Reflections on a Long A** Year

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2020 is finally over and I can honestly say I will not miss it. Not even a little. 

I wanted to do some pretty raw reflections for the end of the year because let’s be honest, this year has been unlike any other year in most of our lifetimes - and not in a good way. 

I am 100% about being positive and having an optimistic attitude. I bring those qualities to the table 95% of the time with everything that I do, on occasion, to  the annoyance of my husband who likes to see things as they are right now instead of what they could be. Hah!

The truth is, though, that even I can’t pretend that this hasn’t been a terribly hard year. There’s been a lot of tragedy, anger, and overall bad-ness that I don’t think we can or should casually shrug off like it didn’t happen. That doesn't negate the fact that there have been some wins, of course, but this is one time where I don’t think the wins outweigh the heaviness of the year. 

With that being said, I’ve been reflecting on my personal life, as well as business and blog growth. I wanted to look at them separately because they’re not quite the same, although permanently working from home blurs the lines a lot more than when I was working in an office!

The Personal Details

I say juicy, but I don’t know how accurate that is.  

To give perspective to just how much this year has been for me (and in our house): 

Quarter 1: January - February 

• Began job discussions with who we’ll call New Company C

• Best friend asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding in the fall! Aw, so nice! (Little did we know that COVID would mess all of it up and postpone the wedding.)

• New Company C makes me a fabulous job offer that drastically improves our quality of life; Started new role at New Company C

• Hubby’s grandfather moves out after staying with us unexpectedly for 4 months

• Threw hubby a surprise 30th birthday party! 

Quarter 1: March 

** March gets its own month because...well, you’ll see **

• 2 weeks of jury duty - first time ever being called - for a murder trial. He was guilty. I was gutted. 

• First day back from jury duty (I’ve only been at New Company C for a month at this point) we were all called into the conference room at lunchtime and sent to work from home due to fears over COVID

• COVID lockdown begins

• Hubby gets major mouth surgery a day before the surgeon postpones all non-medically necessary procedures due to COVID

• Took some time over a warm weekend to mulch and put flowers in our tiny front garden area - something I’d been wanting to do since we moved in in March 2018

• Hubby leaves miserable job to pursue self-employment

• March 31 my daily log says, “New day ahead tomorrow! A whole new month even! So glad this one is over…” Oh, girl…

Quarter 2: April - June

• Lockdown continues

• My birthday! - Olive Garden takeout wins lockdown birthday

• Got our exterior trim painted 

• Walked in lots of new nearby parks as a way to get out of the house a little

• Furloughed from my brand new job at New Company C

• Began regularly doing morning pages journaling

• New floors to replace our disgusting carpet!

• News of race riots across the country - I write on May 30 “How can this still be happening in 2020?... We need to change and we need to be better.” 

• Mini getaway to Evansville - just one overnight; first time dining in a restaurant since lockdown and it was scary

• Adopted puppy Maxwell - he was only 12 weeks old. 6 pounds of cuteness and sharp teeth!

• Helped my dad move to a new house

• Registered Capturing Your Confidence as a business with my county!

Quarter 3: July - September

• Had the gut feeling that New Company C wouldn’t be bringing me back - furlough extended - so really ramped up business endeavors with intention to go full time on my own 

• Charlie has to get his teeth cleaned, which costs as much as a mortgage payment (who knew?!)

• Migrated my website from WordPress to Squarespace - the move was ugly and complicated, but isn’t the new site pretty? ;) 

• Officially laid off from New Company C

• Offered a role as Executive Contributor for Brainz Magazine - and accepted

• Went on our first big vacation in years - we rented our own cabin in the woods in Gatlinburg! Very few major sight-seeing places to avoid crowds, but the mountains were beautiful, as always, and we can’t wait to go back again

• Our 4 year wedding anniversary!

• Able to work outside with my best friend (who also works remotely) a few afternoons when the weather was fair!

Quarter 4: October - December 

• Maxwell gets neutered & has surgery on his cherry eye

• I invite Holly to be a regular contributor on the blog! 

• Hubby begins working in partnership with Shipt

• Maxwell gets eye surgery #2 because he escaped the cone in October and damaged the stiches

• Election day - waited 4 hours to vote. At least it was warm and sunny!

• Picked an absorbently expensive healthcare plan and signed up! 

• Hubby diagnosed with sleep apnea

As I was putting this list together, I thought to do a reflection of each month, but honestly? The truth is that in March I was just completely bombarded with event after event that was so hard to deal with. Then I got furloughed in April (later to be permanently laid off), so I feel like the rest of the year has been trying to deal with the hand I was dealt and making the best of the day and/or the week. 

I am a firm believer that we don’t need to compare trauma and “one up” each other with who had it worse.

This isn’t meant to be a sob story, goodness knows there are people who have had it much much worse than I have! But I am a firm believer that we don’t need to compare trauma and “one up” each other with who had it worse. Even just listing out the good with the bad has been a process of realization that we went through all of this! I’m still here, my husband and boys are still here, and thankfully our families have been safe this year as well. 

I’m grateful, but ready to move on. Ready to create a new, brighter future next year!

The Big (Small) Business Milestones

Personally, this year has been full of ups and downs, but for my business, changes have been trending up! When I was furloughed, I made the decision to work on my business full time - it was one of my goals from early in the year to replace my income by the end of the year, and it was the perfect opportunity to make sure I would actually like working for myself and making all the decisions.

I can say 7-8 months in that I LOVE it and I don’t have plans to go back to a 9-5 job! I’ve been able to more or less replace my income and I love making the decisions, even when there’s a lot to do. I have big plans for next year and one silver lining of 2020 was that it gave me time not just to figure out how business works and what it looks like, but to actually do it full time. I know this is something I wouldn’t have otherwise jumped into so quickly, but I’m thankful that I’ve been able to make it work and am proud to be back on the upward trend financially and career-wise.

Here are some of the major milestones that happened in 2020:   

• Officially registered as a business

• Got an official business address

• Opened up a business bank account

• Created a safe way for people to pay for products and services

• Created infrastructure to support business growth (i.e. all the admin stuff you need to run a business - like tracking where your money goes and what projects are due when, etc.)

• Rebranding

• Invested in professional development

• Connected with a ton of amazing entrepreneurs & grew my professional network like crazy

• Collaborated with other entrepreneurs

• Was asked to do many guest posts

• Became an Executive Contributor at Brainz Magazine & named to Brainz Global 500 List as an expert in my field

• Transitioned from “side hustle” to full time business owner with paying clients! 

• Brought on a contributor to support the enormous growth Capturing Your Confidence has had 

• Became active on Medium

I’m sure there’s probably more, but I think that’s plenty! It’s been a year full of vertical growth, and I’m so excited not only for how much I’ve grown but how much I’ve learned in the process. Hands down one of my favorite things has been meeting other entrepreneurs and like-minded people and connecting. 

One thing I do miss about being in an office is the chatting, but I’m thankful that I’ve been able to make some business friends, which has made things less lonely. 

I’ve also very much enjoyed the intentional learning I’ve done through courses. If you know me, you know I love learning! I always have, and I always will. I’ve figured out that I really like self-paced learning, although some of these have live components. It’s nice to be able to vary what I’m learning about. 

I will be the first to admit, though, that I may have overdone it a little in my excitement to learn. I am still working on several of these, and the others took much longer than anticipated. As it turns out, when you’re the only one in your business, you have to do everything, even the really boring stuff. Hah! So, to be able to learn with courses, you have to be very intentional about what it is you’re learning and when you work on it.

Having so many options left me a bit overwhelmed and trying to figure out what was most important. Ultimately, I will finish all of them (many of them I’m close to completing) and I’m glad I invested in them, but I’ve learned the hard way that I may not need every course I want to take right away.

Courses Enrolled In: 

Blogging Blastoff 2.0 by Heather & Pete Reese of It’s a Lovely Life

When I started blogging way back in April 2019, I took Heather & Pete’s free 5 day Start a Blogging Business course. It changed my perspective on what blogging could really mean and do. I also regularly participate in their free monthly 10K Traffic Challenge, which is great for meeting new people and growing my network! So it makes sense that after so much interaction with their free products, I purchased their signature paid blogging program called Blogging Blastoff 2.0. Although I’ve since decided that I don’t want to make my main income as a blogger, I learned a ton of valuable information from the course.  

The Funnels Academy by Christina Bernhard

As I began to clarify what I wanted my business to be and what I was offering, I came across Christina’s course The Funnels Academy. At the time, it was in beta and I was in the first group to go through the completed program. It was amazing, and I know she’s continued to update with the feedback she got during the beta testing. My testimonial is even on the sales page! Check it out here.

List Builders Society by Amy Porterfield

I took some free webinars with Amy on email list building and I love her energy. Everything is simple! Email list building is so important for online businesses, and Amy is definitely at the top of the industry, which I feel is a great reason to take advice from her. I’m still in the last stages of this course, but it will be done by the end of next month. So worth it - and I made some new friends to boot! Read all about it here.

The Work Online + Travel the World Course by Cassie & Shay of The Bucketlist Bombshells

When I signed up for The Work Online & Travel the World Course, I’d been following The Bucketlist Bombshells for about a year. Every time I saw their emails I thought about investing and I just wasn’t quite sure. When I finally did take the leap, it was so worth it! I recently finished the course, and out of all of the courses I’ve worked on, this one has easily been one of the best investments. It’s helped me get the business-y side of my business set up and a more clear idea of what I want to offer. They even inspired me to redo my website late this summer! Check it out here.

The Marketing Seminar by Seth Godin

When I signed up for The Marketing Seminar with Seth Godin this fall, I’ll admit that I had hesitations about being able to keep up. One of my clients was getting a group together for it and offered me a great deal to join the team in the seminar and I felt like I couldn’t pass up such a great opportunity with such a successful marketer when marketing is one of the things that’s hardest for me - it’s definitely not something I would call a strength...yet. 

Although my fears were correct in not being able to keep up with this rigorous course, there is SO MUCH VALUE. The first 100 days are live and then you get 100 additional days to review and continue to go through the material. I’m still pushing through, but even with the what feels like small amount I’ve done so far (it’s not, really, but compared to the amount available it feels like it!), I have been able to clarify things I’ve been struggling with since I started blogging almost 2 years ago - wow! Read more here.

