Boundaries for Business During the Holidays

Ah, the holidays. It’s the most wonderful time of the year… and the most stressful. You’re getting pulled in all sorts of directions from family, friends, clients, employees, and contractors that you barely have an hour to yourself in December. Sound familiar?

This is the time of year to set boundaries, if you haven’t already. You need to set boundaries with clients and people in your personal life. It’s challenging enough to balance everything that’s asked of you this time of year. Let’s make sure you're set up to be a ray of sunshine this holiday season.

What Does it Mean to Set Boundaries?

Boundaries allow you to set expectations with people in your life. You should always set boundaries so you can maintain a healthy work-life balance, and not be put in uncomfortable or frustrating situations.

The word ‘boundary’ can come off a little harsh, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can set boundaries in a respectful, kind, and subtle way. In other words, you don’t have to say, “You’re breaking my boundaries!” Calmly let someone know how their actions make you feel. (We’ll get into the “how” of this more in a minute.)

Why it’s Important to Set Boundaries

Work boundaries are especially important during the holidays. Your time is stretched by more people, activities, and things to do… It can get stressful if you don’t have boundaries set in place!

In business, setting boundaries will allow you to show up as your best self. You won’t come to work run ragged or angry or frustrated or sleep-deprived. It’s up to you to take care of yourself so you can perform your best work. When you set boundaries (and stick to them), you and your clients will benefit. 

The question is: what boundaries do you need to put in place to help you do that? 

It’s much harder to set boundaries in your personal life. Saying no to mom or dad is different than saying no to a client. But it’s how you show up as your best self. You have to do what’s best for you, even if it means disappointing people you care about. 

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t be respectful and explain why you’re making the choices with your boundaries. Your loved ones care about you and want the best for you. If that means you have to set a boundary with them, they’ll learn to work within it or around it. 

3 Steps to Set Boundaries in Your Business

So we know we need boundaries, but how do we establish them? Let me let you in on a little secret: it’s not actually that complicated. Notice I didn’t say “easy” - it can be hard to maintain boundaries, especially for small businesses, during the holidays. 

That being said, these 3 simple steps will make a world of difference! 

1. Inform Clients of Time Off

It’s okay to take time off, especially during the holidays! A lot of people are taking time off, and no one will blame you for doing the same. It’s a much-needed break that we encourage you to take!

But, be clear about when you will be unavailable. Give your clients time to accommodate your absence. You don’t want to leave them high and dry, so give them plenty of notice about your time off and what you can do for them before taking vacation time. 

Setting an out-of-office reminder is also a must-do. Just because you inform your clients of your time off doesn’t mean they’ll remember. They have enough on their plate (which is probably why they hired you). They don’t have time to remember your schedule. Set an automated out-of-office email as a gentle reminder that you’re not available. Don’t forget to mention when you’ll be back online and include a way to contact you if it’s an emergency.

2. How to Communicate with you

How do you prefer to communicate with your clients? Personally, I don’t mind texting and phone calls, but some people don’t like that. With so many means of communicating nowadays, you need to make it clear what you prefer. 

When you tell clients your preferences up front, you won’t be stuck in an awkward situation of a client messaging you on Facebook Messenger (and missing the message entirely) when you prefer email or texting. It sets a clear boundary between your work and personal life.

3. Say No

Everyone understands that the holidays are ultra-busy. If you say no to a project or extra meeting because you don’t have the time or energy to do it, it’s okay! Let your client know, respectfully, that you would prefer to push it back to the new year because you don’t have the capacity to take on anything more. If they need something done quickly, they may have to find someone else to complete the project. That’s okay, too!

I learned this lesson the hard way, and in fact still sometimes have the urge to take on more than I can really accomplish. I said yes to too many clients at once, because I wanted to grow my business and income faster. But as soon as I turned to examine what was actually on my plate, it immediately became overwhelming. I was working all the time, feeling the constant presence of burnout. It honestly sucked. So when I was able to finally say “no” to a stressful client that wasn’t a good fit for my business, it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. It’s hard, but saying no is a good thing.

3 Ways to Set Boundaries in Your Personal Life

Setting boundaries with family and friends is one of the hardest things to do. Especially around the holidays, your time and attention are requested more than usual. You might be seeing family you only see once a year. Maybe friends are flying in for the holidays and want to hang out. It’s generally just a hectic time of year. 

During this hectic time, your boundaries will be your besties. Here are a few ways you can set boundaries with people in your personal life.

1. Say No

Yes, I’m saying it again! It’s okay to say no to things you don’t want to do or simply don’t have the time to do. It does you more harm than good to squeeze in another lunch date with a friend or spend five hours shopping for the perfect gift at the mall with your aunt. You get to decide what’s most important to you. 

2. Explain Your Boundary

Establishing new boundaries isn’t easy. People may not understand why you suddenly stop doing something you used to do. While you don’t owe anyone an explanation, it’s a good idea to let people know the basics of why you’re making the change. 

You can say something like, “I’m going to stop doing XYZ because it makes me uncomfortable.” Or, “I’m going to start doing XYZ so I can have better balance in my life.” Inform people of your boundary and kindly remind them if they accidentally break them. Eventually, your boundaries will become a habit for them, too.

3. Don’t Accept Less

How often do we accept someone being 10 minutes late, breaking something they borrowed from you, bailing on plans, or not following up on a promise? I’ve been burned many times, and it stings each time. I know things happen, but it feels like “things happen” with certain people. Every. Single. Time. 

Eventually enough has to be enough. It’s okay to make less time for people who flake out on you at the last minute every time you get together, and it’s okay to express disappointment when someone breaks a promise. That doesn’t mean you have to cut them out of your life (unless that’s the boundary you want to draw), but it should make you evaluate what you want and expect from the relationship. 

Start to set boundaries with those around you. It’s okay to let people know your expectations. PsychCentral suggests, “If you’re dealing with someone who is perpetually late, communicate this to them ahead of time — let them know you will be leaving after a certain amount of time has passed. Still, try not to sound accusatory. Consider acknowledging that you two have different personalities. You’re not trying to change them, but you need to set time boundaries for yourself because you can’t afford or don’t want to wait any longer.” 

If  there’s a main takeaway here (or if you’ve scrolled to the bottom - hi, friend!), know that it’s good to set boundaries for yourself. You need them to have a happy, healthy, and balanced life. No one will set them for you. It’s up to you to decide what boundaries to set, who to set them with, and how to enforce them. You’ve got this! 

Wishing you and your loved ones a happy holiday!

7 Unexpected Ways Meditation Helps My Writing

Meditation, like self-care, is a hot topic right now. Or maybe it’s always been a hot topic and I just never noticed until I started doing it. 

I didn’t believe it would work, at least not at first. I took a yoga class in college (because my college required a physical education class...gross), and I loved the yoga part. 

We would also do meditations at the end of class each day, which was super uncomfortable the first few weeks. I mean, who really wants to lay on a yoga mat in an exercise studio with a bunch of people they don’t know and try to get zen? 

It also freaked me out to seemingly give up control of my body for a little bit and actually relax. At the time, I hadn’t yet taken any steps to control my anxiety, so you can probably imagine how tense it was. 

Just as I started to get used to it, though (and actually enjoy it), the class ended. Of course. 

I didn’t pick it back up until early 2020 when the proverbial shit hit the fan and I HAD to figure out how to deal with my anxiety. There was so much going on, and although napping does help me (I’m super open about it - such a creative boost!), it was getting into the nap that was the problem. 

