Interview with an Author: Dr. Deborah Mix

Our February guest author here at Capturing Your Confidence is Dr. Deborah Mix.

Deborah Mix teaches American literature and Women's and Gender Studies at Ball State University, where she is a professor of English. She is the author of "A Vocabulary of Thinking": Gertrude Stein and Contemporary North American Women's Innovative Writing (U of Iowa Press, 2007) and the co-editor, with Logan Esdale, of Approaches to Teaching the Writing of Gertrude Stein (MLA Press, 2018).

Her articles have appeared in academic journals including American Literature and Contemporary Women's Writing and in edited collections including The Cambridge History of 20th-Century American Women's Poetry (Cambridge, 2016) and Revisiting the Elegy in the Black Lives Matter Era (Routledge, 2020). 

We connected with Dr. Mix about her writing & teaching experiences, and what advice she would give to aspiring authors.

Tell us a little about what your specialty studies.

I’m a teacher and scholar of American literature, with a specialization in twentieth-century American poetry in particular. I’m especially interested in the ways that women poets understand themselves and how we can understand them in relationship to one another, sort of like a family tree of writing. How does understanding one writer’s work help us think about another’s, and vice versa.

Tell us about your writing journey. Have you always wanted to be a writer?

No. I don’t think I really considered the “writing” aspect of academia when I headed in this direction. I just wanted to read interesting things and talk about them with other people. In some ways, I’m still learning to think of myself as a writer.

Where did the idea for your edited collection, Approaches to Teaching the Works of Gertrude Stein, develop from?

My co-editor and I had both done scholarly work on Stein, and we’d both been teaching her writing in our classes and making the case for Stein’s significance. But it was our sense that while a lot of other people thought her work was important, they weren’t sure how to teach it.

While a lot of other people thought her [Gertrude Stein's] work was important, they weren’t sure how to teach it.

At the same time, we knew there were people out there doing really exciting things with Stein’s writing in their classrooms. We wanted to bring those ideas together in a collection.

How does the process of collaboration work between multiple editors? How does it differ from working on a piece of your own?

The biggest challenge was balancing our approaches to writing and editing. Logan wanted to take a more active editorial approach than I did at first, but I came around to his way of thinking. We had to move in my direction in terms of the material we wrote because there just wasn’t space for the level of detail he wanted to include.

Logistically, we also had the challenge of coming up with a system to keep track of drafts of essays and to make sure we spoke in one voice in our comments to authors.

What was your process for putting the collection together?

Because the collection came out through the Modern Language Association (MLA), we had to go through multiple reviews along the way—it was a slow process! We wanted a collection that included approaches to a wide variety of Stein’s work, not just her most familiar pieces (like Tender Buttons and The Autobiography), as well as a wide variety of pedagogical strategies.

Selecting the essays to include was both pleasurable and difficult—people are doing wonderful things with Stein’s writing in their classrooms!

Selecting the essays to include was both pleasurable and difficult—people are doing wonderful things with Stein’s writing in their classrooms! We worked closely with the authors on their essays to ensure they met our goals for the collection as well as the authors’ goals for their work. 

Describe your biggest writing obstacle and how you overcame it.

I’m not sure I have overcome it, but I’d say my most common challenge is believing that what I’m saying is valuable. Sometimes I feel like Captain Obvious, and I have to remind myself that what feels obvious is often the product of a lot of thinking and research on my part, so it won’t feel obvious to anyone else.

How do you balance teaching and writing? Where, if any, do you see intersections between your work and your writing?

Because I know what it’s like to feel like an impostor or to doubt the value of my writing, I can help students who harbor the same fears. As a writer, I love a good close reading, so that’s something I try to encourage in my students. Good arguments (and good writing more broadly) should come out of and stay grounded in textual detail. 

What is the part of the book (or process) you are most proud of?

I’m really proud of the range of ideas in the collection. There are essays about teaching Stein’s operas (Four Saints in Three Actsand The Mother of Us All), her mystery novel (Blood on the Dining Room Floor), and The Making of Americans.

There’s truly something for almost anyone who wants to teach Stein’s writing.

There are ideas for teaching her work in introductory classes and graduate courses, and in American Studies, theatre, and creative writing contexts. There’s truly something for almost anyone who wants to teach Stein’s writing.

Do you have plans for another book or additional published writing in the future?

I’m talking with a colleague about putting together an edited collection on the feminist poet, scholar, teacher, and editor Kathleen Fraser.

Do you write creatively, or would you ever consider doing creative writing? If so, how do you think that differs from your academic writing?

No, I don’t feel drawn to write creatively, though I admire the poet/scholars that I know very much.

What do you want the world to know about you as an author?

I see myself as a feminist scholar, seeking to foreground the voices of other feminist authors.

What is the biggest piece of advice you would give to aspiring writers?

Figure out what you’re curious about and ground your writing in those questions.

Figure out what you’re curious about and ground your writing in those questions.

If you would like to purchase Dr. Mix's book Approaches to Teaching the Works of Gertrude Stein to use in your classroom, or just to read, you can find a copy here.

If you would like to purchase Dr. Mix's first book on Stein, A Vocabulary of Thinking, you can find a copy here.

If you know an author, or of an author, you would love to read an interview with, email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com!

4 Ways to Gain Confidence When You Need It: Exploring Confidence Series, Part 4

Welcome back to the Exploring Confidence Series!  

When you try to gain confidence, how do you do it? 

In the fourth and final part of our Exploring Confidence mini-series, we will discuss why you need confidence and what we do to gain confidence when we don’t have it.

Series Review

In Part 1 we defined confidence as: the “quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future.” We discussed self-efficacy, where confidence comes from, and the fact that everyone needs it! 

In Part 2 we expanded these ideas and discussed two important factors that create confidence: support from our network and taking risks & succeeding. 

Confidence is made up of a combination of inner strength, willingness to be wrong, and the knowledge that you can get back up when you fall down.

Confidence matters because it creates a more positive mindset, allows for better interactions with others, and creates an easier path to success

In Part 3 we got into the details of four major reasons we lose confidence: lack of support network, harmful support network, confidence never fully developed, and bad/failed experiences.

When we lose confidence, we become afraid to make decisions, don’t take action on our big ideas, worry more, and feel resigned and/or stuck.

Why Do We Need Confidence? 

If you’ve been following our series (yay!), you might remember from Part 1 that everyone needs confidence. It’s important!

Why is it so important, though? Confidence helps us: 

Make Decisions When we are confident, we doubt ourselves less, and as a result, we are able to be more decisive. We don’t have to linger on the agonizing question of whether we made the “right” decision because we are sure of our knowledge and abilities. 

Take Control of Our Lives When we are confident, we make decisions. Sometimes those are good, and sometimes maybe not so much. But, if we are scared and stuck in our comfort zone, we miss opportunities to really live rather than just survive each day. We are more likely to take a risk and get a reward. We might also take a risk and receive a negative consequence. Either way, our confidence allows us to be drivers in our own life rather than passengers. 

Build Connections When we are confident, we network more effectively and build stronger connections with other individuals. Sometimes these are like-minded people who grow into friends or family. Sometimes they are opposites or compliments to our skills who grow into business partners. Our confidence makes us more willing to reach out or have necessary conversations that might normally make us uncomfortable. 

Our confidence allows us to be drivers in our own life rather than passengers. 

Succeed When we are confident, we can fail forward and grow. We build relationships, make decisions, and take control of our lives. These are keys of success! Trying, working hard, and knowing we can face any obstacle that comes our way. After all, everything is figureoutable (thanks for this gem, Marie Forleo!). We need this kind of confident and positive mindset to see real, long-lasting success.

How Do We Gain Confidence When We Don’t Have It? 

It’s great when we have confidence, right? Because we do the things we love and know we need to do - and we win! Sometimes they are basic things, but we are still doing it!

But we are all humans here, and no one is immune to down days. And sometimes those down days can be really down. 

I’m talking about days where everything is going wrong and no matter how many times you’ve done something you feel like you are failing (and not forward).  Can you relate? 

Can you relate? 

What do we do in these situations? 

Sometimes we give up, and you know what? A day or two where you surrender to the bad day isn’t necessarily a bad thing. They can be terrific growing moments (after the day is over, of course).

BUT, if you find that you don’t have confidence on a regular basis, you have some work to do! I am 100% sure that you are a capable person who has a lot to offer the world. I have no doubts. I’m not the one who needs convincing of that, though, because I already know. It’s you who needs to be convinced of your own awesomeness. 

So when you are feeling low or scared, when your confidence is nowhere to be found, try these things. They’re sure to work, and excuse the language, but you’ll be your bad ass self again in no time! Or, maybe for the first time, if your confidence has been hiding for awhile.

Take a Breath & Affirm Yourself.

The very first thing you should do when you need confidence and don’t have it is to take a breath. Close your eyes and breathe in slowly. Clear your mind of everything else, especially your stressors and anxious feelings. 

The very first thing you should do when you need confidence and don’t have it is to take a breath.

Take slow deep breaths for as long as it takes for you to clear your mind. The first few times you try this, it will be hard. Keep going! After you use this strategy a few times, you will notice it getting easier, and more calming. 

Once you’re calm, open your eyes and reaffirm yourself. Speak out loud to yourself, and if you are in a place with a mirror, look at yourself while you are saying your affirmation(s). 

Select a couple of short and powerful mantras that work for you. If you think you will forget, write them out or print them and carry them around with you. 

If you are totally lost or thinking “What the heck should I say to myself?!”, I have created a printable list for you! Click the button below to get it now. Feel free to use it however is most helpful, whether that’s using the phrases as they are or using them as inspiration for your own! 

Get My Affirmations!

Let Yourself Have Down Days.

Not every day will be a great one, and that’s okay. Part of what allows us to really appreciate joyful times are those bad days that seem like they’ll never end. It’s okay every now and then to just embrace the fact that you’re having a down day. 

The key being every now and then. If you find yourself in a holding pattern where you have a bad day every few days or every week, take some time to analyze what’s making the day so bad. Is it a major part of your life that’s causing an issue? These kinds of things might include work or relationships. 

Figuring out what’s causing your down days is instrumental in having less of them.

If it’s not major things, what kinds of minor things are causing an issue? Bad habit? Something health related that’s manageable but annoying? 

Figuring out what’s causing your down days is instrumental in having less of them. Not to mention, they can sometimes feel less bad when you realize what’s causing them. 