Transparent Sales by Taylor Lee

I stumbled upon Taylor’s Facebook ads sometime during the summer right after I decided to replace my income full time. I thought - who could better help me with sales than someone who makes 6 figures a MONTH sometimes?! When I began to dive in, I was empowered but also overwhelmed. I wasn’t quite ready for the powerful information she was giving about how easy and not slimy sales can be. But, I’m still so thankful that I purchased the course because now that I’ve worked on the other things I needed to get in place and clarify first, I’m ready to dive in and start fresh next month. I can’t wait!! I love getting her emails and seeing her social posts. Check it out here.

Confidence Coaching Certification by Louise Anne Maurice of Get Results Coach Academy

Last, but certainly not least is the confidence coaching certification I thought *for sure* I needed to be successful as a coach. I purchased this on a whim, and although I haven’t done too much with it, I am looking forward to digging deeper because I do think it will help with structuring how I coach. Because it comes with a certification at the end, and a directory listing, I think it will be most valuable for networking purposes, but I LOVE studying (clearly) and I’m really into learning more about confidence - it’s at the core of my business. Read more about it here.

Having said aaaaaall of that, it wasn’t my intention to go THAT extensive with my learning this year. HAH. Many of the courses were purchased in a time before I really knew what I needed, although I don’t regret any of them because they’ve all been helpful. It also helps that I follow all of these people’s email lists and saw when the courses went on sale. ;)

Top Blogs & Published Writing

Interview with an Author: Dr. Vanessa Rapatz

Interview with an Author: Margarita Meyendorff 

6 Creative Time Management Strategies to Keep Writing this Holiday Season

7 Reasons Writers Need Growth Mindset

4 Simple Steps to Stop Unnecessary Rewriting

These blogs did really well this year & it was exciting that multiple interviews were the most viewed! I’ve loved chatting with authors all year long, and I’m pleased to say that there will only be more from here! 

You can check out a full list of my guest posts and published writing here. It’s a brand new page that I’ll be updating when I have new content that’s not on the blog - I’m pretty excited to keep sharing my work in new ways!

Looking Ahead

2021 is going to be another big year! I have very positive vibes going into the year, and I plan to make the most of a brand new year by hitting the ground running. While I won’t be sharing income and financial goals, I do have a number of other goals I’ll be working on, which I think will be pretty exciting. 

Without further ado, here’s some of what’s on deck for next year: 

• More content in general: This is something I’ve struggled with since I started the blog, but I am going to be pushing hard to get to 2 consistent pieces of content every week! Now that I have help, it will be easier, but it’s on the top of my mind because I keep hearing that you want more! 

• Classic book review collection: Super pumped about doing a deeper dive into the classic lit world again. As it turns out, English majors read a lot of classic books - especially lit majors like myself! But, it’s hard to find a solid book review that’s not as detailed SparkNotes but still has depth beyond “this was great!” or “this sucked.” So I’m glad to be starting a middle ground book review collection.

• 5 day free organizing your writing course: I’m SO pumped to be putting this together! I’m hoping to debut it at the end of January. It will be all about organizing your ideas so that you can actually start writing (instead of putting it off - it’s okay, we all do it). 

• Paid writing course!: Last, but certainly not least, I will be launching a writing course this year! I’ve been back and forth a couple of times on which course I want to build this year (I have so many ideas!) but know that it’s coming. Also, if you have anything you’d like to see, by all means email me right now at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com or go here to let me know. After all, I’m here to help you!

Anyway, so that’s 2020 in a nutshell! All crazy 12 months. I secretly feel like from about March to November was actually the longest month on record, though, and not separate months at all. I know that 2021 is going to be different, and I’m so ready!

How was your year? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.

Let’s build a brighter tomorrow - together.

8 (Cheap) Ways to Do Self-Care this Winter

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With all the end of the year holidays upon us, and the onset of cold winter weather, taking care of ourselves is even more important than usual. This doesn’t include the rest of the year being bonkers - pandemic, contentious election, major social movements, etc. 

It’s safe to say that we all need some self-love and self-care.

What is Self-Care?

First, what the heck is self-care? I mean, it’s definitely a buzzword and everyone seems to be talking about it, but what is it? 

Self-care is simply the things people do for themselves to get and stay healthy, as well as to deal with illness (and hopefully prevent it). So things like: exercise, eating well, doing activities that make you happy and relaxed, making sure your environment is clean and comfortable to be in, and so on. Even making sure you have good personal hygiene is part of self-care! 

The International Self-Care Foundation has some awesome information not just about what defines self-care, but also the necessities you need to implement self-care in your own life. You can read more here.

10 Ways to Do Self-Care this Winter

Taking care of your own wellness is critical not just for your own emotional & physical wellbeing, but also to have coping strategies for the changes going on around you. 

Writers, and introverts especially, have a tendency to observe everything around them - it’s how we create great stories and believable characters. It can also be overwhelming when there is so much to observe and try to make sense of, so you need to be able to detox from it. These 8 activities are great forms of self-care for just about anyone. Bonus: they’re cheap! 

We can personally say that we have tried and/or do all of these self-care activities on a regular basis and they really work. Give them a shot and let us know how they go for you!

Color

Maybe you haven’t colored since you were a kid. You remember the lidless container of broken, paperless crayons everyone’s parents and grandparents seemed to have, right? 

As it turns out, coloring isn’t just for kids! It’s a great stress reliever for adults, too. There’s even science & research to back it up.  Coloring pages for adults can take your mind out of your worry zone and relax your brain. 

It can also be really fun and satisfying to see something pretty come together knowing that you have absolutely no obligation to do anything with it later. (i.e. it’s not a gift you “have to” find a place for).

Grab some adult coloring pages (cheap!) here. 

And if you’re feeling spicy, there’s some swear-y coloring pages here.

Write in a Journal

For word people, reading can be soothing. But sometimes even reading feels like too much - it becomes some kind of race or duty to finish the book. 

Have you ever had that feeling? 

Journaling can be a great way to express yourself and your worries without pressure. While the idea of a “diary” can feel cumbersome, there are lots of studies that show that journaling can help not just cope with stress, but also with anxiety and depression. 

Journaling is a great form of self-care because it’s private and it can look however you want it to! It doesn’t have to be endless pages of dramatic scenes from your life like you see in teen movies. Nor does it have to be a defined structure at all. It’s literally there for you to express whatever you’re feeling without having to worry about other people being involved.

I wrote all about the benefits of journaling & the different types of journals here. Check it out and see what might work for you!

Watch your Favorite Movie or TV Series

Do you have a favorite movie? You know, one that you love no matter how many times you watch it? Or perhaps a guilty pleasure TV series that you can’t seem to stop watching even though you’ve seen it 10 times?

Watch it again. 

Watching the same thing over and over again isn’t actually that weird. In fact, a lot of people do it! Studies show that watching our trusty favorites over and over again helps anxiety because we know what’s going to happen - it’s predictable. 

When the world seems to be spinning out of control, what’s more comforting than having a small modicum of predictability? 

This week I will be indulging in this form of self-care with Jim Carrey’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) for approximately the 5th time since Thanksgiving. No shame here! I love it and it makes me happy.

Take a Bubble Bath or Hot Shower

I don’t know about you, but when I’m stressed and overwhelmed, or if I’ve just had a bad day, I feel the immense need to shower. To me, it feels like I’m washing off the stink of the day and the warm water helps the world fall away for a few minutes. 

Evidently I’m not the only one who feels this way! 

Sometimes I like a bubble bath, but more importantly than the mode of getting clean is the getting clean part itself. The hot water can help you breathe better, relieve pain, and even open your pores. 

Taking a hot bath or shower can also give you a moment of quiet alone time - or meditation time - away from the stresses of everyday life. The best thing is, you don’t really need to buy anything to indulge! If you do want to get a little fancy, I like lavender Epsom salt.

Meditate

I’ve written a lot about meditation lately, but it’s a daily staple for me. When I was younger (and my anxiety was wildly out of control), I thought meditation was only for religious use. I also thought that everyone who meditated had figured out how to fold their legs just so and magically could achieve inner peace by rhythmically chanting “Ohm.”

I won’t say that those things aren’t true, because you definitely can meditate for religious reasons - and if sitting with crossed legs on a yoga mat works for you, go for it! 

But that’s not the only way to practice meditation. 

Meditation can happen in a number of ways - even down to 5 minute mindfulness practices! It’s a great tool for self-care because when you meditate, you clear your mind and focus on your breathing. As you learn how to effectively meditate, you can more quickly and easily shed stress and anxiety. 

I particularly like the Stop Panic & Anxiety and Insight Timer apps - both free to use with lots of options for guided imagery, breathing, and general mindfulness. I use them often in the mid-afternoon to reset my mindset, and I use them at night to sleep more soundly.

Go for a Walk (Yes, in the Snow)

I’m a big proponent of walking. During the day, I try to make sure to get up and walk around for a few minutes every hour as often as I can. When the sun is shining (and it’s not literally 0 degrees outside) I try to walk outside. Even in the snow. 

Walking is a good form of exercise, pretty low key in terms of how hard it is to actually do. For self-care, getting your body moving regularly can have great physical & mental benefits! It changes your scenery for a little bit and can give you time away from whatever you’ve been working on to focus on yourself or something that you want to think about. 

Bonus: if you have dogs, they’ll be glad to join you and they won’t require you to come up with any conversation.

Take a Nap

Before I had other coping strategies for my anxiety, napping was my immediate go-to. It’s the fastest, most effective way to shut down my brain and bring it to a full stop. 

As it turns out, napping remains a great self-care strategy, although I’m glad I have some other tools now, too. Napping is a great form of self-care because you’re listening to your mind and body about what it needs. 

While it can seem counterproductive to take a nap amidst a mile-long to-do list, you’ll find that taking a moment for a little self-care actually boosts productivity and morale. You’ll feel refreshed and relaxed when you wake up - even after just 15 minutes!

I regularly take short 10-15 minute naps in the mid-afternoon, combined with a short mindfulness meditation, because it’s like I’m resetting my brain to kick ass the rest of the day. It also helps me deal with my anxiety in a healthy way rather than letting panic go unchecked. 