Relaxing enough to shut my mind down even for 15 minutes was a huge problem, so I wracked my poor stressed out brain to figure out what to do. I was willing to try pretty much anything. 

Enter: meditation. 

What Do I Mean by Meditation?

Real quick, before we get to how meditation is pretty much a life (and business) saver for me, I wanted to touch on what I mean because there are different kinds of meditation. When I first learned about it, I kind of thought that only monks meditated - and maybe those who were hardcore yoga practitioners who were in it for the spiritual aspects. It was a super stereotypical assumption, and I’m happy to report that I was wrong! 

Spiritual meditation is a popular practice, and there are a ton of great resources about it. That’s not the kind of meditation I do, though. I use guided imagery meditation. I also don’t meditate at 5 am before anyone is awake - I do it in the afternoon, typically after lunch or mid-afternoon when I look up from whatever project I’m working on and realize that my brain needs a break or a reset. 

I have a couple of apps that I love, and there are lots of free audios to choose from. My favorite is Insight Timer, and I use it both for afternoon meditation and sleep stories at night before I go to bed. I don’t have the premium membership ($59.99/year), but that’s probably something I will purchase next year because I use and enjoy it so much.

Why I Meditate 3-4 Afternoons a Week

So here’s the fun part: all the reasons I meditate on the regular. My goal for August is actually to meditate 4 times a week, which is lofty. As you probably know, being busy makes your schedule a little unpredictable! 

But this particular part of my day is SO worth it. 

Part of my meditation practice is selfish...it helps puppy Maxwell take a nap in the afternoon. I don’t know if you have furry friends at home with you, but with 2 fur babies and myself at home almost all the time (because I work remotely), we NEED naptime in my house. By the afternoon, he’s ready, but fighting it because he has serious FOMO (which I’ve come to realize most little creatures do, human or animal) and he thinks that even though I’ve been massively boring to him and Charlie all day so far, I’m going to jump up and party without him or something. I’m not, but he doesn’t realize that. So when I get ready to meditate, I put him in his sleeping area and I lay in bed for about 15 minutes and get up while he’s still snoozing. 

Amidst the quiet house, because Charlie is always willing to take a snooze no matter what time of day, I get up feeling refreshed and ready to create. The meditations that I do often involve an element of intentional breathing and mindfulness, so any kind of worry or anxiety that has crept into my subconscious is cleared out.

Sometimes this is a bigger deal than others, especially if I’ve been working on a tight deadline or stressful project. Meditation essentially offers me a reset button for my mind. When you weigh 15 minutes of refresh vs. 15 minutes of barely pushing yourself to write another paragraph, the refresh is obviously the better (and more logical choice). 

When I’ve reset my mind and cleared out any worries, I’m always amazed at how clearly I can figure out what I need to do next. Also, it makes me hella creative because I don’t have to create past all that other crap - it’s almost like starting a brand new day halfway through the current day. 

It’s a nice way to break things up, and I’m almost always excited to dive back into projects. The times I’m not, I can at least handle it maturely instead of sitting down to binge-watch nature documentaries on Disney+ for the rest of the day. 

One of the best things about meditation is that it makes me excited about my own writing. If you follow me on social media, you’ll know that there have been a couple of rough patches with my personal writing in the last year (if you don’t, let’s connect!). As it turns out, when you write so much for other people, it can leave you drained of creative energy for your own projects no matter how much you love them. That’s also not great when you’re supposed to be helping other people write creatively. 

“When I amped up my meditation practice this spring, I was surprised at how much of a boost it gave me. And how much clarity for what parts of my creativity I can lean into right now.”

So when I amped up my meditation practice this spring, I was surprised at how much of a boost it gave me. And how much clarity for what parts of my creativity I can lean into right now. I’m pleased to say that I actually have multiple creative projects going on right now, and I have a standing writing date with myself on Friday afternoons. That would be decidedly impossible without meditation and clearing my mind so much throughout the week. 

I feel like I could talk about meditation all day long - I DO talk about it a lot! It’s made such a big impact on my life and creativity, and I think it could help you, too. You may not “get it” the first time or two. I definitely didn’t! But if you stick with it for a little while, I’m willing to bet you’ll start seeing some of these benefits, too. 

My challenge to you is to try meditation - more than once because it’s a habit - and see how it could help you. 

Do you meditate? What do you use for your meditations? How has meditation helped you? I’d love to hear about your experiences and recommendations! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.

Why a Little Fear Isn’t Just Normal, It’s Good

My mouse hovered over the “Send” button. 

Palms sweating, heart racing, I knew I had to send the email, but fear (& imposter syndrome) invaded my mind. 

After a deep breath, I closed my eyes, clicked, and it was done. 

The draft was sent. 

For better or worse, my client had the article, and it was out of my hands as to how they would react.

Have you ever had a moment of fear like this in your professional life?

One where you’ve worked your ass off, but aren’t quite sure what the receiver will think? Or maybe one where you made a bold move without asking first and wondered if the risk would pay off, hoping whoever you’re doing the work for loves your moxie? 

As a writer, I have these experiences frequently. 

It’s certainly not every project, and the more and varied kinds of projects I do, the farther apart they are. But, fear is a part of creative life, and as far as I can tell, there’s no way around it. 

It feels almost like being the new kid in school, hoping the other kids will see how awesome you are before they realize you’re too tall, you’ve got braces, and your sense of humor is still too grown up for you. 

Or walking into a brand new office full of people knowing they’ve all been working together for the last decade and you’re the first new person in years. Yikes.  

We talk about being professional in a way that implies that once we’re the “expert” we’ll never be scared again. Or once we’ve done what we do best for a long time, we’ll just magically become fearless - hence the term “fearless leader,” right? 

That’s patently false. 

No matter how long you’ve been doing something, or how far up you get in the professional food chain, there will always be an element of fear. But who says that’s a bad thing? 

I guess a good majority of the world does often say that fear is a weakness - that’s how we’re taught to think. Being fearless and overcoming fear are seen as praiseworthy accomplishments, and in a sense they are. No one should have to live their entire lives paralyzed by fear. 

But fear doesn’t always have to be the bad guy! I mean, it’s always there anyway (even if you’re good at compartmentalizing it to the back of your mind), so you might as well accept it and figure out why it’s there - and what the heck it’s going to do, right? 

Fear will always be part of our professional lives. Here’s why:

No matter how much you accomplish, there will always be things you don’t know and/or haven’t done.

Plain and simple, you can’t know everything (and you don’t need to). You can be as expert as expert can be and still not know as much as someone else about a topic outside of your area. 

You can study and know something back and forth and still accidentally leave a hole in your knowledge. Those holes, no matter how small, will probably leave you feeling inept because you “should have known” whatever it is you missed.

No one wants to leave that vulnerability open in the professional world - the not knowing everything bit - because they feel like it makes them seem less of an expert. Less trustworthy. Less professional.

It doesn’t, though. It makes you human! 

We’re not robots or computers. We’re people! And people sometimes miss or forget things, which is okay. 

What it really comes down to is a fear of not being respected or accepted. You bring a unique wealth of experience and knowledge to the table, and that’s enough. 

Your fear is trying to protect you from embarrassment or judgement, which is a nice thought, in theory. That being said, fear doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t, run your professional life. 