Replace Your Idea of Failure. 

Failure as a concept is kind of useless, when you think about it. 

The dictionary defines failure as a “lack of success in doing something.” 

What exactly are we supposed to do with that? 

Nothing! 

All failure tells us is that we didn’t do something well or achieve our expected outcome. Not to mention it feels downright bad when we say “I failed.” We trap ourselves into thinking that because we didn’t succeed, we won’t succeed - which absolutely isn’t true!

We need to reprogram our brains to think, “How can I do/be better next time?” rather than “I am a failure.” 

What we need isn’t necessarily an idea of “failing,” but an idea of growth when we don’t succeed. We need to reprogram our brains to think, “How can I do/be better next time?” rather than “I am a failure.” 

Questioning ourselves is critical to growth. There will almost always be a “next time,” so our goal shouldn’t be to dwell on the fact that we did something wrong, but how to do/be better when our next time comes.

Out of all the steps to take to grow your confidence, or get it back, this is the hardest one. It’s so hard to go against the grain of what feels natural and comfortable, but believe me, it’s worth it. Your confidence will thank you, and whatever “failure” you’re facing next time will feel like a speed bump instead of a wall!

Do What Scares You.

Take a moment and think about what your life would be like if you did all the things you were scared to do. Are you dreaming of an awesome life?! What if I told you that you could have that life? That doing the things that scare you will literally change your life?

Doing the things that scare you is a game-changer. 

Doing the things that scare you is a game-changer. You don’t have to just take my word for it, either. There are 4 things you can start doing TODAY to start working toward your awesome life. If you’re interested in a more in-depth look at doing things that scare you, I wrote a whole blog about it (it’s one of my very favorites!). You can find that here, if you’re interested. 

Step 1: Make a Plan You have a vision for your awesome, confident life. That’s great! Now you need to know how to get there. Write down the big steps you have to take. Then, write down how to get to each big step. Don’t take action just yet, but keep your list handy.

Step 2: Take Small Steps Your first steps into doing scary things should probably be small. You don’t want to get so overwhelmed that you give up before you really get going! Look at the smaller things on your list - do you need to network with people to get a new position? Try adding the individual on LinkedIn. 

Step 3: Take Secret Steps This part is important! We often love sharing our new ventures, especially with friends and family. While this is great, and can lead to a strong support network, I want you to take some steps just for you. 

Revel in what you find out and accomplish that no one in the world knows about except you. Because when no one else knows, and you feel that surge of confidence, you will know it’s coming from you and your actions alone. 

Take some steps just for you.

For instance, if you decide to research something you’ve always wanted to do, even if it’s without intention of making a decision by yourself, it’s important for you to know that you’ve taken the initiative on your own. No one prompted you, and you’re not beholden to anyone to provide updates. It’s purely an act of confidence to be able to say “I did this work, and now I know how I can make this happen.” 

Step 4: Use the 10 Seconds of Courage Rule This tool is especially great if you’re struggling with confidence around other people. The idea is that you take 10 seconds and do something that scares the bejeebers out of you and you convince yourself you can do it because it’s only 10 seconds. 

Want to ask a new romantic interest out to dinner but don’t know how? Take 10 seconds of courage to type out a text and hit the send button. It doesn’t have to be fancy, and you won’t have time to overthink. Just do the thing. You’ll be surprised by how confident you feel once you’ve done it! 

Even if that person says no for some reason, you can use the 10 seconds of courage rule to do almost anything. Heck, that’s how my now-husband and I began our relationship! I took 10 seconds of (insane) courage and asked about it! It sparked the convo and here we are 8 years later. 

It’s also how I negotiated benefits at my job. This really works, folks. And once you get the hang of it, it’s exhilarating!

This really works, folks. And once you get the hang of it, it’s exhilarating!

All of these steps are tried and true - I use all of them in my everyday life, and I know I’m not the only one. Not having confidence can be brutal, and no one should have to feel like they’re surviving their life instead of living it. 

Be kind to yourself as you’re learning and growing your confidence! For some people these steps might seem easy, but for others they will be incredibly hard. Either way, you’ve got this.

Did you use the steps? How did they work for you?  I’d love to hear about your journey! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com. 

3 Reasons Every Class Should be Casual Friday Attire

After the semester is in full swing, I begin converting my attire to casual. Usually, jeans and a nice dress shirt. 

My very first semester teaching, I was scared to death to stop “dressing up” for class. I wore a dress shirt, slacks, and dress shoes with pantyhose. I took the extra time to do my makeup and hair nicely. It was really as if I was interviewing 3 times a week - at least that’s what I thought. 

I eventually did convert over, at the very end of the semester, when I was so tired it took effort to put a matching outfit together at all. What I found was shocking.

Not only did the students not care what I was wearing, but I engaged with them better.

Not only did the students not care what I was wearing, but I engaged with them better. I was more comfortable in my own skin and prepared to do more creative activities and discussion in class because - shock of the day - I actually felt like myself instead of just a role I was playing.

Being a college English teacher is a lot of responsibility, and at 22 when I started teaching, I had much more strict notions of what I thought I should be like in that role. I thought I needed to dress up to garner respect from the students and be known as the authority in the classroom. 

As it turns out, my authority in the classroom doesn’t come from what I’m wearing, it comes from my experience and what I know. This revelation was a surprise, but probably shouldn’t have been. Why did I assume that wearing nice clothes would earn me respect and authority in the classroom more so than casual clothing? Why did it matter at all?

The main conclusion I’ve come to is that I hadn’t seen many relaxed teachers before I started teaching my own classes. Much of my formal education involved teachers in dress attire with formal “strict” procedures we had to follow. I was lectured at a lot, and while my teachers were certainly knowledgeable experts, many of them didn’t engage with classes like I do. 

In fact, the most memorable teachers I’ve had were those who engaged more and seemed less focused on the formalities of the classroom. They were receptive to student knowledge and worked hard to engage students where they were at rather than assuming knowledge levels and then lecturing for 50 minutes three times a week. 

This isn’t to say that any college English teachers I encountered were unprofessional. On the contrary, I find the diversity in the displays of professionalism intriguing, and even inspiring. Some of the most distinct lines between these differences are generational, geographical, and cultural. 

I find the diversity in the displays of professionalism intriguing, and even inspiring.

Probably the biggest difference I’ve seen is between male and female professors. In my experience, it seems the ladies tend to take more care with their outfits and general appearance. The gentleman are much more likely to come to class wearing casual attire like jeans. 

It begs the question - does the attire really matter? If female professors dress up for class and male professors don’t, does that change the content or delivery of the material? I don’t think so. 

Personally, I dress “nicely” for the first weekor two; but, the rest of the semester is much more casual! And, as I gain more teaching confidence, I start bringing in my casual attire sooner. 

Here’s why:

Comfortable Attire = Comfortable Presentation of Material

When I’m dressed comfortably, which for me means casually, I am more confident. I don’t have to worry about my nice clothes being itchy or constrictive. Or my dress shoes leaving blisters. 

I am free to share knowledge, answer questions, and make students interact with each other so they can learn together. I am more creative in my presentation of material, and because I’m more comfortable, class just goes...well, better. 

I am more creative in my presentation of material, and because I’m more comfortable, class just goes...well, better. 

This isn’t to say that no one is comfortable in more formal attire; however, the main question to ask yourself when considering whether or not to dress formally is what goal you are achieving by doing so. 

Are you dressing formally to prove a point? Or to present a specific level of credibility? Because you are unsure if you are allowed to be more casual?

Whatever answer you come to, it’s important to remember that the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the better and more effective you can be as a college English teacher. 

Self-Awareness of Teacher Ethos

In first year composition (FYC) we teach students about the rhetorical triangle. If you are unfamiliar with this terminology, there are three main concepts: 

Ethos - Credibility; How does the author present themselves & the material? Why do we believe the author, or why not?

Pathos - Emotion; How does the author attempt to sway your emotions and tug at your heartstrings in attempt to persuade you?

Logos - Logic; How does the author appeal to your logic? What evidence do they use to support their claims?

We learn about how writers use these methods of persuasion to effect audiences, and then students analyze imagery and text to see how they work. Many times, we teachers use familiar examples, like ourselves, to explain each appeal. 

How we present ourselves in the classroom can determine the course of the semester, especially that first week when students don’t really know the instructors yet.

While this is a standard part of many English classes, it’s also a part of daily teacher life. 

How we present ourselves in the classroom can determine the course of the semester

If you are strict, wearing dress clothes, and present yourself with an air of being so much the expert that you don’t have any room for growth, the students are much less likely to engage and ask questions. They are probably afraid to be wrong - I know I was when I was a student in this situation! Your ethos tells them you know a whole lot more than they do and you’re not afraid to show it. 

Students respond much differently than if you are wearing a polo and jeans, smiling, and making them feel welcome. Your ethos is different. You’re still an authority - after all, it is your class - but you are now seen more as a person who knows lots of things than an unapproachable expert. The moment you become a person rather than a generic teacher role is the moment students will begin to open up and engage. 

How do we want students to feel around us? How can we facilitate their learning? If we do want (or are required) to dress formally, how can we use our body language to present an approachable ethos to our students?

While clothing is only part of the equation for having an approachable ethos, it is a relatively easy change to make, and one that can have an immediate impact. 

Learning Doesn’t Depend on Clothing

Think for a moment about the best teacher you ever had. What do you remember about him/her? 

It’s probably not what they were wearing, right? Unless it was something really eclectic and unique. 

The truth is, how a student learns doesn’t depend on what we are wearing, especially at the college level. Students bring their own set of strengths and challenges into the classroom with them, and it’s our job to help them learn. 

How a student learns doesn’t depend on what we are wearing, especially at the college level.

Does it matter whether we help them learn in jeans or slacks? Or whether our hair was curled or thrown up in a messy bun? 

Not really. 

It’s obviously important to be clean and present yourself with appropriate personal hygiene, such as brushing your hair and wearing clothing that covers the essentials. Showing up to teach your college English class in baggy sweats and your slippers is obviously going to be distracting to learning! 

But jeans and a nice shirt aren’t doing any harm. 

After all, that’s not the part of your favorite teacher you remembered, was it? 

Being comfortable in your own skin is one of the most important parts of our job as college English teachers. It is easier for many of us to be casual because that’s who we are in general. 