This is easily one of my top 3 well-loved and most used forms of self-care.

Work on a Craft or Hobby 

With so many of us working from home nowadays, it’s important to have some sort of separation between work and personal life. If you’re like me, working could easily take over everything if you don’t intentionally set boundaries and practice self-care. 

Figuring out other things to do was, at first, tricky. After all, my biggest passion is writing and I do it for a living. The boundaries between work and fun can get very fuzzy! 

The more I’m at home, though, the more I realize that making and taking the time to work on crafts and hobbies is a wonderful form of self-care. It’s satisfying to make something cute or pretty and I can get completely absorbed in something that I purely enjoy rather than have to “work on” to make money. 

I do sewing, paint by number (with regular paint on canvas or diamond painting), and sticker by number right now and I love them!

Next Steps

Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally is critical to being a healthy human - and feeling good. The best part is that you can choose any or all of these forms of self-care and combine them together in your own special way to create the perfect balance for you.

My challenge to you is to choose one of these forms of self-care and try it.

Need help figuring out a creative routine or just someone to help you stay accountable for doing enough self-care? Click here to read how I can help!

Have you tried any of these forms of self-care? Do you do a type of self-care that didn’t make the list? I’d love to hear about your experiences and recommendations! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing - and great relaxing.

How to Practice Gratitude (Because It’s Food for the Soul)

Next week is Thanksgiving, and although 2020 has been a wild year, there’s still much to be grateful for. 

Last year around this time I was writing about why we should have gratitude all year long, not just around the holidays. I stand by that, and in the past year I’ve learned a lot about the importance of gratitude. 

This year I wanted to share some new tools that I’ve used and seen because practicing gratitude intentionally every day has changed my life, and I think if you tried it it could change yours, too.

What is Gratitude & Why is it Important?

To be grateful means, “showing or expressing thanks, especially to another person” (Cambridge Dictionary). Gratitude doesn’t always have to be directed at a person, though. 

You can be grateful for events that happen to you, actions someone takes toward you, an inner quality, or even objects that just make your day better. For instance, when I think about what I’m grateful for in the morning, I often include things like the sunny day or my passion for words. 

While being grateful might seem simple, it’s incredibly powerful. As you probably know, sometimes bad days or bad experiences can make gratitude a lot harder to think about. Sometimes we just want to wallow in whatever negative mindset we’re feeling. 

And to an extent, that’s healthy. Having a full spectrum of emotion is a very human thing! But, just because we might be in the depths of despair, as one of my favorite characters always says, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s nothing positive or impactful happening. Unfortunately, most of life’s hardest lessons are learned the messy way and we only really appreciate them and become grateful for them later in life. 

How Gratitude Can Change Your Life

I’ve always been someone who expressed gratitude, but it wasn’t until this year that I decided to make a daily practice of it. I initially thought it was something that was nice, but that maybe people who wrote about the positive effects were kind of exaggerating. 

I mean, could one simple act of thinking about something really do that much? 

The stunning answer is actually yes! (Obviously I had to learn this the hard way.)

Although there are probably a thousand reasons we should practice gratitude, I wanted to focus on 3 major ways that gratitude can drastically change your life. These are things most of us strive for, but many people get stuck on the “how” part.

1. Make you happier - Can you imagine waking up and starting your day thinking about the good parts of your life instead of social media or email or the fact that you don’t want to go to work (even if you work from home)? Thinking about what you’re grateful for makes you happier. I mean, it makes sense, right? Focusing on the good rather than the bad increases happiness about where you are right now. I’m not the only one who thinks that, either!

2. Make you more satisfied - If you are thinking about what you’re grateful for once or twice a day, it means that you are thinking about your life in the present moment. Sometimes it’s harder to find things to be grateful for than others, but it really makes you stop and think about the good. And when you can see the good in your life, you’re much more likely to be satisfied. This is especially important in a world that’s constantly encouraging the extra “grind” to be better, get more, and do all the things. Gratitude helps you appreciate the now.

3. Change your outlook on the future - When you can appreciate the now and think positively about it, you can change your future. More doors seem to be open (or at least within viewing distance), more possibilities seem to present themselves, and life just feels...better. It’s not necessarily even that your life feels awesome right now, or that you don’t want to achieve more than you have right now. When you can look at the current positives, though, you can imagine even bigger, more exciting possibilities for the future, and that’s priceless.

3 Ways to Practice Gratitude

It seems like a no-brainer that if you can be happier, more satisfied, and change your outlook on life - all HUGE  promises - that you’d want to at least investigate the “how to” part, right? 

Most of us are busy and the thought of another thing “to do” might be cringe-worthy. But, I promise that practicing gratitude doesn’t have to be time consuming. There are multiple ways to begin, so I’ll share a few and you can choose a place to start.

Morning & Evening Lists

I journal every morning, so I track my morning gratitude there. I simply write down 3-5 things in list format every day when I’ve done my writing and move on. This portion of my journaling literally takes 30 seconds or less. 

In the evening, I use an app called Pixels to log my day, and I note 10 things I’m grateful for in my log there. If it seems like a lot - it is! But, it does make me consider the small joyful pieces of the day that would otherwise likely be overlooked.

Gratitude Log

If you don’t journal (I don’t blame you, it is a time commitment - maybe I could convince you to try that, too?), I’ve created a printable log for gratitude. You can print it out as many times as you want and it’s very low key. 

There’s a place to put a date and a box for you to write what you’re grateful for each day. That’s it! Not a lot of other clutter, so you won’t be distracted. You could also do multiple notes for one date if you wanted, like I do, and it will be very neat and tidy when you look back at it.

GET IT HERE

Gratitude Journal

I’ve also created a gratitude journal if you’re wanting a little more inspiration to get you started on your intentional gratitude journey! It includes 5 weeks of entries with multiple inspirational quotes for each week. It’s undated so you can print it again when the month is over.

GET IT HERE

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Next Steps

I don’t make promises often, in part because I don’t promise things I can’t follow through on. Gratitude, however, is one of the things that I’m willing to promise will change your life. When you’re intentional about it every day, you’ll be happier, more satisfied, and your outlook on life will be much more open and positive. 

With that in mind, here’s what to do next:

1. Think about what you’re grateful for. Take a few moments right now to think about a few things that you’re grateful for in your life. 

2. Figure out a way to document your gratitude. Check out the gratitude log and the gratitude journal and see if one of them appeals to you! If you’re already a journaler, you can start by making a space for it each day, too. 

3. Make a plan to reflect on what you’re grateful for. Sometimes life is complicated and it’s just plain hard to figure out what the good pieces are. I get it! Especially with the pandemic going on and everything else that has happened this year. If you need some help, I can always work with you on figuring out what tracking method might be best for you, and how to start creating that habit. Click here to read more about working with me.
   

My challenge to you is to name something you’re grateful for right now, and then figure out a way to create a daily gratitude habit.

Do you practice gratitude? Have you used one of the tools I mentioned? Do you have a different tool that you use to track gratitude? I’d love to hear about your experiences and recommendations! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.

7 Reasons Writers Need Growth Mindset

I am a big proponent of learning and personal development. You could say it’s a passion, but in truth, it’s also a strength of mine that I happen to enjoy. 

Around this time of year, with fall semester in full swing, I think fondly of the first time I heard the term growth mindset. It wasn’t until grad school! I’ve always wondered how my college experience might have been different if I’d known about it earlier. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that I learned about it exactly when I most needed it. 

So now I talk about it with almost everyone. Students in the classroom, colleagues, members of my professional network, the list goes on. 

One of my favorite groups to talk with about growth mindset is writers. 

What is Growth Mindset?

Although you’ve probably heard of the growth mindset before, you may not be familiar with the term itself. It simply means that someone believes they can learn and improve skills. 

First coined by psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck (known worldwide for her work with mindset) in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, growth mindset established the idea that a person’s belief about their abilities was equally important to the abilities themselves. That people actually can improve when they believe their hard work will positively impact & grow their skills. 

“Growth mindset established the idea that a person’s belief about their abilities was equally important to the abilities themselves.”

This might not seem ground-breaking, but it’s still changing the face of education today. It’s a completely different model than fixed mindset, which is the idea that you are born with the skills you have, and that no matter how hard you work, you’ll still have the same skills. It’s so common in the classroom that any teacher you ask has probably had more than one student say something along the lines of “I’m just not good at XYZ.”

I know that happens in writing classrooms, and in fact, I’d estimate that more than 50% of the students I’ve taught have some kind of fixed belief about writing. Even outside the classroom, it’s breathtaking how many professionals and writers believe that good writing is based on talent instead of improvable skills.

So why is the belief that you can learn and improve so important for writers? 

7 Reasons Writers Need Growth Mindset

The fact of the matter is that writing is a skill. It’s not a table of numbers or letters, or a set of facts you can memorize. It’s a skill that can be developed and honed with practice and dedication. 

Having a growth mindset is critical for writers because it:

1. Encourages Learning - When you know you can build a skill, it encourages you to learn more about it, test it, and even try it out for yourself. And so it is with writing and growth mindset. Writing is much less scary when you think about it in terms of learning rather than overcoming your own perceived deficiency. 

2. Encourages Personal Growth - Building new skills is a great way to grow as a person (and a professional). When you know you’re not stuck in the same skill set you’ve always had, it opens up opportunities to improve in places that interest you, including writing.

3. Enables Progress - Seeing our progress usually makes us feel good, right? Being able to look at where you were and see how far you’ve come is a feel-good scenario. What better way to see progress than by starting where you’re at with writing and intentionally learning and building upon your skills? Growth mindset allows us to know that even if we’re starting off in a place we’re not satisfied with in our skills, we can improve them and see our progress along the way.

4. Grows Self-Esteem - I don’t know about you, but when I learn a new skill or realize that I’ve gotten better at something I felt I could barely do before I get an immediate boost in self-esteem. Maybe this is because I am an achiever by nature, but it’s tremendously helpful for me to know that I can be better if I try. This is important for writers (many of whom also struggle with lower self-esteem) because when we’re more assured of ourselves, we’re stronger writers.