There have been and will continue to be people telling you that you’re not good enough or don’t “meet the mark.”

I know you’ve had an experience at work or in school where someone told you that your best wasn’t good enough. Even if it was supposed to be “nice” or “polite” or labeled as “constructive criticism” (that was actually just regular criticism in disguise).  

We’ve ALL been there, and it sucks. No sugar, spice, or something nice about it. Being rejected hurts, especially when you’ve poured yourself into the project. The unfortunate thing about it is that it will keep happening. 

So our fear kicks in and warns us “Watch out! You love this thing, better be careful who you share it with.” Totally legit. You should be careful who you send your heartfelt work to. 

BUT, you won’t always be rejected! In fact, as you learn and grow, experience will show you how to improve so you get rejected less. You become better at tasks you struggle with and learn to adapt when you do get rejected so it hurts a little less than the last time. 

In the business world, a lot of rejection isn’t personal, even when it feels that way (and believe me, it really really does sometimes). Your project may be one of a hundred the person looks at and has to pick one. That doesn’t mean your project is bad! It just means that someone else fits their needs better this time. 

Growing is pretty much always scary because you have to get uncomfortable.

I’m gonna be honest: I’m a creature of comfort. I think most of us are. We like knowing what we know & we feel really good when we can help others with what we know. That’s pretty much the basis of business, with some money tossed into the mix. 

But if we want to be our best selves and grow professionally, we have to commit to it. We have to want to grow, and if you’ve ever been the person learning a new skill (likely), you’ll know that it can be really uncomfortable. 

You know the kind of discomfort I mean - feeling like you don’t know anything, so how could you possibly do the thing? Even crazier if you don’t know how to do the thing (or you’re terrible at it) and you want to start a business with it. Laughable! 

Or so we tell ourselves. But is it actually crazy to think we could learn a new skill and implement it? Is it actually so unbelievable that a smart person could leverage their strengths and create a career based on what they love instead of doing something mind-numbingly boring that they know backwards and forwards for the next 40 years? 

I don’t think so, and I don’t think you do either. But your fear probably does. 

Mine definitely did! Who am I to run a business? And enjoy it? And be good at it? WTF? 

But, you know what? I did it anyway (because I’m stubborn as hell - much more so than my fear). And I am good at it. And it is awesome. The fear is still there, and you know what? I like it. It keeps me honest because truly, there is a lot I don’t know.

I don’t pretend to know it all about business - the basics, sure, but that’s what other experts are for, to help me learn! That’s not why people work with me either. They work with me because I’m exceptional at stories and storytelling and working with words in a way that most people can’t (or won’t learn how to do).

So when I hesitate for a moment before sending an article (not terribly uncommon), my fear hovers for a moment, I acknowledge it’s there, and then I click send and go on about my day. Because my best is enough, and it’s good - yours is, too.

The feedback I got on the sweaty palm, heart racing article? “This is the best work you've done so far. You're like a fine wine... just getting better with time. Awesome work!” 

I get emails like this probably 95% (or more) of the time I’m nervous about client work. The fear? Almost entirely unfounded - but it’s part of putting so much of yourself into the work you do. Even when it’s there, I never let it stop me. 

If you’ve had, or are still having, fears in your professional life, take a breath, acknowledge them, and move forward. Whether that’s clicking send on an important email, asking for a raise, suggesting an organizational change, or even finding a new career - one you love - go for it. 

You can do it. You’ll be scared, but that’s okay, be bold and do it anyway.

A Message to Struggling Writers

Hi, 

Today I’m struck simultaneously by how grateful I am for the life I lead, and also how much I’m still struggling. It’s not just about the pandemic, or having been unemployed for 8 months last year (during which I started a business). It’s also not about the fact that there’s been so much social and political upheaval in the past 6 months, although that definitely hasn’t been easy either. 

No, the primary struggle for me is me. 

It’s about mindset and creativity and overwhelm and priorities. My creative writing has definitely felt the impact of all these things, and not in a good way. 

So today I wanted to share a message for other writers, like me, who are struggling: 

It’s okay to struggle. 

Likewise, it’s okay that not every day is a productive day. While it would be nice if all of us could crank out chapter after chapter of our dream novel, it’s okay that it doesn’t happen like that. Writing doesn’t have to be a game of who’s most prolific or who can write the most. It’s not a competition!

It’s one thing to have goals and celebrate achievements, but it’s another thing entirely to live and breath so much by the metrics that you feel stuck. You feel scared to “get behind” in your creative projects. This mindset can pretty effectively block creative thoughts from coming to us in the first place, which feels even worse! 

There’s too much pressure for writers to mimic the bestsellers in both pace and style. I’m over it, and I’m over it for you, too. Audience is important to think about as your writing, but creative ventures are also about their creators. If you’re not writing about what you love, or you don’t like what you’re writing, your specially picked audience will read right through it..

Editing doesn’t put passion back into flat writing. 

It’s also okay to walk away and take a break. It can be tricky to tell if you’re stuck in a rut or if you need to transition to a new project. It’s also really hard to walk away from something you love doing, even when you know it will help you be at your best for the next writing session. It’s okay, though. 

Taking a few days, or even a few weeks, off of your writing project doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It merely means you’re giving yourself a chance to breathe and create on your own terms. 

When you come back to your project after a break, or even before taking a break, it’s also okay to not know what’s next. Even if you have a detailed outline it can be hard to pinpoint exactly what would be the best piece to write next. For those of us who work a little more abstractly, sometimes we’re pulled in a clear direction of where to go and sometimes we’re not. It doesn’t mean our work is a lost cause, it just means we need to sit with our characters and get in their heads in a new way. 

Most of all, know that you are not alone. 

There are days where I wake up full of energy and creativity that goes straight to my novel. There are also days where I can barely do the writing I’m getting paid to do, let alone trying to have any conversations or think about my main character, Callie. 

No matter what the reasons are for your struggle, it’s okay. You’re not the only one, and it’s not forever. 

If you need help, or just want someone to chat with about the struggle (and just how real it is), reach out. Let’s chat. No strings attached or money involved. I find that often, after talking to other writers, I am not only bolstered about writing, but also just happier in general because we’ve talked about something we both love. 

It’s pretty cool. 

Let’s connect, okay? 

Yours in Struggle,

10 Things No One Tells You as a New Business Owner

This week has been a bad mental health week for a number of reasons. It’s not just because my husband and I waited 4 hours to vote on Tuesday, or because I’ve felt behind since Monday. It’s not even the fact that baby Maxwell has to have a second eye surgery next week (most likely because of his own shenanigans).

It’s one of those things that everything adds up little by little and all the sudden just hits you without any warning.

Mental health is something people don’t talk about enough in business, if at all, even though it’s an absolutely essential piece of the conversation.

I’m not sharing this to complain, but I think mental health is something people don’t talk about enough in business, if at all, even though it’s an absolutely essential piece of the conversation.

So, despite the fact that I’ve had a different piece of content planned for 6 weeks or more, I’m going to share some things no one tells you about being a business owner because if you or someone close to you is thinking about starting a business, you need to know.

1) You can’t just drop your personal life at the door.

My very first job out of grad school was the only time I ever got any type of negative review in the workplace. The comments were glowing all the way until the end when it said, “You need to check your personal life at the door when you come to work.”