I’m certainly not opposed to dress clothes in the classroom! But, if the only reason is that you think that’s what you’re supposed to do or how you’re supposed to be, you might consider what message you’re sending to students. 

We are, in fact, people before we are teachers, and when we can highlight that in the classroom, class becomes more a more comfortable venue for good discussion and growth. 

We are, in fact, people before we are teachers, and when we can highlight that in the classroom, class becomes more a more comfortable venue for good discussion and growth. 

These are my experiences on casual attire in the classroom, but I’m interested in what you think! What have you seen in the classroom? What do you think about bringing more casual attire into the classroom? I’d love to hear about it! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! 

Small Progress is Progress

April 29, 2019: “The most exciting thing that happened today was I started writing again! Not like that other attempt last year, but really writing. I’ve been thinking about it all day. Already have 6 ½ pages!”

Almost a year ago, I began the journey of writing my novel. 

I wrote 2 sections of my book that weekend. The words came hard and fast. Excitement coursed through my veins as page after page came and went. The spark I thought had extinguished long ago was reignited, and even a year later I can vividly picture that first real writing session. 

It’s an incredible feeling to tell people I’m writing a book knowing that it’s real.

Since then, I have written an additional 85 pages and the inspiration is still strong. 

It’s an incredible feeling to tell people I’m writing a book knowing that it’s real. It might still be a draft, and it’s completely different from anything I ever thought I’d write, but it’s mine. And one day not too long from now when it’s done and ready to publish, I will see my name on the front of a real novel. 

Knowing this incredible blessing I have for inspired words, it’s interesting to me the comments I hear from other experienced writers - many of whom are published. 

I hear a lot of “the first draft always sucks” and “just get it onto the paper and then fix it.” 

While I value the fact that these kinds of comments encourage drafting, I find that almost anything I read about writing a first draft is very focused on how bad it will be and the other potential negatives. 

My first question when I see these comments is always Why? Why are we telling new writers and writers who are just returning to the fold that their hard work, sweat, and many times tears is going to be awful the first go-round, almost without exception?

My second question is What’s the goal? Because if it’s a claim of being realistic, there are other ways of telling someone their writing needs work. 

If the goal is to “harden” writers or get them ready for criticism, then it would be more helpful to actually give feedback on a piece of writing rather than outright discouragement. While it’s true that not everyone will like a piece of writing, there’s almost always an audience available that will. Part of the hard work of writing is the process of finding & marketing it. 

My last question is What is the expected reaction? If we’re telling new or discouraged writers that no matter how hard they work their draft will suck or need to be completely “fixed,” why would we think that they would continue to ask for guidance? Or even continue to write at all? 

In the end, progress is progress, no matter how small it is. 

I’m not, by any means, saying that anyone’s drafts are perfect. We’re all human, and so we sometimes spell things wrong or word a sentence awkwardly. Hell, sometimes we start a paragraph talking about one thing and get to the end and find out it’s completely different from the beginning. That’s part of the writing process.

Drafting is CRITICAL. 

But in the end, progress is progress, no matter how small it is. 

The small progress matters because:

When we write, we have the capability to bring entire worlds to life and illuminate aspects of the human experience we don’t really think about in our everyday lives. We use words to create incredible experiences from nothing. We sometimes stare at a blank piece of paper (or computer document) for what feels like a lifetime to bring our imaginative thought to life. 

The fact of the matter is that the same blank piece of paper was staring every accomplished author in the face before they created their masterpieces, too. 

Writing is not always about being able to crank out X number of words or pages a day, especially not in the beginning. It’s about learning the process that best works for you and writing the dang story! 

It’s one thing for a seasoned professional who makes a full-time living to expect or create hard and fast time to write 2,000 words a day, but that’s probably not reasonable for a new writer. Does this mean the new writer is less talented or less worthy of guidance? Absolutely not! 

The seasoned professional started off as a beginner and worked hard to hone their craft. The ability to be able to write 2,000 words a day didn’t happen overnight, and certainly the requisite knowledge of what to do with those words didn’t either.

Progress is a sign of growth. The biggest, most important thing that any of us can accomplish is growth. We need it to be better people, and better writers. 

We can’t expect to make life-altering growth every day - that would be exhausting and unsustainable! 

But, we can work diligently and see small progress on our goals and projects every day. It’s in this progress that we see the most growth. By the time you’ve done a month of diligent daily, or even weekly, work, you can definitely see the fruits of your labor. Your small progress seems a little bigger than you thought before. 

The biggest, most important thing that any of us can accomplish is growth. 

As a college English teacher, I plan and promote small progress in all my classes. I am a huge proponent of drafting and hard work on making writing better. I tell my students the same things that I believe myself: 

Drafting is CRITICAL.

We NEED feedback.

Writing is a SKILL, not a talent.

Your story and voice is IMPORTANT.

We all start SOMEWHERE and usually that’s not our best work.

As new writers, my students need the information and nurturing I give them in order to ingrain these concepts into their writing process ideology.

Outside the classroom, there is an absolute need for experienced writers to mentor beginners or those who might be lacking in confidence. 

There is an absolute need for experienced writers to mentor beginners or those who might be lacking in confidence. 

But we can’t expect to be successful mentors if the first contact is negative and focused on how bad the starting point might be. 

Does it matter if a first draft is awful? 

Yes, it does. However, it matters more that the writer can get constructive feedback and learn how to improve than for someone they’ve entrusted their writing to to say “These are all the things you have to fix” with no consideration of what’s working well. 

When in doubt, use a compliment sandwich: 

Compliment (Positive comment)

Constructive feedback

Compliment (Positive comment)

Although this method sounds corny, it really works! Many teachers - myself included - use it for student feedback. It gives structure to comments while also delivering some much needed (sometimes a little sensitive) writing feedback. 

As I work through my book, the number of people who are interested keeps me inspired. People I’ve written and worked with are excited about what I have to say. It’s truly humbling, and I can’t wait for the finished product so I can share my words with the world. 

Small progress is progress. 

I may not write every day, but most weeks I write a new section. I have 91 pages now, and that number will only keep growing. My goal is to have a completed draft done this year. I know for a fact that my small progress every week will make that happen. 

Because small progress is progress. 

How do you make progress? How do you measure how you’re achieving your goals? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.

4 Romantic Valentine’s Day Gifts to Woo Your Literary Love

Struggling with what to get your writer this Valentine’s Day? These heartfelt gifts are sure to win their heart!

Poem

Many “classic” love stories include poetry written for a special someone - and for a good reason! A good love poem can make someone smile both inside and out. Whether you choose to write about her smile, his sense of humor, or anything in between, a brand new poem created in honor of your love is sure to win them over! 

Presentation Options:

Handwritten on any available paper

Handwritten on decorated paper or cardstock

Typed & printed on regular paper

Typed & printed on decorated paper or cardstock

Preparation: 

If YOU Write the Poem: Craft your poem. Take a day or two afterward to think about it, but don’t read it. Before you give it to your special someone, read it again to make sure there aren’t any spelling or other really obvious errors. When the poem is complete, prepare the final copy and gift it to your love.

Not everyone likes poetry, but there’s something extraordinary about such an artistic use of words.

If You COMMISSION the Poem: Reach out to a couple of your poetically gifted friends (or stop by a poetry booth when you’re out and about - there seem to be pop-ups the week before Valentine’s Day) and ask for them to write a poem. Make sure you tell the poet the special things you would like to highlight before they write the poem. When you receive the poem, read it through to make sure you are satisfied before you give it to your special someone.

Why It’s Meaningful: 

Not everyone likes poetry, but there’s something extraordinary about such an artistic use of words. Whether your goal is a laugh or a smile, or even a happy tear, if you take the time to write a poem or have one written about your partner, it shows that you are thinking of them and all the things you love. It also shows that you’re engaging with one of their favorite things in the world - words - even if you don’t generally enjoy that on a regular basis.

Short Story

If your special someone prefers longer writing, crafting a short story with him/her as the main character might be perfect! Short stories are still short enough for a brief read, but long enough to have a plot. You could write a story about the day you met, a day in the future you are looking forward to, your favorite memory together, or, if you want to go really big, write the story of your proposal (and follow through)! 

Presentation Options:

Handwritten on any available paper

Handwritten in a journal or notebook

Typed & printed on regular paper

Typed on regular paper, specially bound to look like a booklet

Preparation: 

Decide which story you want to tell before you try writing anything down. It should be something meaningful that you have shared or hope to share together. While your special someone is the “main” character, you can be a main character, too - get creative! 

Once you have decided what story to tell, write it down. Even if you don’t consider yourself a “writer,” do your best to tell the story as if you were telling someone who doesn’t know the story.

Love keeps things exciting, like a good story!

You can also try writing in third person, where you describe the plot from an outside point of view (rather than an “I” point of view). You don’t have to share it, but thinking about yourself and your partner as characters might help you get your point across more easily. 

Take a day or two away from the story, then do a final read-through. 

Prepare the final presentation. If you want to get it bound or looking a little more “finished,” go to a local office supply store (like Office Depot) and they can look at all the options. 

Why It’s Meaningful:

A lot of people think of their daily lives as boring, so if you choose a specific moment or memory that was meaningful for both of you and write a story about it, it shows that daily life isn’t quite so boring, after all.

Writers also spend a lot of time in their heads planning characters and plots, and it’s a nice thought that you, as a loving partner, are showing interest in that world while also remembering that your daily lives together are not boring when you look up close. Love keeps things exciting, like a good story!

Love Story Notebook & Pen 

All the literary people I know love a good notebook - and when you give a notebook and a pen together, you are giving a passport to the great depths of imagination. While this may seem dramatic, many writers feel this way! For this gift, not only will you be gifting your partner two things they absolutely love, you will also be giving them your version of your love story.

On the first pages of the notebook, write your love story from beginning to end. This doesn’t have to be exhaustive (especially if you’ve been together for a long time), but a reminder of the major milestones, hardships, successes, and things you love about your special someone. 

If you don’t want to write down your love story, you could also write a good old-fashioned love note, in your best handwriting, of course.

Presentation Options: 

Handwritten in a standard spiral bound notebook

Handwritten in a fancier bound journal or diary

Preparation: 

First you will need to purchase the notebook, journal, or diary. Choose something your partner will love. Whether that means it’s their favorite color, has a nice image or quote on the front, or is made out of fancier material like leather, keep in mind what they are likely to use. 