5. Grows Confidence - When our self-esteem grows, our confidence typically follows. Seeing progress and knowing you can improve skills is a simple way to boost your confidence. When you’re more confident, your writing will become stronger because you write with more conviction - you believe in it so others will be more likely to do so as well. 

6. Changes Understanding of Abilities - Probably the most profound thing a growth mindset does is change the way we think about ourselves as creatives. If you’re stuck in a fixed mindset, it’s hard to believe you can be a writer (even if it’s your biggest dream) when you feel like you got stuck with a set of subpar skills. When you start believing that you can change your skills and improve, it’s an immediate and life-changing improvement.  

7. Allows Big Dreams (On Purpose) - This is something we don’t talk about as much as we should, but when we feel like we’re stuck with our current skills and talents, we can’t really dream that big. If you “suck at math” how in the world could you be an astronaut someday? But what if, instead of thinking you’re stuck, you truly believed you could learn with hard work and dedication? “I suck at writing” could now become “I’m going to be a writer someday.” Life-changing, right? 

Next Steps

Growth mindset is so important, especially with all the tools available today, many of which are even free! The belief that you can learn and improve may seem simple, but it can change your life in a big way if you stay open to the possibilities. 

1. Read a little more about the growth mindset here & listen to Dr. Carol Dweck talk about it here. Take a little time and Google it. Read about it and listen to Dr. Dweck talk about it. Get a good understanding of the implications.

2. Accept that growth mindset will only help you succeed as a writer. Growth mindset really is a powerful tool for writers, and knowing that - and believing it - will help you succeed.

3. Begin acting on your new growth mindset. As always, practice makes perfect, right? Start practicing your new mindset right away. Places where this comes up often with writers is in starting new projects & rewriting. 

4. Get help with your new mindset. Sometimes we all need a little pick-me-up. Especially when we’re working on something new, or pivoting (thanks COVID-19). If you’re struggling with how a growth mindset could look in your creative life, or if you’ve figured it out but need some help getting there, I can help. I work with writers on this all the time because it’s hard! Doing it alone can make it harder, so why not enlist help? Click here to read more about how we can work together and get you on the right track. 

My challenge to you is to begin to intentionally accept a growth mindset into your life and writing.

Have you heard of the growth mindset before? Tried it? Found another way to use it with your writing? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media, drop a comment below, or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com!

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing. 

3 Easy Ways to Add Creativity to Your Writing

This month’s theme is bravery and facing our fears, so what a better way to talk about that than a deep dive discussion of creativity - where everything starts for writers!

What is Creativity? 

Have you ever actually thought about what creativity means? I’ll be honest, I hadn’t really until quite recently because it’s kind of something that seems to naturally happen. 

Does it feel like that for you, too? 

It’s funny because when I was young, I would ask my mom what a word meant and she would send me straight to the dictionary to read for myself. I hated it! But now when I think about abstract concepts like creativity, I appreciate her stance because I love looking up words. 

So that’s what I did. 

According to the dictionary, creativity is, “the ability to use and produce or use original or unusual ideas.” 

Your idea can be unusual - a new twist. A creative take. 

I think what surprised me the most was the word unusual, because as writers, we’re pretty familiar with what an original idea is, right? But unusual is not something we typically think of. I love it, though. Because I’m sorry to say, but the chances of finding a truly original idea are slim. 

That doesn’t mean you can’t have a good or worthy idea that has been used in a different way, though. Your idea can be unusual - a new twist. A creative take. 

Need Creativity

Why Do We Need Creativity?

Over the years it’s become abundantly clear that creativity is not only important, but something we NEED in a non-negotiable way. 

We need creativity for 3 main reasons: 

Expresses Our Imagination

Those of us who live creatively for most of our lives understand the need to express our imagination somehow. Whether through writing, painting, sculpting, composing - whatever it is that fulfills your desire to create. It allows us to get out of our own head and let out our innermost thoughts and dreams, even if (or maybe especially when) they seem nonsensical. 

Makes Life Exciting

Can you imagine life without books and music, or even video games? Someone dreamed up and created all those things! When we express creativity we make our lives exciting. We learn, we create beautiful fun things that never existed before. 

When we express creativity we make our lives exciting.

Creates Positive Change

Everything humans have ever invented has taken creativity to think it up and put into action. The wheel? Lights? Electricity? The internet? All started out as an idea in someone’s mind. And when they came to existence it made our lives easier and better! Innovation and unusual ideas are often the very same ones that create the best changes. 

Use Creativity

What Happens When We’re Creative? 

I think it’s safe to say that every writer has had a creative idea, and probably also a moment they remember when they figured out what they wanted to do with it. Or at least what they thought they wanted to do with it. 

Sometimes writing is an unwieldy beast that takes on a life of its own, so it may not always turn out exactly how we think it will.

Sometimes writing is an unwieldy beast that takes on a life of its own, so it may not always turn out exactly how we think it will. A prime example of how creativity works for writers! 

When writers are in a great creative zone, though, there are several awesome things that happen: 

Write More

We write MORE, and sometimes faster! When we have that unusual idea and we’re so excited because we know it’s creative, we want to dive in and write all the things we can about it. Creativity is an amazing catalyst for writing (we don’t have to mention the secret fear that we will almost immediately forget that brilliant idea.) 

Creativity is an amazing catalyst for writing.

Write with More Confidence

When we feel creative - sometimes we call it being inspired - we tend to write more confidently. We don’t question that dumb thing the villain just said to the hero. We don’t waffle over that one sentence in that one paragraph that seems weird. And you know why? We’re ready to move on the idea now - we don’t have time to worry about the small things. Plus, we can always come back to later. 

Take Risks in Our Writing

Last, but certainly not least, is that because we’re writing more, and confidently, we take risks. We might try a new form, or write an inappropriate innuendo when we never “normally” do that because normal is kind of thrown out the window for this particular creative idea.

Heck, if you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be writing a YA novel I would have laughed. But I had the one spark of an idea that stuck around and here we are! Best risk I’ve taken in my writing, hands down. Wouldn’t have happened without creativity!

3 Ways to Add Creativity to Your Writing

3 Easy Ways to Add Creativity to Your Writing

I say this as lovingly as possible, but sometimes we get into a rut with our writing, even when we do feel creative and inspired. We get to a place where it “makes sense” for our characters to say their catch phrase again, or do their oddball mannerism, even when average humans might react differently. 

Creativity is all about being innovative and unusual, and so sometimes we need to make an effort to spice things up in our writing.

Creativity is all about being innovative and unusual, and so sometimes we need to make an effort to spice things up in our writing - kick start that innovative idea so we remember to write like we started and not how we “think we should.”

Here are 3 easy things you can try if you’re feeling like your writing might need some creativity and pizzazz: 

Add Description 

This idea doesn’t sound innovative at all when it’s listed in a discussion of creativity, but in writing, description is what allows readers to imagine the people and surroundings and paint that picture in their minds. Good description can be epic. 

So to get your creative wheels turning, try describing a specific place within your story world. Whether that’s your main character’s favorite spot, a villain’s lair, or even a firsthand account of what the main character sees when they wake up in the morning - take some time and paint that picture with words. 

Good description can be epic. 

You can also describe an odd facial expression. This is one of my favorites, not just because I enjoy facial expressions, but also because it’s tricky! It really challenges you to think about the way we talk about people’s faces and the way they move. As someone with a very expressional face, an expression definitely does not always feel the same as it looks to someone else! 

You can also describe an event from the point of view of someone who wasn’t there. For example, your main character’s best friend witnessed something crazy on the subway and relays it to your main character. Try to write the subway scene again, but have your main character telling someone else about it. This will challenge you to think about memory and detail in a different way. 

Have a Conversation with Your Main Character

This is probably my favorite of all the activities because I like to chat. It’s incredibly helpful for creativity, though, because really, while I do write the story, it’s the characters’ story not mine. So, when I’m stuck, I have a conversation with them. 

There’s lots of different things you could ask, but I like to ask what they want to do. So, I pose the question and then think about what my main character would say if I met her in real life. Sometimes she’s sassy (because when do I write women characters that aren’t), but more often than not she’s helpful. Thinking about her from this aspect breaks me out of the mindset of what I have to do as the writer and focus more on what she needs to do as a character. 

While I write the story, it’s the characters’ story not mine. So, when I’m stuck, I have a conversation with them. 

You can also ask your main character what they like about their story. Now, if you’re in a Game of Thrones situation where everyone keeps dying this might be harder! But for most of us, you might be surprised what kinds of memories you can think of from your characters’ point of view. Chances are, they will probably like similar things that you enjoyed writing. Or maybe they like the complete opposites! 

On the flip side, you can also ask them what’s boring about their story. This is super helpful if you’re not sold on an idea because if your main character thinks their own story is boring, there’s a possibility that everyone else might also think that, too. Or maybe it’s just the way it was written. Either way, you can use the thoughts of your main character to fine tune how you talk about their world. 

Write a Fun(ny) Scene with Your Main Character

This activity is a fun one because you’re getting to laugh, and you’re doing it on purpose. Write something funny or just really fun with your main character. Take them to an amusement park, or on a road trip. Or an experience so funny they snorted coffee out their nose. 

Write a fun or funny scene even if it’s not part of the plot. Not everything you write will make it into a final draft, and that’s okay! Thinking outside the box will help get your creativity going, even if your character isn’t going to do it during the main action of the story.

Can you really say you’re not feeling creative if you’re imagining the kind of curtains mole-people would have in their house holes? NOPE.

Write something fun or funny with your main character even if it’s utter nonsense. You want her to grow wings and fly like an eagle over her town? Go for it! Dig under the ground and start a community of mole-like people? Have at it.  It doesn’t matter if it’s the craziest thing you ever thought - it might not even be part of the story! But can you really say you’re not feeling creative if you’re imagining the kind of curtains mole-people would have in their house holes? NOPE.

These funny scenes are to help you get going, so they don’t even have to actually happen! If you end up loving it and want to make it part of the book, you can always make it part of a scene where your main character dreams it. Easy peasy, but also super fun. 

Next Steps

Creativity is necessary for all of us! As writers, we’re pretty familiar with the feeling, but even when we’re trying it can be hard sometimes. That’s when you can break out the easy strategies and add some description, talk to your main character, and/or write a fun scene starring them. 

Creativity is necessary for all of us!