The ironic thing was that during the review I asked if my personal life had ever been a barrier in providing excellent customer service and the answer was a resounding “no,” after which I listened to a somewhat lengthy monologue about how it wasn’t a professional thing to bring your personal life to work. Professionals, my manager said, were able to check their emotions and focus only on work while at work.

Here’s the deal: life happens. In the 3 months leading up to that review, we were buying a house, my husband got diagnosed with Diabetes, I got diagnosed with a thyroid disorder, I broke a tooth that needed an expensive dental repair, I lived an hour away from work, and it was my first time in the full time 9-5 workforce.

Whether or not you work in an office or for yourself, there’s not always an option to check your personal life at the door when you’re doing business.

Whether or not you work in an office or for yourself, there’s not always an option to check your personal life at the door when you’re doing business. Especially when you’re working from home.

If we’re on Zoom during the day, there’s a good chance you might see my dogs (or hear them). You might see a neat pile of sewing supplies in the background, or I may not have a full face of makeup on.

The fact of the matter is that you have a personal life. Everyone does! It doesn’t make you less professional that you have a hobby or pets in your house…that you live in. It doesn’t make you less professional to apologize for being a moment late to a meeting because your child is melting down from eLearning, or even because the last 30 minutes was your only break throughout the day and you just need a moment to stretch!

Ultimately, the best indicator of professionality is communication. Communicate often and clearly, and if that means sharing a little explanation for rescheduling a meeting than so be it. Of course, there is a time for ultra-formality, but it’s unlikely that this needs to be an everyday occurrence for most small business owners.

When you are the business owner, especially at the beginning when you’re the only one in your business, you have to be able to deal with life around you, and sometimes a little of that runs over into business life.  

2) What’s that thing you call work/life balance?

I am a huge advocate for balance in our lives. I firmly believe that making time for our own interests and our family and friends is critical to good mental health, and ultimately to living a fulfilling life.

But I’m gonna get real honest here for a moment: business ownership can be all-consuming. If you let it, it WILL be the only thing you think about days, nights, weekends, vacations – the whole shebang.

As my husband noted during the height of lockdown, I use work to process and deal with hardship and stress. I work harder instead of taking a break when I get worn out.

Business ownership can be all-consuming. If you let it, it WILL be the only thing you think about days, nights, weekends, vacations – the whole shebang.

I suspect many other business owners also face this conundrum. We feel like if we’re not constantly working our business will somehow collapse before our eyes. So, it’s really a fear mechanism that if we stop for a moment (which is healthy), everything we’ve worked so hard for will instantly vanish.

I’m not saying there’s not a chance of that happening. If 2020 has taught us anything it’s that nothing is guaranteed, and we should all be prepared to be flexible and pivot when we need to. What I am saying is that it’s possible to have a balance in your life without your business collapsing. It’s possible to go on vacation for a few days or a week and come back refreshed without thinking you’re going to come back to a pile of business rubble.

If you can’t take time away, you need to reconsider your business model.

3) Burnout is a SERIOUS issue that you HAVE TO deal with.

As you might suspect, working more and making more decisions is hard! Especially if you’ve never been in a leadership role.

When you begin to own your new leadership, it’s exhausting. There are some weeks you make more important decisions for your business than you might have made in a year in your personal life. Likewise, there may be many setbacks occurring all at once.

When you do this for long periods of time with inadequate relaxation and breaks, you get burnt out. Your business won’t seem nearly as fun, even if it’s what you love to do. Your motivation will slip, and you’ll find yourself making excuses to avoid work even when you know there are deadlines looming and your paycheck is on the line.

Burnout is a huge problem in the professional world, especially in a society that “hustles” so much. The reality is that you have to deal with this. You can’t just ignore it and keep working (or avoiding work).

Burnout is a huge problem in the professional world, especially in a society that “hustles” so much. The reality is that you have to deal with this. You can’t just ignore it and keep working (or avoiding work).

Let me share an instance of what happens when you ignore burnout. When we first got back from vacation in the beginning of September, I worked 7 days a week and literally made myself sick because I didn’t deal with the major burnout I had from jumping back in too fast.

Just yesterday morning I was doing my morning journaling and writing about how stressed I was because of X, Y, & Z and I found myself in tears but unable to just cry for a moment to let it out because I had an eminent video interview for a piece of content coming up in a few weeks. It’s time for a break, folks! Mental & emotional health absolutely effect your physical wellbeing and you have to take care of yourself first.

4) It’s overwhelming to learn how much you don’t know.

This might seem silly – after all, we don’t know what we don’t know, right?

 Wrong.

When you start a business there will almost certainly and immediately be a long list of things you know you don’t know. What’s overwhelming is the sheer amount and figuring out how the hell you’re going to learn it.

 A lot of it has to do with prioritization. Even if you have a list, priorities for a new business can shift every day. Some days you’ll need to know more about social media marketing, some days you’ll need to learn about bookkeeping, and some days you’ll just need to focus on how to plan for the learning you still need to do.

When you start a business there will almost certainly and immediately be a long list of things you know you don’t know.

 At some point, you’ll probably have the brilliant idea to hire people to help you, followed by a flurry of research and the realization that everything you need help with is expensive to hire out.

It’s okay that you don’t know all the things! And there are some things you probably will have very little interest in knowing much about – those are the things you will eventually hire out. Just remember that it takes time to be able to prioritize your time efficiently and effectively. It takes time to learn how all the pieces fit together, let alone how each one works on its own. It’s okay, just take one baby step at a time. It will start to come together.

5) There may not be anyone who you can ask for help.

I’m not sure if you have a network of entrepreneurs around you or not, but I certainly didn’t when I started my business. I didn’t know one person who owned a business, let alone an online business!

So, there was no one to ask for help when I was stuck.

Don’t underestimate the power of networking! I have found my new online peers to be extraordinarily helpful in growing my business.

It might be like that for you, or you might know some people who do something similar to what you want to do with your business. Either way, sometimes there’s just no one to ask – except maybe Facebook groups, most of which you don’t know everyone in the group very well.

Don’t underestimate the power of networking! I have found my new online peers to be extraordinarily helpful in growing my business. It might be uncomfortable at first, but fresh perspective is almost always helpful. Make it a priority early on to build a network of like-minded people who can help you when no one in your immediate personal circle has a clue what you’re doing, let alone how to help you.

6) People don’t always believe in or understand what you’re doing.

This might sound harsh, but it’s true. That doesn’t mean people don’t believe in you. Hopefully your inner circle of loved ones believes in you and your big dreams, even when they don’t understand how in the world you could make money at it.

My husband and I were talking about this recently because I met one of my major income goals for the year. I happened to say something about how I thought he felt like I was crazy for setting such a scary goal in January. To my surprise (and delight), he said something like, “Yeah, I did kind of think you were crazy.”

Sometimes you just have to be your own inspiration until others catch on.

Why would I delight in this?

Because the next thing out of his mouth was, “I didn’t really understand how you were going to do it, but I knew that if anyone could do it, it was you.”

Heart eyes, right?!

I, of course, laughed when he said he’d thought I was crazy. I knew it, just like I knew other people in my life had NO IDEA how I was going to make a living writing, let alone doing writing coaching. But I’m me, and that was enough knowledge for them to support me even when they didn’t understand. Sometimes you just have to be your own inspiration until others catch on.

7) Succeeding is scary.

I was making investments in myself and my business long before I was making profit.

And let me tell you, it’s SCARY.