When you write your love story or a love note, it breaks them out of the story mindset and allows them to be more in the moment.

Once you have the notebook, plan your love story or love letter outside of the notebook. Take the time you need to include the important parts and aspects. The reason you are waiting to write in the notebook until the final presentation is because drafting is often messy. We forget things, cross them out, or draw arrows all over the margins. You don’t want to include these in the nice version you give your special someone. 

Carefully write the final version in the notebook and gift to your love! Wrapping is optional. 

Why It’s Meaningful: 

If your partner spends a lot of time reading or writing books (especially love stories), chances are they think about their own story in similar terms. They think about the actions, reasoning, timing, and other surrounding events. Things you may or may not see or notice become important simply by virtue of the fact that it’s a huge part of your partner’s work.

When you write your love story or a love note, it breaks them out of the story mindset and allows them to be more in the moment. Not only that, but the fact that you have put so much thought into presenting your love story in connection with what they love to do is incredibly heart-warming and shows you care.

Book Flowers

Want to do a more “traditional” gift but don’t want to brave the flower shops near Valentine’s Day (or pay the extra pricing that’s been added for the occasion)? Have no fear! Book flowers are here.

You can make as few or as many as you like, and all you’ll need is your special someone’s favorite book or love story (or yours), a pair of scissors, glue, and patience! This great tutorial walks you through the process step-by-step!

Presentation Options:

As a single flower

As a bouquet without any type of covering

In a decorative plastic sleeve

In a vase or other creative floral display

Preparation: 

First, select & acquire the book. The good news is that one book can make many many flowers if you want to gift them a large bouquet. If you already have the book, you saved yourself a step!

A paper flower gifted to me in grad school. It's now a lovely decoration in my guest bedroom.

These are flowers that won’t wilt, so your partner can keep them as long as they like!

Once you have the book, make the flowers. Be sure to leave enough time to do a nice job, especially if you are not used to crafting. These things, while not difficult, do take time and patience (and don’t always turn out great on the first try). 

Decide how you’re going to present it to your special someone & gift it!

Why It’s Meaningful: 

The biggest investment in this gift is time! Between the time it takes you to figure out what book to use, go get the book, flip through the pages to make sure you have solid text on both sides, cut out the pages & petals, and assemble the flowers, you’ve gone to quite an effort to do something nice for your partner!

Not only will they appreciate that you know what their favorite book is (or that you have chosen your favorite to share with them), but also the fact that you made the flowers specially for them. They are also flowers that won’t wilt, so your partner can keep them as long as they like!

BONUS: Every Day Love Notes

If you’re a planner & want to win your literary love’s heart this Valentine’s Day, consider this gift. Out of all the gifts above, this is the one with the most preparation - not to mention you should gift it on Feb 1st, NOT the 14th!

The idea is that you will write one miniature love letter to your partner for each day up to and including Valentine’s Day. This could be a short note about something you love, something you’d like to do for them, or even something you’d like to do with them. Each day they will open one letter, with the biggest and/or most meaningful being opened on Valentine’s Day.  

Presentation Options:

Almost any way you want! The most popular are: 

Cardstock with small envelopes for each day attached

Standard sized separate decorative envelopes for each day

Preparation: 

First, decide how you’d like to gift the notes. Do you want to get creative and do some crafting with paper and small envelopes? Or are you really busy and just want to decorate average envelopes and make them prettier (since they’re already practical)? Either way, you’ll want to think about this before you write the notes, that way you know how long each needs to be. 

Write the notes for each of the 14 days. They should be separate pieces of paper or cardstock because your special someone will only get one per day!

It’s all about effort, and this gift shows how much you’re thinking about your special someone!

Once you have the notes, put the final presentation together and gift on Feb. 1st! 

This is also a great gift for long distance couples because you can send them through the mail without much extra preparation. 

The bottom, numbered cards are from a previous Valentine's Day. The other notes on the top are another format of everyday love notes I used when my husband and I were apart one summer.

Why It’s Meaningful:

Love notes are always thoughtful, but 14 loves notes?! The fact that you put that much thought and preparation into being ready for Valentine’s Day a whole 2 weeks ahead is heart-warming. Not to mention the fact that you took time to think about 14 separate things you love about them (or that you love about your love) and carefully write them down by hand. It’s all about effort, and this gift shows how much you’re thinking about your special someone!

These are ideas that I’ve gifted or been gifted, but certainly not the only romantic ones out there! Are you a literary lover? What have you gifted or been gifted? I’d love to hear! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com and let me know!

4 Easy Steps to Increase Creativity at Work

UPDATED JULY 2020

I’ve been thinking a lot about creativity at work lately. Having recently gotten into a position where being creative is very helpful, it occurred to me that jobs I haven’t liked very much didn’t give me the opportunity to create. I’ve also encountered jobs where creativity wasn’t really an asset because I needed to pretty strictly follow instructions. 

I’m sharing my method because I know I’m not the only creative who has struggled with this! 

To survive these jobs (because we need things like food and shelter), I had to figure out a way to use my creativity while still staying within my professional boundaries. I’m sharing my method because I know I’m not the only creative who has struggled with this! 

Follow these 4 steps to increase creativity at work:

Step 1: Question Yourself

The first step is all about analyzing your feelings about the work you do.

Whether you’re scraping by and need some survival tips or love your job and want to change things up, the very first step to capitalizing on your creativity at work is to ask yourself these questions: 

• What do I like about my job?

• What do I dislike about my job?

• What about my job could make my life easier?

• What about my job could be more enjoyable (or less annoying) if I made changes?

• What will happen when I make changes?

• What can I personally change that will not interrupt or negatively impact my productivity?

• Why do I want to make changes?

• What outcome do I expect when I make changes?

• Will I make multiple changes immediately or add them slowly?

• Who else might be affected by my changes?

This first step is all about analyzing your feelings about the work you do. You don’t necessarily have to write about these things at length, or even write them down at all; however, to make improvements and add that creativity you’re craving at work it’s important to first analyze what’s going on right now. If you skip this part and just start making changes, it will be less rewarding in the end because you won’t have a clear idea of where you started.

What You Do

Step 2: Analyze What You Do

The second step is all about figuring out what you are actually doing right now.

Once you have thought critically about your current workflow, your likes and dislikes, and why you want or need to make changes, you are ready to think about your creativity! There are two major components to consider as you think about being creative at work: 

Job RequirementsThese are “what” items: things you absolutely need to do your job successfully. Think about things such as: 

• What tasks/projects need to be completed

• When tasks/projects need to be completed

• Skills you have that you actively use to complete your tasks

• Skills that would make your job easier or more efficient that you don’t currently have

• Resources you use to complete your tasks or projects

Job Functions These are “how” items: ways you do work to complete your job successfully. Think about things like:

• Specific task/project protocol you must follow

• Your motivation for completing tasks

• The organization method(s) you use to keep yourself on track at work

• How you spend a majority of your time (i.e. do you spend time making calls, answering email, working on difficult problems, etc.)

• How you use the resources available to you

This step is all about figuring out what you are actually doing right now. What your work is and how you do it is important! Sometimes the work itself isn’t the reason we are miserable at our job. It can also be the way we complete tasks/projects.

Passion

Step 3: Connect Passion to Your Work

The third step is about figuring out how your passions and work overlap.

You’ve figured out why you need change, what you do, and how you complete your work. You’re doing great! If you’ve felt stuck in a rut, this kind of critical thinking can be difficult because you might be tempted to look exclusively at why you don’t like your job. On the other hand, if you love your work, you might tend to think more about the parts you enjoy and leave out parts that could be better. 

In either instance, you are, in fact, working at your job and you got it for a reason. Whether that reason is because you have a family to feed, you want to make a difference in the community, or even just be financially independent, this job right now is helping you get there. That idea can be hard to see, especially when you’re unhappy at work; but, everything you do is a stepping stone to get to where you want to be. 

Everything you do is a stepping stone to get to where you want to be. 

Work can sometimes get disconnected from your passions, which can be a major cause of discontent. It’s hard to like doing something when you don’t really care about the outcome, right? This step is about figuring out how your passions and work overlap.

Doing Work You Don’t Love

Almost everyone has done a job they don’t really like at some point or another. Some major offenders are customer service jobs. Who here has had one of those? I know I have! It’s not always pretty, especially when you have an unhappy customer on your hands. 

But when you work in customer service, you also get the satisfaction of solving someone’s problems or helping them find the ideal product that solves their issue. Nothing is quite like the feeling of knowing that your smile and willingness to help, even if forced, made someone’s day when they were struggling. It’s the small things like this that help bring passion to your work.

Part of bringing creativity into your work is figuring out what aspects can and cannot change. In customer service, there are always similar expectations you must follow - be courteous, efficient, and knowledgeable about your industry. Even though those things don’t change, the way you perform them can!

Part of bringing creativity into your work is figuring out what aspects can and cannot change.

The other part is figuring out what you’re passionate about. If you don’t love your work, what do you like to do? And how can you connect that interest to your job?

Don't Love

It all boils down to four main questions:

What makes you feel good about your work? 

Why do you do this work? 

What do you love to do?

Where do your work & passions overlap?

Even if your only answer is that you do this work to pay the bills, you can still have a positive attitude about it. There are always ways to bridge the gap between what you love to do and what you actually do. The trick is figuring out what elements they have in common. 

When you know what your passion and work have in common, you can begin bringing that passion to your work. 

NOTE: If you can’t find anything positive or none of your passions overlap with your work, it might be time to consider a career change. 

Doing Work You Love

If you’re fortunate to like, or even love, what you do, you probably had an easy time figuring out where your passions and work overlap. For instance, if you enjoy customer-oriented jobs, perhaps you are in a role where you can serve customers with the skills you have, like a corporate trainer role. 

There will obviously still be some uncomfortable pieces, but if you are a trainer, you probably enjoy working closely with others, learning new things, and sharing your knowledge and passion with others. These are all very fulfilling aspects of a role like this, and make it easier to like what you do. 

Even jobs you like can get tedious sometimes, though, so it’s still important to critically analyze what you do and the aspects you like.

Even jobs you like can get tedious sometimes, though, so it’s still important to critically analyze what you do and the aspects you like. It’s also important to look at the shortcomings, because it’s often these that make for frustration at work. 

Love What You Do

Ask yourself these four questions:

What about this work makes you feel good?