The cool thing is, you don’t even have to be stuck or have a work in progress to try these ideas! You can use them at any point to kick start your creativity. 

Now that you have these tools, what do you do with them? 

1. Read your current work in progress Go read what you’ve been working on and see how it feels to you. If you don’t yet have a work in progress, try doing one of the strategies to start a new project!

2. Try one of the 3 ways to get your creativity flowing! Have some fun with your writing and try out the strategies! You’ll have fun, you’ll be writing, and all will be well with your creativity. 

3. Get Help if You Need It If you love the idea of these strategies and want to work on them further with someone else, I can help! Click here to read more about how I work 1:1 with writers like you to brainstorm, plan, and be an accountability partner (who gives funny comments) to help them make the progress on their writing that they’ve been dreaming about.

My challenge to you is to try one of these strategies during your next writing session. 

Have you used one of these activities before? Or have you found something else that jumpstarts creativity? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media, drop a comment below, or email me at rachel@captuingyourconfidence.com! 

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing. 

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What is an Unstoppable Dream-Getter?

I talk a lot about Unstoppable Dream-Getters here at Capturing Your Confidence, and for a good reason! Everyone has the potential to be one. 

This month, all new blogs will be focusing on bravery and facing our fears. What better way to start off the month than reflecting on what it means to be an Unstoppable Dream-Getter?

What exactly IS an Unstoppable Dream-Getter? 

Characteristics

Characteristics

An Unstoppable Dream-Getter, or UDG for short, is someone who: 

Is brave and courageous. They stand up for what they believe in, and what’s right.

Is bold. They take risks that scare others, even when they may be afraid. They aren’t reckless, but they valiantly leap out of their comfort zone when they see an opportunity.

Is proactive. They don’t wait for something to show up for them or for miracles to be handed down on a silver platter. They look for places to learn and grow every day. 

Is passionate. They love what they do and their determination to share that with the world is second to none.

Is strong. When they lack support, they keep going. They don’t let off the cuff criticism keep them from pursuing their dreams. On the contrary, it fuels the fire. 

Is stubborn and resists taking the “easy” way out. They don't opt for shortcuts when hard work and elbow grease are foundational.

Is reliable, and can be counted on to show up and bring their A game. They don’t half-ass their work because they know that’s a waste of everyone’s time.

Is empathetic to others and knows that loving and caring about others is key to success

Actions

Actions

An Unstoppable Dream-Getter (UDG) is someone who: 

Creates. They write, draw, sing, or whatever other creative outlet expresses a sliver of their soul to the world.

Makes decisions. They analyze the situation and make the best call with the information they have. Indecision does not paralyze them. 

Admits their short-comings. They are not perfect because they are human. What makes them different is their desire and effort to acknowledge and grow these areas to be better.

Gives themselves grace to fail, but doesn’t sulk and let the failure define their path.

Laughs at themselves and takes embarrassment with a grain of salt. They know they are more than their mistakes.

Encourages others, who in turn, encourage them. By promoting positivity, they grow their own self-beliefs. 

Draws boundaries and holds strong to their convictions. They know they can only truly control their own behavior, not that of others, so they don’t waste their effort with unrealistic expectations.

Manages their stress to make the most of opportunities. They might be a worrier at heart, but they develop ways to put their worry into productive planning. Sometimes UDGs need help, and they reach out to get it. This is an exhibit of strength because they have figured out their limits. 

Actively learns at every possible turn. They learn something new every day, and not only recognize that, but value it highly. 

Asks for help when they need it, even when they might not like the answer. Even when reaching out to ask makes them incredibly uncomfortable. They face their fear and use the power of a support network to succeed. 

Wants to see others succeed alongside themselves because they know that there is strength in community. They grow personally, but know deep down that they are only one small piece in a very large puzzle. They also know that all the pieces - themselves included - play a very important role in the puzzle. After all, a puzzle is only complete when all the pieces are in their places within the larger picture. 

Values input on their hard work and effort. They may not naturally be good at accepting criticism, but their desire to grow outweighs their pride. They do not need to be “the best” - they just need to be their personal best. 

Doesn’t make rash, in-the-moment decisions when their livelihood is on the line. They don’t “rage quit” jobs without savings. They don’t give their boss the finger in the parking lot. They dig in and find a way to use their strengths to get out of the situation. 

Opens themselves up and shows their vulnerabilities in service of others. They are real. They are open. They are honest. They tell the truth, even when it’s not easy or popular. 

Refuses to believe they can’t. They might be physically unable, or seemingly out of reach of their dreams, but they are creative and resourceful. There is almost always more than one right way to get somewhere, and a UDG searches until they find it.

Qualities

An Unstoppable Dream-Getter (UDG) is someone who: 

Is a confident go-getter who does the things that scares them most because they know they can. They are more than their anxiety and fear. 

Is flexible and willing to adapt, even when it is a new learning experience.

Has an indomitable spirit. They may bend or shutter under pressure, but they know that storms are only temporary trials, not permanent obstacles. They dig in and adjust their sails - they may even batten down the hatches to survive - but when they do, they come out stronger and more energetic than ever. 

Doesn’t give up! They stick with their dreams through thick and thin - hard and joyous - times. But they know that we live in an ever-changing world that we have to account for. They can figure out when to pivot. 

Rests assured in the knowledge that they can make good decisions and be bold to get to their dreams. They don’t crack under pressure, they lean in and rise to the occasion. They openly face their fears and persist in growing in the face of adversity.

Isn’t fearless, on the contrary. They are sometimes terrified in aspects of their life. 

Isn’t better than anyone else, nor is necessarily a genius. They are normal human beings! What makes them special is their attitude and work ethic. UDGs are persistent and tenacious. They keep an eye on their big dreams, even when the dreams seem unreachable. 

Unstoppable Dream-Getters are so incredibly important because: 

They are irreplaceable and often wear multiple hats. They rock those hats even when it’s a bad hair day. 

They keep the world on its toes through their art and inner-beauty. They create. They do. They succeed not because someone showed them how, but because they decided that not-succeeding wasn’t an option. 

They may falter, and sometimes doubt their path, but they steadfastly show up day after day because that’s how it’s done. There are aren’t miracle fixes or products that can replace the persistent hard work of a reliable UDG. 

When they fail, they take a breath, get their head on straight, and get back up to try again. They do this until they succeed, even when they feel they aren’t progressing. They readjust, improvise, and find another way.

This is what it means to be an Unstoppable Dream-Getter.  

Are you an unstoppable dream-getter? Do you want to be? Reach out to me on social media or via email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com to learn more about how I can help you get to your big creative dreams. It's what I do.

3 Ways to Conquer Fear of Failure

You're a writer, right? Or you want to be. But you’re not sure if you can. Or if you’re good enough at words to really make it. 

Maybe you’ve been told you’re not “writer material.” Or maybe you’ve never quite gotten up the bravery to share your words with others. 

Does this sound familiar? 

Hi there! This was me. For A LONG time. 

Why? 

Fear, mostly. That still sounds bizarre to me sometimes because in general, I don’t consider myself a timid person. Like at all. But dang it if I wasn’t making excuses about my writing that all led to the same thing: I was afraid to do it because I was afraid to fail. To be wrong. To be “bad.”

Fear of failure is definitely problematic. But it’s also something we can work on. 

Even if you haven’t had doubts about your journey to be a writer (which is seriously awesome, and I’d love to pick your brain about how that happened), chances are you’ve probably had some experience with fear of failure that’s stopped you from doing something you wanted to do. 

Here’s the thing, fear of failure is definitely problematic. But it’s also something we can work on. 

Negative thoughts writers tell themselves

Negative Thoughts Writers Tell Themselves About Writing 

As a writer, brand new or experienced, you’ve heard at least one of these thoughts. Probably more - they’re super common. 

I’m just not that good at writing./I suck at this. 

Writing is hard, I probably won’t ever finish writing a book. 

People won’t like my writing even though I worked so hard. I’ll be too upset.

I’m boring, who cares about what I have to say? 

I’m a failure, who would want to read my writing? 

Of course, there are so many variations of these ideas that yours might sound a little different (there’s a laundry list for most of us). 

WHOA. 

Is it any wonder we worry so much about writing when this is our narrative? 

Where do negative thoughts about writing come from?

Where Did These Negative Thoughts Come From? 

If we have all of these wildly negative thoughts swimming around in our brain (most of which are completely untrue, by the way), where the heck did they come from? How did they get there? And why in the world do they play such a big role in our current writing realities?! 

School/Education

For many of us, school is the first place we learn to write. We’ve probably all seen some version of our paper covered in red ink - there’s even an ongoing red ink debate about it! It used to be the common belief that all of this “correction” would help students learn to write the “right” way. As it turns out, all it really does is frustrate and intimidate students. 

We internalize early on that needing a lot of changes means we didn’t do well.

We internalize early on that needing a lot of changes means we didn’t do well. We feel it’s a sign of “bad writing” when we have to make changes to something we already worked so hard on. In this context it makes sense we would be afraid to send our adult writing to readers if we feel like we’re going to get that dreaded feeling of having to change everything we just poured a little of our souls into. 

Students also regularly tell me about flippant comments on their writing that just tank their writing confidence. I’m talking about the comments that say things like “This is bad,” or “You’re not a good writer,” or even more vague “Not impressed.” Having been on both sides of the table with writing (the student and the teacher), I don’t think that many teachers realize how damaging this commentary actually is. It’s not meant to be outright hurtful (at least I would hope not), but it definitely is.  

Bad Experiences

Without question, the thing I hear most is that someone, at some point, gave the writer bad feedback (or said something mean that had nothing to do with the actual writing) and that bad experience soured the individual’s whole feeling about writing. 

I’ll be the first to admit that this happened to me. And I let it. 

Working with students and other more established writers, I have been absolutely stunned by the sheer number of incidents people have told me about. Some of them are more mild, like mine, but some of them are just gruesome and I wonder at the strength of the writer who has pushed through and been successful despite those experiences. 

Media Portrayal of Writers & Writing

If you’ve seen any movies or shows about writers, there are several ambiguous stereotypes that almost always appear. Sometimes the overarching plot is about a spectacular failure and then the writer rising from the dust to be wildly successful. 