Like, fingers shaking on the mouse before you click to pay. Like, wondering how in the world you were going to pay this back when you already have bills stacking up. Like, should I spend this money at all or should I keep hoarding it for a rainier day than today?

Unexpectedly, it’s also scary when you get your first client. And when you send the biggest invoice you’ve ever sent… and the client pays it without a question or second thought!

So weird, right?

It’s also a huge rush. I definitely wasn’t prepared to be nervous about billing for services I’d already completed.

8) Business requires infrastructure, even though you may not be in an office setting.

So, you know all those systems you used in your corporate job? The nice CRMs or the project management software? Maybe even the SOPs?

None of those are there in a brand new business.

Like, nothing.

You have to build all those things from the ground up, even if/when you know nothing about it.

Admin tasks are no joke! In the beginning, a ton of tasks you do will be administrative. It has to be that way because in order to really scale and grow you need those pieces in place.

Alternatively, you could pay someone to develop a system for you on top of whatever software you need. You can probably get by with free tools or ones you already have on your computer for a little while, but unless you designed all those beautiful spreadsheets and implemented bookkeeping at your old job it’s a lot of dang work! And even if you did those things, it still takes a long time and a lot of effort to build.  

And it has to be done. You can’t avoid it, just like you can’t avoid taking care of burnout. Admin tasks are no joke! In the beginning, a ton of tasks you do will be administrative. It has to be that way because in order to really scale and grow you need those pieces in place. You have to be able to tell where your money is going and where your projects are.

9) Providing services to others makes you question what your time is worth.

There’s nothing quite like a prospective client asking what your rate is for a service. There’s also nothing quite like having a client say that their budget is half your rate.

You immediately question whether your rate is appropriate and whether you could come down for this client only. You also feel like backtracking and saying, “Oh, did I say $40/hour? I meant for this other service. For what you want I’ll do $20/hour” even when you DON’T mean the other service.

The real question to ask yourself is what you bring to the table. What makes your service worth the money you charge for it?

When you offer services, realize that your ability to serve will be maxed out at some point. There are only so many hours in a day to do work, so in order to grow, you will eventually have to raise your rates and figure out how to diversify your income.

$20/hour seems like a lot – and it is a good amount! But when you’re a business owner you also have to think about how you’re going to grow.

You’re going to have to work a lot more of those $20/hour jobs than you would if you had a higher rate. The more jobs you take, the less time you’ll have to create a strong infrastructure and figure out how to do the business end of your business.

I will say that if you’re a complete beginner in your area, it’s not a bad idea to work for a lower rate at first to get some experience behind you. Get some social proof while you’re finding clients and building your business. But when you offer services, realize that your ability to serve will be maxed out at some point. There are only so many hours in a day to do work, so in order to grow, you will eventually have to raise your rates and figure out how to diversify your income.

10) If you love what you do in your business, it will probably be one of the best things you ever do.

I feel like the things I’ve talked about have been more on the negative side, but truly, being a business owner is incredibly rewarding!

It’s unlike anything else I’ve ever done, and probably unlike most things you’ve done, too.

It’s also the best thing I’ve done professionally, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

It’s also the best thing I’ve done professionally, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

You get to see your hard work get results, even if they’re slower than expected. You get to see progress and growth and opportunity. You get to experience the thrill of being the ultimate “boss” and make decisions that actually matter! You get to be you doing what you love, and what career offers that kind of opportunity better than your own business?

This week was a bad mental health week, and you know what? It’s okay. It’s okay that I’ve had to move a meeting here and there. It’s okay that I’m overwhelmed. I know it will pass.

But I didn’t feel that way when I first started my business. It’s still a work in progress, but it’s so important to talk about!

My challenge to you, especially if you’re thinking about starting a business, is to do one nice self-care thing for yourself this week and make it a habit!

7 Reasons Introverts Make Awesome Writers

All writers are different, and we all have varying methods for preparing, planning (or not planning), and executing our writing. Writing can be an escape for some, therapy for others, or just plain fun!

As a writer myself, and after connecting with many other writers, I’ve learned it’s quite common for writers to be more introverted.  Being an introvert can be a great asset for a writer! There are many different qualities of being introverted that are helpful if you want to be a writer. This helps make introverts awesome writers!

So, you may be wondering, what exactly is an introvert?

Introvert

Introverts are people who much of the time, prefer to be left alone. Social gatherings or interactions can be very draining for an introvert. They are quieter, reserved, and prefer observing over engaging. If you don’t quite fit into this category, you may find yourself leaning more towards the extrovert or ambivert categories. 

Extrovert

An extrovert is considered the opposite of an introvert. They thrive in more social settings and don’t need a lot of alone time. They’re friends with a lot of people and love chatting. They’re more outgoing overall and tend to be bigger risk-takers. 

Ambivert

Ambivert is a personality type for the outliers. There are varying degrees to each trait, and the labels themselves are not a one size fits all kind of deal. 

An ambivert would be someone who finds themselves somewhere in the middle of an introvert and an extrovert. They exhibit traits of both categories.

An ambivert would be someone who finds themselves somewhere in the middle of an introvert and an extrovert. They exhibit traits of both categories. An ambivert may relate to being outgoing and talkative, but still be in need of alone time to recharge. Or, they are quiet and reserved but need socialization to recharge rather than isolation. 

7 Reasons Introverts Make Awesome Writers

We all don’t have to be introverts to be writers, but it can certainly help. 

For instance, I would label myself as an introvert and identify with many of the following reasons why introverts make awesome writers! Most times, in large groups or at get togethers, I tend to sneak away for some alone time to recharge.

It can be very overwhelming for me to spend long periods of time in crowds. Writing is my happy place because I am able to be alone, while pouring myself into the pages. People often mistake me as shy, when in reality, I enjoy sitting back and watching my surroundings rather than engaging with them. 

Which brings me to the 7 reasons that introverts make awesome writers:

1) Observant of Surroundings

As introverts, we’re not as likely to engage with others, and so probably spend more time observing our surroundings. This can fuel imagination. Being observant of not just what is happening around you, but of architecture, nature, and an overall setting, can give you ideas for your writing. 

Many authors draw inspiration for their scenes from places they have been or certain buildings that they found to be interesting or noteworthy. Spending time in nature also lends to scene building in the same way. If you are describing a certain area of a forest or a beach, it will be easier to make it believable and tangible for your readers if you are describing somewhere you have actually experienced.

You’ll know the feel of the wind against your face, the branches scraping your skin, the smell of pine, etc. All of these observations that you have collected will only strengthen your writing and entice your readers. 

2) Observant of Interactions

Because introverts tend to be very observant of their surroundings, they also tend to be more aware of other people’s interactions. Watching people interact is not only entertaining, but it can also lend aid to your writing abilities. Some writers have a difficult time with dialogue - making it believable or realistic. 

Watching the people around us: the way they speak, gesture, move, interact, etc. gives great insight into how our characters might interact.

Watching the people around us: the way they speak, gesture, move, interact, etc. gives great insight into how our characters might interact. We have to think about the setting we’re creating for our characters and how that will change their dialect or body language. If you’re writing a story that takes place in medieval Europe, they wouldn’t be interacting as we see people do now. However, if you’re writing a story that takes place in modern day, or close to it, using what we see in everyday life will be extremely useful. 