Why do you continue to do this work? 

Where do your passions intersect with your work?

How could you enjoy your work even more?

Sometimes change isn’t always about finding a whole new job or figuring out a completely new system or organization. The best change usually comes from maximizing what you love to do and combining it with aspects a job you enjoy.

Even when you love what you do, it’s important to think about the ways your passions overlap your work and areas that could be improved.

NOTE: No job is “perfect,” even if it’s an amazing opportunity. Even when you love what you do, it’s important to think about the ways your passions overlap your work and areas that could be improved.

Creativity to Work

Step 4: Add Creativity to Your Work

The final step is implementing strategies into your work life to capitalize on your creativity.

You have arrived! You’ve figured out all the important things you need to know about your job, and the ways your work overlaps with what you love to do. This is hard work, so give yourself a hand! 

The final step is implementing strategies into your work life to capitalize on your creativity. Not every strategy will work for every person, and don’t feel the need to rush out and try all of them at once. It will probably be overwhelming if you suddenly change every aspect of your job all at once!

Here are 5 Great Strategies to Try:

Play a Competitive Game Against Yourself

Great strategy for: people who love competition and like to keep things light at work

Basis of this idea: Set mini-targets that challenge you do complete your work to the best of your ability on a specific timeline. Even if the mini-target is something like completing required paperwork 15 minutes faster or seeing how many emails you can appropriately respond to in 30 minutes, set yourself targets you can get to if you give it your best.

By making it a little competition with a reward for meeting your targets, you can realign your energy with your goals in a more productive way.

Then, give yourself a small reward for getting to the target. Short walks are a great reward, as are 5 minute phone game breaks (if you will be able to stop playing after those 5 minutes). 

Creative Aspect: When you get into the comfort zone, simple things that eat up a lot of your time (like paperwork & email) can be a drain on your energy and enthusiasm. By making it a little competition with a reward for meeting your targets, you can realign your energy with your goals in a more productive way. Not only that, but if you set your targets high, you might have to figure out a new or more efficient system to meet the goal.

Imagine the Ideal Version of Your Job 

Great strategy for: People who work at a job they dislike so much that they have a hard time rolling out of bed in the morning

Basis of this idea: Taking focus off the job you dislike and reusing that energy to create a positive image in your mind. Consider these questions:

What would I like my job to be? What’s missing? 

How could I add what’s missing? 

Part of figuring out how to make your job better is identifying what you don’t like about it in the first place. If you can think critically about these things and use your imagination to picture the ideal version of your job, you can begin to make the actual job a little better - a little more like your ideal picture.

Part of figuring out how to make your job better is identifying what you don’t like about it in the first place.

Creative Aspect: If you really dislike your job, it will take some imagination and effort to generate an image where you wouldn’t be miserable. When you are able to create that image, you will have to use your creativity to figure out ways to start making the real job more like the ideal, especially if you work in a place with strict policies & procedures.

Scheduling Time

Do Something You’re Passionate About

Great strategy for: People who are bored or don’t really like their job (but aren’t necessarily miserable)

Basis of this idea: Scheduling time to do things you’re passionate about will increase productivity during the time when you’re working on parts you don’t like. If you have a job where you schedule meetings and use a calendar, look at your week and block some time to do something you’re passionate about.

You will be amazed at how just a short time thinking about something you love will give you vigor and increase productivity.

This could be a half hour per day, an hour three times a week, or even a longer two hour period one day per week. Whatever time you know you can dedicate without interruption. If you are in an active job where you don’t have meetings and calendar events, use your lunch, even if it’s just 15-30 minutes to focus on the thing you love doing. 

Creative Aspect: You are at work, and if you don’t have any down time or you have a strict set of time-keeping or regulations, scheduling time can be tricky. You will have to get creative about how you focus on your passion; however, you will be amazed at how just a short time thinking about something you love will give you vigor and increase productivity.

Revamp Your Organizational System or Get a New One

Great strategy for: People who feel overwhelmed, overworked, or just want a change of pace in daily work life

Basis of this idea: Changing your organization system can give you new energy and change your workflow just enough to keep things interesting. You will first have to figure out what kind of organization you use - do you file documents? Schedule meetings? Correspond with clients? And how do you do those things? What keeps your work on track and ensures you can find what you need to find?

Changing your organization system can give you new energy and change your workflow just enough to keep things interesting.

Once you look at what you do now, think about what could be better. Do you need a more efficient system for filing data and paperwork? Or maybe you don’t really have a system and need to figure out how to better prioritize the tasks you already have. Either way, figure out a systematic way to complete your tasks. This can help keep you engaged at work

Creative Aspect: If you have a ton of tasks or you inherited a specific type of organization, it can be hard to “buck the system” so to speak. Not all management loves to have employees change their workflow. If this is true of your company, you will have to get creative about the ways in which you can improve your workflow while still following the rules.

Get Creative

Have Lunch with Someone New

Great strategy for: Everyone

Basis of this idea: Networking is always beneficial, and hearing other perspectives about your company can change your own. It’s never a bad thing to have a friend at work, so if you see someone in your department or when you come in to work every day, ask them to have lunch!

Co-workers will probably be surprised (and delighted) you asked them to lunch.

You don’t know how this friendship will help you, but it could lead to promotions or other job offers. It’s also helpful to hear about other parts of your company and even other perspectives about your department from someone else who has different circumstances

Creative Aspect: If you’re a shy person, you might be afraid to ask someone to eat lunch with you. Others also have their lunchtime routine, just like you do. You will have to get creative about the ways you begin to build relationships at work and even the ways you ask your coworkers to lunch! They will probably be surprised (and delighted) you asked.

Make Time to Learn

Great strategy for: Everyone

Basis of this idea: We grow when we learn, so it stands to reason that making time to learn would be a helpful activity to do at work. Investigate your company’s learning management system (LMS) to see what’s available to you through work. This could be online learning, virtual classes, or even seminars.

We grow when we learn, so it stands to reason that making time to learn would be a helpful activity to do at work. 

Choose something that interests you, even if you don’t think it’s directly related to your job. Bonus points if you find something you’re interested in that will directly benefit your work! Block off time on your calendar, or on breaks/at lunch, to work through that learning

Creative Aspect: The time component can be tricky to schedule, if you’re at a job without much down time; however, some companies also don’t really encourage personal learning at work unless it’s directly related to what you do. This makes it difficult to gain new skills.

Some companies also make employees request learning rather than opening it up to everyone at the company, which means it could get denied. If this is your company, you will have to get creative about how you rationalize use of work time and resources to learn about personal interests. 

These are strategies I’ve used to bring creativity to my work, but I’d love to hear about yours! What experiences have you had with creativity in the workplace? Or how have you overcome lack of creativity in your job? Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! 

What Breaks Confidence?: Exploring Confidence Series #3

Welcome back to the Exploring Confidence Series!  

When you think of losing confidence, how does that happen? 

In Part 3 of our Exploring Confidence mini-series, we will discuss why we lose confidence and what happens when our confidence falters.

What is Confidence? & What Creates Confidence?: A Brief Review

In Part 1 we defined confidence as: the “quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future.” We discussed self-efficacy, where confidence comes from, and the fact that everyone needs it! 

In Part 2 we expanded these ideas and discussed two important factors that create confidence: support from our network and taking risks & succeeding. 

Confidence matters because it creates a more positive mindset, allows for better interactions with others, and creates an easier path to success.  

Confidence is made up of a combination of inner strength, willingness to be wrong, and the knowledge that you can get back up when you fall down. 

Why Do We Lose Confidence? 

We know what confidence is, and where it comes from, which is great! We are all human, though, so we know that not every decision or every day is a confident one. We can sometimes question whether our actions will lead to where we want to go, or lose trust that everything will be alright in the end.

Who here has had a day where they felt defeated and all confidence is just gone? I know I have! 

There are several factors that can cause our confidence to dwindle: 

Lack of Support Network Although our support network can be greatly helpful in creating our confidence, sometimes we find ourselves without a support network. These individuals can’t help us build confidence if they’re not present, or not willing to be present, in times of seeming defeat. 

There are two types of “missing” support network: 

First, the physical absence of anyone you have a meaningful relationship with. For instance, if you have a small family and your last remaining relative passes away. You’re not in a relationship, you don’t have children, and you’ve spent the last few years being a caretaker, so you have been distanced from close friends. In this example, you are seemingly alone in the world without a support network because there literally isn’t anyone in your life to turn to.

Second, there are people around you, but the relationships are weak and/or not responsive to the relationship. For instance, if you have a large family but aren’t close with anyone in particular. Perhaps you only see them once every few years, and you don’t really correspond or keep in touch in between, even when there are joyous or terrible events. In this situation, you have a network, but the relationships are not such that they create support for you.

In either situation, we don’t have a “safety net” of supporters rallying our spirits and building our confidence.

In either situation, we don’t have a “safety net” of supporters rallying our spirits and building our confidence. We feel like we are alone in the world, and so we wonder how we can possibly succeed if it’s us against the entire world. That mindset can severely lessen our confidence. 

Harmful “Support” Network On the other hand, just because we have a network doesn’t always mean it’s healthy or supportive. Sometimes we get into situations where the people we think are going to support us go the opposite direction and that can really take a toll on our confidence.

Our “support” network can be verbally, emotionally, or even physically harmful. Many times, our network uses more than one of these kinds of harmful behavior together. All of them are dangerous, and if you are facing one of these relationships in your life, you should seek help immediately. 

When individuals in our network are verbally harmful, they say they are our allies, but then speak to us in a way that degrades our relationships and confidence. This might be a parent saying they believe in you but then telling you you’ll never make it. It could be a friend mentioning a scholarship you would love but then saying, “But I don’t know if it would be the right fit for you, you know you struggle in that area.” 

All of these behaviors are dangerous, and if you are facing one of these relationships in your life, you should seek help immediately. 

When individuals in our network are emotionally harmful, they behave in ways that make us doubt our decisions and actions. There are multiple ways this can occur, but one of the most common is guilt tripping. For instance, if you try to end a toxic relationship with someone and they threaten to commit suicide if you go through with it. This behavior is meant to manipulate you into feeling bad about the decision, and therefore not making it. It’s also a control tactic that can be used to influence you into doing things you wouldn’t otherwise do by creating or affecting extreme emotion.