Writers can be successful and support themselves just fine as long as they learn the skills they need and are willing to work hard like everyone else.

Probably the most damaging stereotype (which is the most common) is of the starving artist writer who refuses to get a more lucrative job and is seemingly okay with being broke living in a gross apartment over a mildly successful restaurant as long as they get to write. The best (worst?) part about this is that they are great writers, but no one notices. 

Eye roll. 

Writers can be successful and support themselves just fine as long as they learn the skills they need and are willing to work hard like everyone else. If the movies are the only way you’ve seen writers’ lives, though, you probably have a hard time not worrying that this will happen to you if you want to be a writer. 

The fear of being stuck not being able to support yourself is real and valid. But it shouldn’t be more scary being a writer.

The fear of being stuck not being able to support yourself is real and valid. But it shouldn’t be more scary being a writer. In general it can be scary being an adult who wants to feed themselves and live in a place that doesn’t suck. 

Incorrect Impressions of Success & Failure

I’ve talked about this before because it’s important. We have kind of a messed up view of both what it means to be successful and what it means to fail. 

If we’re going by the film scenarios, we feel like success is the first scene: a spectacular fail followed by a magnificent and unprecedented win. Usually that win is fame or a lot of money. On the other hand, we feel like failures if there’s any chance of us being the writer in that restaurant apartment, even if it means we work a “regular” job and save money for something better. 

The first problem is that these are extremes. Like anything else in life, there’s more than one way to be successful. It’s not always about the money and the fame. Sometimes (a lot of the time, actually) it’s about the smaller milestones. 

The other problem is that people can’t be “failures” because a failure is an event. Just because you don’t reach your goal doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it means you failed to reach your goal and you probably need to reset your expectations or readjust your actions and try again. That one event does not define you as a person (unless you let it). 

Overcome fear of failure

3 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Failure 

It seems like a lot is working against us, doesn’t it? It doesn’t really help us knowing why we have fear of failure if we don’t knowwhat to do about it. 

The best thing about being a creative human is that you are able to flex and adapt when you need to! The fix you need right now is to work on your fear of failure and keep writing. 

This is what you need: 

1. Reset Your Expectations of Failure & Success

We talked a bit before about failure and success, so I won’t belabor this point too much. Remind yourself of 3 things when you are feeling afraid: 

1. Failure is an Event, Not a Person

2. Small Progress is Progress

3. Hard Work Wins in the End

Writing is a skill, not a talent, so when you work hard and keep pushing past small failures, you will improve. It’s not an if, it’s a when. What’s holding you back here is the concept that failing is the be all and end all. 

Hard truth? We all fail. You will too, but that is OKAY. Keep working on it, think about what it would mean for you to be successful, and you will be just fine. 

2. Do it Anyway! 

I’m a big fan of doing things that scare you. You can read about it here, if you want more details on how to do that - it’s easily one of my top 3 favorite things to write and talk about. 

As you take a leap of faith and write through your fear of failure, keep in mind that practice makes perfect. The more you write, the better you will get. Don’t get stuck in the trap where you think you have learned all there is to learn - I can assure you that you haven’t. No one has! And that’s one of the beautiful things about creating with words. It’s ever-evolving and we get to keep learning along the way. 

Don’t let daunting tasks dissuade you from writing.

When you are feeling afraid, take the time to acknowledge that your feelings are there and that they’re valid. Writing is hard! Creating things that have never existed before is daunting! You are allowed to feel afraid. 

That being said, don’t let daunting tasks dissuade you from writing. Accept that we are scared of some things, that’s fine, and then USE that to fire yourself up and get excited. We grow when we do things that make us uncomfortable, and writing is an excellent opportunity to be uncomfortable without having to share that with the world. You’re not obligated to share anything you write if and until you are ready. Keep that in mind and dive right into that doubt. 

3. Be Willing to Be Vulnerable

This may (or may not) be surprising, but when we put our words on paper and share with others, we are showing vulnerability. And that’s a GOOD and NECESSARY thing to do. 

I won’t lie to you, this stuff is SCARY - probably the most intimidating thing you will do as a writer is throw yourself at a reader’s mercy wondering what they’re going to say about the work you poured over for so long. But, if you’re going to be a strong writer, you need to be able to put yourself and your work out there. 

If you’re going to be a strong writer, you need to be able to put yourself and your work out there. 

Get criticism, hopefully of the constructive nature (don’t choose your first readers willy nilly) and use those comments to make your writing better. In the end, we’re all just trying to be the best creators we can be, right? 

Writing is, in one way, both one of the hardest and easiest things we do. It seems natural for many of us to dump words on the page - emotions, dialogue, scenes, you name it and we probably write it. But, what people rarely tell you is that sometimes these thoughts and imagined ideas are hard to deal with. And even harder to share. 

If you let it, fear of failure will run your life. Not just in writing, but in all areas. It just so happens that writing is a means of meaningful expression for writers, and so when we get stuck in the comfort zone we don’t get to do what we’re passionate about. We stop writing and try to convince ourselves that we don’t need it, or that we don’t really want to do it (even when it’s obvious it’s all we want to do). 

If you let it, fear of failure will run your life.

To face your fear of failure, reset your expectations of success & failure, do it the heck anyway, and be willing to be vulnerable with people who can help you be better. 

My challenge to you is to start with Do It Anyway and work from there. 

Did you try the strategies? Or do you have some of your own strategies you’ve used to face fear of failure that grips writers everywhere? I’d love to hear about them! Find me on social media, drop a comment below, or email me at rachel@captuingyourconfidence.com! 

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.

An Open Reminder: It is OK to be Just Okay

Hi There,

Today’s post is a little different than normal because there have been many ups and downs for the past couple of months. I wanted to write an open reminder for myself that it is okay to be just okay, but then I thought: I know I’m not the only one who needs to hear this. 

I’m sharing in hopes that it helps you as much as it has helped me to write it. May is also mental health awareness month, so it's a great time to be thinking about how we're all doing!

We’ve been apart for so long, and even though we’re beginning to come back together, it’s still hard. We still can’t do many “normal” things (although admittedly having people stay away from me in the grocery is actually pretty great!), and we’re still trying to figure out what any kind of new “normal” might look like in a post-lock down world.  

I’m sharing in hopes that it helps you as much as it has helped me to write it.

Personally, some days are great and productive. I can write 10 pages, work on business and course design, do laundry, take my dog Charlie for a couple of walks, and lay down at the end of the day content with the fact that I kicked ass! Tired, but satisfied, I log my day and fall asleep.

Some days are not okay. Some days I want to lay around and do nothing. I roll out of bed, find out the tea maker is broken, it rains halfway through Charlie’s morning walk, and no matter how I try to write anything, it fails. I sit on the couch, watch yet another episode of mindless TV, and eat way too many unhealthy snacks. I go to bed feeling blah because even though I know I don’t need to be productive every day, I didn’t even muster the energy to do something I like. 

When did everything get so complicated?

When did everything get so complicated?

How can I feel lonely when I’m almost literally always surrounded by the company of my husband and Charlie? 

Why can’t I get into a routine like I could when I was working in the office? 

Why is going to the BMV to get my license renewed the most “normal” thing that’s happened in weeks? Even getting my haircut was less exciting than normal, and I LOVE getting my hair cut.

Do you feel like this, too? Like you’re just “okay” some days? Or maybe even not okay?

I constantly remind myself that it is okay to just be okay. 

Okay

We have been locked down for months, and I have been at home for 12 weeks. For a mostly-extrovert self-proclaimed worrier, it’s been A LOT.  Even for someone without anxiety, that’s a lot! I wrote before that the pandemic hasn’t exacerbated my anxiety, and that holds true: the actual sickness isn’t causing me anxiety. I don’t worry about myself most of the time anyway, and it never really occurred to me that I would be at risk. 

I constantly remind myself that it is okay to just be okay. 

I, in no way, am trying to minimize other experiences. I do genuinely feel for those directly affected - my feelings aren’t ignoring the critical-ness of the situation! It’s heartbreaking, and I very much appreciate those who continue to fight the good fight on the front lines because they are rock stars. I simply mean that other factors of the pandemic have affected me more than the worry about getting sick myself. 

My anxiety comes from:

Not being able to see the people I love and who love me, too. 

From the fact that I was working from home for a long time after a hugely disruptive March, and then got furloughed from a brand new job where I was working more than full time hours. 

From the fact that I have failed to create a routine not for lack of trying, but because genuinely every day is a little different from the last. 

From not being good at relaxing, but not being motivated to be productive. 

From not being good at relaxing, but not being motivated to be productive. 

From just being overwhelmed by the constant state of change seemingly without end. 

What have you been worried about this spring during the pandemic? 

Whatever it is, whether you’ve had an experience similar to mine, or completely different, know that it is OK.

It is okay to be just okay sometimes. 

It is okay to be anxious because everything has been changing for months with only a partial end in sight.

It is okay to be upset and miss those people in your life who you just want to hug. 

It is okay to not be productive some days. To relax! To watch mindless television and snack like it’s your job. 

It is okay to not be productive some days. To relax! To watch mindless television and snack like it’s your job. 

It is okay to survive the bad days, just like it is okay to have great days! 

Humans have a whole spectrum of emotion ranging from the lowest of the low to the highest of the high. It’s natural to feel different based on our environments, the people who surround us, and even the weather! 

We’re allowed to be sad, and even during this hard time, we are also allowed to be happy. 

For instance, I’ve been blessed with a wonderful opportunity to write full time for a short period, which is something I never could have dreamed about since I got out of grad school. I’ve written more in the past month than I’ve written since high school. That is incredibly positive!

It’s these great kinds of days mixed with the anxious days that make okay days okay. 

Okay days aren’t good days, but they’re not bad days either. They’re just that: okay. So so. Whatever you want to call the in between days of our human experience. 

No one’s going to call you unprofessional or immature or whatever else people think when you tell them about your video game hobby.

We’re not obligated to be our “normal” selves, or even a version of who we normally are. There are a lot of people finding out right now that they don’t even know who they actually are. They know how they present themselves to the world, but that doesn’t really do much good when you’re alone in your house, right? Or really even with your family. 