Even if you are writing that old-timey novel, watching people’s emotional responses can still be very helpful. Facial expressions are something that stays pretty consistent over time, not necessarily changing with each era. Anger will lead to reddening faces, wrinkled brows, clenched fists, etc. Joy will lead to grins, laughter, glowing, etc. 

3) Dedicates Significant Energy to Being Thoughtful

As introverts, we tend to find ourselves with a lot of time for thinking. This is useful for processing those observations we made all day. We may spend time ruminating on events that occurred, or things that were said, and though that’s not always helpful, it can be when you’re a writer.

If you find yourself thinking, if I’d only said… or if I’d just done this... then writing can help you flesh out those thoughts! Use those instances to fuel new stories. How would it have played out differently if you’d said something else? How would your characters have handled the situation? 

Any experience you have can be used to your advantage when writing. Being thoughtful helps you to rewrite your experiences and create stories from them. 

Dedicating energy to our thoughts also helps keep our imagination alive. If we’re constantly thinking of new ideas, eventually we will come up with one that would make a great story or book. Not all of our ideas are equal - some don’t make sense, and that’s okay! You can start writing a story and discover it isn’t really turning out how you thought or wanted, and start over, or go back and fix it. Being a thoughtful person means never running out of ideas; the well is never empty. 

4) Spend Time on Self-Reflection

Being introverts, we most likely spend a lot of time alone, or if not alone, simply keeping to ourselves. This gives a lot of time for self-reflection. Looking inward can present us with many opportunities to enhance our writing. 

Looking inward can present us with many opportunities to enhance our writing. 

Since you spend more time thinking about your own character and why you do the things you do, it will help develop motivations for story characters. Reflecting on what makes you upset, sad, happy, excited, etc. will help you recreate those emotions in your stories and your characters.

5) Are More Reticent

Being more reticent means that we aren’t as willing to reveal our thoughts and feelings. We are more likely to keep things to ourselves, and a great way to let out all this built up energy is to write! Keeping things to yourself is not always a bad thing. You’ll have a lot more to offer to your own stories and writings. Divulging your thoughts and feelings into your writing will make it that much more potent and often more relatable. 

Being a writer doesn’t always mean writing stories, books, poetry, etc. It can also be journal writing. Pouring yourself onto the page of a journal can be very cathartic. Then, you can always go back to those entries and find inspiration from them.

6) Are More Empathic

Introverts tend to be more empathic. This means that we can more easily understand and share the feelings of other people. Being able to pick up on subtle changes more easily than non-empaths can be very helpful in identifying emotions that another person is experiencing. We can transfer these skills into our writing and make the interactions between our characters that much deeper and more meaningful. Seeing the subtle cues and being able to describe them helps readers really put themselves into a piece/story/book.

Being able to pick up on subtle changes more easily than non-empaths can be very helpful in identifying emotions that another person is experiencing.

Being an empath also helps to make sure that we’re writing in a sensitive way. We’re good at ensuring people won’t be offended by our writing. We can understand why people are upset about certain topics, or which topics are touchier, and adjust our writing accordingly. There’s no way to ensure that we’re never going to offend anyone, but being able to empathize more deeply than others, it’s easier to know what will be better received.

7) Like & Need Alone Time

A major part of being a writer is spending a lot of time alone. We need space and limited distractions to be able to sit down and write. As introverts who enjoy alone time, this is a great combination for us! We can go to our writing area, be alone, and recharge while doing what we love.

We won’t always have the luxury of being alone when we’re writing, though. Sometimes a partner, child, or pet will be around and that’s okay! We don’t have to be alone to write. However, it makes a big difference in the amount we’re able to get done.

If you’re someone who doesn’t do well spending a lot of time alone, writing may come harder for you. Even if you like being alone, you don’t want to isolate in your writing corner too long. That’s why introverts can make awesome writers. They already like being alone, so spending that alone time writing just makes sense.

Next Steps

There are many reasons introverts make awesome writers. But what do you do with that information? 

1. First and foremost, find out what type of personality you have! Are you an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert? Take a personality quiz and find out!

   The most common test is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Instrument which determines which of sixteen personality categories you fall into. Eight of them are based more firmly in the extrovert category, while the other eight are considered forms of an introvert. If you want to find out more about that, check out The Myers & Briggs Foundation website here! 

   There is also a test called the Enneagram Types test that places you in one of nine categories. It is similar to the Myers Briggs test, but it divides people into Heart Types, Head Types, and Body Types. You can take that test here. 

2. Think about what recharges you and makes you feel good. If you’re an introvert, that may be spending some time alone, watching a movie, or doing an at home spa day. If you’re an extrovert, it may be spending a day with friends, going out to dinner, or participating in a sport/gym class. Whatever it is, make sure you make the time to recharge often. We’re at our best when we take care of ourselves and it shows in our work and writing.

3. Think about how your passion and personality shapes your writing. Does your passion shine through your writing? The more passionate you are about it, the more your readers will sense it. Your personality may come out through your characters, whether you create them in your image, or opposite of yourself. 

4. Work with a fellow introvert to start or progress on your writing project! Reach out and find someone you can work with. Social media is a great place to do this. You can find someone with similar goals and ideas, then you can help to hold each other accountable for those goals. You can also work with Rachel - read more about how here.

My challenge to you is to take one of the personality tests! Find out what type you are and focus on how it directly influences your writing.

Are you an introvert who loves spending time alone writing? An extrovert who loves having people around in order to feel at your best? Either way, how are you planning to recharge this week? Making sure that you recharge yourself helps to ensure that you continue to be an awesome writer. I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.

Why I Started my Business

NOTE: This blog contains affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, I will earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.

There’s one question I’ve been asked about my business more than any other recently: 

What’s your “why”? Why do you do what you do? 

While I typically always have a short response (because social media, right?), I realized that I’ve never actually told the whole story about how & why I started my business, Capturing Your Confidence. 

So this week I wanted to get a little more personal because I think the “why” of what we do is so important - maybe even more important than the end goal sometimes. 

If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would be a business owner, I would’ve probably laughed. And not a chuckle of knowing appreciation. I mean a hearty “that would never happen” laugh. I’d never thought of owning a business, and I had no background in business, marketing, or sales. I knew the basic principles because my grandma taught business when I was young, but it wasn’t something I pursued in school.

And yet, in April 2019, everything changed. I found this 5 day course about starting a blog (or, rather, it found me on Facebook), signed up, and convinced my husband that we should invest a little money for me to start a blog. 

I agonized for days over what I would call my blog. I wanted to be something witty and clever, and of course literary - assuming I could put it all together. I always intended to write about writing, and about teaching. In the early days, my main goal was to share my experiences of writing my novel, teaching, and sharing my love of writing with the world. 

“I really had to consider what I wanted the blog to feel like - what I wanted my ethos to be. Who I was going to be as a blogger and a web writing personality. ”

I’m thankful that all of the clever names I initially thought of were unavailable because it made me think outside the box. I really had to consider what I wanted the blog to feel like - what I wanted my ethos to be. Who I was going to be as a blogger and a web writing personality. 

It took a lot, but I finally settled on Capturing Your Confidence. I remember the moment I figured it out. I was driving home from somewhere, and it was a warm evening, so naturally the windows were down. I was thinking about confidence, and action words - yes, purposefully action words, especially ones that started with “C”. What can I say? I love alliteration. 

Do other people brainstorm verbs that start with specific letters? 