When individuals in our network are physically harmful, they behave in ways that hurt us physically, which leads to a feeling of weakness and helplessness. They physically block doors when we are leaving, or sometimes even lay hands on us in an attempt to break our confidence enough that we stay where we are and let them control our actions. The individual may act out with or without apology. Sometimes abusers use all three kinds of harm to meet their ends but then later try to apologize. They say things like “I didn’t mean it” or “I’ll never do that again, I swear.” 

Never Fully Developed Our confidence isn’t always about others, though. After all, we are our own individuals! Sometimes confidence can break more easily because it never really developed all the way to begin with. 

This might be related to our environment growing up, or our unique personalities. It might also be that we were hesitant kids who weren’t willing to take risks. As we learned in Part 2, risk-taking is one of the major ways we build our confidence. It’s kind of hard to do that when you’re not taking any!

If you’re confidence is low, think for a moment: what was a time where you were fully and unabashedly confident? 

If you’re confidence is low, think for a moment: what was a time where you were fully and unabashedly confident? If you are having trouble, it could be that your confidence was there, but not as fully developed as you thought.

Bad & Failed Experiences Probably the biggest way we lose confidence in ourselves is when we have bad experiences, including failure. We have all had experiences where things didn’t go as planned and ended differently than we expected. Sometimes this means the outcome is poor, but sometimes it’s just different. In either circumstance, it’s not as “good” as we would have liked, so we feel disappointment. 

Careers and relationships are often the biggest culprits of bad and failed experiences. These are areas we can see major wins and losses pretty easily because we spend so much time working on them individually and with others. Academics and schoolwork also falls within this realm, although there is a lot more middle ground where the bare minimum can be met but the expectations are not. 

In terms of careers, if you’ve been on the job market recently, you have probably felt bad experience keenly. As a job seeker, you put in customized resumes and cover letters for jobs that would be an amazing fit with your skills and personality...only to receive no response whatsoever. To make things even worse, you are finally formally rejected via an error-riddled email 6 months later (when you’re still looking for a position). 

This type of bad experience might not even have anything to do with you and your actions, but the sheer amount of qualified applicants in a process that lacks human interaction. Talk about a confidence buster, right? 

Relationships with others can also lead to bad experiences or failure. When you’re in a serious relationship, or trying to be, you have to be willing to offer the best of yourself. The other person must do the same for the relationship to succeed because you both pull from the shared best well to succeed as a team. The problem is, sometimes you put your best in and the other person takes it out without putting anything in themselves. Sometimes you and the other person only put a little into the shared well. Sometimes there is no well and one of you is taking on the responsibility of being the well from which the relationship draws. 

Any way the story ends, your confidence in future relationships will be diminished because of how draining the prior experience was.

Any way the story ends, your confidence in future relationships will be diminished because of how draining the prior experience was.

There are also times we are doing fine, but not as well as we’d hoped. One major place we see this is in school. You might start the semester striving for an A, only to have some crisis in the middle of the semester. You finish class with a “C” instead. This feels like a failure because you had high expectations, but the reality is, a “C” is passing. You did pass the class, you just didn’t perform as well as you wanted. It’s a double-edged sword because on the one hand, you passed, which is good and you can move on; but on the other hand, for many students a “C” feels terrible, like they did something really wrong. 

Even though you couldn’t have controlled the crisis, your confidence can take the hit because you feel like you should have been able to control it and do better.

What Happens When We Lose Confidence?

When we lack confidence, it feels bad. Even if we are normally confident, surviving a bad support network or doing less than our best can take a toll on all areas in our life. 

A few noticeable things occur when we lack confidence:

Afraid to Make Decisions When we get the feeling we can’t do something, or do it well, we become afraid to make decisions in our lives. This is especially true if we had a bad experience because of a specific decision we made. 

If you tried to make a big career jump, but then it fell flat and wasn’t at all what you expected, you might be afraid to make another big jump, right? 

Our experiences can be a big deterrent from making decisions because we feel like the same thing might happen again if we decide incorrectly.

Inaction on Our Big Dreams When our confidence drops, we make less or prolonged decisions. We’re afraid those choices will negatively impact where we’re going, so we try to avoid doing anything that could put our big dreams at risk. The problem is, without action, we aren’t getting to our dreams.

If you proposed to your significant other and they rejected you, maybe even ended the relationship, it’s going to be a lot harder to get to your dream of having a family. Would you feel confident enough to go back out and try to find another partner to start your family? Maybe, maybe not.

Our experiences can deter us from making decisions, and can also lead us away from taking action.

Our experiences can deter us from making decisions, and can also lead us away from taking action. Without action, you won’t be able to move forward toward your dreams. 

Worry More When we lack confidence, we worry about things. Sometimes they are things that make sense, like how to make important decisions; but, sometimes they are things we didn’t used to worry about when we were more confident. 

If you have always done well at writing in school, and then in your required college writing class you get a “C” on your first big project, you will definitely worry about doing better next time, right? Or worry that you’re not actually good enough to do well in class and college in general. 

Even when we have the skills, and we make good decisions, not everything turns out how we expect. When things don’t go our way, we worry much more about the next time. 

Feel Resigned & Stuck Most of all, when our confidence drops, we feel stuck. We feel like we’re in a hole we can’t climb out of, and sometimes we resign ourselves to just being okay with that thought. We remember a time when we were confident, but can’t get back to that point for whatever reason.

If you’ve completed your degree and taken a low wage job you don’t want in order to pay the bills, you probably feel a little stuck. Then, even though you had the best intentions of finding something better, you are still in that job for 5 years later because you can’t find something better. What’s taking the biggest hit? Your confidence, most likely. 

When we’re afraid to make decisions, not taking any action on our dreams, and worrying about what feels like everything, that’s a recipe for feeling stuck.

When we’re afraid to make decisions, not taking any action on our dreams, and worrying about what feels like everything, that’s a recipe for feeling stuck. And when we’ve been stuck long enough, we might feel resigned to it - like nothing is going to get better. The “this is it” mindset.

What’s Next? 

We’ve talked about why we lose confidence and what happens when our confidence falters. Tune in for the next and final part of our mini-series to read more about how to get confidence when we need it!

What have your experiences been with confidence? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com. 

8 First Day of Class Activities to Start Building Classroom Rapport Right Away

Although many kiddos are already back in school, most colleges are gearing up for a spring semester start next week. In honor of a brand new year of academics, and for many, a nerve-wracking first day, I wanted to share some strategies for building classroom rapport right away. After all, the first day - notoriously “syllabus day” -  is all about building community! 

I have collected these strategies and have used them personally in one form or another. Some I thought of myself, and as with most things in teaching, some were borrowed from my generous (and awesome) teacher friends who have shared with me. 

Index Card for Questions

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Materials

3” x 5” white or colored index cards (1 per student)

Preparation

Nothing (except don’t forget to bring them to class!)

Even extroverted students can be unsure or shy in front of a new group of people.

How to Use

Before class begins, hand out an index card to each student. Explain that everyone is new to each other and may not yet be comfortable asking questions in class, so they are free to write down any question(s) with their name or anonymously. All questions will be answered at the beginning of the next class. 

Reasoning

It’s the first day, and sometimes even extroverted students can be unsure or shy in front of a new group of people. Having an index card and the option for anonymity gives them a way to ask questions without having to speak in front of the class.

First Day Surveys

Materials

Printed surveys (1 per student)

Preparation

Create the surveys with whatever focuses you want to learn about from your students’ perspective. I focus on their feelings and experiences with writing, as well as their confidence levels with those things, but if you’re more interested in other aspects, change it up! It’s all about interacting on a personal level.

Print the surveys.

How to Use

I typically take attendance with an interesting ice breaker first, and then hand out the surveys. The surveys are 6 questions, with space at the top for their preferred name and major. I ask them: 

1. How they feel about writing

2. How confident they are

3. What their process is

4. Something they struggle with

5. Something they want to learn about in our class

6. If there is anything else I should know about as their instructor

This leaves room for things like learning disabilities, shy learners, and learners who are coming back to school after 20 years in the workforce.

It helps me gauge where they are at and how they’re feeling without a “quiz” or some sort of initial ungraded writing assignment.

I encourage them to be as thoughtful and detailed as they can, because the more I learn the more I can help and gear our class towards where they are starting. If your questions are different, that’s perfectly fine!

I would highly recommend keeping them to one side of a piece of paper, though. Anything longer will feel like an assessment, which is what I am avoiding with this survey. I’ve even done a half sheet version with about 3 questions.

Reasoning

I’ve done first day surveys every semester since I started teaching, and I love them! I don’t know the students yet, and they don’t know me, so I like to find out a little more about them on their terms.

My questions are really open to whatever students want to tell me. It helps me gauge where they are at and how they’re feeling without a “quiz” or some sort of initial ungraded writing assignment. It also helps me learn a little more about their personalities by how they answer the questions.

Get the Survey!

Meet Your Neighbors

Materials

Nothing

Preparation

Be prepared for grimaces and sighs (this is usually the activity that gets the most resistance)! Otherwise, no materials necessary.

How to Use

Once we have done attendance and completed our surveys, I have students introduce themselves to at least 2 people near where they are sitting.

They must get each other’s name and a reliable form of contact information, then write it down or record it digitally.

I walk around and monitor students while they are exchanging information to make sure that they are reaching out to each other. Sometimes this requires prompting. 

We do group work almost every day in my classes, and meeting two other students the first day begins the conversation. 

Reasoning

We do group work almost every day in my classes, and meeting two other students the first day begins the conversation. Then when we work on things, at least those two people will be familiar.

They can generally work with these same neighbors throughout the semester, which gives them a chance to get more comfortable with sharing their writing and opinions with each other. It’s also important they have someone to reach out to if they miss class and need notes. 

Commonalities With Your Neighbors

Materials

Blank paper (1 sheet per group)

Preparation

Nothing really; it’s a good idea to keep a creative mindset so when you visit the student groups you can help them figure out some categories or ideas if they’re stuck

How to Use

Once the students have met 2 neighbors, I task them with finding 3 things that all of them have in common. These things cannot be related to my class.

These kinds of interactions can build comfort because it’s easier to talk to someone you know you have things in common with.

I usually give an example, but not more than two because then the students will only ask each other about the examples I used. Ideas I pose are: pets, siblings, hobbies, and hometowns. Nothing polarizing or opinionated. Just the basics. 

I collect the sheets (with all student names at the top) at the end of the activity.