No one’s going to call you unprofessional or immature or whatever else people think when you tell them about your video game hobby. Or your cleaning strategies - that you can do with pajamas on, or pants-less! Who actually cares? Not one dang person. And if they do? You probably don’t want to be that close to them anyway. 

All of this is to say that if you have to tell yourself “I will be okay” more often as a reminder, or you find that more days are “just” so so, it is okay.

You will be okay, just like I will be okay. 

We are resilient! 

We are resilient!

And hopefully, as a society, we have learned from this experience enough to create a new and better normal. A people-centered normal that doesn’t always focus so much on “grinding” at all hours of the day and night to make money that ultimately means nothing if we don’t get to build relationships and memories.

A normal that allows people to put family first, do the things that make them happy without worrying that a sick day or a PTO day will leave them unable to pay the water bill or buy food for their family. 

One last thing, friends: if you are not okay, please reach out and get help.

Whether that’s to a friend, a family member, an online community, a therapist - whoever you trust. If you have no one, please reach out to me. Bad days and just okay days shouldn’t run our whole lives, and there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with asking for help if it seems like they do. 

If today was just an okay day for you, I hope this helps just a little bit. Sometimes knowing other people are out there having similar experiences is enough to comfort us through to a new tomorrow. 

Just remember, everything will be okay. 

Yours in okay-ness, 

Dream Big & Don't Apologize for It

What do you think of when you hear the word dream? 

Take a minute and write down all the things you associate with dreams. Don’t over analyze, just jot down the words and phrases that come to mind on a piece of paper or in a notebook.

Our brains are incredibly powerful, and even in these few moments, you probably had more than one association with the idea of dreams. 

You might have thought of things like: Sleep, nap, bed, night, bad dream, or nightmare. 

Our brains are incredibly powerful, and even in these few moments, you probably had more than one association with the idea of dreams. 

These are obvious ties to physically dreaming when you sleep. 

But some of you might also have thought about things like: Goals, challenges, too hard, big dreams, success, roadblocks, support (or lack of support). Maybe even impossible. 

Not all dreams are physical, so it makes sense that you might have thought about intangible career or life dreams, too. 

Take another look at your words - are your associations positive? Negative? A mixture of both? 

It’s pretty normal to have a mixed bag of feelings. After all, the human experience is diverse! None of us have exactly the same situations or outlook on life, even when we are similar to others. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some extraordinarily good experiences, but I’ve also had gut-wrenchingly bad experiences. That’s the balance of life. 

If your words are mostly positive, that’s great! I’d love to hear about your journey because that’s pretty dang cool. 

If your words about dreams are mostly negative, though, or have a solid mix of negative, let’s talk about it. 

Dream

First of All, What Do You Mean When You Say Dream? 

Although I love talking about sleep dreams, the kind of dream I am talking about right now is the intangible kind. The kind the dictionary defines as “something that you want to happen very much but that is not very likely.” 

Um, yikes! 

It’s no wonder some of us have a mixed or primarily negative word association if we’re saying these things are not very likely to happen!

It’s no wonder some of us have a mixed or primarily negative word association if we’re saying these things are not very likely to happen!

Nonetheless, we prevail, right? 

We dream about things like having a career we enjoy, a happy partnership with someone who loves us very much and who we love equally in return. Maybe a family and a house. Maybe to travel the world on our own dime not having to worry about money all the dang time! 

These are the kinds of dreams I’m talking about today. The ones we always talk about like, “Oh, that’d be nice, but it’ll never happen.” 

Dream Big

What Makes a Dream Big?

Some of our dreams are “normal” things like wanting to have a job that actually pays the bills - pretty reasonable, right? Or being able to move out of your parent’s house when you get a full time job. 

But some of our dreams, whether or not we share them with anyone, are BIG dreams. These are the kinds of things we want but are less sure we can achieve. Maybe we want to own a big house with lots of land. Or own a brand new BMW. Maybe we want to start a business, or travel the world! 

The main difference between a dream and a BIG dream is how feasible you believe it is and whether you’re willing to take the actions necessary to get to it. 

Big dreams aren’t easy. They’re not things we should reasonably be able to achieve if we just meander through life watching the world around us.  Big dreams require work, and lots of it. They require creative and out-of-the box thinking. You have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone to get them, which is what stops a lot of people from dreaming big! 

Most of us have a pretty small (or moderate) comfort zone where we can get sucked into lazing around hoping but not acting on our ambition. I’ve been there! That space has plenty of room for naps, an unlimited supply of cute yoga pants, and a fully stocked fridge for all the snacking I don’t need to do. 

The hard part of big dreams is that we can’t stay within our comfort zone to achieve them. We have to be brave and make some bold moves. These are the kinds of big dreams I mean. Some people might even say “wildest dreams.” 

What are your wildest dreams? What are the dreams you feel deep down you would LOVE to happen? That scare the living daylights out of you? 

What are your wildest dreams? What are the dreams you feel deep down you would LOVE to happen? That scare the living daylights out of you? 

Write them down underneath your dream associations right now. 

Don’t pay any attention to what you think a dream is, or whether or not you think you could get to the dream. Don’t worry about whether anyone else in your life knows (you don’t have to share - these are your dreams!). Just focus on you.

What would make your life completely and utterly awesome if it happened? 

Why Should I Dream Big? 

I can’t see your dreams, but I know they are big! How does it feel seeing them on the paper like that? 

Exhilarating? Scary? Good! If your big dreams don’t scare you at least little, they’re not big enough! 

So now that you have taken the time to write these dreams into existence (you didn’t even notice you were making progress here, did you?), what the heck do you do with it?

Why did I ask you to go through all that exercise?

There are 3 reasons we all need to dream big: 

Personal Growth & Fulfillment 

Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? Probably not, right? And that’s a good thing! I’m a way better person now than I was back then, and I’m eternally grateful that I’ve grown so much. 

As we age, we learn and become better versions of ourselves, at least most of us do. Having big dreams allows us to work toward a goal. Presumably our goals are positive - we want to do something incredible, make a difference, travel, and/or whatever else enables us to grow and become better. 

Dreams help us take steps and make decisions based on the fact that we want to achieve them.

These dreams help us take steps and make decisions based on the fact that we want to achieve them, even if they seem unrealistic or no one else believes we will get there. They help us find fulfilling ways to grow and learn new things, even with small steps.

For instance, one of my big dreams has always been to be a writer. It’s a long story (if you’re interested, you can find it here). About a year ago, I did 2 things: started my novel and started this blog. It didn’t happen overnight, but I have become a writer. I’ve added to my dream, now, but it was scary as heck to publicly call myself a writer for the first time! I bet you can imagine how satisfying it was to actually believe myself when I said it, though.. 

This is what big dreams do - they give us a way to grow and be fulfilled. 

Keep Things Interesting

Aside from being fulfilling and helping us grow, big dreams help keep things interesting in our lives! 

Can you imagine living a whole life not having any kind of big dreams to aspire to? We’ve been in quarantine for a few months now, and personally I can’t imagine living the same daily humdrum as when it all started. Not having a reason to get excited every day or make progress would be awfully boring, I think. 

Each day does matter, and we learn something new every single day, even when we don’t notice.

This isn’t to say that routines aren’t helpful, or that sometimes we won’t have boring or unfulfilled days. Routines are an absolute treasure for productivity, and sometimes a boring day is much needed.

When you are working toward your big dreams, not all days will be equal, or even feel like they matter. The good news is each day does matter, and we learn something new every single day, even when we don’t notice.  It’s nice to add a variety to our lives, though. Some days are huge for us - our dreams get closer and we can say things like, “Wow! That’s a real possibility!” 

We wouldn’t have these kinds of inspirational days without the dreams.

Live Fully - Don’t Just Survive

The last, and probably the most important, reason we need to dream big is that it allows us to really live. Dreaming is about imagining, working hard, conquering, and enjoying. We would miss some of the best parts of life if we didn’t have big dreams to work toward. 

There are some points of our lives where it’s important to survive. Some days it’s all we can do to get through the day so it will just. freaking. end. I get it! I’ve been there! (Probably more recently than you would think, too.) 

Without these big dreams to push us forward, it would be pretty easy to get stuck in the survive each day mindset.

Without these big dreams to push us forward, it would be pretty easy to get stuck in the survive each day mindset. Think about going to a job you hate every day for the rest of your life. Being in a relationship with someone that just doesn’t work and never trying to change it. Living in a studio apartment that doesn’t allow the furry friend you’ve been longing for, but not doing anything to move up and out! 

I don’t know about you, but none of these things sounds great. They all sound like the confines of our comfort zone, even when it’s not what we want or are happy with. 

Big Dream

How Do I Achieve a Big Dream? 

So you have these dreams, and they’re pretty awesome. Maybe stuff that you can’t even envision (yet) in real life! 

Another one of my big dreams is to interview J.K. Rowling about her writing. How will I do that? Completely unknown at this point! But it’s on my writing bucket list because why not? It would be un-freaking-believable - the stuff of my wildest dreams. 

I won’t say it’s easy to get to your big dreams, because then they wouldn’t really be big. But, it’s not an overly complicated process if you look at it on a global scale.

Take some time and follow these steps on the same paper or notebook you used for your notes.Do these steps for ONE of your big dreams only. If you try to map them all out at once you will overwhelm yourself. 

Step 1: Plan it Out

You have the dream in front of you, so work backwards to figure out what steps you need to take to achieve it. Start by brainstorming the big steps, and then for each big step, list out the smaller steps it takes to complete them. Think about each big step as a goal, and each small step as a mini-goal. Put your plan somewhere you can see it every day. 

Step 2: Take Small Steps

Once you have your plan, figure out how to reach your first goal. Use your small steps as mini-goals to stay encouraged. You could even give yourself small rewards for reaching the mini-goals. The old adage “Rome wasn’t built in a day” holds true for most big things. It won’t happen overnight, but keep taking those small steps and achieving those mini-goals. 

Step 3: Work on it Daily

The hardest part about any dream, really, is the work that goes into it. Sometimes even the best laid plans need to be adjusted to account for things we didn’t know we needed to do to get to our goals! You don’t know what you don’t know. (These cliches are really something when used as a group, aren’t they? It’s almost like someone really wise said them first...) 

I know that you will find a way through as long as you consistently show up and work toward the end goal every day. It doesn’t have to be major progress each and every day, but the small things do add up in the end. 

