can succeed. I have what it takes. And I’m sharing my story of dreaming big because I know I’m not the only writer who has a story like this.
I work with writers all the time who just need someone to believe in them. To show them their own incredible talents & how to use them. It’s an amazing feeling to talk to writers whose words are so powerful. (If this sounds interesting, click here to read more about working with me!)
We are born ourselves, and we discover little bits as we get older and wiser. But, no matter what we find in ourselves, dreams included, we can’t just sit there and assume it’s going to work out. We have to create the circumstances for our dreams to come true.
“We have to create the circumstances for our dreams to come true. ”
That’s what I’m trying to do. Keep dreaming big and making those dreams a reality.
My challenge to you is to think about your biggest dream and figure out one small step you can take today to start making that a reality.
What about you? What were your dreams as a kid? What are your dreams now? Have you dusted any dreams off lately, or thought about it? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media, drop a comment below, or email me at rachel@captuingyourconfidence.com!
Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.
The Adventures of Writing a Novel
Have you ever woken up from a dream, and for just a moment you thought it could have been real? That’s how my adventure of writing a novel began.
UPDATED JUNE 2020
Have you ever woken up from a dream, and for just a moment you thought it could have been real? That’s how my adventure of writing a novel began.
In April 2019, I was blessed to celebrate a friend’s upcoming wedding at her bachelorette party. Now these events usually get a “dirty” connotation with all kinds of phallic-shaped objects and sloppy drunken shenanigans, but this (thankfully) was not that kind of party. I met some great women, connected with a few I hadn’t talked to in far too long, and overall had a very pleasant night.
The scenery was idyllic: a remote, hilly area with trees and narrow back roads for miles.
We were all sharing a large cabin in the woods, and there was plenty of space for everyone. The scenery was idyllic: a remote, hilly area with trees and narrow back roads for miles. The cell phone service was poor, and the WiFi was nonexistent, which, despite how it might sound, was a great reprieve from the urge to get online rather than spending time with the ladies around me.
Friends
April 2019
I was overtired when I went to bed, and didn’t sleep well. I never really sleep well under conditions where I’m not familiar with my surroundings, and/or away from my husband and dog.
Typically, with this combination of circumstances, I dream vividly. Not the kind of dream that leads you into a peaceful sleep where you wake up feeling refreshed, but the kind of dream where you feel actively involved and wake up feeling like you lived a different day overnight.
It was all very dramatic.
During this particular dream, there were two people, one young man who seemed familiar in a vague sort of way, and the other a young lady who seemed a lot like me in my younger years. They were both on the younger side of college age. The girl was taking refuge in her university’s library to get away from her problems, and the young man was her friend who found her and came to comfort her. It was all very dramatic.
When I woke up, I shook off the fuzzy feeling from not sleeping well, but that particular moment lingered in my mind. Who was that guy and why did he feel familiar? And that particular moment had definitely not occurred in my life, so why did it feel like a memory?
Amidst the hubbub of having breakfast and packing up my things to leave, I lost track of the scene. I absentmindedly wondered if it would come back to me.
I began the two hour drive home, and it was back.
I began the two hour drive home, and it was back. Crystal clear. A name for the guy, and why he felt familiar. He looked like someone I had recently met, but with the personality of someone I had known for years. It was almost like something out of a movie, that scene from my dream. Or, a really good dramatic book.
I thought about that guy, and that girl, whom I surmise had very similar experiences to me, the entire way home. By the time I hit the highway (we were pretty remote!), both people had a name. By the time I had been driving an hour, they had a story arc together. By the time I arrived home, I had two scenes in a creative work I couldn’t define or say where it was going.
Country Roads
Country roads make for good contemplation!
As soon as I got home, I wrote down the scene I dreamed. It was much more brief on paper than it seemed in my mind: just 425 words. But then, another scene came pouring out. This scene was a little longer, just over 800 words, and is still my favorite scene in the entire piece.
So, there I sat, with about 1,200 words written of this thing I dreamed about. It was the first substantial creative thing I had written in 7 years. SEVEN YEARS. And I wrote 1,200 words in an hour.
The next day I wrote another scene. And so I’ve continued. The longest scene is about 7 ½ pages, and the shortest is just a page. I typically do one scene per sitting, and it’s rarely linear. Now I have 24 scenes with more than 25,000 words. Over this past year I went from nothing to 100+ pages of creative writing.
Words and stories
Before those two scenes, there was just a dream. A movie-esque or dramatic book that took all of 15-20 minutes to write down. The characters have grown organically, and plot twists have come up. Because the girl in my dream felt so familiar, that I am using many of my own experiences, and those of people I know to build her character and those with whom she interacts.
When I first started writing again, I was scared to call it a novel.
When I first started writing again, I was scared to call it a novel. I mean, that’s a pretty lofty goal, right? An average novel is about 100,000 words, give or take depending on the genre, author, etc. But, by the second week of May, when I had 20 pages and in depth character profiles for each main character, I was less timid. By the beginning of June, I was calling it a novel or a book, but only to my close friends. Now, here I am, telling you all about my novel. It’s pretty crazy how fast these things can change.
As it stands, my best friend and confidant who conveniently has a graduate degree in Creative Writing, reads it every few new sections, and has thoroughly enjoyed it. I can’t write it fast enough. Does this boost my confidence? Absolutely! Will there be others who dislike it? Yes! And that’s okay.
So, here I am, a writer, a blogger, a dreamer, on the verge of a novel that I’ve dreamed of writing since I was a child. Words and stories have always been dear to me, and I feel like I have brought back a part of me that was hiding for a long time. Even after a year, it’s been a joyful process, although I know there will likely be frustration along the road.
My process might be unique, but I know I am not the only person who has experienced something like this. I know many amazing writers! What is your story? What pieces of my story would you like to hear as I write my novel?
Find me on social media, drop a comment below, or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com!
Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.