Reasoning

We are all people first, with families and friends and pets. Getting to know someone a little bit makes them less of a stranger. These kinds of interactions can build comfort because it’s easier to talk to someone you know you have things in common with. It’s also a way to get them having a conversation, even if they are shyly offering very brief answers.

Identify Important Aspects of the Syllabus With Your Neighbors

Materials

Printed copy of the syllabus (1 hard copy per 2-3 students); Students can also pull up the syllabus digitally

Expo markers or Chalk (Depending on what kind of board you have in the classroom)

Preparation

Print out the syllabi

How to Use

By the time students have met and found a few things in common with their neighbors, they are ready to dig into some class material. Within the groups, I hand out one printed version of the syllabus and encourage them to log onto the class Canvas to view a digital copy, too.

Their goal is to identify the 5-7 pieces of information they think are most important for succeeding in this class.

Once they have identified the information, they delegate one person to go write it on the board.

Having students work with their neighbors to identify important items forces them to communicate with others and helps them to see what’s there.

When everyone has written their answers on the board, we go over the information they’ve chosen, the patterns that have appeared, and anything I feel is important that they did not list.

Note:I do my course calendars separate from the syllabus, so when I hand out the syllabus, this does not include the course calendar. If the course calendar is included in the same document, I would recommend telling the students they can’t use due dates as important information.

While it is important, I want them to look at things more holistically about what we are learning and doing in class, not when they have to have it done by. We go over the calendar separately in my classes.

Reasoning

Syllabus day can be dead boring. I’m sure we’ve all had the class where the teacher reads the whole thing to us. Heck, I’ve done that class before - it was boring as the teacher, too!

Having students work with their neighbors to identify important items forces them to communicate with others and helps them to see what’s there. They also have to figure out how to prioritize what’s important instead of me just telling them.

Syllabus Scavenger Hunt With Your Neighbors

Materials

Printed out worksheets (1 per student)

Printed copy of the syllabus & course calendar (1 hard copy per 2-3 students); Students can also pull up the syllabus digitally

Preparation

Decide what information you want the students to find & create the scavenger hunt. Print the scavenger hunt worksheets. syllabi, and course calendars.

How to Use

If you want to see each student’s thinking about the syllabus while still having them work in groups, this exercise is a good alternative to having them find the important aspects. This activity also allows you to be in control of what they are focusing on.

I have students work in groups to identify answers to the questions on the scavenger hunt, that way they are still getting conversation; however, if they prefer working individually, they can focus on their own work, too. The questions usually cover the front and back of one piece of paper. 

It can also pretty easily be turned into a “game” with prizes, if you want to want to get some friendly competition going in the classroom. 

I use a combination of closed and open-ended questions. They do things like fill in the blanks, find dates, and name objectives. I don’t include multiple choice or longer answer questions. I want them to be writing, but it is an in-class group activity, so nothing too extensive. The questions are not in the order of the syllabus, so students are looking through the documents more than once.

When I assign the scavenger hunt, I do include my course calendar, with a question or two about the first project so they are aware of what’s coming. 

Note: I do my course calendars separate from the syllabus, so when I pass out documents for the activity, they have one printed copy of the syllabus and one copy of the course calendar per group. Both documents are accessible on our class Canvas, though, and I encourage them to find it and become familiar with it. We also follow this activity with a discussion of both the syllabus & course calendar.

Reasoning

I really enjoy the scavenger hunt activity because it gets the students working together and looking at the syllabus in a more creative and open ended way instead of just reading it through like an essay.

They also are interacting with the material, as well as each other, so it’s usually a win-win scenario. It can also pretty easily be turned into a “game” with prizes, if you want to want to get some friendly competition going in the classroom. 

The Skittles Icebreaker Game

Materials

One fun sized packet or handful of Skittles or M & Ms per student 

Napkins/Paper Towels/Something to hold the candy

Preparation

Decide a category for each color; Example: Blue Skittles are pets, Red Skittles are siblings 

How to Use

This activity might be in lieu of an icebreaker question for attendance, or the Meet Your Neighbors activity.

Before students arrive, write the color categories on the board.

When you are ready to begin the activity, explain that you will be passing out candy, but before they can eat the candy, they will be sharing some information about themselves with the class. Alternatively, you could have them share in smaller groups, too, if it’s a large class.

It also gives students a chance to choose what they want to share rather than the teacher telling them. 

Hand out the handful or fun-sized packet of candy after you have explained the instructions, and then ask for volunteers (I find  this is usually a nicer way to begin than the top of the roster). If there aren’t any volunteers, you can begin calling on students. 

If they are sharing in small groups, you can have them share a piece of information for each piece of candy.

If they are sharing with the class, I would instruct them to look at the categories and pick one candy of 3 colors to share information about - whatever colors they feel comfortable with.

That way, they don’t get overwhelmed by how much they have to share, and it also doesn’t take the whole class period to get through all the students.

Reasoning

Sometimes classes respond really well to icebreakers and have fun during attendance and sometimes they hate it and it’s like pulling teeth. Since most students love candy in class, this activity is a win.

Having predetermined categories also lessens the pressure of figuring out what to say when it’s their turn to speak in front of class, or even in small groups. It also gives students a chance to choose what they want to share rather than the teacher telling them. 

Elevator Pitch Game

Materials

3” x 5” white or colored index cards (1 per student)

Preparation

Prepare your own 15 second elevator pitch (more personal than your “I’m your teacher” spiel) 

How to Use

Explain that an elevator pitch is something students will be doing all their lives - at work and in school. It's a great skill to develop no matter where they are right now.

Give them about 5-7 minutes to identify 3 important things about themselves that they would tell a stranger when meeting for the first time. This doesn’t have to be school related, but can be if that’s what they feel is important.

They then need to turn those items into sentences they will use to introduce themselves. They must write the sentences down.

Having students create a very brief pitch allows them to think about what’s important about themselves that they want others to know right away.

Once everyone has their sentences, they have to give their pitch to at least 2 other students.

I remind them that it’s okay to be nervous, and since they wrote down their sentences, they can read them to the other person if they are afraid. But, they still have to talk to 2 other people in some fashion.

I collect the pitches at the end of the activity. 

Note: I usually use this activity with small classes of about 12 people or less; however, it could easily be used in a bigger class! I like this for my linked courses, which run concurrently with the standard English 111 course.

So when I do the activity, the students will have already done community-building activities with each other. They have to give their pitch to 2 students who they did not meet in English 111.

Reasoning

Being able to present yourself to others is important. Having students create a very brief pitch allows them to think about what’s important about themselves that they want others to know right away. It also helps me and their peers get to know them a little bit. 

What do you do on the first day of class? Have you tried anything that’s worked really well? I’d love to hear about it! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com!

How to Set & Reach Achievable Goals

Happy New Year! 

I always love the feeling of the first few days of January because it seems like a fresh start. No matter what last year held, good or bad, this is a new year to do with what you want. 

With the excitement can come pressure, though. It is a brand new year, so if we’ve been waiting to make changes, now is the time! We want to get on them quickly before they become last year’s news. 

We talk a lot about New Year’s “Resolutions” - you know the ones: those often unrealistic goals we set for ourselves, like going to the gym 5 days a week and drinking nothing but water so we can get down to our goal weight by bikini season. 

No matter what last year held, good or bad, this is a new year to do with what you want. 

I have set these types of resolutions, and began with fervor and good intentions, only to be sadly disappointed and rife with burnout by the middle of February. Eventually the burnout takes over, and I once again succumb to old habits. 

It feels awful. Like it’s only the second month of the year and already I’ve failed myself. 

Has this happened to you before? 

There are a few problems with “Resolutions”: 

We only set them once per year In the spirit of beginning a whole new year, we set these resolutions for ourselves; but, after the newness has worn off, the reality is that time still passes the same way. There are still 12 months, 28-31 days per month, etc. Once we get back into a familiar pattern, we don’t seem to revisit our resolutions, though. It’s like the shirt you needed at the store... that you’ve never worn and is now forgotten at the back of the closet.

We tend to go too hard too fast Because we’re excited, we jump right into our resolutions! Weight loss and health goals are very popular, as is reading more. In the first few weeks of the year, maybe even the entire month of January, we diligently pursue our resolutions. Maybe we see progress, maybe not. Since we were so ready, we set a pace we can’t maintain for the rest of the year. We sometimes forget we will eventually need to slow down, or at least rest once in awhile. 

We think of road bumps as failures Probably one of the biggest problems is that when we jumped in and worked our butts off on on our resolutions for weeks, we didn’t see as many results as we thought or wanted. We might think since we didn’t lose 5 pounds after extreme dieting and exercise that our New Year’s resolution to get “bikini ready” will never succeed - might as well give up. But it takes awhile to build new habits and see results, whether the resolution is physical or not. We shouldn’t give up, but we probably do need to take a day of rest and recuperation. 

So How Do I Make Progress if I Don’t Do New Years’ Resolutions?

If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering what the heck to do with this information. Perhaps you never thought of forgotten New Years’ resolutions as a problem. Perhaps, in your experience, they haven’t been. 

The main issue I have with resolutions is the word itself, and the idea that they are set in stone without flexibility.

The main issue I have with resolutions is the word itself, and the idea that they are set in stone without flexibility. I might think I know what the year will hold, but then June hits and something completely off the wall happens that I never could have expected. Resolution, by the nature of the definition, seems too stern to me, and doesn’t allow room to change when that crazy event happens. 

So, rather than setting resolutions, I set yearly goals. Because I get a renewed energy in January, it’s the perfect time to plan how to best get to my dreams. And I have big dreams! So I need big goals. 

Goals don’t have those connotations, though. Goals imply I am making an effort to achieve a purpose. If that event happens and I need to shift my resources or adjust the end plan, goals allow for that growth. If I am adjusting my goals, it also means that I am monitoring and working toward them rather than letting them sit in the back of my mind with no thought or progress.

I’ve been setting annual goals for several years now, and I find it a very effective tool. They started small-ish and very specific: things like “Lose 10 pounds by my birthday” (My birthday is in mid-April). I found these types of goals to be limiting, though, because what would I do after the 10 pounds? Probably set another goal - but then should I have just set a bigger goal to begin with? 