You can do this 3 step process as many times as you want for as many dreams as you have. It’s beautiful and replicable. 

You can do this 3 step process as many times as you want for as many dreams as you have. It’s beautiful and replicable. 

Fail

What Do I Do When I Fail? 

Friends, you have incredible dreams, and now you have a plan for how to get to one of them. You’ve figured out what steps you need to take to get there, and you’ve committed to working on them every day. 

Holy cow! 

You’re making a great decision, and you’re one step closer to getting to your big dreams. You can’t see, but I’m giving you a thumbs up because this stuff is hard work. It’s scary. And you’re doing it anyway, which is commendable. 

With this new plan, however, there will be days that just don’t go according to plan. There will be moments when you wonder if you can keep going, whether this whole big dream thing is really worth it. Days when you just flat out fail. It happens to everyone. 

On these days:

First, Take a Breath

Failures and mistakes are a part of life. They happen. And sometimes there’s not one darn thing you can do to stop them or fix them. In the moment, take a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

It’s not the end of the world (even if it feels like it). Most importantly, DO NOT make snap decisions or do anything reactive that you will regret later. Breathe until you feel at least a modicum of calmness. 

Examine the Experience

Once you are in a calmer state of mind, examine what happened. Look at all the aspects and events and do your best to leave out emotions. For many of us this will be hard because our dreams are so close to our hearts, but we can’t fix the problem or do anything about it until we’ve figured out what went wrong. 

Get Back Up & Try Again

When you have rationally examined the situation, get back up and try your small step again. Keep in mind what went wrong, but don’t let that stop you from getting to that big dream. Keep getting back up and trying again. You’ve got this! 

Succeed

What Do I Do When I Succeed But Others Just Don’t Get It?

I love talking about dreams because they are exciting! They are passionate, and play such an incredible role in our lives. 

Not everyone does like talking about dreams, though. And not everyone is working on their big dreams like you are. It’s great when you have a wide support network to check in on your progress, but the reality is that not everyone has that. Even people who do have a good support network might not always get the response they thought they would. 

There will be times when a person or people around you see your success and don’t react positively. It can happen any number of ways: criticism, outright disbelief, undermining further progress, etc. It hurts. It’s hard. It’s discouraging. 

These reactions have much less to do with you than with the person expressing them.

When this happens, know that these reactions have much less to do with you than with the person expressing them. You can’t be sure of the cause (unless you ask - that choice is up to you), and you won’t know if they will change their mind. It’s not your job to convince others that your big dream is worth pursuing. 

Read that one more time.

It’s not your job to convince others that your big dream is worth pursuing. 

Once the sting wears off (and it will): 

Do it Anyway

First and foremost, these dreams are yours. Keep going. If you’re someone who is fueled by a challenge, this might actually spark a bigger fire in you to prove them wrong. If you’re typically sensitive to others (hey there, me too!) this will be harder. You will probably feel some combination of guilt and doubt. Keep going. DO IT.. Work toward that big dream anyway! 

Find Other Support

You don’t have to reach out to other people right away, but you should find some kind of support for yourself. Surround yourself with people with similar goals and big dreams of their own. These people are out there, and they’ll understand what you’re going through. All you have to do is find them.

Keep Dreaming Big

No matter what happens, no matter what people tell you or what events transpire, keep dreaming big dreams. You are worth it! You are worth the effort it takes to make big dreams come true, and you’ll never make a better investment than yourself. Take a deep breath, take the next step that scares you, and keep dreaming those dreams. You can be an unstoppable dream-getter if you set your mind to it!

What are your big dreams? How are you working on them? Are you struggling? Drop a comment below, find me on social media, or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! I’d love to chat

5 Ways to Create a Happy Mother’s Day (Without Breaking the Bank)

Wanting to spoil all the great mothers in your life? But kind of broke? 

We’ve all been there, and it’s no fun. But just because you’re short on cash doesn’t mean you can’t create a happy Mother’s Day for those special ladies! 

Writers and creatives have a special gift in that we can create a wonderful day for virtually no cost. You probably remember making the cheesy “coupon books” when you were a kid: you know the ones with the “free hug” and “30 minute foot rub” that you refused to honor when your mom asked for it?

Writers and creatives have a special gift in that we can create a wonderful day for virtually no cost.

While your mother may appreciate a more mature version of the coupon book (like doing her toughest or most disliked chores), this year you can do something better! 

Give the mother figures in your life a happy Mother's Day this year with one of these low cost ideas that play to your creative strengths.

Creative & Heartfelt Gifts:

1. Make a Meal at Home

Not all moms are the primary cooks in their homes, but many are! 

Think back to when you were a kid - what was a food or meal your mom made that you remember fondly? 

On nights when it was just me and my mom for girls’ night, we would make beans and cheese and chips. The whole meal consisted of refried beans, melted cheese, and tortilla chips to dip into the mixture. My mom always let me have the last bite of melted cheese on the top - the best bite in the whole meal. When I visit my mom for girl time now, as an adult, we still share this dish and it makes us both smile. 

The primary goal is to make your mom feel loved with something she will enjoy.  

If you are looking for a heartfelt gift to your mother this year, consider making a meal for her. This could be a meal you remember fondly, or a brand new recipe you know she’ll like. It doesn’t have to be complicated, especially if you don’t feel very confident in your cooking skills. The primary goal is to make your mom feel loved with something she will enjoy.  

2. Write Your Mom a Story Where She’s the Hero

Let’s be honest, not all of us were always angels to our moms, right? I can think of many times where I was a sassy know-it-all even when my mom was right and we both knew it. Sometimes we also say things we don’t mean, as you see on the TV shows where the teens shout “I hate you!”

We obviously don’t really hate our moms, but we don’t always give them the praise they deserve either. Not for the countless hours of worry and work they put into helping us succeed, or the fact that we came out to be functioning adults even when we made those questionable decisions our mom told us specifically not to do. 

We obviously don’t really hate our moms, but we don’t always give them the praise they deserve either.

So what better way to honor your mom than by making her a hero?! This piece of writing doesn’t have to be long - a few pages maybe - but it should clearly illustrate that your mom is pretty awesome. If you’re artistic, you could even do the story comic book style! You can completely make up a story, or use a scene from “real life” - writer’s choice. 

3. Spend Quality Time Together

As adults, we tend to get stuck in a routine. Especially when many of us have been working from home for months, with no end established yet! So getting out and safely exploring a new place (while social distancing, as I imagine will still be in place throughout the next couple of months) will be a lovely treat. 

For those of you who live close to your mothers (you lucky ducks!), you have the opportunity to go see your mom. Set a time and date and spend intentional, phone-less time together. Whether that’s watching a movie, taking a nice walk, exploring a new place, or even just being together while you get something useful done, really emphasize being present in the moment. 

We never truly know how much time we have with those we love most, so quality time - not quantity - is one of the most precious gifts we can give to each other.

One thing I’ve learned as an adult is that we never truly know how much time we have with those we love most, so quality time - not quantity - is one of the most precious gifts we can give to each other. Plus, if you don’t get to see your mom very often, she misses you. 

If you live farther away from your mom and you can’t travel, set up a time to video chat. Platforms like Zoom, Google Duo, and FaceTime are pretty awesome, and you’ll probably have some giggles together if one or both of you has never used the app before. When you are on the call, make it a point to stop what you are doing and be present in the conversation. Don’t check other apps, or do the dishes or whatever else you might be tempted to do (I am a huge offender!) - just be in the moment. 

You’ll find that you both appreciate the thought and willingness to make the time, because we all know we don’t just “find time” laying around.

Mother's Day Gifts

4. Make a Card from Your Pet(s)

Many moms have a tendency to collect sentimental pieces of artwork from when their children are young. I know I have seen some pretty funny art I created when I was young that my mom held onto for years because I made it for her.

It’s nice, really, that we can keep these special memories. Most of us don’t tend to hand make cards when we are adults, whether it’s because we “don’t have time” or can afford to buy one. And, something is just different about making a card when you’re a “mature” adult, right? 

Who doesn’t want to think that someone beloved is thinking about them and doing something unique to make them smile? 

But, a handmade card from a beloved pet, whether that pet is yours or your mom’s is super cute (as long as your mom likes the pet in question). Have some fun with it! If your pets are as beloved as our little dog, Charlie, your mom will be happy & maybe even feel like it’s from her grand-dog or grand-cat. Who doesn’t want to think that someone beloved is thinking about them and doing something unique to make them smile? 

When I’m creating things from Charlie to other people (he also “signs” all the birthday and holiday cards), I try to imagine what it would look like if he could actually use his paws to write or fold. I also imagine what he might say, or how he would express himself if he could talk.

The funny thing about being a creative writer is that 100% of the time I can imagine what Charlie is thinking, but I definitely can’t always think of the next piece of my novel… go figure, right? 

5. Let Her Choose What to Do the Entire Day

When was the last time you spent quality time with your mom when you weren’t requesting a favor? Or suggesting an activity? Or asking her to make you food? 

When we’re first starting out on our own, we ask a lot of our mom: for help, for advice, sometimes for money. And that’s completely normal! Goodness knows I’ve had to ask for a lot of help over the years. I’m pretty sure it’s just part of figuring out this whole surviving adulthood thing. 

Be purposeful in letting her know that you are here for the ride she chooses to go on. 

As much as your mom probably doesn’t mind helping, sometimes she wants to do what she wants to do though it often takes a back seat to helping her kids. 

A great way to make your mom feel loved is to spend time with her where she decides what to do. That might be staying in and watching a movie, but it also might be going to have tea or shopping together somewhere besides Dollar General (can you tell my town is small?). Be purposeful in letting her know that you are here for the ride she chooses to go on. 

All of these things are great (inexpensive!) ways to spoil your mama and other mother figures in your life on this special day.

All of these things are great (inexpensive!) ways to spoil your mama and other mother figures in your life on this special day. Moms deal with a lot, and even though one day doesn’t really cover how special these ladies are, we sure can make them feel loved and celebrated!

Do you do anything creative for your mom to celebrate Mother’s Day? I’d love to hear what other creatives do or have done (or want to try in the future) for the moms in their lives! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com and let me know.