As my thinking evolved, I contemplated light in the darkness. What kinds of things could illuminate darkness without being overly bright like the sun? Brighter than the stars, but something tangible. Something you could capture and use to light the darkness. 

Fireflies.

Fireflies light up the darkness, and many of us grew up capturing fireflies in glass jars and watching them glow. A memory of delight at the end of a summer day. 

That was it - the moment I said it out loud I knew it was the perfect name for what I wanted to do: Capturing Your Confidence. 

Left: Original logo; Right: 2020 Redesign; Top: Current - New Website Redesign

If you’ve been around for awhile, you might remember that my first logo actually included a jar with fireflies inside. I’ve redesigned the logo since then, but you can still see the firefly inspiration in the logo today - next time you visit the blog or see an email from me, look at the logo. I’ve never stopped trying to help you catch the confidence fireflies in your life.

After I decided on the name, I continued to read everything I could find about blogging for money (and the insane amount of income some bloggers make). The more I became convinced that not only could I do it, I would do it. I was going to be one of those bloggers who makes $30K a month for blogging. 

So I learned. I blogged. I wrote and wrote... and wrote some more. And I got better. It’s funny - I have 2 degrees in writing, and I still look back at some of those first blogs and cringe a little. 

“I’ve never stopped trying to help you catch the confidence fireflies in your life.”

When I first started, I thought I would be able to make money quickly. I wanted to quit the day job I was bored at and be a blogger full time. Because I’d recently started writing my novel, I’d revived my childhood dream of being a writer when I “grew up” - this seemed like a perfect direction to go in. 

Alas, you don’t know what you don’t know! Starting a business is SO HARD. Like, really hard. 

When you’re doing it on your own while working a day job and a part time job on the side… well, let’s just say that things didn’t move along as planned. Not even close. There have definitely been times where it’s been incredibly frustrating to put in so much work and realize I still wasn’t going to make money that month. Or that I spent what felt like all my time on social media doing networking and still I got very little traffic to see the posts I poured my heart into. 

There were more than a few times I thought, “Why the hell am I still trying?”

For most people, continuous effort with seemingly no result IS frustrating and it’s probably totally reasonable to want to quit. I think this happens to everyone, no matter what kind of business they’re starting. There are always setbacks, things usually take much longer than expected, and cost way more money (sometimes that you don’t even really have to spend). Sometimes all you can do is sigh and go to bed knowing you’ll have to try again tomorrow. 

As I learned more about online business, though, I realized that maybe blogging as a main income source wasn’t necessarily what I wanted. I read about coaching & online courses, and as a teacher in the classroom, both of those ideas intrigued me. And of course, freelance writing kept appearing as an inviting option, too. So I signed up for what seemed like 1,000 email lists and once again everything shifted - and not just because I was getting 5 times as many sales emails. 

“My business changed when I realized that what I wanted to do was write. ”

My business changed when I realized that what I wanted to do was write. And I wanted to help other people write. I could do that with blogging, but the bits about covering events and doing paid social media posting like many bloggers and influencers do just weren’t as exciting as the idea of someone wanting me to write words for them. 

Nothing was quite as exciting as working with people 1:1 to build up their confidence the way I’d built up my own after the dreaded incident when I stopped writing for all those years. 

From the moment I started teaching, it’s broken my heart to hear students come to me and say or write “I’m just not that good at writing” or “I’ve never been good at writing.” It’s always been my primary goal as a teacher to build student confidence, and that trickled into the workplace, too. It’s sad to me when professionals who are very good communicators - really sharp & smart people - feel poorly about their writing. Especially when it’s not bad! 

So I decided that, rather than being a full time blogger, I was going to be a writer instead, and a writing coach. The day I decided, I knew it was the best decision I could make for my business. I’ve never looked back, and I’ve never had any doubts that this is 100% the path that I’m supposed to be on. I don’t think I’ve ever had a stronger gut instinct in my entire life, honestly. 

Have you ever had that feeling? Where you just know something is right? 

I’ll say this: it was a scary freaking decision.

The dialogue around freelance writing is evolving, but for people outside the online business industry, there’s still very much a feeling and assumption that writers barely scrape by and there’s not a lot of common knowledge about coaching - at least not in any of the circles I was in. So how the heck was I supposed to make money at this? Let alone enough to pay bills and do more than just survive?!

Here’s the thing: writing is a highly valuable & valued skill. Almost anyone can write, but it doesn’t mean they like it and it doesn’t mean it’s effective. I’m all about learning and teaching writing as a skill that can be developed. Totally there for it. BUT, that doesn’t mean that everyone is willing to put in the work it takes to be good at it.

I’ve never been averse to hard work (in fact, I kind of suck at taking breaks and often overwork myself - not an advocate for that either), so I knew if there was a way, I could figure it out. 

What I’ve realized the most throughout the whole journey is that your mindset will make or break you. You either believe you will succeed, and therefore act accordingly, or you let doubt crowd out the excitement and it holds you back from making bold new decisions that will allow you to grow. It doesn’t work both ways. Starting a business is a leap of faith. 

“You either believe you will succeed, and therefore act accordingly, or you let doubt crowd out the excitement and it holds you back from making bold new decisions that will allow you to grow. It doesn’t work both ways.”

I’m happily at the point where I do, in fact, make money from writing, and from writing coaching. And the people who haven’t always been quite on board with my big dreams are coming right along behind me. People used to talk about my blog, myself included, now talk about my business. They may not understand exactly how it all works, but they know it’s working. 

As for my “why,” I probably could have just made it short and sweet at the beginning: 

I want people to be confident in their writing. I want to be the person who builds up other creatives and holds their hand while they climb the slippery slope of writing confidence. I want to be the person I needed when I stopped writing. I want to help professionals be confident in the workplace, maybe even confident enough to leave a crappy workplace and pursue their passion of writing, if that’s what they want. 

Most of all, I want to help people. Out of all the things I’ve wanted to “do” in my life, that’s been the one constant that’s never changed. I want to make a positive impact on the world and my business is the way that I can best do that. 

But saying those things on their own - that’s not me. I don’t feel like you get the whole picture if you don’t know about the journey I took to figure it out. 

In the hustle and bustle of daily lives, especially during the turmoil of a global pandemic, our reason for doing what we do becomes even more important. 

Knowing it. Feeling it. Living It. Believing it. 

It keeps us sane in times where we have no idea what tomorrow will bring. We know what small actions we can take, and we know that small actions can lead to big results. We know that if there’s even a little hope, as humans, we can use that to light our way through the dark. 

That’s what I’m doing here at Capturing Your Confidence - providing a little light & assistance so you can help yourself out of the darkness of doubt and start really living the creative life you want and crave. You’re unstoppable - I’m just here to help you see that for yourself. 

“You’re unstoppable - I’m just here to help you see that for yourself. ”

Want me to write awesome stuff for you? Check out more here.

Or maybe you want to be the confident writer you feel like…before you stare at the blank page for an hour. I can help, and I’d love to work with you! Read more here.

As always, if you have a question, want to read something you haven’t seen, or just want to chat, email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com or find me on social media.

On Dreaming Big

UPDATED AUGUST 2020

As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did you want to be an actor/actress? An elite athlete? A firefighter? A veterinarian? 

When we’re kids, we dream big.

When we’re kids, we dream big. We see the world and all it has to offer and we run towards it without thinking about obstacles. We don’t worry about “life” getting in the way, or money, or the odds of achieving what we set out to do. We just want it, so we work on what we think will make our dreams come true. 