I also found myself focusing too much on numbers and achievements (one of my strengths is Achiever, so this makes a lot of sense for me) rather than growth. This mindset came mostly from my time in school where “x” number of achievements makes up a diploma with a good GPA. Achievement or statistic based goals leave out the concept of well-rounded growth, though. You can’t measure being a better wife or dog-mom with numbers and statistics, you know? 

We are not our grades, just like we are not our job titles or pay grades.

So I started thinking more big picture. I teach the growth mindset in my classes, and I wish I had implemented it in my life sooner. The basic idea is that with effort and hard work, we can grow our skills, even if we don’t have “natural talent” for something. We are not our grades, just like we are not our job titles or pay grades. This concept makes it possible to work on goals like being a more supportive friend because we can then think about listening and empathy skills. 

I set my goals to encompass the important aspects of my life. Not just health and wellness, but my interests, dreams, and relationships, too. I want them to be diverse and inclusive because that will make more of a long-term impact than losing 10 pounds by my birthday. 

You should try annual goals! They are a great way to make progress.

What Do Good Goals Look Like? 

When you do set annual goals, there are a couple of details to consider. They are open to however you want and/or need to grow, but being vague or setting goals that you don’t really know what they mean aren’t going to help you much because you’re not going to remember what you were thinking. On top of that, how will you measure if you are making progress on that vague idea? 

Start: Be a better person. 

For example: Be a better person. 

That’s an admirable goal! But it needs some work to be good and achievable. 

Focused Good goals have a focus that you can actively take steps toward. In the example above, how would I know if I’m becoming a better person if that’s the only thing I wrote down? I wouldn’t, because it’s not focused. 

Before I start working on this goal, I need to figure out what “better” means. Do I need to work on listening? Do I need to work on being more empathetic? Once I’ve figured that out, I can focus more on what I can do to be better.

Focus: I want to listen more to be a better friend.

Something like: I want to listen more to be a better friend.

Achievable Once my idea is focused, I need to make sure I can actually do something concrete and take action towards it. Listening is something I can practice, but how do I do that? How do I start taking those steps? Adding more specificity to our goals helps us make them more achievable. 

Make Achievable: I want to practice active listening with my friends more so that I can better support them and be a good friend. 

One way to make this example more achievable might be: I want to practice active listening with my friends more so that I can better support them and be a good friend. 

Have Set Parameters When we have focused and achievable goals, we are almost ready to start working on them! After all, we know we can achieve them with some hard work and determination, right? The last step to setting a good goal is to make sure you have a way to measure it. How will you know if you’re making progress if you don’t know what progress actually is? You won’t. So build that in to your goal. 

Set Parameters: I want to practice active listening with my friends more so that I can better support them and be a good friend. To do this, I will be accountable to them by asking how I am doing once per month and practicing the same skills with my family.

My goal is: I want to practice active listening with my friends more so that I can better support them and be a good friend. To do this, I will be accountable to them by asking how I am doing once per month and practicing the same skills with my family.

The parameters here are to involve the friends, which means that there will be accountability and dialog (hopefully) about progress, and to practice with family, too. Practicing more and getting additional feedback will create more opportunities to improve.

Challenges You A big part of setting goals is to make sure to challenge yourself. This is not to say make the goals impossible, because that will be disheartening! But if you know you will meet all of your goals by the middle of March, you might consider setting your sights a little higher or wider so that you can see longer-term progress over the course of the year. 

If this all sounds daunting, don’t feel anxious - it is! Especially if we feel like our goals are high-stakes. In our example, the goal was to be a better friend by actively listening to others. If we don’t work on that, it could cost us friends. 

No matter what your goals are, it’s important to remember that we are all works in progress. Goals help up take steps toward being better versions of ourselves, but there’s not a “perfect” end goal for being a human. 

How Do We Achieve Our Goals?

Hooray, we have goals! Isn’t it an exciting feeling to think how much improvement we will see in ourselves once we have worked toward them? I love a good goals-setting session. However, we aren’t quite done yet. After all, we haven’t achieved those goals, have we? We need to take action to be able to get there.

Planning Before we jump headlong into these new goals, we need to take a little time and plan how we are going to achieve them. 

Personally, I like to look at the year as a whole first because I am a visual person. When I can see all of the months on the page at one time, I can more easily envision steps for each month. I can also plan less on the months with a lot of holidays or vacation time, if that will affect my progress.

The important thing is that we are making progress, no matter how small it feels.

Once I have planned the month, I use a weekly planner and set 2-3 priorities for each week. Since I do multiple goals for different aspects of my life, I need to be able to balance them. Priorities aren’t always date specific, but I always write them down. For instance, I prioritize writing one section of my book each week. It doesn’t matter which day, or which section (although that will be more specific when my first draft is done), but I always prioritize writing something. 

Some people do really well planning each day of the week. When I tried that, it felt overwhelming; however, if seeing all of your time blocked out helps you stay on track, by all means, go for it!

Small Steps When we have a whole year plan, it’s easier to see what steps we can take each week and day. The important thing is that we are making progress, no matter how small it feels. We want to be moving forward in some way every week.  

Sometimes my small step for the day is to organize (or reorganize) because I have loose papers hanging out of my planner or because I wrote 5,000 words of content without any subheads. Sometimes my small step is preparing to put a lot of content on my blog at one time, which requires a lot of back-end work that’s much less exciting than the writing. 

Your small steps should help you prepare to achieve your goals in whatever way possible, but should not get in the way of progress.

Your small steps should help you prepare to achieve your goals in whatever way possible, but should not get in the way of progress. For instance, I couldn’t make progress on my blog if the only thing I did was back-end work. Or on my writing if I only put in a bunch of subheads without any content underneath. We need to try to balance our steps so that we can actually see progress from our hard work. 

Perseverance Sometimes it feels like we will never reach our goals. On days where we didn’t sleep enough, were over-committed at work and just need downtime in the evening instead of more “work” on ourselves, or even just that we’ve been feeling a little off the entire day, it’s hard to say: I’m going to take this step today. 

Be kind to yourself on these days.

But don’t let these kind of days become a regular occurrence.

The reality is that if you’re working hard and you’re actively taking steps to make your goals happen, you will get there. But you have to keep trying, and you have to believe in yourself. Keep yourself in a positive, can do attitude, and you will be an unstoppable dream-getter. Who doesn’t want that?!

What has your experience been with goal-setting? How have goals helped you move toward your dreams? Have you ever missed your goal? How did you stay motivated? I’d love to hear about it! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! 

2019 in Review

I feel like I always say that every year has been a huge learning experience for me. While 2019 was not different in this respect, I would be remiss not to consider the incredible personal growth I’ve encountered this year. 

This year started out like any other - challenging and with much stress about money and jobs. Though it was better than 2018, money and career stayed on the forefront of our minds for a lot of the year. I worked two jobs to compensate, and although I love teaching, it became a burden. I was tired.

There were several key turning points for me this year, the biggest being starting my novel. If you haven’t read about my journey with writing, this might not seem like it should be what I am most proud of or what made the most difference for me; however, it was. 

The fact that I now have 18 sections of a book I still get excited to write is beyond joyous for me.

Writing has always been my biggest passion, and it was neglected for many years because of my own insecurity, so the fact that I now have 18 sections of a book I still get excited to write is beyond joyous for me. Beginning my novel also sparked my interest and now business of blogging. 

I have big plans for the next year, and after seeing how well my blog has gone, and how good it makes me feel to produce writing consistently, I know I am on the right course at last. 

Another key turning point for me was when I accepted a promotion at my company in the fall. For the first time, we didn’t have to worry about money. The biggest deal about this position is that it uses the skills I’ve developed throughout my education in a new and innovative way. It’s probably the best blend of teaching and non-teaching I could have asked for in a job. What I didn’t count on was liking it so much.

Of course these are only two times this year has surprised me, but they have both been (without exaggeration) game-changers in my life. I continue to be blessed with an amazingly supportive husband who has been with me through both the good and bad times. The best boy in the whole world, Charlie. A supportive family and friends. 

While I know a lot of people had a tough 2019, I find that I have been extraordinarily blessed. I can only hope that this year’s hard work will seep into next year. 

In case you’re interested, here are some quick facts from this year: 

Writing

Novel

Quick Stats: 

Approx. 20,000 words

80 pages

18 sections

Method:

Google Docs

Mostly typed on computer, but one or two sections typed on phone

Biggest Accomplishments: 

Starting a novel after thinking I wasn’t good enough for many years

Figuring out how to put in a searchable table of contents

Continuing to work week after week and build on something that started as a wacky dream on a night I didn’t sleep well

Blog

Quick Stats: 

38 blogs

Approx. 59,397 words, not including static website pages

Method:

Self-hosted Wordpress 

Google docs for typing & blog safe-keeping

Typed on computer

Biggest Accomplishments: 

Committing to my blog not just with time, but also financially

Being able to more or less keep up with one blog post per week, even with 2 ½ jobs this fall

A stranger (and acquaintance) approaching me to ask advice about blog writing!

Working with my first freelance client

Reading

Quick Stats: 

17 books from Summer, Fall, and beginning of Winter 19/20

Last book completed in 2019:

Anne of Green Gables: A Graphic Novel

I was not counting before about April/May, but if my pattern was the same, about 22-23 books for the entire year

Method:

Physical book

Audio book

Biggest Accomplishments:

Making time for reading even when I was way past capacity for any non-work-related activity I might have wanted to do

Branching out to read more types of books than my “usual”

Teaching

Quick Stats: 

3 classes; English 075, 111, & 112

2 semesters

Approx. 50 students

Method: 

In the classroom

75 minute & 2 hour 50 minute sections

Biggest Accomplishments:

Teaching an advanced class when I had never done it before

Continuing to have students tell me they are more confident in writing after my class ended

Personal

Quick Stats: 

One new car purchased

August 2019

One surgery for my husband

One house sold

Two small(er) student loans paid off 

Credit card debt paid off

Started writing my novel and got 20,000 words in (so far)

Started a new day job that I actually enjoy

Began my blog! 

Began freelance writing

Finished a semester of teaching when I was working 2 jobs (and a half)

Got interviews & rejections from numerous jobs

Losing 10 lbs and gaining it back

Biggest Accomplishments:

Continuously learning & striving to be my best

Being faithful to my blog

Acknowledging myself as a writer and actively making my dreams happen

Consciously working to have a more positive mindset in all situations

Being financially stable

Have your own accomplishments or stats to share? Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! I'd love to hear about it.