I have been a dreamer for as long as I can remember. I went through phases, like anyone else. I wanted to be a veterinarian for a long time before I realized they have the unfortunate (and necessary) job of sometimes putting animals out of their misery.

I also wanted to be a paleontologist for a bit because I thought it would be awesome to go digging in remote places and discover really old things that no one in the modern world had seen. 

But books and writing have always captivated me in a way that nothing else has. To be honest, I can’t imagine loving something (people aside) more than writing and reading. I remember reading my first “chapter book” when I was in kindergarten: In a Dark Dark Room by Alvin Shwartz. To this day I don’t know why, but my favorite of the short stories was “The Green Ribbon.” 

I even set up a bookmark business when I was a kid! Everyone else in elementary school was selling bubble gum and erasers for a dime apiece, at least that’s what the going rate was when I was young. Meanwhile, I was selling bookmarks. 

I remember sitting and lovingly (painstakingly) drawing them by hand. My parents loved them, and were regular customers, of course. I would even specially make them for people who wanted them and give them as gifts. 

“The biggest dream I ever had, though, was to become a writer.”

The biggest dream I ever had, though, was to become a writer. I wanted to see my name on a book. I wanted to do for others what books have always done for me: offer a wonderful reprieve from life for a little while. The best books transport you into their world, and I wanted to create that. 

Childhood writing from the year 2000. (And, yes, snow dogs are a thing and they are awesome.)

And I wrote! I wrote like it was my job. Short stories, poems, large pieces of a longer work, and even an entire manuscript for a novel (or what I thought was a novel). I even wrote Fruits Basket fan fiction when I was in high school, to the delight of my friends. We would all trade and tell each other how good our stories were. 

And then I went to college. I got lost for awhile and forgot the biggest dream I had been running toward my whole life. 

Has that ever happened to you? Where you lost touch of your dreams for awhile? 

To say the least, it was disheartening. I would always think about writing but never feel like my ideas were interesting enough. 

How could my ideas compete with these intricate fantasy worlds like Lord of the Rings? Or masters of words like Jane Austen?

Hand written manuscripts from (and predating) 2007-2008.

Even with degrees in writing and reading, I’m not sure if I will ever be at “that level.” And that’s okay! I’ve learned over the years that dreaming big doesn’t mean you want to be someone else. It means that you want to be the best version of yourself.

“Dreaming big doesn’t mean you want to be someone else. It means that you want to be the best version of yourself. ”

I don’t have to be Jane Austen or J.R.R. Tolkien to write a book and give people an escape. Being me and writing what I write is enough. If I can make others smile (and myself) with my writing, I am more than okay with that. 

The world would be a far less interesting place if we were all talented in the same ways. 

So now, after years of my childhood dream being lost to me, I have found that spark and dusted it off. I am once again working toward seeing my name on the cover of a book, and my heart is so very happy about it. 

Rachel, Age 4, Writing Already

I’m writing a novel because I am a writer. I always have been, and I always will be. The only difference is that I know now that I can succeed. I have what it takes. And I’m sharing my story of dreaming big because I know I’m not the only writer who has a story like this.

I work with writers all the time who just need someone to believe in them. To show them their own incredible talents & how to use them. It’s an amazing feeling to talk to writers whose words are so powerful. (If this sounds interesting, click here to read more about working with me!)

We are born ourselves, and we discover little bits as we get older and wiser. But, no matter what we find in ourselves, dreams included, we can’t just sit there and assume it’s going to work out. We have to create the circumstances for our dreams to come true. 

“We have to create the circumstances for our dreams to come true. ”

That’s what I’m trying to do. Keep dreaming big and making those dreams a reality.

My challenge to you is to think about your biggest dream and figure out one small step you can take today to start making that a reality.

What about you? What were your dreams as a kid? What are your dreams now? Have you dusted any dreams off lately, or thought about it? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media, drop a comment below, or email me at rachel@captuingyourconfidence.com! 

Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing. 

Introductions: Who Am I?

First, and foremost, I am a human who loves reading, writing, and all things literary! I emphasize human here because just like everyone else, I am prone to making mistakes, irritating the daylights out of my husband, and sometimes letting my emotions run right over logic. This also means, though, that I learn every day, I work extra hard to be compassionate and loving to those around me, and I genuinely care about other people.

I grew up in Indiana, and have spent most of my life here. I have always loved reading and writing, and had an amazing support network growing up. I entered college as a Creative Writing major, and had lofty dreams of moving to New York City and working in a big publishing house someday – surely to be a successful author.

My first semester I took a Creative Writing class with upperclassmen (I was the only freshman), and was very confident about it – too confident it seems. The comment I got back from my professor on our biggest project was “Not Impressed.” I was crushed. This was my first interaction with a “real” and successful writer, and he didn’t like my work!

The next year I changed universities (due to other circumstances) and the first thing I did was change my major from Creative Writing to Literature. I remember the exact moment I decided I loved literature enough to study it throughout my degree, and in that same moment, I let go of my dream to be a successful creative writer. After all, that successful professor didn’t think my writing was that good, why should I?

I went on to get a Bachelor of Arts in English, with a Literature concentration, and Master of Arts in English, during which time I also focused largely on Literature. I met many amazing people who were doing Master’s degrees in Creative Writing, and they were very encouraging as I thought about dipping my toes back into the creative world. I did not get up the courage to take a creative writing class in graduate school, though I did begin work on a short story that I never let anyone read.

During graduate school, I also began teaching my own composition classes. Every instructor has their unique core values for what’s most important to them in their classroom. Mine are creating and maintaining student writing confidence, and honing student decision-making. These are two basic things any student needs to succeed at college and in the workplace. 

I am constantly promoting self-awareness and working to maximize the strengths my students bring to their writing. There are no “silly” questions, and no one is born the perfect writer.

Writing is hard work and takes practice!

My teaching values stem largely from the fact that I let someone discourage me from doing something I love and something that allows me to express myself. I don’t blame the professor for making that comment - although I did for years - because ultimately it was my choice to let those words control what I thought about my own writing.

On the other hand, as a writing instructor, I am not as shocked by the comment. I realize now that it was probably just a flippant off the cuff remark that wasn’t really meant to be personal. I would never dream of saying something like that to a student, but not all teaching values are the same. There are many of my colleagues who more highly value the brutally honest truth and lay it out there without sugarcoating.

18 year old me didn’t realize that writers spend a lot of time getting rejected and changing things they spent a lot of time and heart creating. 18 year old me also didn’t know that multiple drafts are beneficial, and most times necessary. But, as I’ve learned and grown, I’ve gained my writing confidence back. It’s been a slow journey, and one that I’m still working on. 

I recently began writing my first novel, although it’s definitely not my first manuscript. I have just over 50 pages, and so far, my reader who I’ve trusted to give me the brutally honest truth (and trust to do so) has loved it. I am excited to reignite my creative writing dreams. Even though I no longer dream of going to New York and working in a big publishing house, I still dream of seeing my name on a published book someday.

Seven years later, I am confident that I can make this dream come true. I let someone else’s words hold me back, but enough is enough! I am excited to share my progress, stumbles, and successes with you, and hope you enjoy diving in with me. 

I would love to hear and read about your ongoing projects, and give you some positive affirmation that you can do it!

Sometimes all it takes is one person to believe in you for your fire to be reignited, and I would love to be that person.